Beverly was sitting in her office in sickbay, reviewing the initial inspection and status reports she had just written before sending them to the captain.
All the medical records for the permanent crew aboard were complete, the condition of every piece of equipment in both sickbay and cargo bay four had been verified, and an inventory of every medical supply on board had completed in record time. The supply orders had all ready been submitted and were on schedule to arrive at the same time the personnel. Not bad for nine hours of work, but then without any distractions here, and not much left to work with after everything that's happened...
Beverly sent the reports, sighing as she sat back in her chair, pushing herself back and forth with one leg while the other was folded underneath her.
What am I going to do for the next few days? I have some research to finish reading up on, and I could start some of my own again... On the other hand, I did promise Worf that I'd try to get Jean-Luc to take some time off.
Her thoughts were cut short by an incoming notification on her monitor. She touched the screen, and the image of her calendar appeared. The next four days had been blocked out in grey, a standard leave request icon attached to each day.
I didn't put in for leave! What's going on here? Beverly was perplexed, but curious about this little mystery. She sat forward in her chair, examining each of the requests side by side on the screen. Wiggling around to get more comfortable when she thought, Jean-Luc filled out and approved the requests? Why would he do that? Her eyes narrowed as she scanned all four of the requests, seeing that they were identical, and contained no other clues to her new mystery.
She caught movement out of the corner of her eye, and jumped when she realized Jean-Luc was standing in front of her desk in civilian clothes.
"My apologies, I didn't mean to startle you."
"It's okay, I guess I was distracted... " Beverly stopped mid sentence. She eyed him suspiciously, taking in his civilian clothes and slightly more relaxed demeanor as she said, "You're up to something."
"I decided that perhaps we should have dinner in a new location- if you approve, of course."
Her eyebrow raised slightly as she met his gaze. What kind of exotic dinner location takes four days? I'm already hungry.
"Okay," Beverly agreed as she quickly stood up and deactivated her monitor.
As they walked toward the door of sickbay, Beverly asked, "So, where are we going?"
"If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, now would it?" Jean-Luc quickly responded with a mischievous grin.
They walked down the corridor to the turbolift. Maybe the holodecks are working again, although I don't remember Jean-Luc ever having dinner on the holodeck, Beverly thought.
As they stepped inside, Jean-Luc said, "Transporter room two."
"How about a hint?" Beverly asked impatiently, her curiosity was getting the best of her as the turbolift ascended toward their destination.
Jean-Luc's tone was one of solemnity. "As far as I'm aware, you've never been to this place before."
They stepped out of the turbolift, and rounded the corner to the transporter room. As with many other areas of the ship, no one was there, the crew had been granted leave while in space dock for repairs, and the repair crews were done with this portion of the ship. Two jackets sat upon the step of the transporter pad, where Jean-Luc picked them up.
"It's been raining this afternoon, and the air is a bit cool. You'll want this," he held out one jacket for her as Beverly slid her arms in, thanking him. The warmth of his hand against her shoulders caused her heart to flutter.
Jean-Luc slipped his jacket on before working the controls of the transporter and indicated that she should step up to the platform. She did so, and he quickly joined her. A few seconds later, the hum of the transporter enveloped her, turning into a whine as she began to reassemble.
As the whine of the transporter ceased, Beverly looked around her. She was standing on an ancient, wide cobblestone path, lined with trees and shrubbery on each side. The sky above was getting dark, and a few remnants of clouds were drifting by. The smell of fresh rain was still heavy in the air.
"Where are we?" Beverly asked, as Jean-Luc stepped beside her.
"LaBarre, about a hundred meters from my home," he smiled warmly, taking in her reaction. Beverly noticed that the twinkle in his eye she had seen that morning in the ready room was back. "I told you that you probably haven't been here before." He offered her his elbow, and she slid her arm along his.
They began walking, although Beverly had no idea which direction they were going. There were tall trees growing all around her, preventing her from seeing more than fifteen or twenty meters ahead. Beneath the trees, an assortment of bushes and plants in a variety of greens mixed with smells of trees, herbs, and other things. It was a comfortable place.
In spite of her surroundings, Beverly's mind was reeling-- He's sharing one of the few places in the universe he keeps only to himself. Even after his brother and nephew had died, he kept everything to himself, didn't allow any of us to so much as visit. Now he's sharing this with me.
"I noticed that you approved four days of leave." Beverly kept her voice as neutral as she could, trying not to show the waves of emotion that were crashing through her.
Nodding, Jean-Luc replied evenly, "Yes. I thought we should take advantage of the time we have left during repairs on the ship to do some repair work between us."
Beverly looked sideways at Jean-Luc, not surprised at his seriousness so much as that he was making this opportunity.
He stopped and turned to face her, taking her hands in his own. The twinkle in his eyes gave way to heartache as his smile faded. "I've missed you terribly, Beverly. The last year has been very difficult. The more we grew apart, the more I missed you. I didn't know how to return to the way we were. Then after the mission on Kevratas, I didn't think before I spoke to you. What I said... we both know it's true, but I still hurt you, and I wish I could take back that pain...." Jean Luc's voice trailed off for a moment. "I thought you were gone forever, and that it was my fault for driving you away." His voice was hushed, almost to a whisper, and Beverly couldn't tell which was more intense-- his voice, or his gaze.
"Jean-Luc, it wasn't your fault," she whispered back, "I was so afraid and dense that I didn't recognize- " Her voice trailed off as she rested her forehead against his.
He wrapped his arms around her, and pulled her even closer, as she brought her arms up around his shoulders. They stood together, holding on to one another and drawing strength from each other.
Soon they pulled apart and continued walking in a more comfortable silence. A house came into view, surrounded by several other buildings. They stopped and Jean-Luc gestured to the left, still holding her hand in his own.
"That's the winery over there. Beyond it is the conservatory, greenhouses and the stable. The formal garden begins on the far side of the conservatory." A different kind of tranquility had slowly filled Jean-Luc as he spoke to her, his shoulders dropping, and his voice taking on a more comfortable cadence. Beverly hadn't seen this part of Jean-Luc before, but found comforting.
"Is that the house? Beverly asked, as she pointed across the road behind them.
Jean-Luc turned, nodding. On the opposite side of the cobblestone path, she saw a house that looked like it was as ancient as the road they were on. As she took in the sight, Jean-Luc continued, "Marie thought it only fitting to rebuild the house as it was. Robert would have wanted it that way. I must admit though, she took some well deserved liberties and added some newer technologies. Unfortunately, she's gone to visit friends in Alice Springs, Australia or I'd introduce you."
They made their way across the cobblestone path, and into the house. When they stepped inside, the smell of something cooking met Beverly's nose. She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. Wine, some kind of poultry, lots of herbs, warm bread, she thought, opened her eyes and said, "Mmm. It smells delicious, whatever it is." She slid her jacket off, and handed it back to Jean-Luc. While he hung both jackets on old-fashioned pegs behind the door, Beverly began to look around.
The main room had bookshelves along one wall that ended just before a stairway. A fireplace anchored the opposite wall, with comfortable looking chairs, an ottoman, and a small table, all sitting before it. Beyond them was a desk with a computer terminal.
Jean-Luc invited her to move further into the room, continuing. "This is the living room. The only thing that is quite different from the way it used to be is the books-- most of them were lost in the fire..." He paused for a moment, then started again. "Upstairs are the bedrooms. Feel free to explore anything you wish."
They moved toward the far end of the room, Jean-Luc guiding her as they went. Beverly saw the kitchen off to the left. It reminded her of her grandmother's home on Caldos; with an oven, stove, and other parts of a traditional kitchen, including a table, set for two.
Jean-Luc opened the oven, removed a covered dish, and placed it on a trivet in the center of the table before them.
"Have you ever had Coq au Vin?"
Beverly reached out and took the small glass of dessert wine from Jean-Luc had offered. As he sat down in the chair beside hers in front of the fire, she allowed the warmth of the fire to sink into her bones. Fire was something she'd always enjoyed, the warmth and dancing colored flames drew her eyes momentarily, before she turned towards Jean-Luc.
"Out with it, Jean-Luc." she asked, her voice filled with curiosity.
"Hmm?" Jean-Luc replied.
"You were staring at me just now. Come on; out all ready." Her tone was playful, but underneath it, she knew there was something important waiting to be said.
"I was thinking about how content you look, watching the firelight. And I was thinking that I should have brought you here a long time ago," he replied, as he sipped his drink.
"Thank you for showing me all this," she said, indicating her surroundings, "for dinner, for everything." She smiled at him, taking a sip from her glass. "I'm honored that you wanted to share this with me." She reached out and took his hand, smiling. "I know you don't open up to people anymore. Even the ones you've served with a long time, and the ones you rely on everyday. I hope I get to see this part of you more often." She turned back toward the firelight, not wanting to invade his privacy by watching for a response, and felt him squeeze her hand a little more. Feeling more comfortable by his response, she wondered aloud, "What happened to change that?"
Jean-Luc sighed. "Between loosing my best friend, and then the Stargazer... I stayed on inactive reserve for almost three years, and I came back under protest. I suppose it just became habit by then... to stay away from everyone..."
"You went through more hell in four months than most people do in their lifetime." Beverly paused, "I have to admit Jean-Luc. I've spent a lot of time thinking about which of us changed more because of Jack dying; you or me. I married him, but you lived with him. We both loved him dearly, just in different ways. The more time has gone by, the more I believe we were both equally as changed."
"I never thought of it quite like that."
They both sat for a few minutes, staring at the firelight. Beverly wondered, Does he still feel guilty about being in love with me all those years ago?
"Jean-Luc, there's something I need to tell you," she began.
He looked directly at her.
"When we were on Kesprytt, you felt so guilty about your feelings for me then." She looked straight into his hazel eyes, searching out as much as she could about what was happening inside him. The whirl of Jean-Luc's emotions were there again, too cluttered together for her to place. "You've never done anything wrong, Jean-Luc. I know that never mattered to you so much as the principle of it..." She let her voice fade out. "I also want you to know that I've never thought, even for a moment, that the way you felt about me was a betrayal of Jack." She paused. "Do you still--"
"No. I stopped feeling guilty sometime later." His swift response to her question spoke volumes, even if his voice was still hushed. "Was that why you didn't want to," he hesitated for a moment, "explore other possibilities then?"
She nodded bashfully. "I knew how much that troubled you. I didn't want to make it worse." She thought for a few minutes, then added, "I was afraid too. I was worried that once we 'explored other possibilities' we might not be able to be friends anymore." Beverly looked down at their hands, now joined together, then met his gaze again, getting quieter as she spoke. "I convinced myself we both needed more than that to be happy. After all, we've both invested so much over the years in our careers, our hobbies. In retrospect, I wasn't ready yet."
Jean-Luc nodded again, his emotions clearly settling back down.
"I never knew you were a good cook. Why haven't you ever taken advantage of the kitchens aboard the ship?"
Jean-Luc gave her a sheepish look. "Years ago, I tried cooking aboard the Antares. Nothing I made turned out quite right. I never could figure out what it was. I tried again when I transferred to the Stargazer, and the result was the same. Then, as time went by, I had enough other things to do that I never got back to it,"
He paused; deciding how best to proceed. "Beverly... what did you mean earlier, when you said you were...'dense'? That's not a word that you use often."
Beverly was silent for a moment. She tugged on the sleeve of her uniform, then folded her arms, unfolded them, and returned to tugging on her sleeve. She took another sip of her wine, and focused on the rim of the glass. Finally, she looked back up at Jean-Luc, knowing she couldn't hide it anymore.
"You. Me. Us," her voice came out quieter than she had hoped.
Jean-Luc turned his chair, so that they were seated face to face, and moved forward to the edge of his seat. She set her glass down on the small table next to their chairs, and took his hand in hers. Taking a deep breath, knowing that she'd have to get it all out somehow, she looked into Jean-Luc's hazel eyes.
"When I was trapped in a frozen alley on Kevratas, knowing I had no chance of escape and Sela's disruptor pointed at me, it dawned on me that there were only two people in the universe that I needed to say goodbye to: Wesley... and you." She looked away, absently picked up her glass, sipped it again, and set it back down before tugging on her sleeves a few more times, then folding her hands in her lap, focusing her eyes on them. This time, as she spoke, her voice got stronger.
"Then once I had been taken prisoner, I had nothing to do but sit and think about my life. I've spent a lot of time over the years distracting myself; doing things as a means of hiding from myself. As long as I've had a direction to go in, some goal to fulfill, regardless of how chaotic things became, distracting myself remained a constant in my life. Everything I've done, from my research to my plays, it was all a way to keep myself occupied."
She paused for a moment to regroup, realizing for the first time that Jean-Luc's hands had curled around her own.
"I've known for a while now that I'll always love Jack, but I don't miss him anymore. What I didn't realize was that I moved on with my life." Beverly looked back at Jean-Luc, her voice becoming quiet again. "As horrible as it sounds, it was actually a relief. At some point, I learned how to be Beverly again."
Jean-Luc's breath caught in his throat.
She knew that he was pondering what exactly that last sentence entailed, but she forced herself to keep talking, while she finally had found enough courage to tell him everything. Beverly, keep talking. Out with it!
She found herself focusing on the toe of her shoe, as she felt Jean-Luc lightly rub his thumbs across the backs of her hands. Beverly took a deep breath, knowing she was almost to the end. She met his gaze again.
"I've loved you for a very long time. I was so terrified of losing you that I was distancing myself from you." She paused, allowing herself to breathe, "when I realized what I had done, what a fool I was...I'm so sorry, Jean-Luc."
Beverly couldn't think, couldn't speak.
He reached out, and carefully pulled Beverly from her chair onto his, wrapping her up in his arms in the process. As she heard him whisper back to her, she rested her head against his shoulder.
"I love you."
Hearing his words, Beverly relaxed. Taking in a breath, she caught the scent of Jean-Luc's cologne. She'd always loved the smell of it, and found that when accompanied by his strong arms wrapped around her, somehow his cologne smelled even better. She returned the embrace, relaxing into him more with each passing moment.
