Foreword: Oh yes! Yet another story of Count D, though now I've decided to go vegan. And, as usual, I have a scapegoat to bear the guilt for me. In this case that horrible parasitic liana who inspired the tale deserves it. You know who you are, honey. Suck it up. That was a close call, I'm relived I escaped from your grasp, suffocation must be a horrible way to go. Bianca is also inspired on a friend who's quite sporty. Girl, I owe you big time for kicking that weed's ass.
Pet Shop of Horrors
Flowers and the Detective: Clingy
"She slides down inside your skin
In time she will make you scream
She's death in a ghoul's white dress
She rides in the night of your mind
Oh yeah! She rides!"
From the song 'She rides' by Danzig
1.1 You can't judge a book by its cover:
Cassy was flown to D's garden by a jet stream. She took a look at the thriving green and she let go. She fell in the midst of a petunia parterre. Those gals went into hysterics. Is hard to hide when you are a redhead among mousy blonds, they can see you coming from a mile away, and when your intentions are less than honorable that is a handicap.
She strangled a couple of the closer ones that seemed ready to scream and caught the next gust of wind. She could hear the petunias sigh in relief. Flowers are so dumb. And they couldn't give her what she needed.
Before letting go and falling on the ground once more, she scouted the terrain. Jackpot! And old oak, who looked as if he had been there for centuries, with moss covering his trunk and a host of creatures populating his roots and branches. Cassy licked her lips and thought: dinner is ready.
She leaned faintly against the oak, giving him a big bright smile, leaning forward a bit so he could have a good look at her cleavage. That goes to prove old doesn't equate wise. The old geezer was from a mild climate, Cassy was Hawaiian and he hadn't known her for what she was.
She wished most people were as trusting as this asshole. That way she wouldn't have to keep running away. Yup, she was a fugitive. Things had gotten too hot back home and she had flown away while things cooled a little bit. The poor oak didn't know who he was dealing with, so he let her clung to his trunk.
She put her arms around him and pierced his neck with her fangs, the oak just hold her tighter while she drank. She was famished so she didn't notice the kakatoo that rose to the sky and dived through the door that led to the pet shop.
D was fixing a platter for teatime, he was expecting company. That thought made him smile. They didn't have a formal appointment, but Detective Orcot usually showed up around noon. Theoretically he came to question him about this case or the other. D suspected he came for a free lunch.
He didn't mind, he was in a good mood. He had just purchased an albino gorilla from a couple of brutes that kept him chained and passed him as the Yeti. He had also showed them what a real Yeti looked like. Those ungrateful heathens hadn't appreciated Snowball's beauty and had dared fire their shotguns at him. Well, some people never learn…Until they get filed in a tombstone under D for deceased, and then it's too late for them to make amends.
Bianca came running through the canteen stile door. She was out of breath and her bright yellow mohawk flapped over her head. Her short white dress and white Mary Jane shoes shone against the kitchen's dark mustard tiles. The golden ring on her aquiline nose shook with each ragged inhalation.
It was so odd seeing her in. Since she had arrived to the pet shop, she'd kept to herself and preferred to be left alone. She usually hid in one of the garden's corners, between the sycamore's branches. D had let her. He figured she needed time to feel comfortable in her new home. The poor dear had had quite a bit of those. D smiled at her and waited for what she had to say. She opened her mouth to speak but all that came out was a squawk.
She breathed in and tried again: "Trouble! Trouble in the garden! SQUAWK! Old Grey! Cassytha!"
Before she could finish D had taken off his apron and was heading for the crystal door that led to the garden, teatime could wait. He rushed to the spot where Old Grey lived and arrived just in time to see the oak embracing the little red tramp.
D looked at her with his golden eye and then with his violet one. Q-chan fluttered above his head, D didn't need the little vamp bunny to tell him this girl meant big trouble in his little Chinatown shop.
Cassy felt D's stare burying like a dagger on her nape. Oh boy! Of all the gardens she could have landed in, she had picked the one where this Chinaman lived. She sighed and let go of the old geezer. Then she turned around cleaning her bloodied lips with the back of her hand and gave the man in the kimono a tentative smile.
"Good afternoon. I hope I'm not intruding. I just stopped here on my way to Florida. The journey has been long and I'm a little bit tired. I was hoping you would let me stay the night."
She even sprouted some flowers. That had worked before. You'll be surprised of how many morons have condemned their gardens on the false assumption that weeds couldn't have pretty flowers. But this man was not a moron. He was unfazed by Cassy's flowery display.
"Usually my guests wait to be let in before helping themselves to their meals."
'Shit', she thought. The look on the man's face didn't bode well for Cassy.
"I…That was incredibly rude, but you see, I was starving and of course I wasn't planning to harm him. Tee hee, he seemed to be enjoying it," she batted her eyelashes in what she hoped was an innocent way.
"Really?" D didn't buy it. He doubted that girl had been innocent anytime since she was birthed.
D was running his hand down Old Grey's trunk. The poor thing was looking at the sky with lost eyes. D kneeled and whispered to some ants, a small army of the red insects started massaging Old Grey, trying to get his sap circulating once more.
'Ok Cassy, it's now or never. No more Miss Nice Girl'. She lashed out, her flowers turning to thorns. The blow knocked down the Chinaman but Cassy only grazed his neck thanks to the blasted kakatoo that had gotten in between.
Bianca yelled: "Back off! Slut! Squawk!"
Cassy slapped her and blood droplets stained Bianca's white dress but the kakatoo wasn't up for a catfight so she punched Cassy right in the face.
"That's it! You psycho punk parrot! You're like so dead!"
"Bring it on, weed!"
Cassy went for the nose ring. That'd teach that parrot not to mess with a cassytha. Bianca ducked and kicked high. She connected one, right on Cassy's stomach. Cassy got up and went for the kakatoo claws first. She was received by a speed jab followed by a right uppercut which landed on the weed's plexus solar. That made her drop to the ground. That bird was strong. She hoisted Cassy over her head.
"Let go off me, you harpy!" Cassy yelled breathlessly.
Cassy got hold of the bright yellow crest but Bianca didn't seem to mind. The kakatoo leaned on her knees and then rose.
"With pleasure"
Smiling, Bianca threw her over the garden's wall. As was usually the case whenever she was being impulsive, she was going to regret it. Cassy floated for a second and landed on top of Leon Orcot.
1.2 There's one born every minute:
"What the…?" He stopped mesmerized by the gorgeous creature that had just dropped on his lap.
"You can see me?"
Cassy couldn't believe it. This mortal man was able to see her. How? She put her hand over her lips and found the answer. She passed her tongue over her finger tips and had to bite her lips to keep herself from moaning. She'd never tasted anything so delicious. That Chinaman's blood was out of this world.
"Are you hurt, Miss? Do you need help?"
Hurt indeed. That horrid parrot had rough her up quite a bit. She heard fluttering coming from the other side of the wall. She needed to get the hell out before the parrot came to finish the job.
"They are following me. We need to leave."
"I'm a cop Miss. I'll protect you."
'Fuck', just her luck. A pig. Well, the moment they were out of sight she was having herself a Luau.
"No, you don't understand. Those men are dangerous! We need to leave now!"
She placed her hand on his chest and ran her leg against his tight. Yup, he was a sucker alright and, with a little luck, Cassy was going to suck him dry.
"Come, my car is nearby."
Bianca got to the edge of the fence just in time to see the weed toying with D's human pet. Before she could move, they ran and now they were leaving in the human's crummy car. She scratched her crest with her paw, trying to decide what to do. Then she looked back at D. He was still out cold. A couple of violets were cradling his head, moistening his forehead with dewdrops. 'Squawk!' He wasn't going to like this. Not a little bit.
She yelled at the violets: "Yo, when he wakes up, you tell him what happened."
The violets shied away, they went purple but didn't answer. 'Christ!' She didn't have time for this. She turned to a Jasmine creeper: "You do it. You tell him that weed is with his human."
The Jasmin raised an eyebrow: "Why don't you tell him yourself? I'm not your errand boy."
Those frigging Jasmines thought they were aristocrats. Any other time and Bianca would have shown them what she thought of that.
"Just do it, you stupid flowery tart, or we'll all be in big trouble."
The Jasmin snorted: "No way! I don't need to listen to your rude remarks. You do it yourself. What? Are you going to be too busy looking for a new outfit? It won't work. What you need is an attitude transplant."
The whole garden shook in laughter. Even the blushing violets laughed hiding behind their petals.
"I'm following that devil's gut. And if you have something beside pollen inside that corolla of yours, you'll be praying I get to D's human pet on time."
Before she could force fed some sense into the Jasmine, Q-chan came back with reinforcements. The flesh eaters looked ready to rumble, but there was little they could do to follow the cassytha, for that it was better to go high. Plus she preferred to work solo. Bianca told Q-chan what she had told the flowers and she jumped over the edge of the fence.
'Squawk!' She shouldn't have thrown out the garbage before making sure it was harmless. She needed some anger management classes. And, right after she finished dealing with that liana, she was going to work on it. Until then… she cracked her knuckles, spread her wings and took flight.
Cassy just couldn't let go. She dare not let go off the dashboard. That idiot human drove like a madman. 'The moment he stops the car, I'm digging my fangs on his neck and making him pay for this'.
"Are you aright? You look green." He turned to face her.
'Hah!' Impossible, she had not chlorophyll, but she was now a very pale orange.
"I'm fine. I'm perfectly fine. Just keep your eyes on the road."
"Don't worry. I'm taking you to the precinct and we are going to make sure those guys never hurt you again."
Cassy looked bewildered from the hand he had placed on her shoulder to the huge trailer that was heading their way. And, for the first time in the one hundred seventy eight odd years she had been on this earth, she fainted.
"So you don't know anything about this gal, not even her name. She fell on your head and claimed she was being pursued by some evil men. So, you got her on your car where she fainted and now she's here."
"Yes, the problem is I can't figure out who she is."
"Has a doctor seen her?"
"She is fine, she just fainted."
Jill thought that the way Leon drove that was to be expected. 'That's why I always drive when we're out.'
Then she pointed out: "Says the medical expert. Take her to a hospital and let them handle it."
"No, I promised her I'd protect her."
"Protect her from whom?"
"Who knows? In Chinatown it could be anyone."
Jill raised her eyes to the sky: "Oh God! Here we go again! Do you have an actual suspect? Do you have anything to make you believe she wasn't feeding you a load of crap?"
"Jill, just look at her, someone beat her up badly." Though, even then she was just so beautiful
"We are homicides! And there's two months paperwork to catch up with!" Jill wanted to scream at him: 'And I have no time for this. I'm not going to drop everything I'm doing just because you can't help ogling the first pair of legs that walks by your side.
"My cop's instincts tell me there's more to it."
"Your cop's instincts have told you an iguana can eat a grown-up man whole."
"They've also saved your butt a couple of times."
Bastard, that was a cheap shot, but he was right. She sighed: "Ok, I'll check around. And stop drooling over her, Leon. It's disgusting."
"No it isn't." He said looking at the girl's cleavage.
"I wasn't talking about her, but you sure are." Men! Thank god they weren't all like Leon Orcot or she'd die an old maid.
"Thanks, Jill. I'm sure you'll come up with something."
"Yeah right, with no ID whatsoever. You've already checked it and she doesn't fit the description of any missing person report. If she had disappeared in a puff of smoke, this would be a ghost story."
He didn't hear her. He was carrying the unconscious girl into the interrogation room they used as coffee lounge when the boss was out.
"Jill! Phone for you!" yelled Johnson.
"Who is it?"
"Didn't give a name, just said it was urgent. On line 5," he said handing her the phone.
"Hello?"
The line must have been broken. Jill heard an squawk and then someone screamed: "Danger!"
"Who is this?"
"Danger!"
"Is this a joke? Boy, did you pick the wrong day to do this. Listen asshole, I'm tracing this call and you'll regret the day you were born."
The voice grew louder: "Orcot! Danger!"
"Who is this?"
"Orcot! Danger! Girl! Squawk!"
They hung up. In other circumstances Jill would have let it go as a prank call, but she had cop instincts too. So she went straight to the make-shift coffee lounge and nearly got killed for her troubles.
Bianca had to hang up the phone. A little old lady dressed in black who had been waiting to use the phone had started making the sign of the cross at her. She didn't mean to scare the poor woman, so she flew to the ledge of a window in a nearby building.
The little old lady started praying. Bianca hid behind a flag pole. One of her former owners had been a priest. Back in a Pacific Ocean island, the man felt lonely and he had drunk a little too much. But he was a fervent Catholic and a good man. He had taught Bianca to respect that. Such a pity his liver had given up on him long before Bianca did.
From the window's ledge she looked for a way to get into the Police Precinct. She had to hurry up, before it was too late.
'That's great girl, four months and you've manage to get in trouble. Just fucking great!'. And she really liked the place and that D dude.
'Then stop whining, dumbass, get in there and get rid of that pest.' She was not a whiner, and the few moments of insight she had, had taught her to trust her inner voice, which didn't stop her from engaging in these long winded discussions with her badmouthed conscience.
'Sure, any idea of how?' It'd been a long time since her last inner dialogue. Usually she only did those when she was in deep. Not a good sign at all.
'Damn! Do I have to do everything for you? Figure something out!'
She scratched her crest with her claws and remembered her second owner. That one had been an ornithologist from New Zealand. Nice guy too, a bit of a nut, somewhere in between a scholar and a surfer dude. He loved extreme sports. But he was a real nice guy and sometimes he even made sense. Once he had taken her paragliding and he'd told her: 'Always see where you're going to land before jumping'.
If he had taken his own advice he wouldn't have landed head first into a ravine and would still be alive. But he was right. So Bianca took a time out to reflect upon where the hell she was going to land.
1.3 A rose by any other name:
"Where's Leon?"
"He went out to get something to eat. The girl is awake, she's in the bathroom."
Jill knocked on the door and waited. Strange sounds were coming from inside the bathroom.
"Are you ok?"
There was no answer. Jill took out her gun and went in. Before she could do anything, she was wrapped in a tight embrace by red stems. She was about to scream when more tentacle like sprouts covered her face. But not before she could see Lieutenant O'Hara lying listlessly on the bathroom floor. Lizzie O'Hara was pale, with dead pallor. Jill felt her stomach lurch, but right then and there she was forced to put all her attention on the monstrosity that the girl Leon had brought had become.
Cassy had been so hungry. For the second time that day her meal had been interrupted. And that foolish human had left her when she had said she needed to eat. She had been so weak she would have probably withered if it wasn't for the silly biped flower that had entered the room she was in and had helped her get into the restroom.
After drinking some water she had felt well enough to go for the woman. Human blood was nothing like the Chinaman's blood, but it was good enough to nurture her. She was wondering how she could get out of the room without drawing attention when another silly flower had walked in on her.
'Oh goody! More fodder', against her mother's advice, she felt like playing with her food. The heck with her mother's advice, she'd never cared for that biatch. How had she hated that hag all the way through the fifteen years she had hung from her skirt. She loosened her grip and pulled the blond hair from the girl's face.
The girl looked at her with panic filled eyes. Cassytha giggled. It was more fun when they knew what was coming and then again, it was also fun when they didn't.
"Don't be afraid. I'm not going to harm you. That is, if you behave."
That girl was a fighter. She fretted and twisted like a fly on a spider's web. Cassy let her for a while and then began tightening her grip. She watched while the girl went from a soft pink to a light blue and then to purple. Got to give it to her, she fought till her breath ran out. Cassy let go a little bit.
"Now are you ready to be a good girl?"
"Mmm."
"What's that dear?"
Cassy freed the girl's mouth and leaned closer to hear what the flower had to say, everyone deserves to have some last words. That little foul beast spat on her face!
"You hideous biped, you are going to live long enough to regret that!"
Cassy stretched to her full length and dragged the flower along the floor and up one of the walls. She hoisted her with her legs and arms spread in a cross, and then she sprouted another stem, this one with a pointy tip.
She ripped Jill's clothes and began trailing red paths on the flower's flesh. Brave little creature, the girl bit her lip and tried not to scream. 'Then we have to figure out a way to make her', thought Cassy.
"Mama used to say you could catch more flies with honey…Should we try that?"
She ran a thorn filled stem down the girl's cheek being especially careful not to make her bleed. The girl sobbed a little and then went limp. Stupid flowers, so like them to faint and ruin Cassy's fun.
'Hate to eat and leave… but might as well.'
She let her go to get a better grip and the flower got on her feet. Cassy was caught by surprise and found out her mom had been right, you shouldn't play with your food and some flowers have thorns too.
Jill was dizzy and she was half blinded by her own blood but she had fired her gun under worst conditions. Her shooting range teachers would've been proud of her. All the way through her ordeal, she hadn't lost grip on her gun. As soon as she got a chance she fired and her bullet went right to where a heart should have been. Such a pity plants don't have a heart.
It wasn't a mortal wound, but it hurt like hell and Cassy was loosing the precious blood it had been so hard to collect. She turned around ready to punish the flower but the girl was still pointing the gun at her.
'How can she still be standing?!' The hell with discretion Cassytha needed to get the hell out.
As soon as the monster left, Jill fell to the floor. She tried to get up but she couldn't. She tried to focus on breathing while thinking: 'Someone must have heard the gunshot. Someone must be out there. They will look at that thing and know it's a monster. Someone will stop it before it gets Leon.' That was her last thought before plunging into darkness.
'Hell!' Cassy was emptying through her wounds once more, she could feel herself weakening. She was about to turn back and get the stupid flower for hurting her when she bumped into the mortal that had driven her there. Great, it was her lucky day.
She didn't waste time with pretence she took his hand and injected him with enough numbing sap to allow him to walk but little else. Then she used him to cover her retreat and get out to a quiet alley where she could finally have a decent meal and get out of that crappy town.
1.4 There's nothing more fearsome than a cornered enemy
Bianca was lucky, two minutes earlier or two minutes later and she would have missed the weed and D's human. But she'd been right on time. And that hell vine was going to regret the day she had crossed Bianca's path.
'Such a cute little human,' thought Cassy. The blond smiled at her while she got rid of the ugly t-shirt he was wearing. He even smiled at her while he was pierced by a thousand little needles.
Bianca looked at them, thinking about her third owner who had been a Voodoo priestess. She was the one that had given her the golden ring to wear on her nose as protection against her enemies. Pity she didn't wore one herself. Maybe that way that Voodoo man wouldn't have killed her and her lover. Bianca had liked the lover too. He had been a kick boxer. The kakatoo had seen him practice for hours unending. That hadn't helped him against the rot that ate him from within. He had been a good fighter but one can't fight backhanded magicians with a head on attitude. Bianca had learned that lesson well, so she took a look at D's human and saw the weed had done some bad mojo on him. He looked like a zombie. And she knew how those were made, so the weed had doped the poor bastard. And no help was going to come from that quarter. But still Bianca had the element of surprise and sometimes the best defense is to attack.
The bird appeared from out of nowhere and smashed Cassy's head against the brick wall. Another well placed kick and Cassy was barely able to duck. She lashed out blindly, loosing grip on the human.
"You are so dead, parrot!"
"It's kakatoo, you dumb grass. And the only funeral we're having is you on a heap of burning trash."
Easier said than done, the devil's gut had grown stronger since the last time they've danced. Bianca landed on a trash bin and broke her right arm with a loud crack.
"Now, I'm going to enjoy this."
No way, Bianca was no estranger to pain. After the Voodoo priestess she had had a long list of "owners". Some have been real assholes who only got a pet to have an outlet for their anger. But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And Bianca was alive and kicking. What had happened to her had made her tough as a nails. And she was as good with her left hand as she was with her right.
After roughing the cassytha a bit she asked: "Tell me weed, enjoying the ride yet?"
Cassy couldn't answer, the kakatoo had kicked her and she hit the floor. Before she could gather her bearings the bird had her in a lock. That's irony for you people. In a very physical display of poetical justice the parrot was trying to strangle her. What that bastard bird didn't know was that wouldn't be an easy task, she breathed through every pore. But the bird was crushing her and that hurt. She grew thorns but the bird didn't let go. The dumb bird was covered in red splashes of blood, but she didn't let go, stubborn beast.
That deadlock had been a pyrrhic victory, the liana was still breathing and Bianca was bleeding. The Pyrrhic thing came from a guy who was a book worm and liked to read out loud for Bianca. He hadn't been that bad either, but her daughter had been hell spawn. The weed reminded her of the little bitch. What was it the man had said? A cornered enemy is indeed fearsome, either leave him a way to escape or finish him off. Good advice, she began shredding the weed with her strong black beak. Miss Primrose didn't like that and she sprouted more thorns and started oozing some crap.
So that was she had used to zombify the human. Stupid weed! Bianca's tongue was made to deal with all sort of ozzes from the insects she ate. She smiled: "Mmm. Spicy! That might work with the biped, weed, but no luck with me."
"Then what about this!" Said the Cassytha, getting out of the deadlock.
'Bianca, you dumbass!' She got distracted and now she was hurt and the Woe vine was free. 'Am I up for a do over? Maybe not. But I'm not a quitter.'
After a couple of rounds she managed to grapple the weed once more. Turns out that three years living with a boxer that has the bad habit of mistaking you for a punching bag can be a perk…Bianca had resilience and she also had the weed back where she wanted to; then she decided there was no time for being gentle. She snapped the vine's neck.
Cassytha was broken, but still alive. If she could only reach the human she'll recover a bit and then she was going to turn that fucking parrot inside out and keep her alive for a week while she slowly sucked on her blood.
Bianca was doing what could very well be her last stand. She couldn't risk losing focus. She couldn't let go or she was a goner, and she really liked being on the blue spherical nut house.
'Funny, it's been a rough ride but I actually like it here.'
Cassy crawled softly towards Leon.
Who knows what would have happened if D hadn't showed up? Sharp nails flashed in the dark ally and then Cassytha was no more.
Bianca could barely stand up but she yelled: "Hey, dude! I had her! I needed no help."
"We all need help sometimes, Bianca. And I'm glad you were there to help me when I needed it."
'Christ!' She blushed. Then she hid behind her wings. Kakatoos look bad in pink, that's for flamingoes. Still Bianca had a healthy blush all the way back to the Pet Shop. D had to carry her because she couldn't fly with her broken wing.
1.5 There's no place like home:
Leon Orcot was having a crappy day. He had been sent home for a couple of days, allegedly so he could recover from the blood loss. He couldn't go to Lieutenant's O' Hara funeral and he couldn't visit Jill in the hospital.
What was killing him was he had been unable to protect the girl he had promised to keep safe. She was gone, and if he could judge by what those freaks had done to Jill and O' Hara, the girl was better off dead. But what really made him mad was that he was unable, at least for a while, to look for those bastards that had done this to his friends and himself.
He said between teeth: "The minute I'm out of this bed, I'll make you wish you were dead too."
"Oh Detective, always so prone to violence, give your poor liver a rest."
'Fuck!' Having D fussing over him wasn't helping him with the anger management. And if he could, he would definitely exercise violence against the Count.
He couldn't say why, but he felt that oddball had played a part in all of it. And somehow he was going to prove it, eventually. It was too much of a coincidence he had happened to find him and Jill.
"If you don't like it, you can leave."
"My dear Detective, you have no manners. I'm only here to help you."
"If you really want to help me, tell me all you know of what happened in the precinct."
"I've told you everything I know," said D with a smile that belied his sincerity.
"I don't have time for your bull! A girl is missing! A girl I was supposed to protect!"
"And the fact she was really pretty has nothing to do with your urgency to go find her?"
Leon wanted to wipe that smile off D's face, with a big fist if he got to pick.
"I promised her! And she trusted me! The poor innocent girl trusted me!"
"QUACK!"
Why D had to bring that parrot? Leon could have sworn that bird was mocking him, he looked at him with one beady black eye and then with the other.
"What does that bird thinks he is? A duck?"
"She's a girl and you are truly an ingrate. You should be grateful she is trying to help you too."
"CRACK POT!"
"Make her stop or, against my long standing policy of not hitting a lady, I'll twist her neck!"
"I think that she might end up twisting yours, if you were to face her."
"Yeah. Right. I tremble at the thought of facing a parrot with a broken wing. She'll sure kick my butt."
"Well, sometimes brains get the upper hand against brute force. It's been known to happen."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Come on, Bianca. We'll let the madman cool off a bit while we fix supper."
"Yeah! You leave with your beast and let me think about that poor lovely girl."
"SLUT!"
"Shut up bird! Why don't you fly south?"
"Don't you listen to him, Bianca. You are welcome here for as long as you want. Give your wings a rest, you are safe here and you we've welcomed you from day one, even if you needed some time to realize this for yourself."
Boy, he was smart, and so was Bianca. It had taken her a while but she had ended up figuring that one on her own. She liked the fact she could do most things on her own, but sometimes it's good to have someone to cover your back. And sometimes it's good to have someone that can make you laugh, like that blond dude.
"SUCKER!"
D laughed: "Yes, this isn't the first time he's been mistaken for a lollypop."
"You're mad D. Ya know? Totally mental!"
Bianca giggled: 'Gosh! He also has a sense of humor. That's it! I really like this dude. I think I'm staying here for a while. Oh, who am I kidding? This D guy is a keeper.'
Ok before we do the Discovery Channel. Let's address clingy. You must know what I'm talking about. Who hasn't had a "friend" who takes and takes and never gives back? You know… the kind that's always there when there's something to be gained and drops you in a beat when you actually need them. One that sucks warm, joy and life out of you and leave you fainting while they whistle a catchy tune on the way back to their lair.
Well, I recently had a close call with one and: Yikes! You dumb Mercurial shame on you! Almost felt in the tangle. Vanushka, thanks girl for the warning and the superb reflexes you have. Watch out people! Those clingy vines are everywhere, smiling at you with open arms ready to claim your life if you let them. Have your pruning scissors ready and if you see one climbing on a friend: Kick its butt! That's what friendship is all about!
The one in the story is part of the Cassytha (Family Lauraceae and sometimes a family of its own) which is a genus of nonegreen parasitic plants, also known as Woe vines. They may have pale red, yellow or orange stems and are related to Magnolias. Their leaves are minute and have next to none chlorophyll, so they are entirely dependant on the host plant for food. They can be found in tropical regions throughout the world and in the States they are prevalent in Florida and Hawaii; but they can survive in temperate climates and there are four species native to Europe.
This particular gal is one Cassytha filiformis, commonly known as devil's guts, hell's weed or love weed; this little darling penetrates into the stem (vascular system) of the host plant, then its roots die and it sucks its host dry. Small shrubs, tall trees, you name it. And, of course, they don't live to be a hundred years old, they have no zombie fluid and they reproduce by seeds, but that's poetic license for you people. I like vamps.
Curses or Comments? To those who have R&R: Thank you very much. To those who haven't, don't worry I know those spiky keyboards can be hell on the fingertips.
