Author's Note: I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed the last chapter. To be honest, I have had the second scene of this chapter in my head for the majority of this story. It just took a while to get there. While I can't promise it's going to stay all fluffy and happy and...well, everything we'd like it to be, I can tell you that things will work out. But this is Brennan we're talking about and she tends to look at things a bit differently.
Anyway, please let me know what you think by reviewing. Good or bad, I can take constructive criticism. This was one of my favorite chapters to write thus far, so I'm hoping you will enjoy!
Brennan shifted awkwardly to the side, as if she was debating whether or not she should let him in, before finally letting Booth pass by. There was no use fighting it she knew; even if she refused letting him in the house, he would have gotten to her eventually. She was watching as he crossed the room but still stood, afraid of making her any more uncomfortable. "There's coffee in the kitchen." She offered weakly, because at that moment anything else had strangely escaped her.
The idea that the first time they'd speak face to face after everything that had happened would be when they were talking about something so completely mundane frustrated him, but Booth knew it was what she needed. "Thanks, but I'm fine for now. How is he?" Booth asked as he pointed to Ryan.
Brennan shifted him before looking down. "He has an ear infection and hasn't been feeling too well, but his overall demeanor this morning tells me he's at least content with the sample the doctor provided." She replied before looking back up. "Russ went to the store to pick up the actual prescription. He should be back soon."
She was pushing back whatever conversation they would have he knew, just by mentioning Russ would return soon. Running a hand through his hair, Booth tried his best to think of something to say that would put her mind at ease, but was coming up empty. On the drive over, he hadn't exactly planned word for word what he wanted to say, but had simply chosen to let her lead the conversation. This was still her say, still whatever she wanted to happen. It didn't stop him from at least trying to prove to her he was right.
"How was the drive?" Brennan asked. This time, her voice came out stronger, like she had finally found some footing to stand on.
"It was okay; I hit a little traffic about halfway here. Everything cleared up and I was able to make it through." Booth offered simply before moving his hand in the direction of the couch. She was already shifting Ryan to the other side so he figured it would make her feel more at ease.
She nodded in acceptance before settling on the far cushion of the couch. It left a distance between them that made her feel sad, but the last thing she wanted was to get too close. It wasn't enough that she'd been having disjointed dreams involving their conversation on the phone and a hazy image of them somewhere...anywhere. She couldn't place the image and it was too out of focus for her to tell, but it was something that only served to frustrate her more.
"Are you okay?" Booth asked after noting the dazed look on her face, not to mention the fact her complexion had visibly paled. He sighed, thinking in his head of the fact that he should have just called first, though he knew it would have given her fair warning to hide somewhere else.
"I'm fine, how are you?" Brennan asked, trying her best to keep the conversation away from herself. She knew she should feel comfortable with him, it was Booth after all, but knowing what he kept from her made it hard.
"Bones," Booth sighed and shook his head. This wasn't going to be easy. "I'm sorry."
"Booth, don't-" Brennan began to refuse, but before she could get any further, Ryan began twisting and crying in her arms. What would have sent her into a panic a few short days before was something she was glad for, because it gave her the chance to think and to focus on something other than the conversations she knew they needed to have.
"Can I hold him?" Booth asked with an already outstretched arm, though he wasn't surprised to see Brennan quickly cradle Ryan closer before standing.
"I need to check his diaper." Brennan offered as an apology before heading down the hall.
Booth opened his mouth to say he'd help with whatever the situation was, but by the time the words came Brennan was already gone. He punched a hand against the couch cushion before balling it back up into a fist. He wasn't angry at her, or at himself really, but at the situation altogether. Brennan had already gone through so much hurt and anguish in her life. For the past few years, the majority of which were not all that bad if he were to say so himself, to simply disappear from her memory seemed like an incredibly cruel twist of fate, not that she'd believe in such a thing.
The door opened before Russ came walking through with a bag from the local drugstore hanging from each hand. "I thought that was your truck outside. What are you doing here, man?"
Booth sighed and shook his head before rising to greet him. When he saw the look on Russ' face, he knew there was no need to offer an explanation.
Russ heard Ryan's crying from down the hall as he entered to kitchen. "How's he holding up?" He asked. He started taking out the items that could be placed in the refrigerator or cabinets and quickly put them away.
"I just got here not too long ago, but I gather that he's sick? She's uh...she's back there changing him now." Booth offered. Not that it did any good, because words seemed to fall short of anything any of them meant anymore.
"He's taken to her, you know. Tempe, I mean." Russ smiled as he got a medicine dose ready. "Look, you know her just as well as I do, so you know coming here might not change anything."
"I know." Booth admitted. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and wished that it would.
"But that won't stop you from trying." Russ replied. A statement, not a question, because he knew very well that Booth would try what he could to win his sister back. "Just be honest. It was an informed decision and you didn't exactly like it, but you did what you had to do. Of course if I were you, I would have just told her the truth anyway."
He'd heard it all before. Everyone had their own opinion about the way he should have done things, and yet the only one who seemed clueless was himself.
Brennan entered the room, pointedly ignoring the man standing near the doorway, before walking over to Russ. "Did you get his medication?"
"I did." Russ replied before gesturing for her to hand Ryan to him. "Come here, little man. This will help."
The warmth from Ryan still remained on her, but the void was there. Russ of course had every right to hold his son, and Brennan had to admit she felt a slight tinge of pride at seeing her brother with him, but it left her with no good excuse as to why she couldn't speak with Booth.
Somewhere between Booth going out into the living room to take a call from Parker and Russ and Amy helping the girls with their homework, Brennan retreated to the back porch steps. She remembered it as something she did when she was little, the way she would sit outside as the sun slowly sunk in the sky and mosquitoes bit at her toes, where she would simply think about everything and nothing at the same time. The questions that didn't have clear-cut answers.
Eventually though, someone found her, which meant it was no surprise to hear the footsteps behind her and the sound of the door quietly clicking shut.
The sound of crickets echoed from somewhere in the backyard, though specifically where she couldn't be quite certain, as the yard was quietly slipping into an inky darkness. The pale light offered from the lone light on the back porch provided a warm pool of brightness, but it wasn't enough to let her see everything. After Russ came back from the store earlier in the day, they'd spent the rest of the day helping with the baby, taking turns when they could. It was childish to avoid spending any time alone in the room with him, but she wasn't quite sure what she was supposed to say. She felt the step creak underneath her and closed her eyes as someone sat down. There was no need to look to know it was Booth. "What did you hope to achieve by coming here?"
Booth laughed audibly before settling his elbows against his knees. "Honestly? I don't know if there's a real answer to that. I just knew that you weren't returning the calls I tried to make and that I needed to see you. The case we were working on wrapped up, so I took a few days of the vacation time building up and headed here."
"A few days? Booth, I was planning on coming home this weekend. You couldn't have waited?" Brennan cried. She felt an immediate pang of guilt when she saw the pain in his eyes.
"No, I couldn't. It just-" Booth pressed a palm into his eye and rubbed before clasping his hands back together. He was admittedly surprised by her outburst, but not the reason behind it. "You're avoiding me as it is. Had I waited any longer, I was afraid it would have given you more opportunity to build up that damn wall you've got built so high around you. I couldn't let that happen."
"What do you mean you couldn't let it happen? You're not responsible for me." Brennan replied. The space between them was small enough she could feel the warmth generating from his own body. The body that, she supposed, she was supposed to be familiar with. Upon realizing what she was thinking, Brennan quickly shook her head before trying desperately to focus on something else. "Why did you lie to me?"
"I didn't-" Booth paused. Honesty was the best policy, and even if he didn't flat out lie to her, not telling her the truth was omission enough. "I'm sorry, Bones. I know I've said it before and I'll probably end up saying it again, but it's worth repeating. What I did by keeping the truth from you wasn't fair, but I was warned. Doctor Weston told me himself that if I wanted you to make a recovery that we shouldn't tell you things, that you had to remember on your own."
"Something that big, Booth? You don't lie. You don't hide things from me or anyone else, so why not just say it?" Brennan cried. It would be so easy to get up and walk away, to go inside and help with the dishes or make sure Haley was doing her science homework correctly-they were going over the human skeletal system-but this was something that needed to happen.
Booth shook his head. "Some things aren't that simple." He said, though he didn't stop wishing they were. He wished he could rewind time and make it be the first thing he told her when he saw her open those beautiful blue eyes, before he even knew she'd lost some of her memory, but he knew it wouldn't happen.
Brennan settled into silence, choosing instead to fiddle with the star pendant on her necklace and staring up at the stars that were actually in the sky. Words would come or one of them would give up, but for that moment she was content in simply sitting there.
He looked over at her and was amazed in away at the look in her eyes, at the way she never failed to surprise him. The glint off the pendant caught his eye and he smiled. "You're wearing your necklace."
Brennan looked down and blushed a little. "I thought wearing something that belonged to me would help, as if wearing it would help everything come back. That's a stupid idea, isn't it?"
Booth smiled and shook his head, happy that for once they could have a moment that wasn't full of anger or hidden truths. "You know Parker gave that to you? Well, I helped obviously, but we were in the store shopping for Christmas and he saw it. He'd been looking for something to give you and he just...he said it was really pretty. When he looked up and asked if we could get it for you, I couldn't tell him no. It was a little expensive, but it was definitely worth it."
Brennan stared down at the star pendant hanging from her neck. "Dad said it came from someone important to me." She said before smiling sadly. "Parker...was important to me."
Booth nodded before reaching out a hand. His thumb grazed her cheek before his hand rested against her shoulder. "He said to tell you he loves you and that he hopes you get to feeling better soon. Someone's gotta help him with his science projects and I'm not exactly the greatest. When I told him to make the volcano he just rolled his eyes and said no." Booth replied and laughed at the memory. Though not biologically related, Brennan and Parker still had a lot in common.
"So he knows?" Brennan asked. She was afraid of the answer. "I mean, if it was just us this would be easier, but knowing he's involved somehow..."
Booth shook his head and gave her shoulder a squeeze. "He knows enough, but Bones? Don't let that affect your decision. Whatever you choose to do here, forgiving me or anyone else. He's crazy about you regardless."
If she were being honest, Brennan wanted nothing more than to have him give her everything in that moment, to take her in his arms and make everything come back. It wasn't logical at all which frustrated her, but she wanted everything back. "I'm sorry."
It was so quiet that he barely heard it, but when he did he frowned. "What could you possibly have a need to apologize for?"
"The story you just told me, about Parker and the necklace. About us. Everything that's happened in our lives in the majority of the past few years. I wish...I wish I could remember. I wish everything would just work, regardless of the outcome, but it can't. It won't." Brennan fought to keep composure, but she quickly dissolved into tears.
"Hey, don't worry." Booth said quietly before wrapping his arms around her. Even if it wasn't how he wanted, he was grateful to even have the chance. "Don't you ever blame yourself, Bones. This isn't your fault."
Hearing that only made her cry harder, because even if it wasn't, it still felt like she was to blame. "What am I doing wrong? What should I be doing differently? I just feel as if I should be doing...I should be doing-"
"Shh, it's okay. It's okay." Booth whispered before planting a kiss on her forehead. He waited, holding on tightly, letting her know with actions rather than words that he was there.
Her cries slowly became quiet sobs until there was no sound at all. She closed her eyes and breathed in and out, unaware of the fact she was syncing her breathing with that of Booth. It was something they did at work and at home, working together, and even if she didn't remember, it didn't stop her from wanting to.
"Hey," Booth nudged her gently. "Bones?" He waited until she rose and looked at him. "You're gonna make it through this. You're-" He wiped at the few tears that remained on her cheeks. "You're Temperance Brennan. You don't back down from a challenge, and you certainly don't take no for an answer." Booth grinned and shook his head. "You're going to get through this, I know it."
Brennan stared at him for a minute and found herself wanting so badly to believe him. "You believe that, don't you?" She asked quietly.
Booth nodded in assurance. "Yeah, I really do." He replied. He could practically see the gears turning over in her mind, and he knew that somehow everything would work its way out. Even if it meant she'd still be angry at him for a while or her trip would last longer than she intended, it was something worth waiting for. "Now come on, I believe Amy said something during dinner about a pie..."
Brennan laughed and dabbed at her eyes. "Now that I do remember; do you still go and eat the apple pie from the diner?"
He shrugged, trying to play it off like it was something normal. "Sometimes when I have Parker, but she said this one was homemade."
She stood with him and couldn't stop the smile from spreading across her face as she watched him open the door. It didn't change anything necessarily, but what she knew was he was there, even if she didn't ask him to at all. Something normal and concrete; Booth was always the one she could count on in times of trouble, that much she knew.
"You coming?" Booth asked her as he held the door open.
Brennan nodded in confirmation, but she paused for a moment as she walked past him. Something-the image she'd been dreaming of the night before-flashed dimly in her mind. It was gone before she had a chance to hold on.
"Everything okay?" Booth asked as his hand fell just short of resting against her back.
"Yes," Brennan nodded. "I was just remembering I don't like my fruit cooked."
