Identity Lost
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters, I do not own.
Fourteen – Final Farewell
Life is fleeting and motionless all at the same moment. You just need to choose what to do with that moment…
She couldn't breathe. Mima used every ounce of her strength to free the hand that was binding her air supply.
Heero…
There were other voices in the background but they were being drowned out by Heero's deadly eyes penetrating her own. He seemed very far away, unreachable. From what she could tell, they were the only two people in the room, in an endless struggle with each other and themselves.
She felt too exhausted to fight and dropped her arms lifelessly to her side after agonizing seconds without oxygen circulating into her brain. Mima cleared her mind then considered that it wouldn't be so bad to lose her life in the hands of the only person who ever mattered to her. The room grew dark and frighteningly silent.
With great agility, Trowa punched Heero across the cheek that knocked him straight into Wufei and Heero's arms were tightly secured behind his back by two iron arms belonging to the Chinese pilot. The blow was strong enough that Heero knew he was going to be feeling the effects weeks later.
"Get a hold of yourself, Yuy!" Wufei said in a hushed voice while Heero continued to struggle free. It was almost as if he were in a trance, unsure of what was going on around him. Why couldn't he remember what just happened? Heero was afraid to admit that it felt as if he were back in Zero, unconscious, unable to process any of his own thoughts, overwhelmed by an external force controlling his will.
Once Heero's hand was detached from Mima's throat, her body fell limply to the plush carpeting. She looked like an empty shell, lifeless, dead.
Duo rushed to crouch beside her unmoving form and exclaimed, "She's not breathing!" He immediately began performing CPR.
"Dammit, breathe!" Duo shouted between mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Heero looked on with an empty stare.
They were all looking on to see if Duo could revive her.
----
Heero…
Mima's face still looked pale, without a sign of life.
Heero…
Heero… He kept hearing the voice in his head.
Heero… Help me…
It was Relena's voice. She was pleading, begging him to save her.
----
"Relena!" Heero heard himself yell out, as he finally understood what was happening. He pushed and pulled away from Wufei's grip but the Chinese pilot was unrelenting. Duo still wasn't making any progress…
"Stop moving, Yuy! You've already done enough damage." Wufei hollered. Heero managed to twist Wufei's left arm unnaturally, which forced the man to release his grip on Heero or risk a broken arm. Once he was free, he pushed Duo aside and began to revive Mima himself.
As the other men came toward Heero to keep him away from her, he said calmly, "I won't hurt her. Let me try to save her." Despite his calm persona on the outside, he was shaking so hard internally.
Heero tried to feel for a pulse on her neck and there was only a faint flicker of her heart beating. He attempted CPR again but there was still nothing.
"Mima, please..."
There was still no reaction. As a last resort he started to slap her face to see if he could bring some life back into her colorless cheeks.
"Hey, I thought you said you wouldn't harm her!" Quatre shouted, looking concerned.
The blonde pilot was ignored but the Perfect Soldier stopped the physical assault and continued to use other means of reviving the fallen woman. He continued breathing air into her deprived lungs. After heart-wrenching seconds of uncertainty and hidden panic, she began to cough uncontrollably as the much-needed oxygen rushed into her body. Mima was having trouble stabilizing her breathing through all the gasping.
A massive sigh of relief was finally heard from the men.
Heero sat back, breathing hard himself, and watched as Mima slowly came back to life. He looked down at his hands and couldn't believe that they almost killed her. She took another several minutes before she opened her eyes and looked around the room. The shock of returning from the dead was overwhelming and she couldn't help her outpour of emotion and grief.
The first image that came into focus was Heero sitting beside her. Tears began to well in her eyes the second she made contact with Heero's piercing gray irises. "Why couldn't you just let me die?" Mima sobbed.
As she remained lying on the floor crying, Heero stood up and very calmly left the room without a word.
Quatre crouched next to Mima to help her into a sitting position. "Easy does it." He said soothingly. "Take all the time you need." Anyone would be badly shaken after any life-death experience and he couldn't even begin to understand what was going through her mind at that moment.
Duo, Trowa, and Wufei decided to leave the room since Quatre volunteered to monitor Mima. It was just as well, Quatre thought. He didn't think Mima would feel safer with so many men around her. Sometimes even he felt intimidated to be in their presence.
They simply sat there in silence, each occupied with their own thoughts. Once she calmed herself down and ceased the tears, Mima said, "Thank you, Quatre. I'm feeling better now. I should get going as I'm sure you have other places you need to be."
"Nonsense. We can stay here all week if we like." He argued, jokingly.
"I have to go." Mima said as she stood up on shaky legs. Quatre helped steady her as they both stood. "I really hope Jezzie will be alright." She said sadly. "I didn't do anything to hurt her. Whether you believe me or not, it doesn't matter. I know that I would never do that to Heero. I know how much she means to him."
"You love him." Quatre hypothesized.
She turned and left the room leaving his statement unanswered and unacknowledged.
He was beginning to lose it. What possessed him to say Relena's name just then? Heero wandered around the ornate furniture in the estate library. The silence comforted him and he welcomed the isolation. The fire was burning aggressively below the mantle of the fireplace and it felt somewhat comforting to feel the heat of the flames.
He needed a drink.
There were several canisters of alcohol on the bar counter and he didn't realize that he was standing beside it, pouring himself a glass of the richly imported Cognac from France. He was reverting to his old pattern…
Before his lips touched the glass, he heard her haunting voice, "Promise me, Heero…"
The pain of failing in her eyes was far too unbearable. He threw the glass violently against the wall, shattering the tumbler thunderously while the cognac flew in an explosion of liquid orange. The fumes of the cognac soon engulfed the room. "Shit!" He cursed with abhorrence.
He almost took her life tonight. And Relena… She was lying in the hospital by Mima's hands. How could he avoid not having a drink? But by god, he was sure going to try.
"Sesame seeds. That was the ingredient that made Relena react to it the way she did." Zechs explained once he returned to the mansion. "She'll be perfectly fine in a day or so. It was just a severe allergic reaction."
"Relena was never allergic to anything but alcohol." Heero reported, monotonously.
Zechs continued, "I've already spoken to the chef and he instructed Mima to put in all the ingredients that Relena had suggested to him prior to dinner."
"Relena suggested?" Wufei asked, intrigued. "That doesn't make any sense. Why would she instruct sesame seeds to be put in the soup if she knew she was allergic?"
Zechs sat tiredly on the ottoman and said, "The chef insisted he didn't put any sesame seeds into any of the dishes that night. Mima must have added her own ingredient into the mix without anyone noticing."
"So, what did you manage to get out of her when you questioned the suspect?" Zechs Merquise inquired as he poured himself a stiff bourbon.
The former Gundam Pilots made a mutual unspoken agreement that what happened in the sitting room between Heero and Mima would remain locked behind those walls. No one spoke.
"Nothing?" Zechs grew impatient with their silence and informed Pagan to invite Mima to join them in the reading room to find out for himself.
"Sir, she's not there. All her belongings are gone." Pagan announced with the utmost patience the second he returned to them. He was burning inside but he could not show them his panic. "What happened?" The old butler asked, almost losing his usual calm. The only thing running through his mind was that Relena was gone.
At that moment, they all thought the same thing; her absence had just proven her involvement. Why else would she run unless she was guilty? They used that time to bring Pagan up to speed with the current situation.
"But… that can't be." Pagan said, with a stricken look on his face.
"Relena is lying in the hospital. I assure you, it's all very true. Mima is very dangerous and I want to have Relena on a 24 hour watch." Zechs commanded. Pagan simply stood by the door, stunned into silence.
"Should we pursue the suspect?" Wufei wondered, pleased that there might be something to end their drought of boredom.
"Negative." He replied. "We will act accordingly once we determine her motive."
"I suggest," Heero advised. "That we hold off on the public announcement regarding Relena's return until her safety is ensured."
By the time Mima got home, she felt as if she were gone for years. Everything was exactly where she last left it. Nothing changed but why did it seem like the world had turned a full 180 on her? She dropped everything by the doorway and crashed on the living room couch.
What a mess. She thought. It would have taken an idiot to realize that her fleeing the scene would not bode well for her innocence but she couldn't stay in that house. As she clutched her necklace, she understood that she might never forget Heero and she finally decided that she could live with that. She still needed a lot of growing up to do and as long as she committed the same perseverance and dedication as she did with everything else, then it should turn out all right.
The message light on the phone, she noticed, was blinking. It took her another ten minutes to force herself to get up and listen to the recording. The first message was from Connor Striker. He asked if she was doing alright since he hadn't seen her in a week. She chuckled to herself and admired his determination at winning her over. Mima only hoped that the infatuation he had with her would not turn into obsession. That would be very dangerous territory and she didn't want to think about the repercussions behind it.
The next message, however, didn't leave her smiling but left a cold chill down her spine. It was a modified voice, almost as if someone used an electronic device to cover his or her voice from recognition.
The eerie voice only said hauntingly, "We… still have unfinished business."
Mima quickly deleted the message and convinced herself that it must have been a prank phone call. Teenagers these days obviously had too much spare time on their hands. She decided to call the restaurant to inform them that she'll be able to resume working as early as that night. Having all her hours occupied with something to do would be a lot better than the alternative, contemplating how truly alone she was.
Weeks had passed and still no word from Jezzie. She could only assume that Jezzie had indeed been recognized as Relena and would remain in Zechs' estate. It was just as well since the two sisters were barely able to stand each other. Jezzie hired movers to pack the remainder of her belongings from their apartment and Mima had never seen her new establishment cleaner. Her only concern now was with the monthly rent. She decided to put a posting for a roommate to share the cost and to fill the empty space.
Although there hadn't been a public announcement regarding Relena, she didn't doubt that it would happen soon. Finding Relena would be the biggest news of the decade after all.
Her life had eventually returned to normal, or as normal as it could get under the circumstances. Thankfully, there wasn't a repeat of the cryptic phone messages.
Mima's life revolved around work and home. Her social life went into permanent hibernation. She seldom had contact even with Hilde and although it hurt her to sever her ties with everyone, she thought it was the only way to protect herself.
"Mima! There's someone here to see you." Announced the hostess by the main entrance.
She thought it was odd that someone came for her but was curious just the same. What if it was Heero? Mima smacked her forehead with her hand and cursed herself for thinking such thoughts. "I'll be on my break in 10 minutes. Can you please let the person know, I can see him or her then?"
"Sure thing, Mima. He said that he'll be here."
So it was a man… Stop it, Mima! Jesus Christ!! Do you want to do this to yourself again?
The ten minutes crawled to a snail's pace but finally she was taking her apron off and walking over to the booth where the visitor was waiting.
His back was to her and he seemed much taller than Heero and his posture was different but somehow familiar to her.
It was Pagan.
"Pagan! What are you doing here?" She couldn't hide her surprise and delight that he came to see her. "But, how did you know I worked here?"
"Mima, finally I found you!" Pagan said enthusiastically as he wrapped her in a brief hug. Once they both overcame the shock of seeing one another again, they sat across from each other and Mima ordered a cup of tea for the butler.
"I found your ad in the paper about finding a roommate and I kindly asked the landowner to give me the address of where you worked. I hope you aren't angry with me." Pagan explained.
"No, that's perfectly fine. I'm so happy to see you again." Mima said truthfully. It was fine since it was Pagan but what if it was a dangerous individual asking for her personal information? She would have to have a little talk with the landowner about this.
"As am I, my dear. I have been so worried about you and I have thought of nothing else but your well being after that horrid incident at dinner. Are you alright?" He asked, concerned.
"Shouldn't you be asking Jezzie that question? Is she alright? Has she recovered?" Mima asked, somewhat ashamed.
"Ever the pacifist." Pagan muttered softly and she didn't really understand what he meant by it. "She's been up and about the very next day. You shouldn't be concerned about her welfare. I know you didn't do anything to harm her, Mima."
"Pagan… thank you." She said trying to hold back her true emotions. "Well then," she continued, turning the conversation over to him. "How have you been? Is there any sign of improvement from your illness?"
"My illness?" Taken aback, he asked. "What do you mean?"
"Jezzie said that you were suffering from a rare disease and…"
He didn't let her finish. "Jezzie said what? Mima, I assure you I am as healthy as ever. Whatever illness she told you that I have is a complete fabrication."
"But… I went for a blood test with her to see whether my blood type was compatible with yours." Mima admitted softly. None of it made any sense to her. When there wasn't any follow-up on the blood test, Mima only assumed that the blood wasn't compatible and Jezzie didn't bother to inform her.
It all made sense to him now. That's how she did it!! That was how the imposter managed to pass the blood test, by using Mima's blood in place of her own. "Mima, I have something very important to tell you…"
'Mima, table 8's looking thirsty!" Another waitress hollered, interrupting Pagan.
"Sorry, it will have to wait." Mima apologized to him. "I have to get back to work." She stood up and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.
"But, Mima." Pagan tried.
"Thank you for coming to see me. Take care." Within mere moments, she vanished into the throng of patrons in the bar.
Maybe coming to see her at work wasn't the best idea. There were too many distractions and the noise didn't help the environment for a heart to heart conversation. This wouldn't do. He needed to meet with her some place more quiet and with less people milling around and it needed to be soon.
Mima… Mima… Mima…
It had been 20 days, 16 hours, and 9 minutes since he'd seen her. He didn't even realize that he was keeping track of how long he'd been away from her. What terrified him was that he didn't know why. Relena was back after all so why was Mima still disturbing his thoughts?
You care about her. An inner voice confessed. "Impossible." He said in blatant defiance.
Heero had stayed true to his word; he hadn't touched a single ounce of alcohol despite the irritating need for it. He missed her. Correction: He missed her company. The whores that he slept with were also out of his life permanently and didn't he have her to thank for it?
Don't forget what she did to Relena. The logical hemisphere of his brain reminded him. The men were no longer pursuing that particular mystery but it still bothered him. Despite the evidence against her, Mima didn't seem like the person to be so calculating and malicious. Even now, Heero was blaming himself for not thinking rationally at that moment and nearly ending her life. What was he thinking?! Everyone, including Zechs, dismissed the incident and was simply glad that Relena had been found and safe once again. Mima would no longer cause any problems for them; that's all she was to them, a problem, and it disgusted him. Something was still amiss, however, and he couldn't put his finger on it.
Even with Relena back, he was… the only word that came to mind was incomplete. Somehow it felt different with Relena now. True, it had been 10 years but could two individuals really change that much? Could it be possible that he no longer had feelings for the former political icon?
They agreed to meet every week, her and the should-be retired butler. Pagan had become her family in the short time frame that they knew each other. Normally she was reserved and not prone to trusting people unconditionally, but he was different. She enjoyed meeting with Pagan, who had become like a grandfather. They would chat about whatever that came to mind, anything but the sore subject of which they both vehemently avoided.
He'd been having a hell of a time trying to figure out the right way to bring up the subject of Relena's identity. No question, he wanted Mima to know the truth but it was becoming more difficult to give voice to his thoughts. How was he supposed to convince the woman in question when he couldn't even manage to convince Milliardo and Heero? It was inconceivable to think that a man of his age-old experience and wisdom was unable to do anything to help her. Frustration was the understatement of the year when it came to how he felt. The only thing keeping him sane at the moment was seeing her in person and physically speaking with her. Something must be done soon or he may risk more than an aneurysm. Perhaps it was about time that he used a different tactic by approaching the imposter.
"Mima, how have you been, everything okay? Can I help you with anything?" He asked, sitting across from her at the local Starbucks.
She took a quick sip of her mocha cappuccino before saying, "You always ask me that. Why?"
"I… " The old man hesitated, not sure whether it was the right time for the truth to be revealed. He looked down at his wrinkled hands that displayed the scars of age and constant worry. "I've been meaning to say this to you for a while now, Mima."
She waited for him to continue but he silence didn't waver. Mima noticed him struggling to put the words together and said softly, "It's alright, Pagan. You don't need to tell me if you don't feel comfortable about it."
He looked at her then, torn. The whole situation made him uncomfortable. How could they make such a tragic error in judgment in identifying Relena? "You're Relena Darlian!" He said steadily, much more calmly than he felt. Pagan's heart was beating much faster than it ever did but his composed demeanor masked his true fears and anxieties.
The only reaction from her was a blank one.
"How do I even begin to explain this?" Pagan said softly. "Listen very carefully. The woman claiming to be Relena back at the estate, the one you call Jezzie, is not Relena. She cannot be Relena."
He noticed that he was beginning to lose her and she was looking anywhere but his face. "There are too many differences between the two women and I know Relena. I had been by her side ever since she became an orphan at the age of 3. I've been by your side for two-thirds of your life."
She listened quietly, still with no intention of speaking.
"Remember the scar that I mentioned to you? Jezzie doesn't even have a scratch on her; she drinks an astounding amount of alcohol when we all know that even one sip of it can make Relena nauseous and she's never been allergic to sesame seeds."
Sesame seeds? Mima didn't understand anything that he was saying to her but that didn't faze Pagan. He continued on.
"And her behavior in front of the staff! And…"
"Please, Pagan. Stop!" She suddenly interrupted him with more force than she intended. Mima didn't want to hear it and she shook her head slowly, clearly distraught with the information. "Why are you saying such things?"
"Relena…" Pagan pleaded.
"Don't call me that! I'm Mima! What you say makes no sense! Look, no one ever expected Jezzie to be Relena, least of all me. The blood test is something that we cannot deny. I only look like her but that's where the similarities end. That's it." She said with finality. A Starbucks employee walked around the tables offering free refills of coffee and both Mima and Pagan didn't even acknowledge her. Mima simply waved the employee away with her hand. They were too engrossed in their conversation to take any notice of their surroundings.
"Mima, please listen." Pagan tried.
Why was Pagan suddenly doing this to her? Why was he trying to get her to believe that she could be the Relena Darlien, the one who Heero longed for, the woman who possessed enough political prowess to change the world, and most importantly, the one with a family? She didn't know what overcame Pagan but, at the moment, she didn't care. Her chest suddenly felt tight, the silver of her pendent felt cool to her skin. She realized that more than a pair of eyes were directed at her now. Mima was drawing too much attention to herself in the midst of her panic. She started to shake. What was wrong with her?
"I have to go. I'm sorry." Mima fled the coffee shop as fast and as gracefully as she could but still causing a scene and having all eyes follow her out of the place.
"Relena!" He was already too late and he mentally kicked himself for not mentioning the necklace that Heero gave her. That could have made the whole difference but now he would never know.
Talking to the men didn't work. Telling Mima didn't work. Perhaps his entire approach was wrong. What if he went directly to the source of all this chaos? What if he confronted Jezzie? Tonight.
Everyone already turned in for the night. Life in the estate was turned off along with all the lights that illuminated all the corridors and rooms. Pagan didn't notice the lateness of the hour but he knew Jezzie wasn't an early sleeper. It didn't take long before he found her in the sitting room reading a fashion magazine. He only needed to follow the slight crack of light beneath the two grand oak doors.
"Pagan, while you're still up, could you grab me a cup of coffee?" Jezzie asked without even looking up as she flipped a page.
"You're not Relena."
"Hmm?"
"I know you're not Relena Darlian." He said slowly and naturally, almost as if someone was commenting on the weather.
Every fiber of her body suddenly tensed. Jezzie tried to look innocent when she looked up at the butler. "What do you mean?"
She knew it! The old man was going to cause trouble for her. Over the last few weeks, she was beginning to grow more suspicious of Pagan and it would seem that her fears were justified. Jezzie swallowed, "Are you feeling alright? What's gotten into you?"
He ignored her blatant acting. She couldn't fool him anymore. "You have been deceiving everyone. I will find a way to stop you." Pagan accused in a threatening calm voice.
She glared at him with all the hatred she could muster. "Do you honestly think you can change the way things are, now?"
Pagan's heart was pounding so loudly that he wondered if Jezzie could hear it. He was losing control of the situation and fast. Before he clearly thought out what to do next, he heard himself say, "Mima is Relena! We both know it! Sooner or later everyone will realize how you have deceived them all!" He immediately regretted what he said for he didn't know how much worse the conversation could turn.
Jezzie took a step back, stunned. How much did he know? "Be careful, old man." She needed to think, fast. Then, inspiration hit! "Fine, fine. You caught me! But if you share this little secret with anyone else, there is no guarantee that Mima will remain… healthy." She said it merely as an empty threat and she hoped that he wouldn't catch her on it.
He was utterly shocked from what she was implying. Was she willing to go that far?
Did he inadvertently put Mima in danger? He took several breaths to settle down and to think, hard.
From his silence, Jezzie could tell that she hit a vulnerable spot. "So, what do you say? Do we have an agreement?"
"You… you…" He couldn't get the words out. With no warning, there was a striking pain in his chest and he was finding it difficult to breathe. "I… will not… let you… hurt… her!"
"How can you stop me? You have no proof, no authority. Who would believe you?" Jezzie ridiculed.
The pain was too much for him and he fell to his knees. His heart was beating irratically and unevenly. He was having a heart attack! Panic soon consumed him. His face turned bright red and his back became tensed and covered in perspiration. The strain and unbelievable stress must have caught up with him and the timing couldn't have been better!
"I…I…" He choked.
She merely stared and waited for him to continue, almost daring him to defy her.
"I... " It seemed like he was having trouble breathing and wasn't able to speak.
From the look on his pained face, he wasn't acting. The butler was suffering and despite the differences of opinion they held for one another, she had to help him. "Alright, alright. I'll go find help. Just don't go dying on me before we finished our… discussion."
As he saw her leave the room, he could feel his heart weakening. Each breath that he took felt like breathing mercury. It was becoming too painful to even think clearly. He wasn't going to make it and it killed him to think that Relena's true identity may never be revealed. Pagan felt his face land on the lush carpet flooring; his body grew numb and frail. He failed her. "Relena, I'm…sorry."
TBC
A/N: Thank you all for your reviews!! It really means a lot to me to see so many people interested in my crap haha… I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Your support has definitely motivated me to continue writing so thank you!
Thanks Diane (Purdy) for being my editor, as always. This chapter works so much better now that you've shared your infinite wisdom and talent with me! You're the best!
