Jacob Have I Loved

Chapter 3

"How long have you felt this way, Jess?" Stephenie finally pulls away from me, watching my tear-stained eyes spill over even more.

"Oh, I don't know." I bury my head in my hands and run them through my long, black hair, wishing I were anywhere but here. It is so mortifying to tell my best friend I was in love with a younger guy.

"He is pretty sexy and all, but he's a year younger than you, Jess." She looks away. I stare down the beach only to see Jake and that Bella girl settled nice and cozy on a driftwood tree. "Plus, you've been friends all your lives. You really want to throw that away with some little fling?"

"It wouldn't be some, little fling!" I scream at her, fuming. But then, I regret my words the instant they part from my lips. Steph busts out in laughter, steadying herself on the rock beside us. "What? And like Embry isn't too young for you?"

"Leave me out of this! You've really got it bad, don't you?" She muses, donning her Cheshire grin. "You know, you could always just tell him. You want me to tell him. I'll break up their little flirting session right now." Steph starts to trudge her way over to them.

"No!" I grab the hood of her jacket and yank her back. She stumbles slightly and places a hand on my left shoulder.

"You could always try to make him jealous." Steph deviously bats her eyes at me, her mind already plotting the scheme. "Quil has always liked you, you know."

"Quil? As if!" Now, who's the valley girl? I mentally slap myself clean across the face. "Why don't I just puke now and get it over with?"

"You could, you know, test drive him a little." Steph licks her lips, and I know the exact meaning of her little pun.

"You whore! I'm not having sex with Quil!" Ugh! I can't believe she's even suggesting this! "He's so pompous—he'd probably tell the whole rez and my rep would be ruined!"

"It's just a thought—hey, looks like they're heading back this way and that Mike guy is with them. He's pretty fine for a white guy if I do say so myself." Oh, God, here we go. Steph and her hormones. "Doesn't his family own Newtons' Olympic Outfitters in Forks?"

"Yeah, I thought I recognized him." I watch Jake and that girl continue to banter with Mike and the other Jessica as preludes to rain begin to trickle from the gloomy clouds above.

"That would be cool." I hear Jake's husky voice call after Bella as she joins her group—that by the look of things—is now leaving. The rain evidently is scaring them away. Good, let them go! I hope it rains for years and years, and they never come back.

"I think she asked him out." Steph places her now-gloved hand on my shoulder, frowning. My heart immediately sinks like a lump into the pit of my stomach. I fixate my eyes on Jake, and his beautiful eyes are still glued to Bella as she jumps into the waiting Suburban. Did I mention how much I HATE her!!!

"I think Jake has a girlfriend!" Quil tauntingly teases, punching Jake forcefully on the arm. Jake instantly returns his playful gesture, and the two of them collapse to the sand, wrestling like two caged monkeys. I laugh at them despite the never-ending hatred I hold for this Bella chick.

"Hey, guys, cut it out! Let's go before it starts to pour!" Sam's overbearingly orders and starts to pound the sand back toward his van, his arm draped about Leah's shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Jess." Steph elbows me as the seven of us follow Sam's lead toward the parked van. Her face is full of sorrow. I don't respond. I just look off at the ocean, wishing for only a fleeting moment that I could be Bella.

"Shotgun!" Jake hastily calls as he is the first to reach the van after Sam and Leah. Damn, I won't be able to sit by him now and try to get his mind off her. DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!

"You want to sit by me, Jess?" Quil purposefully asks, flexing his biceps at me. I glance over at Steph, and she nods her head as if giving me permission.

Go for it, she mouths and winks at me. Maybe, I should take her up on her offer and try to make Jake jealous. But at the same time, I don't want to use Quil like this. He is a horny, little toad.

"Sure, Quil." I give in against my better judgment, hopping into the van and sitting next to him.

Quil is obviously elated that I'm near him. He immediately sits up straight and flexes his peck muscles. Jake looks back, raising his eyebrows at the new development between Quil and me. Good, here's my chance, I think to myself.

I casually lean my head over and rest it gently on Quil's right shoulder. Whoa, he's wearing way too much cologne. Man, did he take a bath in it this morning? I repulsively pinch my nose. In response, Quil rises and situates his right arm over my shoulder to pull me closer. He is clearly excited to have me in his arms—no, seriously, I can see his happiness bulging from his jeans. ICK! Oh, God, I've gone too far here already. I feel like such a tease.

I quickly turn my attention back to Jake, and he is still watching, the expression on his face is one of confusion—jealousy, maybe? I hope so—the thought of Quil getting aroused by me just sitting next to him is making me nauseous though.

Before I know what I'm doing, I reach over and plant a big, fat, wet kiss on Quil's right cheek. He smiles wider that I've ever seen him, obviously satisfied with himself.

"I knew you wanted me." Quil whispers low in my ear. Oh, God, I think I'm going to be sick! What have I done?

"Remember, what I said earlier, Jess?" Jake's voice resounds in my head, relieving the regretful pains in my stomach. He forms his right hand into a tight fist and says, "Kick him you-know-where."

"Shut it, Jake! You're just jealous that Forks girl didn't give you any." Quil replies, boasting his recent success.

"We'll see about that." Jake jokingly retorts, smirking at the two of us. Then, his grin slowly fades, and his eyes peer at me with what only could be described as a look of worry. I gulp my foolishness down my throat, and he hurriedly looks away.

Steph grabs my hand, squeezing it gently and giving me a "thumbs up." I half-smile back at her and am completely disgusted with myself as Quil's arm tightens even more about my shoulders.