Jacob Have I Loved
Chapter 5
On Friday afternoon that same week, I find myself, helping my mother at the La Push market after I arrive home from school. My mother, Melissa Burnside, rents a booth every weekend to sell cedar baskets and hats, which are all woven by hand. It is my job to work the small register and also to make several ones from my own design for my mother to sell. Mostly, our customers are locals due to the lack of efficient tourism in our area, but my mother is highly optimistic that the crowds will pick up in a few years. I hope she is right; it can get so boring, sitting here all afternoon and wishing I were somewhere else.
I close my eyes and wonder what Jake is doing right now. Wherever he is, I hope he's thinking of me, too. I can vividly recall the fragrant, musky scent that permeates the dull air whenever he enters the room. I deeply inhale, and I can almost smell him where I am, perched on my wooden stool behind the droves of baskets and flimsy hats.
"Jess? Are you falling asleep on the job again?" A husky voice startles me from my fantasy. I open my eyes only to see my dream transform into reality. No wonder I could smell him—he was right in front of me the whole time. Jake grins at me. It almost causes me to fall off my stool. Man, he has to stop doing that—my thumping heart is going to leap out of my chest one of these days. Not to mention I could seriously injure myself.
"No. I mean, I was just daydreaming I guess." I shake away my thoughts. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to talk to you." Jake's expression turns to one of concern. "Do you mind?" He motions to the empty stool beside me.
"No, not at all." I pat the top of the stool gently to invite him to take seat. You can do more than just sit there if you'd like. I think quietly to myself, making my cheeks turn fifty shades of crimson. "Still need help on that English paper?"
He chuckles and replies, "There's no paper. I was just trying to help you out Monday."
"Oh." I shyly answer, twisting my silver ring around my finger several times. "What is it then?"
Jake takes a deep breath and continues, "Jess, we've been friends for a long time, and Quil and I have been, too. I don't know if it would be such a good idea for you and me to show up together at the dance tomorrow night."
I feel myself starting to go numb, my arms shaking at his words. I can't speak. I want to run away and cry. Why is he doing this to me at the last minute? And he says I'm just his "friend." Wait a minute—that is all I am to him.
"Are you okay?" Jake finally breaks the silence, placing his right hand onto my left. I can't even feel the sensation of his hand on mine from the numbness surging throughout my body. "You're not, you know, disappointed or anything, are you?"
"No." I lie, gritting my teeth in utter frustration.
"Good. I'd hate to know I hurt your feelings." Jake looks at me, his face only inches from mine. It wouldn't take much to pull his face to mine and show him how I really feel. I force myself to look away.
"Jake?" I feel a tear rolling down my left cheek. Oh, no! He can't see me like this. I quickly wipe it away, hoping he doesn't notice.
"Yeah?"
I turn to face him once more, trying to make him see reason. "I thought you told Stephenie you didn't want me to date Quil."
"She told you that, huh?" Jake embarrassingly stares at his hands, which are now twirling the zipper pulls at the bottom of his flannel jacket.
"Sorry, I swore to her I wouldn't say anything to you." Damn, I've totally betrayed Steph. She's going to never speak to me again.
"That's okay. I won't tell her if you won't." The familiar, beautiful smile returns to his face. Then, he sighs. "I just don't want Quil to be Quil with you—if you get me."
"I know. He's making me sick just being around him." My comment makes him laugh again. Man, I love him. Why can't he see it? Could I be any more transparent?
"You mean--you don't like him?" Jake's eyes widen, his expression confused.
"Not really." I stand up to help a customer who has just sauntered up to the booth. She is pale-skinned and obviously from out of town, judging from the wide-brimmed straw hat and large camera around her neck. A tourist no doubt. "Good afternoon, ma'am, may I help you?"
"No, thank you." She retorts and immediately walks away.
"You sure know how to reel the customers in." Jake puts an arm around my shoulders and is amused. Then, he is serious again. "Anyway, why did you pretend to like him then last Saturday? He hasn't stop talking about you since. He's liked you for years now."
Because I'm madly in love with you, Jake, and I wanted you to be jealous. "I don't know." I deceptively reply, shrugging my shoulders.
"Chicks are so complicated." He runs his fingers through his glistening hair and shakes his head. "Anyway, why don't we just all go together? As a group, I mean."
"Sure." I let out a short breath, relieved. I will still be going with him, just not how I planned. YES! YES! YES!
"And we're all going cliff-diving tomorrow afternoon. You wanna come?" Jake's eyes are completely melting my insides into a pile of goo.
"Yeah, Steph mentioned it. I'll be there." I smile at him, batting my eyes.
"Good. I'll see you then." He looks at me, puzzled, but then starts to leave. I notice his dad, Billy Black, is coming toward us in his wheelchair. "I have to go. Bye, Jess."
"Bye, Jake." I call after him, and Billy gives me a friendly wave. Returning his greeting, I watch the two of them head toward their black car and retreat to my daydreams again. This time I fantasize of slow dancing with my beloved Jacob Black in my arms.
Attn: Remember me saying this story was Rated M for future lemons . . . Well, we're not quite there yet (about half way). Hang with me, and you won't be disappointed! And you know, reviews make me type faster—always! Thanks for all the lovin' so far! :D
