Identity Lost

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters, I do not own.

Seventeen – Curse of Knowing

The tongue like a sharp knife... Kills without drawing blood.

Relena kept running, this time not out of frustration but elation. She knew who she was. Née Relena Peacecraft, raised as Relena Darlian; such a simple statement but loaded with so much history. The people she encountered in her life, she recalled all their names as if they were never missing. She could recall all the places she'd been, the major events of her life. Everything came rushing back to her with such crystal clarity that she even questioned whether they were ever missing and she only needed to remember the past 10 years of her life to remind her that the nightmare was a real one.

Her legs screamed for her to stop but she continued the quick pace out of fear that the memories she recovered would disappear again. Relena panted so hard that she thought she'd die from the lack of air and she couldn't be happier. When her lungs and knees couldn't take anymore, she finally stopped and breathed deeply, waiting for her heart rate to return to its steady tempo.

Out of her peripheral vision, she noticed her reflection on the storefront window and became mesmerized by her face. Relena turned to the faint image and traced the contours of her face with one hand; her warm cheeks, her nose, her lips. After waiting patiently for a tiresome decade, she wasn't haunted by the image her reflection portrayed. She smiled to the woman staring back at her.

But now what? Her sudden smile vanished just as quickly as the question was asked. Now what?

So many issues remained to be resolved like why was Jezzie impersonating someone she clearly wasn't? Why had she been lied to all these years from her supposed parents? And Heero…

"Oh my god, Heero." She whispered. She needed to tell him, now.

Relena raised her right hand to the street and yelled, "Taxi!"


The cab pulled up to Heero's apartment, she handed the driver the fare but didn't leave the backseat.

"So, you gonna leave any time soon or you just like the smell of my cab?" The overweight, balding man asked.

She looked at him briefly and eyed the brick building that was darkened with age and pollution. Relena sighed softly, not sure she was ready to face Heero yet.

"Look, if you want me to take you somewhere else, just name the place."

"No," She replied quickly. "Thanks for the ride." The door handle pulled out easily and she soon found herself standing alone on the pavement. The taxi took off, leaving nothing but a trail of dust and exhaust fumes behind her.

Relena took a deep lungful of air and approached the main entrance. She marched up the three flights of stairs, too anxious to wait for the elevator, and walked quietly down the corridor to his front door, almost afraid of making her presence known.

Before having any further doubts, she knocked gently three times and waited. And waited. Strange, he wasn't coming to the door. She tried knocking again, slightly louder this time and held her breath.

Relena waited. Still waited. Nothing. Not even a sound from the other side of the door.

"Heero…" She sighed and leaned against the doorframe. He wasn't home but that wasn't going to stop her. She needed someone to listen.

"Milliardo." Relena said, with renewed purpose.


By the time she hailed another taxi, reached the security gate of the estate, she felt exhausted in more ways than one. After dealing through the whirlwind of emotions with the recovery of her past and what seemed like endless traveling around the city, she was physically and emotionally drained.

She pressed the intercom and asked to speak to Milliardo Peacecraft.

"I'm sorry but Mr. Peacecraft is unavailable." The voice sounded flat and uninterested.

"Please, it is urgent. Tell him… Relena is looking for him." She urged.

There was a pause over the line and the voice returned. "We don't admit trespassers onto the premises. Please leave or the police will be called." The man over the intercom spoke with an air of indifference but she clearly heard the hidden threat in his tone.

She wouldn't be deterred and pressed the speaker button once again. "I must speak with him. I am not leaving until I do."

Tiny droplets of water kissed her face and pelted the rest of her body. Relena looked up to the sky and felt the early signs of heavy rainfall. Her clothes began to absorb the rain and stick to her like a second skin. Her dyed jet-black hair clung to her face and neck as if she just came out of a shower but none of that mattered. She waited patiently for a response from the gatekeeper and she would continue holding her ground until the metal bars opened.

Seconds flew by; minutes passed and the intercom didn't even give off electrical static to acknowledge her presence. The rain was coming down harder, faster now and the temperature began to drop. With the overcast cloud cover overhead and the setting of the sun, it was only a matter of time before it became dark.

"I must speak with Milliardo." Relena repeated, her teeth chattering from being soaked through to the bone. The black rain was unrelenting.

It took another hour of pleading with the electric box and shivering before the gate was unlocked from a remote tower and swung open from its creaky hinges.

Her arms and feet were numb but she moved onward and didn't stop until she walked up to the door, the same door that greeted her for the first time as Mima Kanzaki. Before she rang the doorbell, the door opened automatically by a woman dressed in a black and white uniform, it was Isabel. She remembered the compassionate maid from her previous visit.

"Isabel, it's nice to see you again." Relena said as she walked into the warmth of the room. She was still shaking uncontrollably and tried to conceal that fact by wrapping her arms around her stomach.

"Mima? What do you think you're doing?" She asked as soon as the door was closed and locked. "You're soaking wet! What were you thinking?" Isabel eyed her from head to foot and shook her head at the young woman's lack of sense.

Relena was too tired and cold to correct Isabel's mistake in calling her by the wrong name. She didn't want to be called by that name, not again; it felt wrong.

"Isabel, I'm sorry for tracking water in." She started, not even sure why she mentioned the water. Her thoughts must have been more frazzled than she thought. "Please, I need to speak to Milliardo. Now." Relena was still shaking. Why couldn't she stop shaking?

Isabel tsked out loud and replied, "At least let me get you a towel to dry off. Then I'll take you to him."

"Now." Relena said, more forcefully.

An awkward silence passed and then Isabel replied. "Very well, then. This way." The maid led her down the spacious corridor and opened the third door on the right into Milliardo's study.

"Sir, Mima's here to see you." Isabel led Relena in soon after making the announcement and closed the door on her way out, leaving the two alone.

He stayed seated behind his desk and stared intently at her. Under his careful scrutiny, Relena couldn't help breaking their eye contact and she used the time to take in the room that seemed so familiar to her and yet so foreign.

The window behind Milliardo's desk faced the dreary bleakness of the storm behind his solid frame and she saw nothing but a sheet of gray through the Venetian blinds. Only the desk lamp on the table provided any luminescence in the study and unfortunately shadows overpowered light. Relena grew nervous that she couldn't see his face, not entirely, and she wished she could cast the shadows out. Her eyes returned to the man that was her brother and his eyes never wavered from hers.

Finally breaking the silence, he said, "So, Mima, what was it that you needed?"

She cringed at the name. "I…" Now that she was here, she didn't know where to begin, what to say.

"From what I understand," Milliardo cut in, "you mentioned that Relena was looking for me but I don't see Relena here. Do you?"

The words suddenly came to her, out of desperation. "The woman you know as Relena, is not your sister at all. She is an imposter."

He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the polished wooden surface. "You sound so sure. We have blood test results proving otherwise. What sort of proof do you have?"

Of course he was right. She only carried the past with her and Relena's past was as intangible as a concept like love. She asked softly. "Milliardo, don't you recognize me?"

He sighed and asked a question of his own. "Why are you playing these games, Mima? Haven't you caused enough trouble the last time you were here?"

She shook her head. "That's not my name. I'm Relena!" She gasped at her own outburst.

"You?" He asked, taken aback by her remark. "You think you're Relena?"

"Do you remember when we were on Libra? You said the earth only seemed beautiful because we had the chance to see it like this from out of space."

"What do you know of Libra?" He asked carefully. Not many knew the specifics of the war, least of all his involvement with White Fang.

She closed her eyes as she remembered that exact moment in the cockpit of Libra. "You hugged me then," she went on. "And that was the only embrace I'd get from my real brother."

Milliardo looked sad then. The past was suddenly catching up to him as well and it seemed like an intrusion more than a welcoming reminiscence

As the words flowed out of her mouth, she couldn't seem to stop. "You said that I've grown up strong and you wanted at least for me to remain a kind woman. I'm afraid I haven't been able to fulfill either of those wishes. After the accident, I've become weak, timid, erasing my former self. I am a mere fragment of who I used to be."

He stood up from his seat and his hard eyes were on her once again, trying to dissect her thoughts, her motives. What he saw before him was a frustrated young woman, wet, and not herself. Her delusions were entertaining at best and he had neither the time nor the patience to dance with her around this issue.

Milliardo breathed deeply before replying, "That's a good act. Quite impressive actually. I'm sure Relena mentioned those things to you when you were living together and it's disturbing to see you use her stories against her."

"No." Relena said breathlessly. "No, you're wrong, Milliardo."

"Relena, please come here." He said, looking to the side door of the study. The door slid open easily and Jezzie approached him with Heero following not too far behind.

No wonder Heero wasn't home when she went earlier. It didn't surprise her that Heero was with Jezzie. Relena knew she was outnumbered and outmatched. The two newcomers must have overheard their conversation.

"You warned us this would happen, Relena." Milliardo looked at Jezzie.

"Yes, it's all very sad. Mima, why are you hurting me like this?" She asked.

Relena started to shake again, this time with an extreme spell of anger that she never knew she could carry. "Jezzie, I remember everything. Stop this foolish game and tell them!"

Jezzie revealed a hint of nervousness and quickly recovered with her next lie. "Brother, she's upsetting me. If she wants to be in my place, then I'll just go. I don't want this sort of confrontation anymore. She scares me. Remember when she almost poisoned me?"

Relena only shook her head at Jezzie's fearless determination to pretend to be someone she wasn't.

Milliardo pulled Jezzie's shoulder close to him and said, "You're my sister and you're not going anywhere."

Relena took a few steps forward to plead with Milliardo but Heero stepped between them.

"Heero, take Ms. Mima Kanzaki off the premises. We're done here." Milliardo ordered curtly.

The perfect soldier gently placed his hands Relena's shoulders and tried to turn her towards the door but she resisted. "Milliardo!" Relena shouted. "Please try to make it through all this alive. You said that on Libra before it was destroyed. Remember? I did survive, then. But I don't think I can make it through this."

Tears were streaming down her face and she couldn't stop the pain that was eating away at her spirit. "Milliardo!"

"Mima, stop this." Heero whispered as he pulled her arm to leave the room. Finally she relented and allowed him to escort her to the main entrance. He noticed that she was soaked through and the rain hadn't ceased its attack on earth from the obvious pounding on the roof and windows. Nothing was said as they made the short track to the front door. "Let me take you home, Mima."

"Don't call me that." She said, wounded. The tears were still cascading down her flushed cheeks. Relena felt so tired with everything and twisted her arm away from his grasp as her only retaliation to maintain some level of control.

They were by the foot of the door now and Heero hesitated to reach for the door handle. "Why are you doing this? Why stir up all this trouble, Mima? You knew it would've never worked. Is it envy that you're feeling? Jealousy?"

She only laughed through her tears and said nothing. Relena brushed away her tears with her right hand and looked at Heero for the first time that night. "Heero, life isn't fair, is it?"

He stared at her, serious. "Mima, you can't come back here. The next time you do, I have no choice but to arrest you."

She nodded slowly. "I understand." Before she lost the chance to touch him one last time, she quickly wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him. Relena closed her eyes and tried to remember every sensation, each curve of his body, and the faint scent that clung to him. It didn't matter that he stood stone still and didn't touch her.

Relena finally stepped back and saw how he avoided her gaze. The rejection from the two men that night was too much to bear. If an individual could die of heartache, she thought this must be what it felt like. She had never felt so low in her life. With both hands, she reached behind her neck and unclasped the necklace. She grabbed Heero's hand, placed the platinum dove in his palm then pushed his fingers closed over the keepsake. The door opened silently and she was gone.

"No, life isn't fair at all." Heero replied to the empty foyer. Minutes passed before he was able to breathe again. He opened his left hand to see what she dropped and his irises expanded in utter shock from the object he held. "But how?"

His feet took him to Relena's room and he didn't wait for propriety before entering and confronting the woman.

"Relena, have you retrieved your necklace yet? It should've returned by now."

She quickly sat up from her lounge chair and said. "Yes, I got it back just two days ago."

Heero maintained his calm and asked, "May I see it?"

"Uh, you know the thing is, they couldn't fix it so I just threw it away."

He held the necklace even tighter in his grasp. "I see. I'm sorry I bothered you."

Heero returned to his room and placed the necklace carefully on his dresser. Something was wrong. It didn't make any sense for Relena to lie about the necklace. He needed to find out the truth once and for all and he knew where to begin looking.


Relena dragged herself up to her apartment and stripped down to her skin as soon as the door was closed. It felt good to finally remove the chilling clothes before she caught pneumonia. She turned on the shower faucet and soaked her entire body with scalding water. The shivering ceased immediately and she wished the constant stream of water could wash away her suffering just as easily.

As soon as she finished drying off, she wrapped a towel effortlessly around her chest and made her way to the kitchen to brew a cup of tea. The water came to a fast boil and she carried the mug to the couch. They were mundane actions, routine behavior to settle her nerves.

How did everything go so wrong so quickly? She wondered.

She brushed her fingers through her wet hair and recounted the moment with Milliardo. In her excitement and haste, she really didn't think it through. Now looking back, she wouldn't have even believed herself. She must have sounded hysterical.

A sudden ring from the telephone interrupted her thoughts and she debated whether to answer it or not. She chose the latter and let it continue ringing. Tonight was not a good night for making conversation with anyone. The answering machine picked up but the caller didn't leave a message. It was just as well, she thought.

She laid down on the couch and rested an arm across her eyes. She was hurting. The denial from her own brother was too much, like daggers piercing her flesh. And Heero's reluctance to accept other plausible scenarios only exacerbated her pain. Maybe there was no way of going back. If they assumed that Relena had been returned to them, perhaps it was best that they would be able to live with the assurance that Relena is safe and back in their lives. As long as they thought Relena was alive, maybe that was enough.

The problem was how was she going to survive knowing that her life was stripped away from her and that she couldn't be around those she loved, the greatest sacrifice she would make.

"But there's no other way." Relena said. "There is no other alternative."

She thought long and hard through the entire night, confirming that her decision to not tackle the issue any longer was the right one. Every scenario was carefully played out through her mind if she were to take certain actions over others and none of them ended well. And under her own selfish pretenses, she knew she couldn't handle another scene with Milliardo or Heero again. It would crush her. But should the opportunity arise for her to reclaim her life again, she was more than willing to fight for it.

As the early crack of dawn made its appearance on the horizon, Relena prepared to get ready for the day. "Mima Kanzaki, let's make the most out of this life."


Heero Yuy approached Preventers Headquarters and walked straight into Sally Po's office. Enough time had already been wasted with this case.

"Thank you for seeing me at such short notice, Sally."

She motioned him to have a seat in one of the visitor chairs and said that it wasn't a problem. "You sounded urgent on the phone."

"Regarding Relena's blood test that you conducted, could you tell me the process that was performed?" He began, choosing not to sit down.

Sally's surprised expression told Heero that she wasn't expecting this line of questioning. "The blood test? Sure, I could show you the facilities, if you'd like. Come with me." She stood and led him out of the office.

The next room they visited was a laboratory in the lower levels of the building. It was a typical lab comprised of the intricate pipes and faucets growing on the countertops. Test tubes lined the walls and all the latest equipment in R&D lay in abundance in the room. Four men dressed in bleach white lab coats worked meticulously on their assigned projects and only gave a brief nod to Sally Po before returning to their work.

Sally showed Heero the tools and machines used to label the blood sample. "These two solutions here," She began by holding a liquid that looked baby blue and another that looked bright yellow. "We place two droplets of the blood on a glass slide and mix each solution – the blue and yellow onto each drop accordingly. The color change and the unique shapes that are formed once the mixing is done provide a simple preliminary result as to whether the person has A, B, O, or AB type blood."

Heero nodded as Dr. Po did a short demonstration with a test tube filled with a donor's blood.

"From then on, the process gets a bit more complicated." She went on telling him the process for DNA mapping and sequencing to find the particular 'print' for that individual. Lots of medical terms and jargon were thrown at him and he absorbed every word like a sponge.

Sally gave a straightforward analogy and said. "The compounds found in our blood, specifically the DNA that we extract from the sample, are as unique as a fingerprint. There are no two DNA samples alike. Not even if you're related. So, the test is a sure way of identifying the person, say, for criminal charges or for finding next of kin."

"But you just said that they are unique. How can you determine whether one person is in fact related to the other?" Heero asked.

"Right. They're unique but family members have very similar patterns in the DNA sequencing, so similar as to which we can safely say that the people involved are related."

He looked around the bland white room and thought of any other reason for the blood test to backfire. "And there's no possibility of any errors derived from these tests? A misinterpretation of the results?"

"Well, human error is always possible, Heero. But in Relena's case, we even compared it to her actual blood sample before she went missing. We had it stored years ago right after the war. It was a perfect match. As I said, no two humans have the same DNA pattern. The results couldn't have been wrong."

Sally Po walked to the metallic doors at the end of the room and opened the fridge-encased walls to retrieve a test tube from the neatly labeled shelves. She held up a sample still half full of red fluid and showed Heero. "This is Relena's sample that I took just recently."

He reached for the glass as Sally handed it to him and it still felt chilled from the cool temperature in the fridge. "This is the sample that was used for the test?" He asked.

Sally nodded and looked slightly concerned. "Heero, what's all this about? Why are you asking these questions?"

He held the test tube up to his eye and rotated the cylindrical container to see if the blood could provide any further insight. "What's this?" Heero pointed to faint etchings of a strain of numbers and letters running close to the lid of the tube. A4-3013 was labeled on the glass. They were extremely tiny and he knew they would have remained hidden under an untrained eye.

Sally peered closer and narrowed her eyes to focus on what Heero was looking at. "Oh, that." She replied. "Serial numbers. The manufacturing company who supplies the tubes to Preventers marks them to keep track of their inventory numbers, and ours, I guess. But… that can't be right."

"What can't be right?"

"A4-3013. That serial number's wrong. The ones we get are usually labeled A1-2039. I've never seen A4 before."

Heero's attention was suddenly aroused by this new development. "Sally, are you sure about that?

She nodded once and reached for several new test tubes still sitting in the manufacturer's box. Surely enough, they were all labeled A1-2039. Heero compared Relena's test tube with the others that Preventers used and they looked like exact duplicates aside from the serial numbers.

"This is important, Sally. Was the blood test done here?"

"Yes, of course. Relena came in and I withdrew the blood myself. I don't understand." She shook her head in confusion.

"I do." Heero said softly. "A switch has been made."

TBC

Some thank you's are in order: Purdy, theevilashleyness, Koori Youkai Hime, kar00, WindCloud, Alikko, Beast of Prey, lilac310, mischka, jellybean-kitty, Lena, YUIAyuNamieUtada, SerenityDeath, C, Alaskantiger, flipped, animechick2487, Marli8907, darkfairy88, and Jana villarama.

Marli: Thanks for your kind words! They really mean a lot to me and thanks for being so understanding that I haven't been able to update sooner. But hopefully this latest installment was put up fast enough for ya!