"So, why have you stayed a Templar if you hate the chantry so much?" Kaei asked.
"It's the uniform; it's not only stylish, but well made. I'm a sucker for good tailoring," Alistair said, smirking.
"Is this the part where you deflect questions with humor?" Kaei replied. She pursed her lips.
"I'd use my shield, but I suspect you might actually see me hiding behind it," Alistair said. "You don't really want to know about my being a Templar, do you? It's really rather boring."
"Then make up something more interesting," Kaei said, flashing a grin.
"I like the way your mind works," Alistair said. He had a little half smile on his face, which Kaei wasn't sure how to read. He spoke simply of his time in the chantry. And he spoke so fondly of Duncan, as if he had saved him from the worst fate imaginable. And in a way, she could understand that. The idea of becoming addicted to lyrium and going mad was a fate she wouldn't have chosen. Although it really wasn't that different than what they had to look forward to as Gray Wardens.
Thirty years to live. It was on her mind more than she cared to admit. How precious each moment is, when you know with such precision how few more there are to come. Everything dies, that was true. But to know the when of it made it different indeed.
Eventually, Alistair and she lapsed into one of the comfortable silences she was growing accustomed to. They sat close together, both on Alistair's bedroll that he'd set out next to the fire. No need for a tent tonight. It was clear and warm, with a sky full of stars. It was odd that amidst all this, she'd found someone she could just sit next to and look at the fire in their little camp. A human man, of all things. But she wasn't about to take it for granted. She wasn't about to take anything for granted again.
They were headed towards Redcliffe, and would probably be there sometime towards midday. She'd also taken in another stray soul. And this one . . . she knew the others thought it was right to release him from the cage, but she knew they were uneasy with his enormous and quiet presence. But not Kaei. She saw the same desire for atonement in the big Qunari's eyes. She felt like she could trust him. At least as much as she could trust herself. When it came down to it, the three humans she'd killed with Tamlen and the eight that Sten had? What was the difference really, except in magnitude? The crime was the same. He had as much right to seek atonement as she did.
It did worry her, the way Alistair looked at Sten. She had grown far too accustomed to Alistair's steady presence, his loyalty and his trust in her. Despite Morrigan's badgering and Alistair's desire to thwart her, he'd admitted his preference to follow. As long as he could trust the one leading them, that was. Even Morrigan had conceded to that point. But what if Alistair found out what she did in the forest that day? Would he hate her, or somehow worse, no longer trust her?
"So," Alistair said suddenly, "I've told you my tale, such as it is. I know its not something we Gray Wardens are supposed to do . . . talk about the past that is, but I'm curious about you."
"What about?" Kaei said, trying to hide her nerves under a smile.
"Like I said, I don't know much about the Dalish. What was your life like, you know, before all this fun?" he asked.
Kaei was glad for the vagueness of his question. "Well, I was a hunter. Although I suppose that might need some explanation. It's not like when someone goes out in the forest to kill something for sport or food. We do that as well, of course, but being a hunter means something different to us."
"How so?" Alistair asked.
"A hunter is a protector of the clan. A hunter not only provides food and resources, but we keep the camp safe and help defend those who can't defend themselves. We Dalish are not welcome in most places, so hunters are highly valued. It's also a right of passage, a rite of adulthood. Although we decide adulthood by age, just as humans and flat ears . . I mean, city elves do, becoming a hunter is as much a part of that as age. If you can manage to become a hunter before you are old enough to be considered an adult; its quite the achievement. Especially since in order to become a hunter, you need to venture into the forest and slay a proper beast without assistance. A wolf, a boar or if you are ambitious, a bear," Kaei explained.
"And I suppose you were a hunter long before you were, well, how old do you have to be?" Alistair asked.
"Twenty summers," Kaei said. "And no, I missed it by a week." She grinned. "I only knew one who actually managed to become a hunter before his twentieth birthday." She paused and the smile slid from her face. Swallowing, she said, "Tamlen became a hunter right after his nineteenth summer."
"I wouldn't have guessed," Alistair said, tactfully leaving the subject of Tamlen for another time after seeing the look in her eyes.
"Guessed what?" Kaei asked.
"How long were you a hunter, before becoming a Gray Warden?" he asked.
Kaei cocked her head at him. "Three seasons."
Alistair chuckled. "You are older than I am," he said. " I wouldn't have guessed that."
"It's the ears," Kaei snickered. "Makes us elven types look all spry and such."
"Is that so?" Alistair grinned. "I was going to blame the freckles."
Self consciously, Kaei rubbed her finger across the bridge of her nose, as if she could rub the offending spots away. She looked back into the fire.
"Hey," Alistair said, bumping her with his shoulder. "That was supposed to be a compliment. Don't get all morose on me now."
"Sorry," Kaei said, looking at her hands. "I guess I've never quite gotten over my childhood."
"Me neither," Alistair said. Kaei expected for a moment he was going to say something serious, but then he continued, "I'm still sad that I lost the golem doll Arl Eamon bought me on a trip to Denerim."
Kaei laughed. "I'll keep that in mind."
"You do that," he replied. He stopped and seemed to study her for a moment. "You don't like the freckles?" he asked.
"Not particularly," Kaei said. "The Dalish have a rather narrow view of what's attractive, you see. And freckles and orange hair aren't exactly on the list."
"That's a shame," he said. "They are really quite adorable."
"Oh I'm sure," she said sarcastically.
"No really, I mean it," he replied. He gave her a little crooked grin as he studied her face again. She looked at him, really looked at him, since it seemed like she had finally been given permission to do so. The half light of the fire lit one side of his face in tones of gold. It brought out the gold in his hair and tiny flecks of yellow in his amber colored eyes. She was intrigued by his square chin and its fine dusting of perpetual stubble. His lips were slightly coral colored and his lower lip looked delightfully soft amidst the sharp angles of his face. It seemed that he caught her staring at his mouth and his ears flushed slightly. He cleared his throat and made a little coughing sound before he looked away.
Kaei took a breath; she hadn't realized she'd been holding it. "Has anyone told you," she said quietly, making sure they weren't overheard, "that you are quite handsome?"
Alistair laughed nervously. "Not unless they were asking for a favor," he said. "Well, and there was that one time in Denerim, but those women, they weren't, well, like you." He turned back to her, and grinned. "Is this your way of telling me you think I'm handsome?"
"What if it is?" Kaei said, trying not to look as giddy as she felt.
"Nothing much. I just get to grin and look foolish for a while," he said, the aforementioned foolish grin on his face. "Is this the part where I get to say the same?"
Kaei felt her smile crumple. "Not unless you think so," she said.
"Oh I do," Alistair replied, still grinning and bumping into her again with his shoulder. "I'll just wait to spring it on you when you aren't expecting it."
Kaei snickered. "I'll keep an ear out for it then," she said.
"Both charming little pointy ones, I hope," he replied.
"Since we're on the subject of your good looks," Kaei began. Then she stopped, and felt like she'd gone mad. Was she really going to ask this?
"Do go on," Alistair said. "I'm all for a long conversation about my good looks."
"Well, if you grew up in the chantry, have you never . . . ?" Kaei blushed.
"Have I never what?" Alistair smirked.
"You know what I mean," Kaei said, embarrassment in her voice. She had really asked. She must be losing her mind.
"I'm not sure that I do," Alistair quipped. "Have I never . . . had a good pair of shoes, seen a Basilisk, eaten jellied ham? Have I never licked a lamppost in winter?"
"Now you're making fun on me," Kaei said, her cheeks blazing.
"Me? Make fun of you dear lady? Perish the thought," he said. He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Have you . . . ever licked a lamppost in the winter?"
"A lamppost? We don't have . . . oh, um . . . yes, actually. I have licked a lamppost in winter," she said, catching his meaning.
"Just the once? And you didn't lose half your tongue in the process? Impressive," he said.
"Yes," Kaei, meeting his eyes again. "And it's true actually, just the once."
"Ah," he said. "I, myself, have never had the pleasure. Not that I haven't thought about it, of course."
"You never had the opportunity?" Kaei asked.
"Well, living in the chantry isn't exactly the life for rambunctious boys. They taught me to be a gentleman, especially in the presence of beautiful women, such as yourself. That isn't so bad is it?" he explained.
"There it is," Kaei said. "I almost missed it." Alistair grinned at her. "And no, it isn't a bad thing."
Alistair cleared his throat. "All right then, we should try to get some sleep, before your risque talk makes my ears blush. More than they already are, anyway."
Kaei laughed as she stood up to retrieve her bed roll. She grabbed it and turned around. Alistair had laid down and he patted the ground next to him as he smiled up at her. Kaei resisted the urge to run and hide in the woods and instead unrolled her blankets next to his. At a respectable distance, but close enough. She settled down on the blankets, wrapping them around herself. She rolled on to her side to face Alistair. He was still smiling at her, his face propped in his hand.
"Good night, my dear lady," he said, laying his head down.
"Good night Alistair," Kaei replied. "And if darkspawn decide to attack, don't wake me, okay?"
He snickered. "Your desire is my command."
Kaei fell asleep as soon as her eyes closed. Her dreams had not been pleasant since the mirror and the taint touched her. Alistair told her it was something she'd need to find a way to deal with, after the first night she'd woken screaming in the camp. Tonight, comforted by Alistair's nearness, she hoped the dreams would be less threatening. Despite the affectionate, enjoyable feeling she had when she fell asleep, she wasn't that lucky. If anything, it was worse this night than ever before. The dragon. And the horde, spilling out of the earth, as if the ground itself was vomiting a stream of horror. She woke in a panic. She sat bolt upright and wasn't sure if she'd screamed aloud or if it had just been in her head. She looked around at a chorus of concerned faces. Even Laethie looked nervous.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to wake everyone. I'm alright." Leliana looked at her from across the nearly extinguished embers of the fire, concern hooding her sleepy eyes.
"Are you sure?" she asked.
Kaei nodded. Leliana returned the gesture, but instead of laying back down, she glanced at the slowly brightening sky and stood up. She busied herself with folding her blankets, leaving Kaei to her thoughts.
"Bad dreams?" Alistair asked quietly. His voice was close. Kaei turned her head. Somehow during the night they'd shifted closer together. The edge of their bedrolls were nearly touching. Almost, but not quite.
"It seemed so real," Kaei said. She shook her head as if that would chase away the images that still lingered.
"It is real, in a sense," Alistair said. "Its part of being a Gray Warden, like I said. We can sense the darkspawn. And when we sleep, it's even worse. We tap into their, I don't know what to call it. Their group mind I guess. The archdemon, it talks, to the horde and we can hear it in our dreams."
"It's the dragon, isn't it?" she asked.
"I don't know if it's really a dragon. But it sure looks like one," he said. "But yes, that's the archdemon. Eventually, you can learn to block the dreams out. Although they say its worse for those who join during a Blight."
"Wonderful," Kaei sighed. "This just adds to my enjoyment."
"You're strong," he said, reaching out and putting his hand on her shoulder. "And I know you'll manage."
"I always do," she said. "And I'll try to live up to your faith in me." She forced a smile, trying to forget the horrors waiting behind her eyelids. "Thank you Alistair, for that."
"That's what I'm here for," he said, standing. "To deliver bad news and witty one liners. But we're all up now, so lets pull up camp and get moving. It's still a long way to Redcliffe." He reached out his hand, and she took it, letting him pull her to her feet. It seemed he was always doing that. Helping her stand, even when all she wanted to do was run away and hide. He might prefer to follow, but Kaei wasn't sure she'd get very far without Alistair right behind her.
