Kaei had hoped that the biggest problem in Redcliffe would be her lack of social graces, inexperience with noble etiquette and mildly inappropriate armor. But as was proving to be the case, luck was not on her side. Redcliffe village was overrun by . . .things. They were much like the undead creatures she'd battled in the ruins with Tamlen from what she could gather. Except these monsters were seemingly possessed with a purpose, as if an intelligent force was guiding them.

She'd spent the daylight hours running like mad through the village, trying to bolster morale, acquire armor, and find lost little brothers. But now there was nothing to do but wait. Bann Teagan told her that the creatures never attacked under after nightfall. So waiting was all she could do as the sun slowly dipped below the horizon. The setting sun stained the sky in shades of gold and pink. It would have been a beautiful sight; that blazing orb disappearing into the deep blue waters of Lake Calanhad, but all Kaei saw was the rhythm of a whet stone against her daggers.

Morrigan looked more annoyed than anything, irritated to be wasting her time. Leliana on the other hand was intensely motivated and prayed with the Arl's knights. Which did seem to greatly bolster their morale, although Kaei wasn't sure it was the chant or Leliana's curves that were doing the trick. But, like Alistair had said to the Revered Mother, morale was a potent thing. Kaei didn't care where it came from.

Kaei sat on a crate, perched at the edge of a wooden boardwalk near the mill. Across the water, Redcliffe castle stood in silence. It was far enough away that a blue haze melted the edges of the stone as the light dimmed. It was a grand thing; they all were, these human buildings. But the more stones Kaei saw, the more she was overwhelmed with homesickness. She missed the aravels. They were certainly not grand, not to anyone's eyes. But those land ships, pulled by the graceful halla with the sounds of their playful hooves in harmony with bright elven voices . . . . She may never have felt as if she really fit in her tribe, but it was the only life she'd ever known. And now, it was a life she would never know again.

"It's like coming home again," Alistair said, walking towards her. "With more undead, of course." Sarcasm aside, his voice was wistful as he looked out towards the castle.

"What's it like?" Kaei asked. "Having a place to call home?"

"I have no idea, honestly," Alistair said, not looking away from the castle. "Redcliffe castle had ceased being a home to me long before I was sent away. And it's not as if the chantry was ever a home either."

"Hm," Kaei said.

"Do you have any place you consider home?" Alistair asked.

"Well," Kaei pondered. "I guess my home is with the Gray Wardens now. With you."

Alistair turned to look at her. "I didn't know you felt that way." Kaei shrugged. "You know, once this is all over, we'll have to think about having a real home again."

"I'm not sure I really know what that means," Kaei said. "I'm used to home being wherever I lay myself down. It is never a place that makes a home. It's the people you are with, I guess. Or at least, that's what it's like to be Dalish."

"I think that might be sort of sad," Alistair commented. "But then again, it might be very wise."

"I can't answer that for you," Kaei replied.

Alistair shot her a smile. "Why not, oh wise and beautiful one?"

"Well, twice in two days," Kaei grinned. "I'm going to end up as conceited as Morrigan."

"Somehow I doubt that," Alistair said, sitting down next to her. "I get the feeling you've heard that far too rarely."

Kaei shrugged again. "That could be true. How often should it be heard?"

"As often as possible," Alistair replied. "Especially right before attempting to win hopeless battles."

"Don't say that too loud, you'll rattle the troops," she said.

"No worries on that account. The knights are enraptured," Alistair chuckled.

"I'm almost surprised you aren't," Kaei muttered.

"By Leliana?" Alistair asked, raising one eyebrow quizzically. "Not likely. I've known far too many women like her at the chantry already. I feel guilty enough without encouragement."

"She is beautiful, though," Kaei said. "More than I."

"Maybe," Alistair said. "If I was an artist or the like. But there's more to a beautiful woman than her looks."

"I'm not sure how to take that," Kaei said, looking over at him.

Alistair sighed. "I mean . . . oh never mind."

Kaei gave a half hearted laugh. They lapsed into silence, but Alistair was fidgety. He couldn't seem to sit still. Kaei looked over at him and again he was staring out across the water. His ears were red. He took a deep breath. She watched as a muscle in his jaw twitched. Kaei sighed. She felt like a fool. She stood and began to walk away.

"Wait," Alistair said softly. Kaei turned. He'd stood and was cradling something in his hand. "Here," he said, taking her hand and placing something into her palm, "Look at this."

Kaei looked down at her upturned palm. Alistair had set a small red rose in the palm of her hand. The edges of the petals looked a bit worse of wear, but it was still whole and alive. She'd seen Alistair with this same rose from time to time, contemplating the petals as if they might hold some wisdom he'd yet to discover.

"Do you know what this is?" he continued.

"Is that a trick question?" Kaei asked.

"Yes, I'm trying to trick you," Alistair said snidely. "Is it working?"

"Yes, you're wily," she replied.

"Nefarious even," he said. He cleared his throat. "Or, it could just be a rose."

"You've been thumbing that flower for a while," Kaei commented.

"I picked it in Lothering," he explained. "I wondered how anything so beautiful could exist amidst all that hopelessness and despair. I probably should have left it alone, but I couldn't. The darkspawn would come and their taint would just destroy it."

"So what do you intend to do with it?" Kaei asked.

"I thought I might give it to you, actually," he said, suddenly shy. "I think the same thing when I look at you."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, here I've been, doing all this complaining, and you haven't exactly had a good time of it yourself. You've had none of the good experience of being a Gray Warden. It's been all death and fighting. I just wanted to say something. To tell you what a rare and wonderful thing you are to find amidst all this darkness."

Kaei swallowed a lump in her throat. She looked at the rose for a minute and then looked up to meet his eyes. "I think," she stuttered. "I think I feel the same way about you."

"Good to know," he grinned. "Very good."


The waiting was nothing in comparison to the anxiety that followed. The castle erupted in wave upon wave of hideous creatures. They reeked of decay. As they rushed forward, shrieking with wrath, shreds of rotten cloth and flesh fell from them. It felt like there was no end to them. Luckily, despite their seeming anger, the creatures were confused and unorganized. Kaei, her companions and the knights were easily able to keep them at bay as they came down the hill from the castle.

Kaei started to feel hopeful that they would win smoothly until a scout came screaming up to the mill. They were attacking from across the water – attacking the chantry directly. And the militia was swiftly losing ground. Kaei ran after the scout with Alistair, Morrigan and Leliana on her heels. She rounded the bridge and came to the crest of the last hill looking down on to the chantry courtyard. The monsters were pressing in from all sides. The militia was doing as well as could be expected, but their efforts didn't seem to be holding. Several of the undead had flanked them and they were scratching and clawing at the doors of the chantry.

With a scream of fury, Kaei dropped her bow to the ground and unsheathed her daggers, rushing into the mass of the battle below. Her blade sung through the air, sinking into the overly soft flesh of the first creature she encountered. It's blank eyes widened with shock just before she separated its head from its neck. She wheeled around, finding another creature. Then another. Blood sprayed through the air; the dark congealed blood of the dead covered her like grisly paint.

It wasn't until there was a heap of fetid corpses littering the ground around her that she even realized the others had followed her. One of the monsters nearly had its blade into her when she heard the crackle of magic and it stopped, frozen in it's tracks. She saw a longsword whip around from behind the thing, and it shattered into a million pieces.

Kaei took a breath and swung around frantically, looking for her next opponent. But there were no more. Only a few of the things still moved at all, but the militia quickly dispatched any that so much as twitched. In the east, Kaei could see the first brightening of dawn lighting the sky. They'd survived the night.

She surveyed the carnage around her. Only two of the militia had fallen. It was a grand victory, by any standard. Finally able to stop, Kaei tried to catch her breath.

"Are you harmed?" Morrigan asked, sauntering over to her completely unfazed.

"I don't think so," Kaei said. But Morrigan reached out and touched Kaei's cheek. Her hand came away stained with blood. Bright red living blood.

"Is that mine?" Kaei asked.

"It seems to be," Morrigan said, handing her a tincture from her pack. "And before you make a face, I already know it tastes foul. Just drink it and shut up. And you're welcome." Morrigan grinned wickedly and spun away. She wasn't as fond of healing as much as she enjoyed inflicting wounds. But she did more hate to be asked to do things. So she began checking the militia for wounds so no one had to bother her with requesting it.

Kaei downed the tincture with a grimace, but she felt the pleasant tingle of its healing power in her face. She ran her hand along her cheek. It was smooth and whole as it had ever been. She turned to see Alistair helping the mayor of the village to his feet, heartily patting the man on the back. Murdock was his name, if she was recalling correctly. Murdock looked amazed to be alive.

"So you did it," Alistair said, walking over to her.

"We did it," Kaei said. Forgetting herself in her exhaustion, she continued. "I'm finally making up for . . . um. Well, what I mean is, it's really good to do something that helps people."

"What?" Alistair looked confused, and shook his head. "Well, it is good to help. Feels damn good." He smiled. "You do know, this is just the beginning of this mess, right?"

"Isn't it always?" Kaei replied. Alistair chuckled. He looked as if he was going to say something more. He had a questioning look on his face. Kaei frowned. He curled his lip, but wisely said nothing.

Leliana appeared at his side. A huge smile was plastered across her face. Despite the blood soaked into her hair and smeared on her face, she still looked angelic. Like some avenging angel. Grinning wider, she wrapped her arm around Alistair's waist and hugged him. Then, letting him go, she flung herself at Kaei, wrapping her arms around her neck. She pulled away and kissed Kaei's cheek.

"You were amazing!" she said, gleefully.

"Thanks," Kaei said. She knew better already than to try to be humble around Leliana. She'd have none of it. Leliana stepped back beside Alistair and rested her head against his shoulder.

"Excuse me," Kaei muttered and turned away, scurrying over to Morrigan as if she intended to help, but more than anything trying to get away. She found Morrigan crouched down over a moaning man, assessing a wound on his leg.

"Need any help?" Kaei asked.

"Actually, yes," Morrigan said, pressing a strip of linen into Kaei's hand. "Dress his wound will you? He'll be fine." Her voice was sharp. She stood and moved on to the next, leaving Kaei to tie the band around the man's leg. Once Kaei finished, the man thanked her and promptly fainted. Still on her knees, she looked back over her shoulder where she'd left Alistair and Leliana. She almost expected to see Leliana still wrapped around him, but she'd moved on. She was sitting on the chantry steps, talking animatedly with Murdock. He still looked shocked and seemed oblivious to her charming company.

Alistair was leaning against one of the pillars on the side of the stairs. His ankles were crossed, as were his arms across his chest. But he was watching her. When he saw her look up, he smiled. Kaei looked back at the man she was tending, fumbling with the bandage, although there was nothing more to be done.

She felt very, very foolish. Between nearly blurting out the most horrific thing she'd ever done, and then having a second fit of jealousy. . . some Gray Warden she was. She was finding herself infinitely more concerned with her own guilt and Alistair's approval than she was with what she was supposed to be doing. One way or another, it had to stop. Sooner than later, she was going to have to tell him. And then she could stop being a ridiculous infatuated child. Because once she told Alistair she was a murderer, she'd be lucky if he'd even be willing to take her with him as he continued on his way to save Ferelden and the rest of the world.

It would put an end to her foolishness anyway. How could she have thought . . . he was human. And humans thought elves were less than people. Alistair might be decent, but he was still a human, after all. It was wrong for her to think he could ever think of her anything more than an interesting oddity. She'd been told it her whole life. Humans find us beautiful to look at, but never see us as equals. The Keeper would not have said it if it wasn't from a lifetime of experience. Even if Kaei's foolish heart told her otherwise.

Beside, it was her foolish heart and her desire to gain Tamlen's approval that got him killed. No matter what Alistair thought of her, she wasn't about to let that happen to him. No matter what she had to do, she'd find a way to make sure he survived to find the home he always wanted. Even if that meant she'd never have one.

It seemed a suitable punishment.