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Chapter 5: Forgive me?


Deep golden eyes bore into mine as messy auburn hair ruffled down towards me. I couldn't breathe. I just simply stared back. My body relaxed almost immediately and I was sure I could feel my dead heart beating wildly. We just stared, neither talking, neither breathing.

"Bella" Xafner shouted from the distance. I tried to respond but nothing came out. I bit my lower lip as I started to feel the hole in my chest widen.

His face was serious but around his eyes I could see the pain, he took a deep breath and with that his face softened but there was still something, some emotion I couldn't seem to name.

"You still smell the same" he whispered s softly. I couldn't speak. He was really here. He released my right hand and moved it to stroke my face "My Bella" his voice was shaky, I could almost feel the pain emanating from it.

"Get off of her" Xafner's voice was close now and I could hear the earth rumbling as she ran, getting closer by each second. It seemed almost immediate that she smashed into him, taking him with her as she tumbled into a tree. A growl rippled from her as I watched her take the crouching position ready to attack him.

But Edward didn't move, he didn't even look at her. Instead his eyes were on me and as I stood, he did. She growled again.

"Xafner its ok" a whisper was all I could manage. I couldn't take my eyes from him now. I had been right. My human eyes hadn't done him justice at all. He didn't look like an angel, no angel could possibly be that beautiful.

"Bella what's going on?" she asked irritated, looking back and forth like a cartoon character.

"E-Ed-Edw-Edward" from the corner of my eye I could see her eyes grow wide as she turned and stared at him as well.

"Hello" He spoke, finally turning to look at her. His eyes found mine again almost instantly as he started walking towards me. It was then that I noticed it, that unknown emotion. He looked wild, like a human who hadn't slept in months, almost crazed. "Bella" he whispered again, so quiet that human ears wouldn't of heard him. It took under a second for him to be in front of me, just centimeters away. "You still look the same as well" he smiled softly stroking my face again. I couldn't fight him off, I didn't want too. I just stared again. "Carlisle told me what happened. Why didn't you wait for me?"

"I didn't… I don't… you don't have to be with me or nice to me… you didn't have to come after me" I finally managed to say.

"I didn't have to come after" he huffed "Bella, I've combed this earth for you for twenty years." he laughed but it wasn't one of joy, instead the pain and anger flowed through it, weaving its own musical tune. "I never dreamed, I didn't expect you to be… if I had known I would have found you sooner. I was just looking in the wrong places…" he trailed off lost in thought. His face turned angry now, his whole expression twisted. "When I find Victoria…" he snarled out.

"Edward" it was unbelievable to me how natural it felt saying his name again after all these years.

"How are you Bella? I know that's a stupid question but…"

"I'm fine" I tried to get out steadily but instead my voice broke and his expression shifted quickly as he pulled me into his arms tightly.

He was hugging me. His steel arms wrapped tightly around me as he held me tighter than he ever had, than he ever could. I breathed in his scent and I felt the hole begin its torture as he pulled back slowly.

"Can you forgive me?" he whispered into my ear. This was it. This was the time I could clear his conscious, let him move on finally. I nodded knowing I would never be able to speak convincingly. I had never blamed him for any of this, I had never hated him or wished him unwell. It wasn't his fault I was born with a bull's-eye painted on my head and yet, to forgive him meant I would lose him forever. To my surprise he pulled me closer to him, tighter than before. I could feel his nose rubbing my head and then felt something else. Was it possible that he just kissed my forehead?

"There's humans coming, we need to leave now" Xafner's voice came from behind. He left go of me but instead of leaving, he took my hand and smiled at me.

"Shall we?" he looked down at me from under his lashes and just like before, I was dazzled.

Xafner, Edward and I ran quickly into the forest, getting deeper and deeper until we came across the small cottage Xafner called home.

"Well this is my stop" She was strange, even for one of our kind. She wasn't settled and yet she wasn't a nomad. She liked to travel but in every town she seemed to own some kind of property. She looked at Edward, I noticed her taking in his outfit. To my surprise I hadn't looked, I hadn't even thought about it. It was then it all hit me. It wasn't just his face that looked crazed, it was everything, his hair was a mess, his clothing tattered and old. I couldn't be positive but I was nearly certain it was the same outfit he was wearing the day he left. "It was nice to finally meet you Edward" she winked at him before turning towards her home.

"You too, goodbye Xafner" he smiled at her.

This was my stop as well. I started walking after her but Edward never left go of my hand so instead I ended up being whipped around to face him as he pulled me back.

"Where are you going?" his confusion took me by surprise. Why did he care? He had his forgiveness.

"Erm, into the house" I responded. I was certain my own eyes showed my utter confusion.

"But why?"

"This is where I'm staying at the moment"

"Do you have belongings here?" I could see him trying to calculate my response.

"No but…"

"But why then" he butted in. "If we leave now, we can make it across state by nightfall."

I was officially lost. "Huh?" I kept running over his words in my head as he watched me trying to read my expressions.

"I'm going to leave you both to figure this out. Don't wait so long to visit me again Bells" and with that her door shut.

"Edward, what? I mean… huh?"

"Do you not… want to… come… with me?" I could see the realization hit him as he realized I never planned on returning with him.

"Its okay now… I can let you go. I'm okay and you don't have to feel guilty about anything. I don't mind this." I said gesturing to myself. He stared at me for a few moments, his expression changing almost every second as if he was calculating something and didn't like the answer, so he kept recalculating it, hoping for it to change. I wasn't sure how much longer I would be able to hold this clear expression and I knew that as soon as he was gone I was going to crumble into pieces. I didn't want to think about how painful losing him for a second time was going to be.

"You think… I came after you… because of guilt?" he finally let tumble out.

"Yes and its okay. I mean it." His expression turned angry.

"Isabella. You really have no idea do you?"

"Idea about what?"

"How I feel about you." I shook my head. That was it, I couldn't hold my composure anymore and so I clenched my teeth and let the word vomit roll out.

"Why are you doing this to me Edward? He stared at me, shocked.

"Because I still Love you. I always will." He took my face in both his hands.

"But you said that you didn't love me anymore, that you didn't want me. You don't love me, you feel guilty and that's stupid, I'm fine but Edward I cant take this again. I wont survive it. So just… go." The pain ripped through me and I was certain he could read t on my face.

He was frozen, he lent back slightly and just stared at me.

"Bella, you are utterly absurd. I left because I didn't want this for you. I wanted you to keep your soul. To have a normal life. I didn't want to leave but I thought it was the only way. When I asked for your forgiveness it wasn't for taking so long to find you or out of guilt, which by the way I do, I feel terribly guilty and so I should. I brought this on you and didn't protect you from it. But Bella, that's not why I asked you. I lied to you that day and that's what I wanted forgiveness for. I love you Bella. I will always love you, no matter what."

"I… er…. I…" I couldn't seem to get words out, my brain wasn't working. His deep eyes bore down into mine searching for some answer and with that his grip on my face tightened and he pulled me to him.

His lips found mine with force, he had never kissed me this way. This desperately. "Come home" he said softly before kissing me again. His kisses were deep and passionate and with each kiss he seemed to let him self truly be himself. They were powerful and full of emotion. "Please" he begged between kisses. "Come home with me."

I couldn't resist. I pulled back from him and searched his face for something that said he didn't want me, for any clue this was just guilt but I could only see truth.

I smiled at him and he took that as a yes. Taking my hand he pulled me into the forest away from the small cottage and towards Forks.

"Bet you still cant run faster than me" he laughed. This all felt too natural. I dug my feet in deeply and sprung out of his hand and further into the darkness with him close on my trail.

We ran like this for a few moments before he finally jumped and pushed me to the floor under him. It was as if he was in hysterics. He couldn't stop laughing and seeing him that happy made me laugh. His laughing abruptly stopped as he kissed me softly.

"I couldn't watch you run away from me." He rested his forehead to mine. "It felt like I was losing you again." He shuddered.

"Don't ever leave me again" I let out without thinking about it and in return he kissed me and whispered to me.

"Never… Ever… Again"


I know what your thinking ... dont worry Edwards not going to get off that lightly... it has been 20 years after all!!!!

And dont worry... its far from over!