SM owns everything…

WARNING: strong language used.

Sorry its taken a while to update. Thank you for the reviews they were amazing and you all make me really happy. Hope you enjoy this one!!!

Hint: Edwards in trouuuuuuuuuuuuuuble!!!


CHAPTER 9 : OVER


Time. What a stupid thing to look forward to when you push away the one thing you want. I needed time to think, yes. But as each second ticked past the hole continued to grow. Stupid time. I half wished time would have stood still, while I was with them. Stood still long enough for me to think and still have him in my sights.

This plan was stupid. Everything was stupid right now. He was stupid. I was stupid. Everything stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Just stupid. I let a deep growl release it self from my chest. "Stupid growl" I shouted as I continued my long run through the trees and endless rain. Even that was stupid.

I stopped, letting myself fall to the floor just as I had the night Edward left. I lid still and watched the rain pelt down on top of me. Truth was, nothing was stupid. Just me. I wanted to trust him, to know what he was really thinking, to know if he really wanted me. And the worst thing was, I could have. I could easily spy on him and see. Leaving them had been the worst choice, I could have kept quiet and occupied, at least pretended to be while they had their 'private' conversations. I could have seen his responses. I had the chance for my answers but I threw them away. STUPID!

Yet, here I was glad that I had. I wanted to fully trust him like I once had, I wanted to trust his words without having to spy on him. I wanted to feel the love that we once shared but I found it difficult. How could I trust someone that I had spent the last twenty years broken because of. Was love really enough to mend everything? Would time really help? Time… Stupid.

I was back to my everything-is-stupid rant and so I decided to get a move on and catch up. The rain had completely drenched me, making my clothing stick to my body and I hated that feeling more than anything. It reminded me of the day I was changed. The feeling of the water filling my lungs as I floated unknowingly around the ocean till she grabbed me. I shook off the thought and ran as fast as I could to my destination. I needed to see Edward, this hole was only getting worse and at least now I was sure of one thing, it had at least been worth it to figure this out… I still couldn't live without him.

Time flew as I allowed every detail of the last few days assault my mind. I loved him. That I was certain of, I couldn't live without him but could I ever trust him again? I wasn't sure. Some say love is trust and trust is love… if they felt as I did in this moment, they would shut up and realize they have no idea what the heck they are talking about. Stupid people. Arrgghhhh. I needed to stop that rant. It was starting to drive me insane.

***

It seemed like an eternity before I was walking down the long busy street in San Francisco, the sky overcast and the odd shower of rain falling. I walked into the nearest clothes store to use a small portion of the money I had earned while living with Xafner. She really was my saving grace. She helped me in more ways than she will ever know and for that, I would always owe her. The cashier looked at me like I was a complete freak. If only she knew how close to the mark she was. I let out a small laugh which only caused her attention to grow more accusing. I had finally understood why Edward hated human thoughts. The majority of them were completely… well Jessica's, for lack of a better example. He had to listen, that thought had often made my sour, revengeful side a lot more happy than it should have. I often even took comfort in it, knowing he was suffering through human thoughts.

"May I help you?" I smiled at her obvious attempt of following me. Did she really think I would steal something… from here? Even I had better taste than this place normally but I needed to be quick. I wasn't sure where the others were and if they were waiting for me.

"Nope. I have eyes." I replied sarcastically. That didn't go down well. She huffed and stood watching me. Why did these silly girls have to push their luck with me. I tried to ignore her and breath steadily although I was contemplating throwing her through the shop front if she didn't back off soon.

Looking down at the rail, I couldn't help but laugh. There in front of me was a black loose fitting t-shirt with a cartoon print on it of a dark haired female vampire showing her fangs. Underneath read: Bite me! I couldn't help but laugh. Perfect. I knew it was silly but I was hoping she would get the hint, the cartoon girl really did look like me. I walked over to the jeans and grabbed the first pair of black skinny's. Since being changed it was more than easy to pick out jeans, well any type of clothing for that matter. No matter what it was my body still managed to look good in it. The sales girl eyed me as she watched me barely looking as I chose. I didn't bother trying them on, there really was no need and I was in a rush so instead I walked straight to the till. She stood in the same spot watching me again. What was her problem.

"You can help me now." I stated with a smirk. She walked over, looking me over with disgust. Was my cloths torn or something, what was she looking at?

Jealousy. I don't think even in a hundred years I will understand these girls and their jealousy. I knew that I was capable of certain thoughts, I had many around Rosalie but never like some of them. Silly little girls with their issues. I huffed as she slowly scanned the clothes and took my card. I swear she was trying to drive me insane.

"Thanks" I muttered as I turned and headed for the door.

I headed into the fast food restaurant two doors down to use the bath room, yanking off the wet clothes I discarded them into the bag after taking out my new ones. I took a long look in the mirror above the sinks and realized that the t-shirt was comfortable but not exactly attractive. Hmmm. I still wanted Edward to want me. I picked the corner and spun it my hands as I tied a not, making the t-shirt fitted and showing a small bit of my stomach. That would have to do. The print on the t-shirt still made me laugh.

I headed for our meeting place, I knew it was near Emmett's as I could see the Golden gate bridge behind us. I was still right down the other end of the street when I clocked the two of them sitting on a bench looking towards the bridge, talking. The road wasn't very busy but I could still only hear mumbles. I wanted to hear everything. I stood a little closer to the bushes but far enough away that anyone else would think I was waiting, not stalking. I pushed my shield out, aware that anyone in between them and me, were going to seriously irritate me. I had never done it from this far before and I wasn't sure it was possible. I took a deep breath, noticing the wind was coming towards me, that was a good thing. Last thing I needed was for the wind to blow and them know I was here. Here we go, I thought as I pushed at the limit making it further out. It took me a few moments but I finally managed to get it to them.

"…day Edward, she'll understand" 'I promise. She does love you.'

"What if its too late Alice? Love might not be enough. I cant lose her again." His voice was so sad that I was sure my face must have been twisted as well. I needed to concentrate if I pushed the wrong edge of my shield he would hear me and that was defiantly not what I wanted right now.

"It's not. Don't be so hard on her, she needs time. That's understandable."

"Yeah maybe, I guess. I mean … oh what the hell am I going to do?!?!" it was more of a statement than question and I knew Alice was aware of that.

"Do you love her Edward?"

"Yes" he didn't even have to think about that.

"Do you want her?"

"Yes" again without a stutter.

"Then what's really a matter?" I watched as she tilted her head to him.

"She's so different. Its not like my Bella anymore. I know we don't change, at least not often after the transformation but she… I don't think my Bella is still in there. She must have been so broken before hand that the change just kept her the way she was." he sighed as he allowed his thoughts aloud.

Me? He thought I had changed? Had I? I let that thought drag in my mind until I realized I had changed. I was sour, a lot like Rosalie. Especially with him. I let my pain and depression take over who I was and he noticed it … maybe he wouldn't want me. Not this new me. What if I let him in only to have him leave again on the count that I'm too different. FUCK! I yelled in my head. I started walking towards them now, what was the point in spying, this whole situation was fucked. Everything was fucked! FUCK! I hadn't realized until right now that I had only been causing drama before, right now my worst fears were reconfirmed. There was a side of him that didn't want the new me, was that side stronger… FUCK! Everything in my mind was telling me to turn away now, before I got too involved and just not turn up, like he had assumed I wasn't going to anyway.

"It's getting late" Alice spoke after a long moment of silence.

"She's… not… coming" his voice was broken again, as he dropped his face into his hands and Alice slowly rubbed circles into his back.

'She's really not coming. Maybe he's right. Maybe this new her doesn't want or need him. Maybe she doesn't need any of us. Maybe she doesn't care anymore about us, we had left her, it would be only right…'she reasoned with herself. I had to go to them now. I felt horrible for even considering running. Damn! I pulled my shield back from them, not wanting to hear more. This was a nightmare again.

"Hey" I called after trying my hardest to steady my breath. They couldn't know that I knew what was really going on. I had to hide it as best I could. His face turned to me and faster than he should have, he was in front of me, holding me.

"I thought you weren't…" he trailed off realizing he was speaking aloud.

"I promised, didn't I?" I tried to laugh, to reassure him but truth was I was trying to reassure myself. He pulled back and I watched as he searched my face for something and then his eyes dropped as a small sigh was released through his sad smile.

"Yeah, I guess you did." He let go of me then and headed back to Alice. I pushed my shield out quickly covering them both. I wanted to know.

'Give her time Edward.'

'Time wont change who she is now.' He thought with an edge, while giving Alice a small nod to say yes.

"What the hell do you want from me Edward?" I hissed before I realized the words were leaving my mouth. I was so mad I couldn't help the hostile tone I used. He froze with his back to me, realizing I had heard his thoughts in that moment. I watched as Alice's face dropped knowing they had been caught. He turned to me slowly. I hadn't noticed until now but my body was slightly bent as if I was getting ready to attack.

"You… heard my… thoughts?" He was clearly confused. I had explained that I could… didn't I? I quickly flashed back to our conversations and realized I hadn't. I had explained that through him I could read others minds but I never explained how. The how was the best bit. Edwards mind was open to me, when ever I wanted it to be… but I hadn't told him that. I briefly wondered if I had subconsciously done that on purpose. Hmm.

"Maybe" I shot back. "You didn't answer my question!" I glared at him as his eyes grew wide and I could hear him running through everything he had thought about in my presences. There was a lot of it I didn't hear the first time and I really didn't want to hear. "Ergh. Stop" I yelled after I finally couldn't take it no more. I knew I could just pull back but the things he was thinking were hurting too much to pull back from, like I had been chained to his thoughts. His thoughts stopped immediately and I pulled back as soon as I could. I sighed, happy to have my own thoughts back without the hurtful ones he was thinking.

There was still silence as he stared at me, not knowing what to say.

"Lets just get this over with" I said as I headed in the direction I knew Emmett was staying in. As I walked past he grabbed my arm to stop me. I stopped but couldn't look into his face. He didn't want the new me. He didn't love the new me. I had let myself in too deep again and yet again, I was going to suffer for it.

"Bella" he breathed, all the hurt and pain in the world seemed to be present in that single breath.

"What?" I asked darkly still looking ahead, just past Alice.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. I thought I had." I answered honestly.

"How much have you heard?" he asked, clearly trying to figure out how bad the situation was.

"Enough" I answered sharply. I yanked my hand free of his grip as he stayed frozen beside me. "Which house is it?" I directed at Alice.

"That one" she pointed to a house that we were practically standing in front of.

"Well, lets get this over with." I said as I started to walk towards the house.

"Then what?" Alice said as her eyes flickered between me and the frozen statue behind me. I knew what she was really asking.

"Well, then you three and Carlisle have seen me, you can see I'm fine so nothing to feel bad about…"

Edward cut me off now as he walked towards me. "Us three and Carlisle…What does that mean Bella?" he was standing so close to me that I could feel his body against mine, feel it moving with every breath he took. I looked up to him. I made a deal with myself in that moment. He wasn't going to be the one to leave me this time. No. Not again. This time I would leave him. This was going to kill me but him leaving would be worse. I took a page from his book and pulled out my perfect poker face.

"I guess it means…" I took a breath and let it come out as a sigh. "That its too late." I watched his own poker face drop as the hurt flowed into it.

"Bella" he breathed again but it sounded like a plea.


Cliff hangers are mean!!! HAHA! It's a good thing I wanted to be nice and give you the two chapters together!!! Reviews make my day sparkle!!!

Also i have no Beta... if your interested let me know... thanks my lovely readers!