No point in excessive running to hurry back to Redcliffe. They'd managed the original trip in a day and a half, with the rain delay, but First Enchanter Irving told Kaei in no uncertain terms that it would take at least three days for the mages to get the castle.

It was several hours before dark, but they found a nice clearing with a large pond, well protected from the wind, but easy to defend. Kaei was in need, desperate need, of a bath and some real food and sleep, so they set up camp there. Sten wasn't pleased that they stopped, but he did compliment Kaei on the spot she chose. After a short explanation of her childhood life, he seemed oddly pleased with her. She was never quite sure what to make of him, but accepted his strange backhanded compliment in the way she supposed he meant it.

Kaei set up her tent, but despite the urge to climb inside and hide, she left it be and stalked off into the trees to find dinner. This place wasn't at all touched by the taint, not yet anyway, and the woods were teaming with game. It wasn't long before she'd bagged several plump hares for the pot. She hoped Morrigan wasn't kidding about being able to cook.

It was still daylight however, and Kaei had no urge to return to the camp. With the exception of Leliana's incessant rambling, everyone was awkwardly quiet. Not surprising, since Sten was just quiet as a general rule, Morrigan seemed to disdain the company of everyone except Kaei and Laethie couldn't talk. And Alistair? Well, yes. That silence wasn't surprising either.

It had only been a few days since she'd told him. But already she missed the friendly banter; his clumsy flirting. If anyone had told her how endearing the big human man would be; a man who could have easily been intimidating if he'd wished but instead stumbled on his words and blushed when he spoke to her, she would have never believed them. But there it was. 'Was' being the most important part of that thought.

There wasn't anything to be done about it now.

Kaei found a fallen tree just outside the camp clearing. It had been down for a long time and was covered in feathery soft moss. Tiny yellow and white flowers decorated the greenery, and she could hear the contented nibbling of some tiny creature inside. She had a sudden pang of homesickness. She sat down on the ground, leaning her back against the cushion of the moss. Absently, she ran her hand across the moss and bark, reveling in the familiar texture. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. If she didn't think about it too hard, this could be no different from the times she would slip into the woods as a girl, just out of sight of the aravels.

As much as she knew she needed this temporary respite, there was something unnerving about having too much time to think. When it was all adrenaline and anxiety, when it was 'fight now or die' everything made sense. The path was clear then. She was actually proud of herself, at how well she was able to make split decisions, and had, for the moment, managed to keep herself and her companions alive. But this rest now? She had no idea what to do with herself.

Just faintly, she could hear the sounds of the others in the camp. Crackling firewood, footsteps, Leliana singing something. Laethie barked happily, once. Morrigan must have given in and snuck him something from her pack again. Then Sten, saying something in his quiet measured tone. And then a sharp reply. Sten's voice again, grumbling. Then clearly, Alistair.

"What would you know about it?" he snapped.

Sten's voice, louder now. "You humans are so foolish."

"Humans are foolish, is it?" Alistair's angry reply.

Sten growls. But says nothing further. Kaei sighed and dragged herself reluctantly to her feet. Best get back before Sten decides to add beating angry Gray Wardens to his list of crimes. She slipped back into the camp to see Alistair stomp off and Morrigan looking overly pleased as she crouched next to the fire. Leliana had a strange half smirk on her face. Sten also looked oddly pleased with himself, which was a very odd expression for him, to say the least.

Kaei dropped the hares next to the fire. "Now what?" she asked Morrigan.

"There is a debate about your gender," Morrigan snickered.

"What?" Kaei said skeptically.

"Ask him yourself," she said, still laughing.

"You are a woman," Sten said suddenly.

"Last I checked," Kaei replied.

"But you also fight," he said cryptically. "Why do you wish to be a man?"

"I don't wish to be a man," Kaei said, raising her eyebrows at him. "I'm just a woman who fights."

"Women are priestesses, farmers and shopkeepers. Men are warriors and soldiers," Sten explained, as if that would make his point clear.

"Some are yes, and some are not," Kaei said. "But also, I'm not a warrior or a soldier either. I'm a hunter. And in Dalish tribes, hunters are men and women."

"So, then you were born a hunter," Sten asked.

"No," Kaei grinned. "I chose to be one."

Sten looked confused. "A person is born; elvish, human, Qunari. He cannot control this, nor the size of his hands, the color of his hair, if he is foolish or wise. Some things just are."

"But a person can choose what they do," Kaei replied.

Sten snorted. "We shall see." Despite his terse words, and seeming inability to smile, Sten did seem pleased by her reply. He nodded to her and walked back the edge of the camp. Although she didn't feel anyone needed to be on watch while they were all awake, Sten seemed to think it was his job to make up for her lack of paranoia. Kaei shook her head and chuckled.

"Okay," she said, turning back to Morrigan, "As odd as that was, I get Sten's confusion. I think. But what was Alistair's problem?"

"He tried to tell Sten the same thing you just did, but he does lack eloquence," Morrigan snicked.

"But why was he so angry?"

Morrigan shrugged. "Don't ask me to figure what goes through that lump he calls a brain."

"You really don't like him, do you?" Kaei asked.

"It's not a matter of like," Morrigan said. "Let us just say that I prefer stimulating conversation. It is, however, entertaining to bait him. But 'tis almost too easy."

"Whatever makes you happy, I guess, but keep the insults to a dull roar, will you?" Kaei suggested.

Morrigan laughed.


Morrigan could indeed cook. And Kaei was happy for it. She wasn't, however, pleased that Alistair refused to return to the fire. He sat just outside his tent, pitched conspicuously away from the rest, almost frantically polishing his armor. Kaei imagined if he rubbed much harder, he'd wear right through the steel. Once she'd eaten, Morrigan retreated to her tent to study the grimoire Kaei found in the tower. Leliana sat next to Kaei, humming softly under her breath.

"You have to talk to him," Leliana said.

Kaei looked up at Alistair. He was watching her, but when he saw her look up, he went back to polishing again. "I doubt he wants to talk to me," she sighed.

Leliana made a sound halfway between a chuckle and a sigh. "He does, although he probably doesn't know it yet."

"I don't know about that," Kaei said, standing slowly. "But he should eat something, at least. This Gray Warden thing makes you very hungry."

"Yet Alistair has lost his appetite," Leliana said. "I wonder what that means, yes?" She spooned some of the stew into a bowl and handed it to Kaei.

"Don't get your hopes up," Kaei said.

Leliana only grinned. Taking a deep breath, Kaei walked over to Alistair. She tried keep her expression neutral, but had a feeling she was failing. Her ears felt suspiciously hot and her heart pounded in her chest like it was trying to escape from behind her ribs. She stopped a few paces away and he looked up at her. His brow furrowed.

"What?" he asked tersely.

"Here," Kaei said, crouching down and holding the bowl out to him. "I promise Morrigan didn't poison it. It's actually quite good."

Alistair looked for a moment like he was deciding to take it, but then he dropped his hand and looked back down at his armor. "I'm not hungry."

Kaei sighed. She set the bowl down on the ground, and after a thousand reasons not to ran through her head, she sat herself next to him. Probably too close for his comfort, by the way he flinched, but she didn't want them to be overheard.

"Look," she said quietly. "I know you're not happy with me, and maybe even a bit angry with yourself for . . . well, for how you felt, but don't punish yourself over it."

"How I felt?" he snapped, looking up at her again.

"Hm, perhaps I was wrong about that too," Kaei said, nearly a whisper. "But either way . . . ."

"What do you want from me?" he grumbled. "That I should just be okay?"

"Well, yes," she replied.

"Get used to being disappointed," he snarled.

"Fen'Harel's blood, Alistair," Kaei swore. "If you haven't noticed, there's a Blight to stop. So be angry with me if you want . . . . but we need you. In case you forgot, there are only two Gray Wardens in all of Ferelden. If I die, someone has to finish this."

Alistair glared up a her, the furrow between his brows deepening. "Not sodding likely," he said.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that Ferelden is a lot of trouble if you die, since I shouldn't be leading anyone to lunch," he sighed.

"So is that the problem?" Kaei snapped, goading him. "You don't have the stones to lead, so you've resigned yourself to following a murderer and it hurts your feelings?" Kaei expected him to get angry, but instead, he hung his head.

"No," he muttered. "That's not it, at all."

"I'm sorry," Kaei sighed. "But . . then what? You can't keep on like this."

"What you said to that Templar, Cullen, in the Circle," he said. "Did you mean that?"

"That I regret what I did? That I wouldn't kill Wynne? That he shouldn't go mad and slaughter the rest of the mages?" Kaei said. "Gee, what do you think?"

"I mean, it's just, well . . . ," Alistair stumbled.

"What?"

"You said you understood the hate he was feeling," Alistair said softly.

"I did, I do understand," she said.

"So you hate humans still?" Alistair asked.

"No, of course not," Kaei sighed. "Alistair, I'd never met a human before. All I knew is what I'd been told, and it wasn't pretty. It was hate, but more than that, I was frightened. It's no excuse, but it's the truth."

"Humans killed your father?"

"Yes," Kaei said. "Elves too, though I'd been told that the elves that lived among humans were human in spirit, if not in body. So, yes. Before I was born."

"I guess I'd feel that way too then, if I'd had a real father," Alistair said.

"Well, I didn't have him as a father any more than you had yours," Kaei said. "Maybe less, since you said you did meet your father once."

Alistair sighed. "I guess, what I meant to say, is that, well, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I mean, with all that . . . and I kept trying to . . you know," Alistair said, seemingly unable to finish a thought. "I'm just . . . surprised you didn't . . . ."

"What are you trying to say?"

"I just thought, well, you didn't seem to mind. And all along I was probably just irritating you at best," he said.

"Irritating me?" Kaei asked. "Wait. Are you trying to apologize for flirting with me?"

"Yes," he said. "And failing spectacularly at it, it seems."

"Oh Alistair, " Kaei sighed. "Don't apologize for that." He looked up at her, disbelieving.

"You mean?" he asked.

"I mean that I liked it," she said. "Not that it didn't surprise me, mind you. And not that I didn't feel a bit confused about why, but I liked it. I like you. And believe me, I was not expecting that."

"You do?" he asked, a note of hope creeping into his voice.

"Of course I do," she said. "I honestly wouldn't have told you what I did otherwise. I only did because I thought you needed to know. I couldn't have you think I was something I wasn't. If you were going to . . well, like me for who I am, you had to know who that really is. Even if it meant you were going to hate me instead."

"I don't hate you," he said. "Maybe I should, if I was perfect. But I'm not."

"Good thing, that," she replied. "I'd feel woefully inadequate if you were perfect."

Alistair chuckled, but it sounded a bit like a sob. "It's just that, I mean, I know we haven't known each other for very long, but I have come to . . . care about you, a great deal."

"Even after what I did?"

"Yes, and maybe even a little more, now that you've told me. As strange as that sounds," he said. "Maybe I'm crazy. But I think it's because after all we've already been through together, and how you keep trying to do what's right, even when it isn't easy . . . or maybe I'm fooling myself." He looked away for a moment and then looked back at her under his eyelashes. "Am I? Fooling myself? Or do you think you might ever . . . feel the same way about me?"

"I . . . I think I already do," Kaei whispered.

"So I fooled you then, did I?" Alistair asked, visibly brightening.

"I guess so," Kaei grinned.

"Good to know," he replied. He studied her face, a little half smile on his. His eyes fluttered back and forth between her eyes and her lips. He leaned in a bit, but then started to pull away.

"Alistair," Kaei breathed, leaning in a bit closer. He stopped and leaned in again until they were nearly touching.

"Kaei?" he whispered.

"Don't stop now," she said, reaching over and putting her hand on his knee.

"I just . . I don't want to . . hurt you," he said.

"Then just shut up and kiss me already," Kaei chortled. "Because its feels rather painful that you haven't."

And, good for following orders to the last, he did.