Jacob Have I Loved
Chapter 17
Shit! I think I might be pregnant. It has been almost five weeks since Jake and I first made love in our cave on First Beach, and now I'm four days late. For the past few days, I've been waking up with extreme nausea, almost not making it to the bathroom in time the first day. I've been shying away from Steph and all of my other friends, not wanting them to know about the tiny secret possibly growing within me. I know I should tell someone, but I'm not sure how they would react, especially my parents. They would be so disappointed in me not only for having sex before marriage, but also for being so careless and foolish for doing it without a condom. I can see my dad now as he chases Jake out the house and into the woods, his shotgun firmly cocked and loaded in his grasp, firing at will.
Oh, my God. Jake. He had told me a few weeks ago that night Quil went to the hospital that he didn't want kids right now. To know that I was pregnant would crush him. His dreams of opening his own auto repair shop would completely be dashed to bits. I cry almost inconsolably at the very thought of revealing my secret to him. I know Jake would do the right thing—he would do everything he could to support his child.
Somewhere in the pit of my stomach, I feel that this is all my fault. If I hadn't practically thrown myself at Jake, we wouldn't be in this hell of a situation. He wanted to take things slow in the beginning, and I kept pushing the boundaries. Damn! If only I could turn back time and slap some sense into myself. I only wanted to show him how much I loved him and needed him. Instead, I forced an uncertain future on us that neither of us desired to have in the first place.
Pondering these thoughts on a lonely Saturday night, I lie on my bed and stare up at the ceiling, tears streaming down my face. Jake is supposed to call me when he gets home from Quil's house. Quil has a big date tonight with Lindz tonight. He's going with Lindz to her prom in Forks. How Quil ever got a junior in high school is beyond me, especially someone as beautiful as Lindz. The boys at Forks High School must all be taken. Either that or they have been beaten with the ugly stick.
Earlier in the day, I made an appointment with the free clinic in Port Angeles for a pregnancy test on Monday. I want Jake to go with me, so I will have to tell him in the next two days. The very thought of telling him makes me nauseous even more.
The sound of my cell phone ringing on my nightstand startles me from my worries, and I immediately leap off the bed and take it into my palms. It's Jake. I close my eyes, pressing the button on my cell phone to answer his call.
"Hey, Jake." The nervousness is taking me over, and my hands begin to shake.
"Jess, I've got a favor to ask you." Jake's voice sounds a little annoyed.
"What?" I ask, wondering what he could be up to.
"You know Quil is going to Lindz's prom in Forks." He pauses, and I hear him take a deep breath. Then, he continues, "Dad wants me to go with him."
I'm so confused now. Why would Billy want him to go to the prom in Forks? "What for, Jake?"
"He wants me to talk to Bella." SHIT! Not her again. Is Jake Billy's messenger boy? Why can't he just talk to her himself? He is her father's best friend after all. "Jess . . . are you there?"
"Yes, I'm here, Jake. Why does he want you to talk to her?" I'm getting a little exasperated myself, my hands forming into fists.
"He said he'd give me twenty bucks if I did—you know to get the master cylinder for my Rabbit." Jake's words trail off as if he is a little embarrassed to tell me that he is being bribed.
"I still don't understand why Billy would want you to go." My words sound almost cold. I hope I just didn't offend him. My mind searches for a good reason why Billy would want Jake to go to Bella's prom—unless he wants Jake and Bella to hook up. The very notion sends a fiery rage to my eyes.
"It's about Edward . . . Jess, do you have a nice dress—you know like one you could wear to the prom? I would like you to come with me." His last sentence makes my whole face light up with elation. He doesn't want to go without me.
"Sure, Jake. I'll borrow my dad's truck. Be there about nine. Is that okay?"
"Great. Thanks, Jess, I'll owe you one." Jake hangs up the phone before I can tell him that I love him. My heart sinks instantly into my chest. I vow to tell him after the prom about the baby when all this Bella nonsense is over.
Putting my father's old pickup truck in park, I notice Jake slowly coming down the driveway that leads to his house. In the beam of the headlights, I can see his long, black tresses slicked back into a neat ponytail. He is wearing a white, button-down shirt complete with the same tie he wore to the dance last month and pressed black trousers. I have to grip the steering wheel to get a hold of myself. The sight of him nearly takes the very breath from me. He looks even more gorgeous than I could have ever imagined.
"Hey, Jess." Jake opens the passenger side door and enters the cab, giving me a soft peck on the right cheek. "Wow, you look absolutely beautiful." His brown eyes admire my pink bridesmaid dress, the one I wore in my cousin's wedding last year. I never thought I would ever get to wear it again.
"Thanks, Jake." I blush slightly, putting the car in reverse and backing out the driveway onto the street.
We finally reach Forks High School, and I pull my dad's truck around to the side of the gym, where the prom is being held. As we exit the car, Jake takes my hand, and I now spy Quil and Lindz waiting for us near the entrance.
"Hey, Jake, Jess." Quil calls to us and waves, running up to greet us. "Um, Jess, you look . . ."
"Very pretty." Lindz finishes his sentence, sauntering toward me and giving me a small hug. "I'm so glad you came, Jess."
"Thanks, Lindz. It's good to see you again." A part of me wishes Lindz lived on the reservation. I have a good feeling that we could become such great friends. She looks absolutely stunning in her teal-blue dress and her brown hair tied up in a bun.
"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get this party started!" Quil puts his arm around Lindz, and she rolls her eyes at me. Looks like she's getting to know the true Quil—the one we all love, but despise at the same time.
Jake and I follow our friends into the gym, which is fairly small much to my dismay. The decorations are somewhat old-fashioned, but appropriate for the small town of Forks. As I notice the decorations, Jake suddenly releases my hand.
"I'm going to go find Bella and get this over with. OK?" He smiles at me, disappearing into the crowd of dancing teenagers.
"OK." I answer him even though he is already gone.
As Quil and Lindz start dancing to the slow song, I walk around the perimeter of the dance floor, searching for Jake. Several wondering pairs of eyes glare at me possibly because I am a Quileute and none of my kind attend their school. I suddenly feel a little out of place, almost ashamed of my brown skin, but I try not to let their prejudices bother me.
Suddenly, the most luscious scent catches my full attention. It is intoxicating me with every breath. I freeze where I am, and then I feel the scent's pull. It is as if it is luring me closer to it. Involuntarily, I saunter closer to the origin of the scent and realize that I am now standing beside a familiar face, one that I have secretly admired from afar. The perfectly molded visage belongs to none other than Edward Cullen. He is standing erect against the wall of the gym, his expression void of any emotion, his eyes fixed steadily toward the dance floor. I follow his gaze out into the throng of teenagers only to observe Jake and Bella sharing in a slow dance.
A sudden calm comes over me as I watch the pair dance out on the gym floor. Normally, the very notion of Jake holding Bella by her waist as they swayed to the music would send me into a jealous frenzy. However, standing next to Edward, it is as if I am incapable of feeling any animosity toward Bella. I shyly look back to the Adonis beside me. He is dressed in a flawless, old-fashioned tux, looking as handsome as any Greek god would. He is completely and utterly beautiful.
Feeling the pull once again, I move closer to him, and he doesn't even seem to notice that I am standing right beside him. His eyes are still focused fully on Bella and Jake out on the dance floor. I feel almost as if I am in a trance, and I want him to see me more than anything. Thoughts of Edward taking me under the bleachers and ravaging me race rapidly through my mind. I would let him do whatever he wanted to do. I would be completely his.
Realizing what I am thinking, I hurriedly shake away my thoughts. The song has now ended. Edward suddenly moves from his position against the wall and ventures back out onto the gym floor. I watch him as he walks with perfection; he even looks better going than coming. I try not to eavesdrop on his conversation with Jake and Bella, turning my head to scan the crowd for Quil and Lindz.
"Jess!" Jake's call wakes me from my search. "Let's go. I'm done."
"OK." I tell Jake as he takes my hand, glancing back over at Edward and Bella as they begin to dance again. She is one lucky girl, I think to myself. I can definitely see what she sees in Edward. He is so captivating for lack of a better word. No, that seems to sum it up quite well.
Jake signals to Quil and Lindz to let them know that we are leaving. Quil gives us an exaggerated "two thumbs up" like a three year old as we exit the gym and out into the coolness of the night.
"Thanks for coming with me, Jess." Jake shows his gratitude for my companionship as we walk toward my dad's truck. "Dad can be so strange sometimes."
"What did he want you to tell her? It was about Edward, right?" I stand beside him on the passenger side of the car.
"Yeah, he doesn't want them to go out. He's just a superstitious old man." Jake chuckles, smiling his beautiful grin. It makes me forget all about What's His Name in the gym.
Then, I feel an overwhelming churning in my stomach. Before I know what is happening, I heave the contents of my stomach in front of Jake. I am completely mortified.
"Jess!" Jake graciously pulls the hair into a knot behind my neck as I vomit on the pavement. "Are you okay?"
When I'm done embarrassing the shit of out myself, I rise up, wiping my mouth and looking Jake dead in the face. "I've got something to tell you, Jake."
He just stares at me with wide eyes as if he knows what I am about to say.
Attn: If you read the Epilogue to Twilight, you will notice Jess is the "sophomore in a pink dress" who eyes Edward at the prom on pg. 491. Please review!
