Jacob Have I Loved
Chapter 18
"Um, ok." Jake nervously bites his lip and then stares down at the pavement. "Well, let me get you something to drink first. Hold on." He sighs, taking off back toward the gymnasium, and disappears beyond the entrance.
Exhaling deeply, I run my fingers through my black hair and lean against the driver's side door to my dad's pickup. How am I going to tell him about this? My heart is beating faster than it ever has before. I can feel my stomach start to churn once again, and I hope I won't have a repeat of my up-chuck reflex.
"Here you go, Jess." A plastic cup of what I can only guess is punch appears in front of my face.
I take the cup of reddish liquid into my palms, pulling it up to my lips and chugging every last drop in one long gulp. "Thanks, Jake."
"What's wrong? Are you getting the flu or something?" Jake retrieves the cup from my hand, and I can feel my heart beating all the way in my ears. This will be the hardest thing I will ever have to do.
"No, um . . ." My attention is diverted to a couple making out against a red BMW off in the distance. Wait a minute. Isn't that two of the Cullen kids? Why are they making out? Aren't they like siblings? That's so disgusting!
"Jess . . ." Jake's right hand lightly cups around my cheek, bringing my focus back to him. Then, he drapes his arm around my shoulders. "Let me take you home."
Guiding me over to the passenger side of the truck, Jake helps me into the cab and reaches over to hook my seatbelt. He smiles at me briefly before shutting the door. As he positions himself in the driver's seat, I hand him the keys from my purse. He heftily revs the engine and drives us back toward La Push.
Silence is golden. I've never realized that more than on the drive home. I feel like I could burst into tears any minute. Jake and I never talk anymore; I feel so much distance between us. He hasn't even told me that he loves me in almost a week. Something tells me that I am losing Jake in more ways than one. Losing him as a lover, a boyfriend, and most heartbreakingly—a friend. Now, I'm pregnant with his child, which will in some way bind us together forever. A single tear trickles slowly down the side of my left cheek, and I quickly wipe it away. I stare out the window pane, wishing I could be anywhere but here.
As Jake pulls my dad's pickup into the driveway of my house and kills the engine, he sighs, staring down at the steering wheel. "Jess, um . . . I'm sorry about tonight."
I half-smile at him and reply, "It's ok, Jake. I'm glad we got to see each other." I unhook my seatbelt, scooting closer to him on the seat.
"Me too." Jake places his right arm across my shoulders. "If I'd known you were sick, I would have never asked you."
Oh, God, here we go. "I'm not sick, Jake." I lean my head against his shoulder, letting out a loud breath.
"What do you mean?" Jake kisses me on the forehead and then rests his head against mine. "You could've fooled me." He chuckles, grabbing my left hand.
"Um . . . Jake?" I rise up, turning so that I can look him straight in the eyes.
"What?" His expression reads nothing but concern. "You're not mad about me dancing with Bella are you? Because nothing happened . . ."
"No, Jake." I interrupt him. "I understand why you did it, but that's not it."
He doesn't speak; his face looks more puzzled than ever.
I take a deep breath, nervously knotting my hands together. "Jake, I think I'm . . . pregnant."
I stare down at my hands, afraid to look up and gauge Jake's reaction. When he doesn't respond, I shyly peer up at him. His eyes are about to bug out of his head as he glares out the windshield.
"Jake, say something. Please." I attempt to rouse him from his trance.
"You're pregnant?" Jake looks over at me, and the look he gives me breaks my heart in two. "As in, you're having a baby?"
"Yes." I break his gaze, taking a breath in relief. "Well, I don't know for sure, but I'm pretty sure that's what it is."
"What do you mean you don't know?" Jake is furious with me; his eyes tell me that he is livid.
"I mean, I haven't taken a test or anything." I'm starting to cry now. I thought Jake would be more sympathetic than he is being right now. I want to dig myself a hole and pull the dirt back on top of me.
"Then, how can you know for sure?" Jake grits his teeth together.
"Well . . . I'm late, and I've been puking my guts out. Those are the usual symptoms." I feel so hopeless right now. Jake is definitely upset, and I have a feeling it's going to get even worse. I hope he doesn't do the unthinkable.
Jake lets what I've said sink in for a few seconds, and then, he shouts, "FUCK," slamming his fists against the steering wheel. When he is done assaulting the truck, he puts his palms against his face and runs them down its length. "Is it mine?"
I can't believe he just asked me that. "Of course, it's yours, Jake. You're the only one I've had sex with!" I forcibly shout through my sobs. Why is he being such a jackass all of a sudden? Where did my Jake go?
While I am pondering these thoughts, Jake angrily exits the truck and slams the driver's side door. He begins to walk away, and my heart is completely ripped to shreds. I have to follow him.
"Jake! Wait!" I exit the truck and run up to meet him, the heels of my pumps digging into the dirt of the driveway. "Please don't leave. I need you so much right now."
"Jess . . ." Jake spins around, the anger still apparent on his face. "Do you want to know something?"
"What?" I look at him, baffled.
"I was actually going to break up with you tonight." WHAT THE FUCK? My former fears are confirmed. "I just couldn't take the silence between us anymore. We NEVER talk. All we do is fuck, and now you're pregnant! SHIT!" He turns his body to the side, staring off at the surrounding trees.
"You were going to break up with me?" What alternate universe did I just wander into? I'm shaking like a leaf; my pulse is racing. The tears are streaming faster down my face. "NO! JAKE! PLEASE DON'T DO THIS! I LOVE YOU!"
I throw my arms around him, and he returns my embrace. "I'm sorry about this, Jess."
"Don't you love me, Jake?" I sob onto his white shirt, staining it with my mascara.
"I do love you, but, Jess, look what we've done." Jake sighs, and I can feel him relax. "Don't cry. Please. I'll be here for you. Don't you worry about that. I'll always be here."
Jake's words soothe me as he holds me under the canopy of trees and stars. I continue to cry onto his shoulder, and he pulls me closer, kissing me sweetly on my hair. "I have an appointment Monday . . . at a free clinic."
"NO!" Jake pulls away from me, looking me dead in the face. "YOU ARE NOT HAVING AN ABORTION!"
Despite my melancholy, I can't help but laugh. "No, I mean, for a pregnancy test."
Jake exhales and pulls me back into his burly arms. "Whew, you had me worried there for a minute. Can't you buy one of those tests at the store?"
"I want to make sure, Jake. Plus, they'll be able to help me with my options." I am comforted by the warmth of his arms around me. I could stay here forever.
"You mean our options." Jake releases me and smiles. "I want to make this decision with you."
"I know. I just want to do what is best for the baby."
Unexpectedly, Jake reaches down and presses his right hand to my abdomen. I would give a million dollars to know what thoughts are racing through his mind at this moment. "Do you want to know what I think?" Yes, Jake, more than anything. "I would like to keep the baby."
"Really, Jake?" I smile at him, and his hand is still pressed against my waist.
"Yes." Jake removes his hand, clutching me to him. "I love you, Jess." He mirrors my grin and leans down, meeting his lips with mine. He runs his tongue along my bottom lip and then slips it into my mouth. His taste is so incredibly delectable, and I feel myself beginning to imagine him throwing me to the ground, pulling up my dress, and having his way with me. I hope he doesn't taste the vomit on my breath. That could really kill the mood. But my fears are graciously relieved when I feel him hardening against my thigh.
Suddenly, Jake stops. "Man, I want you so bad. Why do you have to be so sexy?" He smirks at me. "That's one of the reasons why we're in this mess!" His beautiful eyes sparkle as he laughs. I hope our son or daughter has those same exact eyes.
"Don't blame me. Blame my parents." I fleetingly laugh along with him, and then, my smile fades. "Jake, will you come with me Monday?"
"To get the test done?" He asks, and I nod in affirmation. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."
"So, are we okay? I mean we're not breaking up, are we?" As I ask my questions of Jake, he takes me back into his arms, meshing his lips again with mine. I feel it all the way in my knees.
"I don't know what I was thinking earlier. I was just mad and upset. Mostly with myself." He tells me when he finishes our kiss.
"JESSICA!" My mother's voice is now beckoning me from the front porch. "We've got the market tomorrow!"
"I know, Mom. I'm coming." I give Jake one last, lingering kiss. "I'll call you when she's asleep."
"I've got a better idea." Jake whispers low in my ear. "Why don't I wait outside and you can let me in your window?"
I look up at his face, noticing that his eyebrows are now lifted. Didn't he just say something earlier about not wanting to have sex with me so much?
When I don't answer, Jake adds, "I mean it couldn't hurt, right?"
About thirty minutes later, after showering and ridding my face of my makeup, I slip into my pajamas and carefully peek my head out into the hallway. I can hear the faint sounds of my dad's snoring emanating from my parents' bedroom from down the hall. Satisfied, I close my bedroom door and saunter over to my window. I unlock it, and Jake quietly slides it open and climbs into my bedroom.
"Wow, I like those pajamas. Hel-lo Kitty!" Jake fiercely grabs me by the waist and forces his lips to mine. I stumble backwards, pulling him with me onto the bed.
"Sorry." He whispers, making a funny face.
"It's okay. We just have to be quiet." But before I can even finish my last sentence, Jake reaches down, removing my pajama bottoms and panties, kissing my legs all the way down. Opening my legs, he brings his lips up to my thighs and runs his tongue up to my sweet spot. Before I can tell him no, his mouth is on me, and his tongue is now licking the area that hungrily throbs for him. I responsively moan, writhing at the tickle of his kiss between my legs. Man, why did I ever doubt him? His touch feels so right, so incredible. I love him with all my heart.
As he begins to suck my wetness, he leads his fingers up under bra and caresses my right breast. My eyes roll into the back of my head, feeling my climax starting to ripen. I arch my back off the bed, and Jake rises up, clutching me to him again.
"Make love to me, Jake." I whisper, almost breathless, unbuttoning his shirt and loosening his tie. He helps me remove them and his pants and boxers as well, climbing on top of me when he is done. He clasps his hands with mine, our bodies melting desirously together.
Then, I remember. I don't know if I'm really pregnant or not. "Do you have something?"
"Crap! Hold on." Jake's warmth leaves me for a few seconds while he searches for a condom in the pockets of his discarded pants. I rise up on my elbows to watch him. "No, I don't have one. SHIT!"
Disappointed, I collapse on the bed, covering my face with my hands. I almost burst into tears. Jake crawls back on top of me. "I'm sorry, Jess. Damn!"
An idea suddenly pops into my mind. "Wait right here. I'll be right back."
I don't even bother with my pajama pants; my T-shirt is long enough to cover my bottom. I creep into the hallway and into the bathroom. Frantically, but cautiously, I search the cabinets for my dad's condoms. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Finally, a small box toward the back of the top shelf catches my eye. SCORE! I remove one of the condoms and replace the box on the shelf, tiptoeing my way back to my bedroom.
When I close the door, I notice Jake is sprawled spread-eagle on the bed. His gorgeous, brown skin almost glistens in the moonlight trickling in from the window. I quietly stroll over to the bed, mounting the bed and placing my knees on either side of his waist. He peers up at me, a crooked smirk on his face, as I open the wrapper and roll the condom down his cock. I rise up and lower myself onto him, feeling him throbbing inside me. The sensation of him inside me feels so unbelievable.
Before I can begin to ride him, Jake elevates himself off the bed, ridding me of my oversized T-shirt. He runs his fingers around my back and unhooks my bra, tossing it to the side. Jake takes my left breast into his mouth, and I lean my head back, enjoying the warmth of his tongue as it traces my nipples. I gasp for air as his tongue moves up to my neck and then to my lips.
Clasping my arms around his shoulders, I begin to rock back and forth on top of him. He lies back on the bed and grabs me by the waist, guiding my slow, gentle thrusts against him. I can hear his breath quicken as I make love to him, and he whisperingly moans my name.
"Jess . . ." His eyes and mouth open wide, and I silence him with my lips, exploring his mouth with my tongue. I can now taste myself on his lips. Jake grips my ass tightly, pushing himself as far as he can get inside me. I rapidly pulse my clit against him and feel my peak slowly returning, my tongue still entwined with his.
"JAKE! Uh!" I groan, my lips curling amongst the pleasure. "I'm almost there." I ride him harder, the sensation swelling inside me. "Almost. UH!" I don't even care anymore how loud I am. My climax is reached, and it surges through every nerve ending in my body. White spots blind my vision for several seconds, and I feel my heart pulsating in my ears. "Oh, my God, Jake! Wow!" I collapse against his chest, and his arms immediately fold around me.
After a brief rest, I kiss his chest and roll off of him, coming onto my knees toward the edge of the bed. "Fuck me, Jake."
Smiling, Jake slides off the bed, standing behind me. I help him guide himself back into me, and he begins to thrust against my bottom. I hurriedly snatch a pillow and bury my head in it in order to keep myself from screaming at the top of my lungs. With every movement, I feel myself getting wetter and wetter. He is so good at this, especially this position. HOLY SHIT!
I bite down forcibly on the pillow to silence my urge to shout explicatives as he twirls his cock inside me. Then, he pounds me, pressing his body down on top of me on the bed.
"Jess . . . I fucking love you!" He shouts, and I feel him cuming into the condom inside me. His body goes rigid against my back, plastering my own to the sheets beneath us. Rising up off the pillow, I turn my head to the side and let out a lurid breath.
After a few minutes of silence, I roll out from under Jake, but before I can exit the bed, he grabs me by both wrists. He tenderly lays me back down on the covers, moving his hands down to my lower abdomen. Gently and sweetly, he places a lingering kiss on the skin covering my belly where our potential future now rests.
Attn: I love how sweet Jake is here. *sighs* Please review! Thanks for reading.
