Jacob Have I Loved

Chapter 19

"Thanks for driving us, Steph." I place my left hand on Stephenie's knee and give it a small, grateful pat as she drives Jake and me to the clinic that Monday afternoon.

She smiles, grabbing my hand with her right, and gives it a light squeeze. "You're welcome." Then, she winks at Jake, who is positioned in the backseat, nervously running his palms down the length of his thighs. Steph looks back at me and mouths "sorry." She lets go of my hand, focusing her attention back on the road.

I peer out the window, watching the drenching rain roll down the glass. Telling Steph about the possible pregnancy went better than I expected it to. She was upset at first that I could be so careless as to not use condoms, but held me tightly as I cried onto her shoulder. Ever since we became friends back in kindergarten, she has always been there for me. Even when we had our differences and fought over boys or school, Steph has been my beacon, my guiding light. I will ever be grateful to her for the love she has shown me all these years.

"Is this it?" Steph stirs me from my fond memories of her.

I look through the windshield and read the sign adorning a lone building on the left hand side of the road. It reads: Family Planning of Clallam County. Sighing and feeling my stomach start to flutter, I confirm, "Yeah, that's it."

Glancing at Jake in the backseat, I observe his body tense along with mine. Steph then puts on her turn signal and turns into the parking lot of the clinic. This is going to be the most nerve-racking experience Jake and I possibly will ever have to endure.

"Do you want me to come with you, Jess?" Steph asks, putting the car in park. "I mean if you don't want me to, I'll understand."

"No, Steph. I want you there." I tell her as I pull the hood of my jacket over my head to shield my hair from the rain. "Please come with us."

My door suddenly opens, and I notice that Jake chivalrously is waiting for me to exit the car, letting the rain douse his black tresses. I exit Steph's car, and the three of us run toward the clinic's entrance through the torrential downpour. Jake holds the door for us, and as I enter, Jake pulls me to the side.

"Whatever happens, Jess, I love you." Jake grins, planting a soft kiss on my lips and taking my hand. His words completely melt me and relieve the nervous ache I feel in the pit of my stomach. He has such a way with words. Did I mention how much I love I Jake?

"May I help you?" A young woman calls to us as we walk into the lobby. I look over at Steph and then Jake, who affectionately squeezes my hand.

"I have a four o'clock appointment. Jessica Burnside." I inform her, walking over to the reception desk. As the receptionist looks through her appointment book, I notice that she is wearing a nametag that reads "HELLO, I AM KATE" (the name "Kate" is handwritten) and a Save the Olympic Wolf T-shirt.

"Ah, yes, Jessica. You're here for a pregnancy test. Am I right?" Kate smiles, looking up from her desk.

"Yes, ma'am." I reply, and she hands me a clipboard with several forms to fill out while I wait.

I walk back over to Steph, who is positioned in one of the waiting room chairs, taking a seat beside her. Jake is pacing around the lobby, pausing to read several posters about how to properly put on a condom and the different stages of pregnancy. The irony of it makes me release a short snicker, and I focus my attention to filling out the forms. After completing all my personal information, I then start to fill out an attached questionnaire.

Most of questions are extremely blunt to say the least. When was the date of your last menstrual cycle? When was the last time you had sexual intercourse? How many sexual partners have you had in the past twelve months? Are you currently taking or have you ever taken an oral contraceptive? Have you had unprotected sex in the past month? Do you have any sexually transmitted diseases? I personally feel a little violated by the questions, but I guess I have to answer them in order to have the test done.

"Jessica?" An almost angelic voice calls from the reception desk. I look up, only to see a female doctor dressed in a long, white lab coat coming toward me. "Hello, I'm Dr. Taggart, but you can call me Christine." Dr. Christine holds out her hand to me as I stand up to greet her. "I see you're here for a pregnancy test. Why don't you come with me?" She takes the clipboard from my hand, and I follow her toward the examination room.

I peek a quick glance over at Jake, and he smiles and winks at me. His words echo like a still, small voice inside my head, "Whatever happens, Jess, I love you." I return his grin and enter the exam room, taking a deep breath.

"Well, let's have a look at your forms, shall we?" Dr. Christine begins, reading over my answers to the questions and asking several more of her own. "Is that your boyfriend out in the lobby?"

"Yes, Dr. Taggart. His name is Jacob." The thought of Jake makes me smile again.

"Please call me Christine." She reminds me. "You know, not that many boyfriends come with their girlfriends here. You should consider yourself lucky to have Jacob." I do more than anything. Dr. Christine hands me a hospital gown. "Change into this, and I'll be right back. If you are pregnant, I'll need to exam you, I'm afraid."

As the doctor exits the room, I quickly change and then take a seat on the examination table. Millions of thoughts are racing through my head at the moment--my potential future as a mother, my likelihood of graduating high school, my parents' reaction to the pregnancy, my friends' reactions . . . the list goes on and on. The nervous knot returns to my stomach, and I feel as if I might hurl the contents of my stomach on the floor of the exam room.

"Are you dressed, Jessica?" Dr. Christine pops her head into the room, jolting me from my swirling thoughts. I nod, and she reenters. "I'm a little confused. I must say. You've been taking birth control for three years, right?"

"Yes, ma'am." I respond, feeling almost a little confused myself.

"You've been taking them as directed, and your period is still late?"

"Yes, six days now." I relay, nervously entwining my fingers. "And I've been having morning sickness."

"It's just strange. The pill is for the most part very effective." She pauses. "Well, let's get on with the test, shall we? I'm going to take a blood sample first." Dr. Christine prepares my arms for the needle with some type of liquid and attaches a tourniquet above my elbow. The sight of the needle makes me cringe, and the prick only worsens the situation. "There. I can call your cell with the results if you want." I nod as she places a small, round band-aid to cover the tiny hole now branded on my skin and releases my arm from the tourniquet.

Dr. Christine then hands me a long object, which resembles the tests I have seen on TV commercials, and instructs me on how to "pee on the stick" as she jokingly calls it. After following her directions in the bathroom down the hall, I anxiously await the results with her for several agonizing minutes back in the exam room.

"Well, good news, Jessica." Dr. Christine exclaims as I stare wide-eyed at her. "According to this, you're not pregnant!" She pats me gently on the shoulder, showing me the indicator on the test. "Congratulations. You can get dressed now. I'll call with the blood test results, but I don't think you have anything to worry about. And please have your mother take you to a gynecologist if your period doesn't start in the next few days." I hear her sigh. Then, she grabs my right hand, staring into my brown eyes and saying with all sincerity: "Jessica, please wrap it up next time."

I don't even know how long the doctor lingers in the room before leaving. I sit frozen on the examination table, part relieved, part dumbfounded. Relieved that I'm not pregnant, which lifts the hundred pound weight from my shoulders; dumbfounded because I don't know what could be causing my nausea and my period to be late.

Shaking away my thoughts, I dress and leave my worries of becoming a teenage mother in the exam room. As I saunter like a zombie into the lobby, I pass another girl, who is possibly my same age and very pregnant, feeling a sweeping wave of relief crash over me. I immediately run to Jake, who encases me in his arms, and burst into tears as I feel the warmth of his body overtake me.

"Shhh." Jake's voice attempts to calm me. "It's gonna be all right."

"Let's just go, please." I beg him through my sobs, and he guides me out the double doors to the clinic. I don't even notice if Steph is following us until I feel the touch of her hand on my left shoulder when Jake helps me into the backseat of her car.

"We're gonna work this out somehow." Jake sighs, wrapping his arms back around me as he positions himself beside me. I bury my head into the folds of his jacket and weep joyful tears.

"Yeah, Jess, we'll be here for you every step of the way." I hear Steph's saddened voice call to me from the front seat.

I instantly pull away from Jake and confess, "Guys, I'm not pregnant."

"What?" They both question in unison.

"The test was negative. I'M NOT PREGNANT!" I exclaim, wiping the tears from under my eyes.

"You mean, these are happy tears?" Jake cups his hands around my face. I smile at him to affirm his question, and he kisses me passionately dead on the lips. I instinctively throw my arms around him, pulling him closer to me, and he lays me down on the backseat, planting playful kisses all over my face and down my neck.

"What just a minute, you two!" Steph cautions, trying to hold back a fit of laughter. "That's what got us here in the first place! Now, cut it out!"

"Butt the hell out, Steph!" Jake returns his lips to my neck and whispers. "I love you, Jess."

"Ok, well . . . please put your seatbelts on. We've got a long ride back." Steph is clearly annoyed, and Jake reluctantly rises up, hooks his seatbelt, and takes my left hand into his. I embarrassingly follow suit as Steph pulls the car away from the place I never want to see again.


About an hour and a half later, Steph drops Jake and me off at my house. I have invited Jake to stay for dinner with my parents and formerly tell them that we are dating. He hasn't been over for dinner in ages. As we walk hand in hand up to the door, both of us are grinning from ear to ear, basking in the glow of knowing that we aren't about to become teenage parents.

"Jess." Jake suddenly stops on the walkway and pulls me to him. "I have something for you." He reaches into his jacket pocket and retrieves a miniature stuffed teddy bear. "I hope it's not too cheesy to give it to you now. It was for, you know, if you were . . ."

"It's adorable, Jake." I grab it from his hand, giving him a tiny peck on the cheek. I look down at my present and notice the words "I heart you" are embroidered across the bear's belly. "Thank you."

I peer up at Jake and notice that several tears are now streaming down his face. The happiness drains from my face. "Jake, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing." He turns, obviously embarrassed, and frantically wiped the tears from under his brown eyes. I hug him from behind and plant a kiss on his back. After a few minutes, he says, "It's just. I don't know."

"What, Jake?" I release him, and he turns to face me.

"Part of me was hoping that you were." Jake's words make my heart swell to twice its original size. Is he actually sad that we're not having a baby? "The thought of me being a dad made me a little excited. That's all."

"Aww, Jake." I shroud him with my arms. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's better this way. It just wasn't meant to be, I guess." Jake pulls away from me and takes my hand. Sucking in a deep breath, Jake then exhales. "Now, can we eat? I'm starving!"

I smile at him, clutching my gift to my chest, as we begin to walk up the stepping stones to my house. He truly is my Jake, and I want to be his Jess forever.

"JESSICA!" My mom shrieks at the top of her lungs, running out of the house. "GET IN THIS HOUSE RIGHT NOW!" Her words baffle me, and I turn to Jake, who shoots me a worried look. "Jake, I'm sorry, but you can't stay for dinner!"

"Ok, Melissa." Jake gives me a swift kiss goodbye, squeezing my hand. "Um . . . I'll call you later, Jess." I watch him as he hastily hurries back down the driveway toward the road.

"JESSICA, NOW!" My mom is now tugging me by the arm. What has gotten into her?

"Mom, what is all this about?" She doesn't answer me, but still lugs me into the house with a vice grip on my elbow.

Once I'm inside the living room, I spy my dad sitting on the edge of his leather recliner. He sighs and raises his right hand. Tucked in between his index and middle fingers rests a small, square wrapper with the word TROJAN written across it in all capital letters. FUCK!

Attn: So, she's not pregnant. What else could it be? Please review!