Jacob Have I Loved
Chapter 20
"Um." I freeze up like a statue, but my heart begins to thump wildly in my chest. "I can explain." Shut the hell up, Jess! My conscience starts to scream at me. How in the world are you going to explain this one? You've been practicing how to put on condoms in your room for fun? Yeah, right. They'll buy that one for sure.
"Explain what, Jessica?" My father's anger is evident in his brash tone as if the fierce look in his eyes wasn't enough. He stands up, breathing into my face, the condom wrapper still wedged in between his fingers. "Your mother found this while vacuuming your room this afternoon!" He raises the wrapper to meet my gaze. "I think it's pretty clear what's going on here!"
My mom anxiously takes a seat on the couch, running her hands down her face. "David, let's give Jessica a chance to explain things. Let's be open-minded about it." For a brief second, I masochistically recall the memory of previous events that occurred on that very sofa, and regret achingly pulsates through my mind.
"Mel, she's having sex at sixteen!" My dad heatedly fumes at my mother and then turns back to me. "And in her bed, under our own roof!" His hands morph into fists, and for a moment there, I almost fear that he might haul off and take a shot at me. He used to spank me for punishment when I was little, and I feared him like a small child would fear the monster under their bed or hiding in their closet. But he just stands there, the anger emanating from every fiber of his being.
"Jess, how long have you and Jake been having sex?" My mom graciously breaks the silence. Damn it. Of course, she suspects I've been with Jake. We've been stuck together like glue literally for the past month or so.
A lump forms readily in my throat, and my heartbeat has now gone off the charts. Can you have heart palpitations at sixteen? My mind has completely gone blank. I can't even think straight to answer her question.
"Um, I . . ." I stammer out those two words, unable to finish my explanation.
"And under our own roof! Jess, how stupid do you think we are?" My father's breath blows across my face, and I can smell the hint of liquor enter my nose.
"Dad, I'm sorry." I whisper, fighting back the tears that are now forming in my eyes. I stare hopefully into his, wishing for him to forgive me, for both of them to forgive me. Maybe, if he sees how upset this has all made me, he'll wrap his arms around me and be the loving father I know he can.
"You better be sorry!" He turns away from me. "You're grounded until further notice!"
"DAD, NO!" I beg, tears streaming down my face. If they only knew the agony and worry I had suffered over the past few days, maybe they would understand. But as of this moment, I'm not ready to share that information with them just yet. They would know Jake and I had unprotected sex at least once.
"I'll be needing your cell phone, too!" My dad holds out his hand, and I reluctantly retrieve it from my jeans pocket. My mind immediately remembers Dr. Christine's promise to call my cell with the blood test results. As I somberly hand it over to him, he continues, more calmly than before, "I'll save Jake and not tell Billy about this. But I'm afraid you two can't see each other for awhile."
"But . . ." The thought of not seeing Jake sends stabbing pains to my heart. I start to feel my world crumble down all around me. Jake is my world. Without him, my life is nothing.
"And no cruising around with Stephenie either." My dad further adds to the list of stipulations.
"David!" My mom seems to be almost furious with my sire. "That's enough! At least they had sense enough to use protection."
My dad throws up his hands in surrender and storms out of the room and into the kitchen, infuriated.
After he is gone, my mom orders, "Jess, please just go to your room for now. We'll talk more about this later."
I don't even give it a second thought. My feet pound up the stairs to my room, my mind anxious and thankful to leave the tense scene in the living room. I fling open my bedroom door, slam it shut, and fall to the comfort of my bed, sobbing into one of my pillows. I cradle Jake's stuffed teddy bear to my chest, and I can still smell his musky scent emitting from its threads. It only makes the tears come faster.
How could I be so careless to not get rid of the wrapper? How could I be such a dumbass to actually have sex in my own bed while my parents slept down the hall? Now, my parents know exactly what a whore I've become! I mentally flog myself for being such a slut. I've let them down beyond reconciliation, and my heart breaks to know I've hurt them so. I just pray to God that no one else on the reservation finds out about this or my reputation will be thoroughly destroyed. Of course, our little circle of friends knows all about it. Somehow I wish I could turn back the hands of time and make it all go away.
I continue to cry into the pillow, fully taking in the weight of my actions, and before I know it, I am drifting off to sleep.
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Thud. Thump. Thud.
What the hell is that? I rise up in my bed, alarmed and awakened by the sudden, unfamiliar sound. I wipe the sleep from my eyes and peer around the now darkened room, realizing it is now evening.
Thud.
There it is again, and it's coming from my bedroom window. I stare over at the clock as I exit my bed and notice that it is almost eleven. Cautiously sauntering over to the window, I pull back the curtains only to observe Jake standing below, a smile evident on his face. My heart instantly skips a beat, and I am elated to see him again so soon.
"Jake! What are you doing here?" I call down to him in a loud whisper after quietly opening the window.
"I tried calling your cell, but I kept getting your voicemail. I was worried. Can I come up?" At Jake's question, my mind starts to carefully weigh my options. I can't help but think of Romeo and Juliet at this moment, and it makes me smile.
"Are you seriously trying to get me grounded for life?" I speak through my grin.
"No, I just wanted to see if you were okay. Can I please come up?" Before I can even reply, he is climbing the tree outside my window.
"Sure, why not?" I agree under my breath. How much more trouble could I get into? As I help him into my room, I whisper, "Jake, you have to be quiet."
"I will." Jake pulls me to him, and I push him away. What is wrong with me? "What is it, Jess?"
"I'm grounded." I sit down on the bed, not meeting his eyes.
"What for?" He kneels in front of me, placing his palms on my knees. Then, his eyes widen. "They found out about us going to Port Angeles?"
"No." I feel the tears start to well up again. I close my eyes, trying to force them to stop, and bite my bottom lip. "They found the condom wrapper."
"Oh, SHIT!" Jake exclaims, standing up and sitting beside me on the bed.
"Shhh." I place a finger over his mouth, and he grabs my hand and intertwines our fingers.
"Sorry." He lowers his voice. "How long are you in for?"
I form quotation marks with my hands. "Until further notice were his exact words."
"Damn, Jess, I'm sorry." Jake wraps his arms around me and kisses me on the forehead. Then, he face fills with panic. "Do they know about . . . you know?"
"No, I didn't tell them." As I answer him, his face and shoulders relax, and his lips form his beautiful smile again.
"Good. Your dad never seemed to like me anyway." Jake huffs. "Maybe, he knew this knew this day was coming."
I laugh. "You know just how to make me laugh, Jake."
"Hmm." Jake looks down at his hands knotted with mine and then back up at me. "Well, if my career as a mechanic doesn't pan out, I can always try stand-up comedy."
I decide to join in with his repartee. "If my dad lets you live passed sixteen."
"He didn't threaten to come after me, did he?" He snickers. "Or start loading his rifle?"
We both bust out in laughter, but catch ourselves before we get too loud to wake my parents. Jake lies back on the bed, trying to keep from chuckling, and I position myself right beside him.
Rolling on his side, Jake faces me, and his expression is serious. "Jess, they're not going to tell my dad, are they?"
"No." I almost have to laugh at the terror in Jake's eyes. "My dad said he would 'save' you."
"Whew." He lets out a breath. "My dad may need a wheelchair to get around, but he can still kick my ass. That's for sure."
Jake flashes me his gorgeous grin, and we both share a few seconds of laughter once again.
"I would like to see that." I jestingly remark, resting my head on his right shoulder, as he pulls me closer to him.
"I'm sure you would." Jake kisses my hair. "He's had enough practice on my sisters. He's a pro by now."
Jake is so wonderful. Despite the uneasiness we both have had to endure over the past few days, he knows just how to make me feel better. How can I bear to be apart from him "until further notice?" And school is almost over for the summer. This is surely going to be the death of me.
"Hey, did he ever pay you for your little deed at Bella's prom?" Bella. I can't believe I just said her name.
"Not yet." Jake relays. "He's waiting to see if she actually breaks it off with him."
"That's not fair. You did what he asked. What she chooses to do shouldn't matter."
"That's what I told him, but he's so stubborn sometimes." Jake sighs and then frowns. "At this rate, my car will never get fixed."
"I'm sorry, Jake. Maybe, I could lend you the money . . ."
"No, I want to earn it myself." Jake's statement is firm, and I know he truly means what he has said.
We lie there, staring up at the ceiling, and cradled in each others' arms. It feels so right to be here with him. Like this. Together. The only sounds I can discern are the chirps of crickets outside, and I can't be certain, but somehow, I can hear the sound of our heartbeats pounding in unison.
"Jess . . . I'm sorry." Jake pivots his head, so that he can look me in the eyes. "I know I apologize a lot to you." He pauses, looking down. I decide not to speak, but to let him tell me what he needs me to hear. "Saturday, I don't know what I was thinking. After my dad bribed me to go to Bella's prom, there was just something about being there with her . . . Oh, I don't know what I'm saying."
Damn that Bella. I need him to really tell me how he feels about her. "Tell me the truth, Jake. Do you like her? I need to know."
"Yeah, I like her." Jake frowns and doesn't peer at me to gauge my reaction. "She's really nice."
"You know what I mean, Jake." I feel my heart shatter into a million pieces. My stomach even begins to cramp amongst the internal torture I am now experiencing. "Are you secretly hoping she'll break up with Edward?"
"Why are you so jealous of her?" Jake reads me almost like an open book. Damn it. "You have nothing to worry about." He cups his hands around my face. "Maybe, she and I are just meant to be friends." Then, he smirks, "My riding lessons are only for you."
Jake tenderly presses his lips to mine, and I feel all my worries about Bella slowly dissipate with the warmth of his kiss. I lock my arms around his neck and pull him closer to me, hooking my left leg around his. Hunger like a burning fire blazes inside of me as I feel his hardened member graze the area in between my legs. Despite all the trouble I've been through today, I still long to feel his fingers on my bare skin, our bodies entwining once again. It is a hunger that will never be satisfied. His love is better than any drug could ever be, intoxicating, swallowing me whole with every touch.
As our kisses become more intense and our tongues begin their familiar dance, I feel his hot fingers languidly moving up to my breasts under my shirt. My nipples instantly harden as he reaches them and pinches them softly. I break free from his lips and tickle his left ear with my tongue, sucking on his earlobe gently. Jake lets out a long moan, and he rolls over on top of me.
Then, Jake begins to laugh again. "Jess, I better go before I do something that we'll get both our asses kicked."
"Please stay, Jake." The desire inside me is about to explode. A quick image of him tied to my bedposts flashes into my brain, and I have to shake it away.
"Jess, is everything all right?" Jake feels my forehead and pulls back his hand in shock. "Wow, you're burning up." He puts a hand on my chest above my breasts. "Your whole body is on fire. Maybe, you are getting the flu."
"Maybe." I stare at him, mystified. Something is happening to me. I'm starting to sweat profusely. What the hell is wrong with me? I hope it's not PMS rearing its ugly ass head right here of front of him. Anyway, I have to convince him to stay. "But please don't go."
"You don't know how much I want to stay, but . . ." He kisses me sweetly on the lips. "Damn." Our lips almost melt together, and I wrap my legs around him, feeling his cock touch my wetness through the fabric of our clothes. "No, I have to go." Jake practically has to pry my legs from around his body as he struggles to get off the bed.
Before I can even lift myself off the sheets, he is already beginning to climb out my window. I force myself to meet him there before he disappears into the night.
"I love you, Jake." I whisper loud enough for him to hear, sticking my full torso out the opened window.
Jake pauses on the tree branch and leans toward me, brushing his lips over mine. I'm left completely inebriated. "I love you. Goodnight. See you tomorrow at school."
He mends my broken heart with that dreamy grin of his, and his form is swallowed up by the darkness of the night.
Attn: Many of you have been wondering if Jake really loves Jess, and the answer is yes. He truly does. But as he said, he is feeling a pull toward Bella. We'll have to see how this plays out through the rest of the fan fic. I also know that some of you are wondering what is going on with Jess. I would love to hear some of your theories! It will be revealed in the next few chapters. Thanks for reading! Please review.
