Jacob Have I Loved
Chapter 22
I stare through my now heightened eyes in disbelief at the sight before me. The dark figure takes two steps forward, revealing itself in the glimmer of the moonlight. I gasp as I take in the figure's face. It is an image I have only seen in photographs—tattered and worn photographs from long ago. But the person in those pictures has been dead for decades. How is it possible?
I reach up to pinch myself, for I must be having a vivid nightmare. To my dismay, I only nudge myself in the nose with my paw—yes, my honey-gold-colored paw. How can I possibly be conscious? People can't turn into animals. That's the stuff of fairy tales and legends. Horror movies to be more accurate.
"My child." The shadowy figure continues. He is speaking in the ancient tongue of the Quileutes. Good thing I paid attention in my tribal studies class or I would be totally clueless right now. "Do not let your heart be troubled. I am your ancestor—a chief of long ago. I am the spirit of Ephraim Black." I now notice that the spirit is wearing traditional Quileute dress and his long, black tresses are twisted into braids and adorned with feathers.
HOLY SHIT! I feel as if I am having an out-of-body experience at the moment. I can see dead people!
"Yes." The spirit of my ancestor almost laughs. Wait one minute here. Can he hear me? Did he just answer my question as I thought it? "Yes." He repeats and answers my mental questions again.
Am I telepathic? I ask him, wondering what planet I have just been beamed upon.
"Jessica Burnside." The great chief begins to approach me slowly and cautiously. Suddenly, a sense of calm rushes over my entire body, and I find myself hanging on his every last word. "I have chosen you, my child, for a very special purpose. I have caused your body to undergo an amazing transformation over the course of the past few weeks." You can say that again. "Our people, the Quileutes, speak of great men who can transform themselves into wolves . . ."
Is that what I have become? Am I a wolf? I send out to him through my thoughts, hoping that he will answer all of my burning questions.
"Yes, Jessica. You are what the pale-faced men called a werewolf or shapeshifter. You may change into a wolf when you experience strong, intense emotions—anger, fear, anguish. It is something you must learn to control." Ephraim's eyes peer into mine, and I now realize that his feet are now hovering about a foot above the ground.
Why did I change just now? I didn't have either of those emotions.
"Ah, but you did, my child." The spirit's expression is now blank. "They have been building up inside you over the past few weeks. You have experienced fear, hurt, anger, lust, doubt—they all have been there." He reaches out his glowing hand as if to touch my face, but swiftly pulls it back. "You are now physically superior to man—strong, fast, able to heal quickly after injury . . ."
My mind recalls the incident in gym class earlier that day, marveling at the fact that my nose completely healed itself in only a matter of minutes. So, all the legends Jake told me when we were little were true? Are there more like me?
"In time, there will be, but for now." Ephraim's spirit begins to flicker almost like a TV screen with a poor satellite signal. "Only you, my child."
But why me? I'm nothing special. I can't possibly fathom why he would choose me to be the first one of my kind. Wait. Am I the first?
"No, my child." Suddenly, the spirit's image morphs into three other figures—all donned in ceremonial Quileute dress. "Back when I was the leader of our people, there were three shapeshifters—myself, Quil Ateara, Sr., and Levi Uley, your great-grandfather."
Whoa! Reverse that. I'm a Uley. I'm related to Sam. What the fuck? I recognize the figure on the far right. He looks exactly like my father, but my dad never told me we were related to Sam's family. I'm totally confused now as if I hadn't been already at the thought of becoming a damn wolf.
"You are quite right, Jessica." Ephraim affirms my ancestry, and then the picture before me shifts back to Ephraim's form. "Your father never told you because he didn't know himself. The name of Burnside was gifted to your grandfather, Levi's illegitimate son, by his mother."
My granddaddy Burnside was an illegitimate child of Sam's ancestor. Damn it! This is just fucked-the-hell up. But he still hasn't answered my foremost question. Why me? Why now?
"Because, my child, you have been toying with the fate of our tribe and our people. In the near future, our people will need protection, and I will need to appoint a new leader—an Alpha male if you will—to carry out and eradicate this threat." As he relays his plan, my heart lodges in my throat, and I can hardly breathe.
Who is this Alpha you speak of?
"Jessica, you already know in your heart the answer to that very question." The spirit speaks with conviction, and I know immediately who the new Alpha male is to be.
Jacob. Am I right?
"Yes, my child." A smile widens on the spirit's visage.
But what does that have to do with me? Am I supposed to help Jacob in some way? Am I to be his wife one day? My heart swells at the notion, and I'm hopeful that the spirit will confirm my dreams.
"Jessica." His smile flips into a frown. "The answer to your first question is yes. You will need to help Jacob along the way. Protect him, so to speak." He pauses and looks passed me at the trees behind me. "The answer to your second question is no. You will not be his wife."
NO! I won't marry him? Stabbing pains begin to course their way through my newly-acquired wolf body. I am crying, weeping at the very notion that I am not destined to be with Jake. A gaping hole is now branded on my soul—a hollow void that will never be filled. I almost feel rage starting to build inside me. Who do you think you are, telling me that I can't marry Jake? How do you know that he doesn't want to marry me?
"You may not understand this now, Jessica." Ephraim's haunting voice tries to console me amongst my sadness and anger. "But the very moment Jacob met Isabella Swan, the future destiny of our tribe and our people was set into motion."
BELLA! DAMN IT! That's why Jake feels such a connection to her. He's supposed to marry her! That bitch!
"My child, this is not a time to be angry. Jacob and Isabella's connection is to be revealed in time. But through their connection, a new treaty will be made, an alliance between two ancient enemy clans." The spirit's light is starting to flicker once more. "I do not have much time left, and I must tell you why I have chosen you, my child."
I can barely even think straight now, but I try to focus on the great chief's words.
"My great-grandson is in love with you, Jessica. I have seen your face in his mind. He has dreams of making you his wife and the mother of his children someday." His words hit me like a thousand painful, stabbing knives, penetrating my heart. But they could not compare to the sheer numbness I feel when he utters his next statement. "That is not his destiny."
What about my destiny? Don't I deserve to be happy and with the one I love?
"Yes, my child. But the more Jacob falls in love with you, the bleaker our future as a people becomes. That is the one reason I have chosen you to become the first wolf and consequently it has made you barren. The two of you creating a child would only complicate the plans I have for my great-grandson."
Barren? Is that why I thought I was pregnant? Is that why I haven't had my period? Because some ghost made me pre-menopausal? I can feel the fur—shit, I have fur—on my back stand on end.
"Jessica, do not let this anger you. Look at this as a great opportunity—an opportunity to help Jacob fulfill his destiny as Alpha and to aid in the future of your people."
Before I know it, I collapse to the grass below, and unexpectedly I return back to human form. Noticing that I am completely nude, I begin to frantically conceal my nakedness with my palms.
"Your parents are close. They will arrive home within several minutes." The spirit's hand reaches out to me again, but this time his hand brushes against my chin. His touch feels like the cool air that kisses your cheeks when you open a freezer in the dead of summer. It sends shivers down my spine. "Please, Jessica, if you love Jacob, you will set him free. A greater love awaits you. One you cannot possibly imagine . . . "
With those final words, the long-lost image of Ephraim Black fades from my view with the breeze of the night.
I rise up from my crouched position and wonder how I will be able to complete the burdensome task set out before me by my ancestor. Somehow, I am a shapeshifter, a new protector of my tribe. I must break it off with Jake, my Jake. The one person I have longed to be with this past year. The one person I cannot bear to live without. The one person who makes me feel special, complete, and loved. And somehow, I must now persuade him to pursue Bella Swan—the one person I would gleefully toss into the fiery pit of hell.
How can I possibly live through this? Even knowing that a "greater love" awaits me in the future? How can I possibly find a greater love than Jacob Black?
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