Jacob Have I Loved

Chapter 23

Bolting through the lush forest of La Push toward my house, I hope and pray that I can make it home before my parents. I feel as if a heavy weight—almost as heavy as the weight of the world—has been placed unsteadily upon my shoulders. It is a load I never wished to bear, something I never asked for in the first place. I begin to consider the fact that I possibly might be going insane. Having just turned into a hairy monster and conversed with the dead, I would have to say I'm getting pretty close to donning my first straight jacket and calling a padded room my new humble abode. No one in their right mind would believe the things I have just seen, heard, and experienced. There is no one I can talk to about my newly discovered ability to morph into a wolf. They would have me committed then and there.

Luckily, I reach my house before my parents arrive home from work. Thankfully, it is now evening, and no one can see that I am completely nude. Hopefully, there won't be any blurry news footage on the nightly news of a streaker through the woods or sightings of Bigfoot tonight. I speedily unlock the back door with the spare key hidden under the doormat and dart up the stairs to my bedroom.

Throwing on my velour bathrobe and flipping on my stereo, I fall to comfort of my pillows. The slow, melodic rhythm emanating from the speakers provides a warm, comforting blanket of solace around me. I begin to sob as the full realization of everything I have endured the past few days hits me in those precious moments. The possibility that I could be a teenage mother, Bella's prom, the road trip to Port Angeles, those blissful moments in the cave with Jake, the nightmare that awaited me in the forest as I walked home . . .

My life was perfect until about thirty minutes ago. I was hopelessly and irrevocably in love with my Jacob, making passionate, rapturous love to him in our personal heaven. Now, I am a shapeshifter—a damn werewolf—a fate I never wanted—a figment of the old, scary stories belonging to my tribe. It is my destiny to point Jake in the right direction and to urge him to vie for Bella's affections. She is nothing to me; Jake is everything to me. Why should I care what her future might bring? Why doesn't she stay with Edward and have little vampire bats? I let out a small chuckle at my last thought. I know the Cullens aren't really vampires, but I go for the joke anyway.

The joy from my laughter only lasts for a brief moment, and my pity party resumes, swallowing me whole, plunging me further into despair.

After several minutes of feeling sorry for myself, the somber song on the radio ends, and a new one begins:

"Dark in the city, night is a wire. Steam in the subway, earth is a fire . . ."

Great. Just my luck. "Hungry Like the Wolf" by some eighties band. What the FUCK? The irony of the whole situation makes me want to grab my father's rifle from the gun cabinet downstairs and blow my brains to bits. Then, I wonder. If I'm practically invincible, would the bullet really kill me or ricochet right off my forehead? After what I've experienced tonight, anything is possible in my book.

I pry myself off my bed and silence my stereo, not wanting to remind myself that I am no longer fully human.

As I turn to grab a Kleenex to dry my flooded eyes, the phone resounds, making my heart almost skip a beat in alarm. I place a hand on my heart and let out a short breath of relief, escaping the peace of my bedroom to answer it downstairs.

"I'm coming! Keep your pants on!" I rush down the hallway and lift the phone from its cradle. "Hello?"

"May I speak with Jessica please?" A somewhat familiar female voice responds.

"This is Jessica." I answer, trying to place the voice with a face in my head.

"Jessica, this is Dr. Taggart—Christine from Family Planning. I have your blood test results." Dr. Christine's tone sounds hopeful and optimistic, but I already know what she's about to reveal. When I don't answer, she conveys, "The test was negative, meaning you're not pregnant for certain, Jessica."

Of course, I'm not pregnant. The freaking ghost of my ancestor had my damn tubes tied all for the sake of my people's future. Well, at least I will save money on the cost of tampons.

"Hello? Hello? Jessica, are you still there?" The doctor attempts to wake me from my derisive thoughts.

"I'm here, Dr. Taggart." I stammer out the words, trying to sound somewhat elated at her news. "I'm glad."

"Jessica, there is something else." Oh, no! My blood has morphed into tiny wolves, and they're now wreaking havoc and trashing her testing labs. I must be going crazy to think these silly thoughts. "It appears . . . your blood . . . seems to be . . . well, um . . . Nevermind, Jessica. It's nothing to worry about." A short pause. A deep breath. "Goodnight, Jessica. I hope I won't be seeing you at the clinic ever again. Remember what I told you."

The line goes dead, and I stand there stunned, the phone frozen in my hand at her last statement. She's found something strange in my blood. Maybe, Dr. Taggart found out that I've undergone some kind of transformation. Maybe, my blood is now similar to that of a canine—or worse yet. Could it possibly be genetically advanced like Spiderman or mutated like the X-Men? I am certain of one thing though. I don't want to call her back and find out. No one wants to become a lab rat.

"Jessica, we're home." I hear my mother's greeting as she opens the front door. Great. They're both home at the same time.

My mom sees me standing in the hallway with the phone in my hand, and I hurriedly replace it back on the receiver.

"Who was that on the phone, Jess?" My dad's question sounds more like an accusation than a request.

"Telemarketer." I lie through my teeth, not desiring another addition to my "until further notice" sentence.

"Mel, I thought we were on the 'do-not-call list.' " My dad's attention is now diverted to my mother.

Seeing it as an opportunity to escape from their prying demeanor, I turn to make my way back down the hall.

"Jessica, honey, your father and I need to have a talk with you for a few minutes." I freeze on the stairs. Perfect. As if my night couldn't get any worse, my parents want to have a talk. God only knows what it could be about.

"Yes, Jess. Would you mind coming into the living room please?" My father's voice contains almost a hint of sadness, and I know that this conversation is not going to end with me getting the keys to a brand, new Mustang convertible. Damn it!

Reluctantly, I trudge my path into the living room and plop myself into my dad's leather recliner. He's had this chair for ages—as long as I can remember. It smells slightly of tobacco and peppermint, the memory-conjuring scent that always reminds me of sitting on my father's lap as a child.

"Jess." My father begins as they both take a seat together on the sofa opposite the chair—the same couch that holds other bittersweet memories of Jake and I . . . my thoughts start to slip away from me. "We have some news to tell you."

Oh, God! My eyes open wide in shock. I'm going to be a big sister! Damn it! Why now? Oh, yeah, great. I know why. Live-in babysitter. I imagine my fingers pointing at myself. Yours truly right here.

"Jess, I've been promoted to branch manager at my office." Whew. My dad's words make me release a sigh of overwhelming relief.

"That's great, Dad." I congratulate him, forming a broad smile on my face. I really am happy for my parents. A promotion means more money, more security for our family.

"That's not all though, Jessica." My mom interrupts my joyful ponderings.

"What do you mean?" A lump begins to lodge its way into my throat. I search my dad's face for an answer, and I know something completing life-altering is about to be unveiled.

"The office they want me to run is in Sacramento." My dad looks at me, then at my mother, and then back to me, trying to gauge my reaction.

"Sacramento? As is California? As in two states away?" I am in utter shock, my hands beginning to violently shake. That means I will have to move away from my school, my friends, my tribe, my *loud gulp* Jake. Damn you, Ephraim Black! As crazy as the notion may sound, I know he is behind this! He's working some voodoo magic to get me as far away as possible from Jake.

"Yes. I've already discussed the matter with the tribal council, and Billy spoke up for me. They have left the decision up to me—well, us as a family. They said they would support us no matter what we choose." My dad peers at me with his full attention, obviously seeking my approval of the move. "They know this is a great opportunity for our family."

I'm left speechless and unable to move. I have to force myself to blink, so they won't hurt from staring blankly at our family portrait positioned beside the front window. My hands are still shaking, and I hope I won't wolf out right in front of them.

My mom, noticing my trance-like state, continues, "They want your father to start in mid-July, which means we will have to move as soon as . . ."

"School gets out." I finish her statement as if I can read her every thought at the moment.

She nods to affirm those three haunting words. My heart is downtrodden, and the weight of the world begins to tumble down at my feet.

"We're sorry this is such short notice, Jess, but we wanted to run it by you before I accept the promotion." My father is now kneeling beside me, his hand on my right knee. "We want to make sure you are okay with it."

What do I tell him? No, don't take this job? I want to stay here and be with my friends and Jake? I couldn't possibly do that. That is completely selfish on my part. My dad should take this promotion. The tribal council is right. This is a great opportunity indeed for the Burnside family.

"Yes, Dad." I speak through my teeth, trying with all my might to mask my melancholy. "You should take the job."

My dad sighs, a slight grin forming on his face, and pats my knee twice before standing up. "Thank you, Jess."

"Now, that's settled! Let's eat! I brought home Chinese takeout." My mom's excitement makes the nausea return to my stomach.

I languidly empty my father's chair in almost a zombie-like state, heading for the stairs.

"Jess, are you okay?" My mom's hands are on my shoulders from behind.

"I'm just not hungry, Mom." I falsely reveal my feelings and ignore the rumblings in my stomach, gripping the banister like a lifeline. "I've got lots of homework to do."

With nothing left to say, I race up the stairs, leaving her at the foot of the steps. Over the course of twenty-four hours, my life has undergone some drastic changes. I hope with all that is within me that I will awake tomorrow and find that I have another chance to live today.

Attn: For those of you wondering, this is a canon story, which means it is meant to follow the storyline of the Twilight Saga. As we discovered in the last chapter, Jess is not meant to end up with Jacob, but a "greater love awaits" her. Stay tuned and see who it will be. Please review! :D