The effect of the ashes was miraculous. There was no other word for it. One moment Arl Eamon was barely clinging to life, and the next he was pacing frantically in his hall, horrified by what had happened while he was ill. Kaei was equally elated and conflicted about how well the ashes lived up to their myth. But she would have given anything to hang on to her confusion, considering what Eamon said next.
"We need someone with a stronger claim to the throne than Anora," Eamon said.
"You aren't speaking of Alistair, are you?" Teagan asked, a hint of concern in his voice.
"I wouldn't suggest such a thing if we had an alternative," he replied.
What Kaei wouldn't have given to have a brilliant alternative. Once the worlds were spoken, she looked over at Alistair who'd turned a wan shade of green. But true to his nature, he squared his shoulders, swallowed and accepted it. He didn't want to be king, that much was clear, but it seemed he knew his duty, even if it turned his stomach.
Eamon sent them on their way then, out to collect the rest of the allies in the Gray Warden treaties while he planned for the Landsmeet. Kaei couldn't wrap her head around what had just happened. The night before, she thought she'd found the one thing she'd wanted all her life. Love. The one thing that might be able to heal the pain Tamlen's loss had given her. Something she never thought was possible between a human and elf; something that could change the way her path was laid at her feet.
And now it was about to be swept away like leaves in a whirlwind.
Alistair was quiet. Very quiet. Kaei wanted to talk with him about what had just happened, but the expression in his eyes stayed her tongue. Instead she tried to busy herself with traveling. They were headed north again, towards Gherlen's Pass at the northwestern tip of Lake Calanhad where they would head back into the frigid mountains to the entrance to Orzammar, the seat of the dwarven kingdom.
Until now, they had always seemed to walk in the same, almost planned ranks. Kaei, Alistair and Laethie at the front, with Leliana and Zevran chatting behind them, Morrigan walking reluctantly with Wynne and Sten at rear guard. But not today. Alistair hung back with Sten, seeming to revel in the big Qunari's stoic silence. Laethie hung back with him, walking at heel by his side. Bonded to Kaei or not, Laethie seemed equally enamored of Alistair.
Kaei found herself sandwiched between Leliana and Zevran who both seemed intent upon distracting her from her melancholy.
"These markings of yours are much like Kaei's . . . I find they have a certain appeal," Leliana said, gesturing a finger to the curved tattoos on Zevran's face. "They remind me of how we used to paint our faces in Orlais."
"Ah," Zevran purred, "But these are not just paint. What was it you Dalish call this?"
"Vallaslin," Kaei replied tersely. "Blood writing."
"Kaei told me that hers are in honor of her patron goddess and symbolic of the Dalish," Leliana said. "Do yours mean anything to you Zevran?"
"Some do," Zevran explained, "Some symbols are sacred to the Crows. I am not permitted to tell you what they mean. Others are there to accentuate the lines of the body." He chuckled. "It's curves and musculature. It is hard to explain with armor and clothing on."
"But I don't recall seeing many markings on your body," Leliana remarked. Kaei raised an eyebrow.
"Ah, no, of course not," Zevran laughed. "They are not in the places you have yet seen. I can show you, if you wish. Both of you." He grinned lasciviously.
"Err... no, I think not," Leliana said. Kaei snickered.
"Is this a problem?" Zevran asked as innocently as a chantry brother.
Leliana snorted. "Not at all. I am merely content looking at the markings on your face, that is all."
"You are no fun," Zevran laughed. "Have it your way. Should you change your mind . . . ."
"You'll be the first to know, don't you worry." Leliana giggled, playfully snaking her hand around Kaei's back and smacking Zevran in the head.
"What about you, my dear Warden?" Zevran asked, rubbing the back of his head. "Or do I risk more injury to my person?"
"I'll try to restrain myself," Kaei said, trying to put a jovial tone in her voice and failing miserably. "But I will pass, on both options."
Leliana and Zevran shared a look. Leliana was frowning. Unfamiliar lines appeared on Zevran's forehead. He sighed.
"Please my dear," he said softly. "If my unrelenting flirtations do not make you smile, I am at a loss as to what to do."
"I appreciate the effort," Kaei said. "Both of you, but I'm not in the mood for smiling."
"Is there anything we can do?" Leliana asked. Kaei looked over her shoulder. Sten and Alistair were far enough away that they couldn't be overheard. She bit her bottom lip.
"I . . . I don't know what to do," Kaei said, as quietly as she could manage. "I'm afraid Wynne was right."
"How so?" Zevran asked. "What did she say to you?"
"She said," Kaei started. "She said a lot of things."
Leliana sighed in irritation. "She is an old woman," Leliana said. "And perhaps she is wise in some ways, but not in all."
"I can't dismiss it," Kaei replied. "She said that duty might . . . part us. And it seems that she is right."
"Why?" Zevran asked genuinely. "What would Alistair being king have to do with your intimate relationship?"
"I would think that was obvious," Kaei snapped. "I'm an elf, and last I checked Ferelden is a nation of shemlens . . . I mean humans." Kaei looked at Leliana apologetically. "I'm sorry, I'm just . . . ."
"No need to apologize to me," Leliana said, putting her arm around Kaei's shoulders. "It is unfair, in many ways. I never realized how much, until I met you. In Orlais, the elven servants seemed so content with their lives, it never occurred to me that they might want more. I suppose I am as guilty as any of forgetting that elves are people, the same as humans or dwarves or qunari."
"Perhaps we are," Kaei said. "But Thedas is not yet ready to see it."
"This is true," Zevran said, uncharacteristically sad. "No matter how much we wish it to be otherwise. To most we are like beautiful animals. Useful, talented, lovely, but animals nonetheless."
"And you are afraid that the King of Ferelden cannot have a consort that is an elf," Leliana said.
"I don't need to be afraid," Kaei said. "It is simply the truth. No matter what happens, even if I alone end this Blight somehow, I will always be an elf."
"Have you spoken to Alistair about this?" Leliana said softly. "Because a king can make choices that other men cannot."
"No," Kaei said, shaking her head. "He won't speak to me. And I keep thinking that he is just trying to find a way . . . ."
"I will kill him," Zevran snarled. "I will kill him if he hurts you."
Kaei stopped dead in her tracks.
"What?" she said. Her eyes were wide as saucers.
"I owe you a life," Zevran said, suddenly serious. "And I will not see you hurt by politics. I have seen quite enough of that to sicken me for a lifetime. In Antiva, life is cheap and the life of an elf is worth less than nothing. But you are not like those elves, living under the yoke of human masters. You are not even as I am. I see you for what you are; a free creature, deserving of your freedom. And you deserve better."
"Come," Leliana said, urging them forward. "Let us keep moving before we create a scene. I do not think assassination is necessary. Not yet, anyway."
"I can't believe the two of you," Kaei said angrily. "What I want doesn't matter here. What matters is uniting this gods-forsaken country before the darkspawn swallow us all, human and elf alike. And if that means duty comes before . . . before love, then that is as it must be."
Zevran growled. "So be it," he said. "But . . . ."
"But nothing, Zev," Kaei snapped. "Let it go."
"We must not get ahead of ourselves," Leliana said. "Perhaps you might speak to him before you have decided what he must do. Is that not his choice?"
"Not if I make it for him," Kaei mumbled.
"Is that truly what you want?" Leliana asked.
"Of course not," Kaei said, louder than she intended. "But what choice do I have?"
"You have many choices," Leliana said. "You always have choices. You can choose to take the chance at getting hurt to experience love. It is what always happens when you allow yourself to love. There is always the chance of pain."
"Hmpf," Zevran snorted. "Which is why love has no place in the life of a sensible person."
"Is that so?" Leliana said. "Have you never been in love? Have you never felt love?"
"Enough to know that I do not have any need of it again," Zevran snapped.
Kaei sighed. "Thanks," she said sarcastically. "You two are a great help." She thought they might be offended, but they were two busy glaring at one another and seemed to have forgotten she was there. Kaei sped up her pace, letting them fall behind where they continued to exchange angry words for a while.
She tried to ignore what they were saying, letting their voices become as insubstantial as the wind. It was easy enough for a time. But then Zevran's voice choked and Leliana replied softly.
"Oh Zevran," she said, her voice like a gentle caress. "I'm so sorry."
Kaei looked back over her shoulder at them. Zevran was strangely flushed, and Leliana was as equally pale. More odd than that, Leliana was holding Zevran's hand with gentle reverence. And Zevran didn't seem to mind.
Alistair appeared out of nowhere, grabbing Kaei's arm. "We need to talk," he said brusquely.
Kaei gave him a look.
"Please," he said, his voice softening. Kaei nodded.
"This is as good a place as any to make camp," she said. Sten stopped and appraised their position.
"It will do, although perhaps we could find somewhere more defensible," Sten said.
"Yes, well, I'll leave that bit up to you then?" Kaei suggested. Sten nodded, leading the others away. Kaei noted that Leliana and Zevran, although no longer touching, still walked very close together. Leliana gave Kaei a small knowing smile over her shoulder.
"Well," Kaei commented. "That's unexpected."
"What?" Alistair asked, his snapping back to look at her. He had been staring out over the road.
"Leliana and Zevran," Kaei said. "They seem to have become very close." Alistair grunted noncommitally. Kaei did her best to ignore him. "It's actually rather cute, don't you think?"
"I don't want to talk and Leliana and Zevran," he snapped.
"Fine," Kaei sighed. "Let's get this over with then."
Alistair looked stricken. "Over with?" he echoed.
"Isn't that what you do want to talk about?" Kaei said, narrowing her eyes.
"I . . . no," he said. "I don't . . . want anything to be over with except the Blight."
"Do you think we get to have that choice?" Kaei said. Her voice was emotionless. It wasn't easy.
"I don't know," Alistair sighed. "Eamon wants to make me king at the Landsmeet. I don't know what that means . . . for us."
"I can't imagine . . . ." Kaei started.
Alistair cut her off. "Look, I said I don't know what it means. But I do know that I don't want to let you go," he said quickly.
"I don't want to let you go either," Kaei said softly, looking down at the ground. "But do we actually get to make that choice for ourselves?"
"I sodding well hope so," Alistair said. He reached out and grabbed her chin, tilting her face up to look at him. "And if we do, I know what choice I want to make." He paused and took a deep breath. "I'm not like Zevran; I don't just say things. When I said that I didn't want to be without you, I meant it. And right now, I need you more than you know."
"Why?" Kaei managed to whimper.
"Because I know hardly anything about being a king," he explained. "But I do know that a king needs good people behind him. No one can be king alone, not a good king anyway. And you are just the sort of person a good king needs, I think."
Kaei blinked. She fought to find words, but discovered she had nothing to say.
"I know its terrifying," Alistair continued. He chuckled, "Maker knows I've been on the verge of soiling my smallclothes for days. But I do know that no matter what, I don't want to be without you. You need to trust me."
"I do trust you," Kaei said. "I'm just so afraid." She sighed. "Some Gray Wardens we are."
Alistair grinned. "We're what they've got," he said. "And we will do this." He paused and grinned again. "Together."
Kaei nodded.
"So lets not do this stupid not talking nonesence again, shall we?" Alistair said, "It makes me crazy."
Kaei was about to reply, when they were interrupted by a shrill giggle. They both turned to look to see Zevran straddling Leliana in the wreckage of a tent. They were wrestling playfully. With a grunt, Zevran found himself flipped on his back. Leliana laughed uproariously.
Alistair raised an eyebrow at Kaei. "The chantry sister and the assassin, eh?" he snickered.
"No stranger than the King of Ferelden and a Dalish elf, is it?" Kaei grinned.
Smiling broadly, he wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her close. "You have a point there, my dear," he replied, kissing her forehead. "You did tell me I was a strange human once, didn't you?"
"I do seem to recall that," she said, snuggling herself up against his chest. "Apparently strange is the new normal."
Alistair chuckled. "I'm all for that."
