Jacob Have I Loved

Chapter 24

The following Saturday afternoon, I find myself unenthusiastically helping my mom box up our belongings for the move to California. I have been avoiding Jake for the past few days, and I know he senses something is up with me. He's been waiting for me after my classes and has even passed notes to me through our friends. The letters all pose the same question: "Why aren't you talking to me?" I know it's wrong to just push him aside like this when we had the best possible moment the other evening. It was probably the best moment of my entire life, making love to him in our cave. It was so beautiful, so right. And then some apparition of my ancestor told me we weren't meant to be together and turned me into a freaking werewolf. Just thinking about the drastic changes in my life over the past few days makes me want to off myself. Believe me. I've thought about it more than once (five times actually) this week.

At night, I've been crying myself to sleep, unable to move from the solace of my bed. I have to force my rigid body out of my bed in the mornings and don a happy grin for my parents' sake. It would hurt them to know how much pain I've been in, sulking over the relocation to Sacramento. My mom even commented at dinner last night that she was glad I was taking everything so well. She confessed that she half expected me to put up a fight. If only she knew the inner anguish coursing through the chambers of my heart . . . I am about to leave everything behind: my school, my friends, my tribe, my Jake, my life.

Speaking of my friends, Stephenie is all torn to pieces over my family's move. She about balled her eyes out when I told her the next day at school, and she even threatened to shackle herself to the railing on my front porch in protest the day we leave. I kissed her on the cheek and gave her a long, much-needed hug. We held each other as we mourned the new strain on our friendship and realized that it may inevitably be the end of our "best friends forever" status. I warned her not to tell Jake or our other friends just yet. I want to be the one to tell Jake on my own. I just need to find the right time and the right place. Something in my gut tells me that he already knows since Billy is the one who spoke up for my dad at tribal council.

After consoling one another, Steph immediately began to gossip about our little pack of friends. Quil and Lindz split the night of the prom. Supposedly, she caught Quil with another girl under the bleachers during the dance and practically beat the shit out of him before lunging at the girl. Steph said the girl's name was Emz or something like that, but Lindz just called her "the Nuttie." Man, I love Lindz, and I wish we could have been more than acquaintances. She seems to be my type of girl.

Julie broke it off with Jared after that night too, stating that she couldn't date someone who socialized with cheaters. The ole "it takes one to know one" attitude. Anyway, I've heard she's quite the "vixenous bitch" as Jared put it so bluntly one time. Jared quickly moved onto some senior named Andrea. He must really like this girl, Stephenie said, because he's been avoiding Steph and our other friends ever since they started dating. I told her it may be because he's older than us and he wants to be around people his own age.

Sam Uley, my "cousin," has also been avoiding us like the plague, and he even stared me down as I walked by his house after I got off the bus yesterday. He had this evil ass smirk on his face as his eyes followed me. I hope he doesn't want to get with me; Leah would be heartbroken if she knew. Jake's jealousy would be even worse.

I've been so worried about the nonexistent pregnancy, my elevated rank on the food chain, and packing that I haven't even noticed that Steph has lost all interest in Embry. He "moves too slow," she said. Poor Embry. He's such a sweet guy, and all Steph has on her mind is losing her V-card. I hope Embry finds someone who moves at the same speed someday.

Maybe, all of this is happening for a reason, and our circle of friends is parting ways. I guess it's for the best that I just let my friends go. A clean break. A new start.

The wolf thing? Well, I haven't changed or whatever the hell you want to call it since that Tuesday night. I've felt the urge several times—the burning, the itching—almost like my skin was about to burst at the pores. On Wednesday, one of the senior girls, Joy, made some witty remark about the way my hair was styled at school between first and second period. I gripped the opened door of my locker so hard that it bent under the force of my fingers. Joy just stared wide-eyed at the damaged steel locker as I swiftly bent it back before heading off to gym class. She didn't even meet my gaze the rest of the day. The wolfy strength does have its advantages at times—such as bitch repellent.

After assisting my mother pack up the entire living room—all of our books, family pictures, and knick knacks, I traipse up the stairs to my bedroom to take a quick rest before we move onto the next room in house. To distract myself from the myriad of thoughts consuming my brain, I pull out my Sookie Stackhouse novel and engross myself within its pages. Man, that Lafayette cracks me up. Not to mention, one of the characters, Sam, is a shapeshifter like me. He even takes on the shape of a dog. Irony is such a beautiful bitch sometimes.

Knock. Knock. My super-duper wolf hearing picks up the small poundings on my front door. Then, footsteps. . . the door creaking open . . . a familiar voice . . .

"Mr. Burnside." Jake's husky words jumpstart my heart, and it begins to pump my blood with vigor.

"Jake, you know to call me David." I can almost picture the wary look on my dad's face as he eyes my sex partner—I mean, my boyfriend. I can virtually sense the antagonism he must have for Jake now that he knows what we've done together. I can only imagine him rolling his eyes and thinking, You put your hands on my daughter and if you ever do it again I'll castrate you. "What can I do for you, Jake?"

"Well, um." I hear Jake gulp down his fear as he begins. "My dad has an extra ticket to the Mariners game today. Charlie can't go for some reason. And I was wondering if Jess might like to go with us."

A Mariners game! I love watching baseball live, but the thought of watching it with Jake makes me feel a little queasy. I tuck my bookmark carefully between the pages of my novel and hurriedly race to the window facing the driveway. Pulling back the curtains, I notice Harry Clearwater's black Ford parked out front. I can make out the image of Harry sitting in the driver's seat and Billy positioned beside him.

As I glance out the window, I hear my dad release a sigh and submit. "Come in, Jake. Make yourself at home. I'll be right back."

Frantically, I jump back on my bed, fumbling with my book to make it appear as if I haven't been eavesdropping on the conversation downstairs.

"Knock. Knock." My dad says as he knocks, further disclosing my door and inviting himself into my bedroom. "Jake's downstairs, Jess. He wants to take you to the Mariners game."

As my father sits down at the foot of my bed, I realize that my book is turned upside down. I quickly toss it to the side.

"I thought I was grounded until further notice." I mockingly tease him, forcing a smile.

"Me too, but . . ." My soul fills with hope at his words. "I know the move isn't going to be easy for you, so today I'm giving you notice. How's that sound?"

I instantly throw my arms around my sire and give him the tightest hug I've ever given anyone. He's just bestowed me with the greatest gift he could ever give me. I love him so much for that.

"Thanks, Dad." I gently whisper as my head lay on his shoulder.

"You're welcome, darling." He pulls back and dries my tears. "I know you were upset when we didn't get season tickets this year." He takes a deep breath. "And I know that you and Jake are close, maybe too close for my taste, but I can see in his eyes how much he cares for you. I know he's a good guy and he's not taking advantage of my baby girl. He's the best guy for you I could have ever hoped for."

My heart sinks. Jake is a good guy, and now I'm going to have to play the Joker to his Batman, the Lex Luthor to his Superman, breaking his heart to bits over this damn "destiny" shit. The tears come even faster as these thoughts overwhelm me.

"Jess, please don't cry. I'm sorry I'm making you leave everything you care about because of my job. It's not fair to you. It really isn't." My dad's words melt me in that moment. I feel so special to be called his daughter and even more honored to call him my father.

"Dad, really. I know this is important to you. I totally understand." I try to make him feel better, but the pained look on his face sends aches to my chest.

"Well, Jake's waiting downstairs." My dad pushes himself off the bed and stands. "Now, get out of here before I change my mind." His chuckles echo off my walls as he exits the room.

Nervously, I begin to undress and rummage through my drawers for my Mariners T-shirt. Finally finding it, I pull it over my body and grab my matching baseball cap from my bedpost. I position it perfectly on my head, lacing my hair already in a ponytail through the hole in the back. Damn, I am one good-looking bitch in a hat! I laugh quietly to myself. The fleeting moments of laughter help to numb the uneasiness I feel about the impending game and the possibility of it being the last time Jake and I share a date together.

I step into my mules and retrieve my purse from my nightstand before heading down the stairs to meet Jake.

As I reach the bottom step, I spy Jake standing in the living room, his back turned to me. Upon hearing my footsteps on the stairs, he spins around, and a smile broadens on his face. The sight of his beautiful face almost makes me faint right there, but I catch myself on the banister.

"Hey, slugger, I thought you were avoiding me." Jake greets me, walking toward me. When I don't answer, he changes the subject. "Hey, we match, Jess." I'm too busy staring at his gorgeous face to notice that we are wearing the exact same Mariners shirt. "I guess that means it's meant to be." His joke makes me smile half-heartedly, for I know in my heart that it's not true.

Why? Because damn Casper the Fucking Friendly Ghost told me so. That's why. Damn it all to hell.

"Let's just go, Jake." I take his hand and lug him out the front door, hearing my mom call "Have fun!" just as the screen door slams shut behind us.

Once inside the backseat of the Ford—the same place Jake and I you know—Harry pivots his head and exclaims, "Hello, Jessica. It's been awhile."

"Hi, Harry." I softly reply as Jake tightens his grip of my hand.

"Jess?" Billy questions, turning his body slightly to look at me in the backseat.

"Yes, Billy." I answer, not even looking up to acknowledge him. Some part of me blames him for the dilemma I'm in. I secretly wish he would have objected to my father moving our family off the reservation.

Billy exhales noisily and faces the front again as Harry revs the engine. "Nothing. It's nothing."

The car ride to Seattle is quite uneventful besides the stares Harry keeps stealing at me in the rearview mirror. Even Billy keeps turning his head ever so often to glace at me out of his peripherals. The unreadable expressions on their faces are making me a little befuddled and anxious. What the hell? Am I being punk'd or something? Are they really taking me to a game? Or are they planning to murder me and leave me dead on the side of the road?

Once we arrive at the ballpark and have our tickets scanned at the entrance, my stomach begins to annoying growl until the pain is almost unbearable. I break Jake's vice grip on my hand and press it to my stomach. One of the many drawbacks of being a damn wolf—extreme hunger.

"Are you okay, Jess?" I can tell by the look in his eyes that he is worried about me, judging from the fact that I've had nausea for the past week or so. "Can I get you something?"

"Just a little hungry." I smile at him, taking back his hand.

"Be right back." Jake kisses me on the cheek and heads toward the refreshment stand.

"Let's go find our seats, Jessica." Billy wheels up beside me in his chair. "Jake is a big boy. He'll find us."

"Ok." I reluctantly follow my two elders into the stands, feeling the nervousness well up inside my being. Having to be alone with the both of them makes me a little apprehensive.

Then, it hits me. Maybe they know about the whole wolf thing. Shit! What am I going to say if they ask? Lie through my teeth, that's what. They're not getting shit out of me.

"Here we are." Harry says as he helps Billy roll into the handicap seat at the end of the row. "Ladies first." He offers me the choice of the three remaining seats, and I take the furthest of the trio. I don't want to willingly place myself in the middle of their staring contest.

"Jess!" Jake returns after several minutes. Thank God! I thought for a minute that Billy and Harry's eyes were going to bug out from their sockets the way they kept gawking at me when they should be watching the diamond. Jake settles beside me on my left, handing me a hot dog (with just ketchup and mustard) and a large soda cup. "Here you go, Jess."

"Thanks, Jake." I thank him further with a grin, scarfing down the entire wiener in three bites. Then, I open the lid of the drink, forgetting the straw, and chug the full sixteen ounces in one long gulp.

I lower the cup from my lips and notice all three of my companions with their mouths agape, marveling at my haste to finish my snack. I wipe my mouth and feel the blush of embarrassment flood my cheeks. "What? I was hungry." They quickly focus their attention back toward the field.

Repositioning myself in my seat, I feel Jake's right arm settle around my shoulders. He leans over and whispers in my ear, "That was kind of sexy."

The warmth of his breath on my neck turns my skin to gooseflesh. I have half a mind to pull him toward the dugout at the end of the first inning and have a little Fast Times at Ridgemont High moment. Instead, I tilt my body forward, pretending to watch the local celebrity throw out the first pitch. I hear the quiet sound of Jake pull his arm back.

"Jake, you really shouldn't have spent any money on me. I know you want to get that master cylinder for your Rabbit." I keep my eyes on the field and watch the first batter, a Mariner, strike out.

"That's ok." Jake sighs, rubbing my shoulder. "You're a better investment anyway."

Turning to give him a smile, I feel the soothing heat of his hands interlace with mine, and my soul soars with happiness, numbing the pain for a few fleeting moments.

"Jess?" I break my gaze at Jake and look at Harry. "Please tell me you're not going to betray us and become an Athletics or Giants fan when you move."

"Move?" Jake jumps as if he has been startled and shoots me a look of bewilderment. "What does he mean, Jess?"

"She hasn't told you?" Billy joins the conversation, looking at his son in wonder.

"Told me what?" I know it sounds strange, but I can hear the drumming of Jake's heart as he speaks. "The Giants? You're moving to California, Jess? I heard your dad was promoted, but . . ."

The expression on Jake's face breaks my heart. He looks like he has just lost his best friend—well, his girlfriend in this case. I want to wrap my arms around him and never let him go. It pains me to see him so upset at Harry and Billy's announcement.

I nod to answer his question, biting my lower lip. Damn, I wish I could go back and distract Harry from ruining my evening. I hate that Jake had to find out this way.

"Wow." Jake mumbles, bending forward to put his head in his hands. That is the only word he utters the entire nine innings . . .

Attn: Aww, poor Jake. Please review! Thanks for reading.