Chapter 2
I always get home around four when Dave drives me. From school we might go someplace and hang out with some of his friends. He's friends with everyone I guess. More the popular kids than the "losers". But most of the people he hangs out with are very nice. I am just usually uncomfortable shifting from group of friends to group of friends with him. It's embarrassing because I forget most of their names. Not that knowing them matters. They just know me because I'm always just there. Standing beside Dave and putting a quick comment in the rare moments I must.
I've always been quiet. I take after my dad. He was the quiet and thoughtful one out of my parents. My mother was like Dave- loud and friendly- and my father the same as me.
The funny part is my older sister- Amber takes most after my mother.
Amber is tall, gorgeous, and looks much older than she is. The opposite of me. We're more like cousins than sisters. She isn't home much. She is in college living the college life. But in high school she was the reckless one. A new boyfriend every month. Sneaking out. Beer. Everything. Amber managed to master it with the occasional stumble and hiccup. But she's my sister. The friend I didn't chose- who was always just there. My mother isn't home much either. She works full time. When she is it's strange. We live in a huge house alone. Just the two of us. Not being able to deal with each other face to face and one on one most of the time. Ever since my dad left.
I don't remember it much. My dad leaving. It jsut sort of happened. With a quiet climax climbing and climbing while I silently slept in my bright blue bedroom listening to Amber giggling on the phone to whichever boy she had interest in that week or month. The silent wars. Between the two people I thought loved each other most. I woke up one morning. A grey Saturday in March. And my dad was sitting drinking his last cup of coffee from the mug my sister promptly smashed screaming about how he was deserting us.
And my father and I remained quiet. While my mother and Amber yelled and screamed. We were all unhappy that morning. And I guess it lead to him driving away. And the silent wars took over my house. My sister was always gone. My mother worked a lot. And I sat in my silence. Age eight. Wondering if my dad would ever come home and that envelope with the divorce papers was really just a letter from him saying he was sorry. But I never saw him again.
I think of all things in my childhood that made me quieter the most.
When Dave drops me off. I go into an empty house. It is new so the stairs don't even creak when I go upstairs. The frames holding our memories are the past eight years of my life. I- unlike most kids who lost a parent to divorce or death or failure -have no picture of the four of us. Us four Simmons. When we were happy and I was young and I looked my age- not six years younger.
Out of my whole house. My room is the only one that's truly mine. I painted it green when I was thirteen. I still like the color. In my house my room is the loudest of all rooms. I walk right in and turn on my stereo playing whatever CD I burned the day before.
My room has a computer. A window. A bed. That's all I really need. I don't own much books. I just own a million CDs. My mother gives me a lot of money. She always feels bad. I don't need much stuff so when Cass and I got into music we started buying CDs. It turned into a habit for me. Cass stopped when she ran out of money buying red hairdye. After that she bought bright clothes to match it, and her personality. Me. I kept buying CDs.
By now I own a hundred. I don't just buy them at the record store in the mall here. In fact I would. They own a lot of CDs. But I buy a lot of my stuff online. Or wherever.
When I was twelve Amber was listening to this band Jimmy Eat World. I liekd them. And I liked bands that sunded like them. Then I liked bands that sounded like tohse bands. And so on. And Cass liked that music too. And we started tlaking about music and everything- because in middle school she was friends with everyone and I was friends with a tight group of girls that I would later forget about. And Cass and I became best friends.
Like we've been ever since.
But sometimes being alone is soothing to me. I sometimes like just sitting burning CDs or finding a few I want to order over the internet. I don't know much of anyone who likes music the same as me. It's because I'm so quiet, I need sound to fill that emptiness.
I don't tell much of this to Dave though. Partly because I don't have much of a story about my dad worth telling- I just know I loved him like all little kids love thier fathers and partly because he doesn't want to listen to what music I like. When it comes to music, he only gives me a hard time about my CD player and tells me when his band is playing at the club downtown. I don't think I need to tell Dave everything to love him. Most of the tihngs I haven't told him- I think- will jsut make him love me less.
It's a scary thought. The end of the year. Because when it comes he'll be graduating and I'll still be in Kerrington hoping he won't dump me for some tall gorgeous college girl like Amber who looks her age and doesn't have freckles. I'm scared he'll dump me before then. Because when it comes to relationships Dave is more expirienced, and I'm scared I won't be enough.
I try not and think about these things because I love Dave more than anything. When my phone rings and I see his name my heart skips a beat and I answer. "Hello?"
"Hey," He says, I can always hear him smiling. His voice just sounds a different way when he does. I can always hear him smiling when I answer the phone. I hope he can hear me too. "What's up?"
"Nothing," I say sighing. "I'm just doing homework." I tend to tell little lies here and there, because Dave isn't all that into music even though he's in a band- and I don't want him to ever realize that I might just be his little emo girlfriend. I don't think he ever will though. I think he loves me more than that.
"Same," He sighs. He is still smiling. "So," He continues. "Tomorrow we're playing the club after all."
"I thought all-ages night was cancelled?" I ask leaning back against my computer seat.
"Turns out they couldn't get enough advertisment around and the band they had bailed out. So we got a call a half our ago- or Peter did but turns out it's on." Peter, Ace, and Cam are in the band with Dave. They are also his best friends. Or at least I know Peter is. "So, if you were already planning on going to a party with your friends..."
"No," I chime in before he goes on. "I'll go." I don't make plans on Fridays anymore. I hate calling Cass and telling her I'm choosing to hang out with Dave or go to this party with Dave when she's going to that. In Kerrington there is a lot of parties because there are a lot of kids here that are in high school and a lot of kids like having parties and a lot of kids like going to them. I never thoguht so many parties existed. But since Dave is friends with everyone he always finds ones to go to every Friday.
"Cool," He says smiling again. Grinning. "We have to go early, the club owner wants to talk to us. So you're gonna have to go one your own- I mean I don't want you to get bored while we talk about like sets and stuff- but I'll find you okay?"
"Sounds perfect." I smile my best and brightest. Hoping he can hear it through the phone the same way I can hear him smile.
"Elisa, I love you so much." He says suddenly. His voice a little lower and softer. My stomach catches butterflies and I smile a little. My cheeks burn. I don't have the ability to blush but I can feel them burning when I would have if I could.
"I love you too," I say back.
