Chapter 3

I dig my keys out of my pocket. I have a small car that I got from my mom when I got my license. I'm not a very good driver. It's because there's always that "If" and I am always scared more or less of the drivers around me. It's only six but it's gettign darker earlier. I pull out of my empty driveway. It's Friday, and my mother is usually out on business trips or working late. She works for some huge ocmpany and is some high role or whatever. I'm not too sure what she does. I just know she's never home and I always am.

She won't let me get a job and when I ask she just gives me more money. Always just gives me more money.

The club is downtown. It's not that crappy it's just small. But a lot of kids from school and Coolen always go and see Dave's band. Three Cheers is a pretty big thing. But when I walk inside, I always jsut fit in right away. Sure there are a couple cheerleader-esque girls and a football player or two. But other than that I fit in with everyone else. I'm just Elisa. These people don't care if Dave is my boyfriend. I just look like any other one of them. But theres more people than there usually is.

I walk along the side calling Dave's phone to see where he is. I usually go back to their dressing room- a small puke-green painted room with a foldup table and a couch, with them before. But I'm sort of late so I don't know if I'll find him before.

He answers though. "Hello?"

I can barely hear him. But somehow we manage to find each other. He kisses me in the shadow. Not to show off. "Hi," He says smiling. I answer him with the same word back and he takes my hand and we go backstage. I know my way around by now. I just need Dave to bring me or else I might get in trouble by Deb, the man who runs this club on all ages night. He is named Deb. It isn't come sick nickname Dave and his friends dubbed him or anyone else. It's on birth certificates and his license and IDs and everything. But Deb likes me. He just forgets sometimes when he's had a drink or two.

Dave leads me past thier normal dressing room. It's full of these other kids. Seniors probably form Coolen. We go to another room. It's beige but turning gree which disgusts me more than the puke-green I'm used to before Dave goes onstage.

There are two girls. They go to Coolen- Charon and Mindy. They're always backstage before a show. I think their "with" Peter and Ace. I don't really know because Peter sleeps around with a few girls at a time and Ace isn't any different. The room seems happy. They pass around a slim bottle of liquor.

I sit next to Daveo n one of the two(!) couches. His legs against mine and his hand around my waist. "So," he says smilign at me. "What do you think of the recent upgrade?"

"It's nice, what's all this for though?" I ask him.

"We got the official time-slot. Forty-five minute set tonight if the other band is good it's permanent." Peter shouts out. Everyone is excited. One of the girls- Charon falls onto Peter's lap. They get comfortable.

"What's the other band's name again?" Mindy asks loudly.

"Caustic." Ace says.

"Thomas Welker?" She asks. Ace nods. "He's so hot."

"Heard they've been sucking lately though." Charon says loudly. "One of them was dating Rainie Joseph- got dumped."

"Go figure," Mindy says. "Slut."

Everyone knows Rainie Joseph. Just like everyone knows Bennett Williams. She's suppsoed to be gorgeous. Not just pretty-pretty-big-boobs gorgeous. The real kind of gorgeous. I've never seen her. But I've heard more stories about her than anyone else from Coolen. Cass said if I saw her I'd just know who she was.

Peter sits up, pulling Charon up a little touching under her thigh. "Now, now." He said. "Let's not be judging the poor girl." He smiles evilly though. "I have seen her tohugh, god that Thomas Welker guy get's all the girls worth-"

"No, it was the guitarist." Mindy says.

Charon wrinkles her nose.

Dave takes the bottle of liquor and takes a sip. A hard one. Then he offers it to me. I don't drink much really. But I feel awkward being the only one who hasn't taken a sip. I take the bottle and pour it in my mouth like water. It burns like fire. I'm not much of a drinker but I've grown to have the throat to handle it. The burning I mean.

I hand it back to him. And he sips it again. I only take one sip. Then without a word he just kisses me. His breathe thick with alcohol already. Dave isn't that bad of a drinker. But if he's drunk I am scared of him. He is really sloppy. And I usually take him home.


We listen to Caustic play. They are actually very good. I'm not allowed to say this but they are beter than Dave's band. Especially tonight because Dave isn't that good of a singer when he's buzzed. I saw the guitarist though. As unspoken as he seems onstage, he's very good. But you can tell. He got dumped by the prettiest, most talked about, most legendary girl in Kerrington.

Dave holds me close to him. I never want him to let go of me. I love Dave. If we ever broke up I'd be worse than that guitarist even though he lost Rainie Joseph. Because I'd be loosing the first guy I ever loved.

When Dave's band goes onstage I move into the crowd. Being cramped in between person after person. A few peopel are leaving and moving away from the stage since Caustic murdered the crowd. But everyone else I've been in this crowd before. I'm in my place where I always am on Friday all-ages night and the Northeastern club. All of us waiting for Three Cheers to come on.

Even they had been blown away by Caustic. They decided they had to be better than them to get thier forty-five minute set every all-ages night. And when they go on they do just that. Dave sounded like he hadn't had a single drop inside of him. The room lite up. I even saw the band Caustic come out and watch them. All the Caustic fans converted and fused into us. Dave always finds me in the crowd and looks at me. Chooses me to keep eye-contact with. Out of everyone. And that's when I think I love him most. Because I always get this amazing feeling inside of me when he always picks me out of the crowd. And smiles whenever he sings certain lyrics. At me.

It's the greatest feeling in the world.


"I want to go!" Charon whines. She loops her arms around Peters neck. "Let's go to that football party you were invited to."

"Yeah," Mindy says. "Can we?"

"We totally should," Peter said.

Everyone agrees. Dave looks at me. He leans in sliding his hands around my waist. "Let's hang out just the two of us." When he says it it's cute. But I always feel a scared nervous pang in my chest. I nod. "Okay."

We all leave splitting off. The equipment in the back of Cam's van. He doesn't say much- Cam. He's softspoken. Not very social. But he has a van and carries equipment and everytihng. I sit in Dave's camaro with him. And we drive a few blocks off to the cemetary whcih is where he likes to go when we're going to be along. Just the two of us.

He plays soft music. CDs I don't like but never have the guts to crutique. And he leans in and kisses me softly. I kiss him back it's fine for a few minutes. Mt hands in his hand. His move to my waist. And his tongue fills my mouth. I love Dave so much. It's moments like this when I'm more aware of how quickly I could loose him. Because I get very immature. He kisses me hard. His lips moving to my neck. I don't like when this happens. He's bigger than me. I'm twelveyears old practically.

I shake. I really do. He holds me tighter.

This is the only time I'm ever scared of Dave. I love him so much. It's just when he has complete control over me. Kissing is just fine. But he wants more than that.

I only need to know he loves me for me to be satified. I'm never sure what Dave needs. I hope it's just that I love him and I care about him more than anyone. But especially when it's just the two of us do I highly doubt it's just that.

I really do love Dave. You need to know that.