A/N: I know I should be kicked in the butt, I have no excuses except life got in the way. Hopefully I will be back on schedule now. Sorry again for the wait on the update.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all that is Twilight.
Chapter 26
Transitions
The days after I returned home from Vegas were empty. Alice said Edward left the same day I did the only way I knew he was back my luggage had been dropped off at my door. I still have not listened to the messages on my cell phone I guess I am still not ready to face everything just yet.
The gang will be returning from Vegas in a couple of days, Jasper's on the top of his game and has moved into the lead in the standings. Emmett is doing well but missed a steer in the earlier rounds. I have been riding everyday and I am up in a rodeo tonight in Buckeye, I am hauling over with Bree. Bree has become a great friend following the Gilbert rodeo we haul together when Jas and Em are going to different rodeos.
I busy myself out in the barn getting everything ready to go for tonight when my cell phone rings, I glance at the screen and my heart drops as I see Edward's name come up.
I tentatively flip the phone open I take a deep breath before I push the answer button, "Hello."
I hear an exhale on the other end of the line, "I didn't think you would answer." He sounds tired with a hint of something else I can't put my finger on.
Not knowing what to say, I just say the first thing that comes into my head, "I almost didn't."
"Bella I understand that you are upset with me but please give me a chance to explain."
Upset? Upset does not even cover how I feel.
"Edward we do need to talk but I just need some time to work through my own feelings. You hurt me and right now I just want to concentrate on riding my horse and not hurting so much. Can you please understand that?"
There is dead silence on the other end of the phone as I walk towards the front of the barn Bree is coming down the driveway.
After what seems like forever he answers, "Bella I do understand just promise me that you will call me when you are ready to talk."
"I promise I will call you. Look I gotta run Bree is here." Not really knowing how to end the conversation, I want so much to tell him I love him, but I know he does not feel the same way so I go for the generic, "Take care of your self Edward."
There is a low sad chuckle on the other end of the phone, "You do the same Bella good luck tonight." The line goes dead.
I feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I walk back to Phoenix's stall. I want so much for him to love me the way I love him, but that bitch has made it impossible for him to love anyone. I wipe the tears away as I lead Phoenix out of her stall towards the trailer. At least I still have Phoenix. That is one thing Tanya Denali can't take away from me. I load her and all my tack up in Bree's trailer and jump in the truck on to the next rodeo…
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It has been a couple of months since the phone call from Edward. I just haven't really worked up the nerve to talk to him. I feel like all the progress I made since my divorce with James went backward when I walked in on Edward and Tanya. Alice explained the whole situation when they returned from Vegas and honestly it made me realize I am more damaged than I thought.
On a good note Jasper ended up winning the PRCA championship in the Calf Roping and he proposed to Alice the minute he was awarded with the title. They are planning a Valentine's Day wedding, I could not be happier for my cousin.
I have been hitting the road pretty hard on the weekends I am now placing second in the Turquoise Circuit standings, I have a couple more rodeos before the circuit finals that are held at the beginning of March.
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"Bella hold still! Quit fidgeting, the more you move the longer it takes me to get your bridesmaid dress hemmed!" Alice sighs as she pins another needle in the bottom of the lavender dress. I was ecstatic when she asked me to be her maid of honor, now I am not so sure; I have been put through torture for her and Jasper's February 14th nuptials, which is this coming weekend.
I glance down at the spiky haired pixie as she puts the last needle in, "I am sorry Alice it is just that the reception dinner Friday will be the first time in almost two months that I have seen Edward. I am not sure how I feel about that."
Alice straightens my dress as she stands, "Bella you have no one to blame but yourself, the ball was in your court so to speak and honestly honey you dropped it."
My heart clutches at her words, as true as they are it still stings. "Alice trust me I know, you do not know how many times I have picked up the phone to call him, but the bottom line is I am scared." The tears start welling up like they always do when I talk about anything Edward. "Alice how do I overcome my fears?"
"Oh sweetie, there is only one person who knows the answer to that question and that is you. If you love Edward than I think that is enough to help you overcome anything. Just for once let your guard down, be honest with him tell him your fears. Edward is a good man he will listen." Alice hugs me tight the only way family can.
Friday is here before I know it, the hustle and bustle of wedding preparations have given me little time to think about seeing Edward, but now as I stand outside the reception hall where the wedding rehearsal is going to take place my heart is in my throat.
"Bella, why are you standing out here looking shell shocked?" I jump not realizing Rose and Emmett had walked up beside me.
"I just can't bring myself to go in there Rose. I know he is in there and I know I need to do this but…"
"Hold on right there Bella! You are stronger than this! You need to put on your big girl panties and just deal with it. I have seen you mope around for months and honestly I am just tired of it! Where is the Bella that rides twelve hundred pound horses with ease? I want that Bella back, the fearless one….Cowgirl up, Bella!" I look over at Rose knowing she is right, this is not me…Cowgirl up Rose is right. And with that I straightened my shoulders and strolled into the building….
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End Note: I am going to start work on the next chapter, should be maybe 5 more chapters give or take and an epilogue. Thanks for sticking with me, even though I took a hiatus. LOL.
