Chapter 9
It's always weird when I come home and my mother's there. Sitting in her office or watching foodnetwork typing onto her labtop or on her cell phone. She always waves or says hi. She's ask why I didn't invite Dave inside sometimes- because of all things my mother loves Dave more than anything. All of Amber's boyfriends were given fake hospitality but Dave is welcomed inside without even a second thought.
Today she's in her office. "Hey, Elisa?" I turn back towards her- I was jsut starting to walk out. "Amber's coming home this weekend. We're going to dinner on Friday, I'm sorry if that gets int othe middle of your plans with Dave."
I smile a little to reassure her. "No it's fine." I say.
I was going out with Cass and Miles to a show in the next town over. But my mother hates Cass. She hates her hair and her independence. It's just natural. Cass loves my mom though. I find it funny sometimes becuase my mother can be really "phony" and act like she likes Cas when I know she's over boiling with hate inside.
Cass answers her phone the second ring when I'm upstairs. "Hello?" She says.
"Hey," I say. "Guess what?"
"I don't know what?" She gets excited. She loves surprises, Cass.
"Amber's coming home tomorrow. I can't go to Natick."
There is a heavy sigh. Her excitement is smashed. "Damnit." She says.
"I'll talk to old Nanc." She says. "She'll let you come with me and Miles once i'm through with her."
"Nah," I say sitting on my bed. "Nancy isn't in the mood."
"Damnit." Cass has two little brothers. Their twins and love her to pieces. Amber and I just don't fit together. She's the opposite of me in a bad way because I'm being what she isn't and succeeding. I think it hurts her. Because my mother forces that on her. Elisa did this, Elisa got on the high honor role. Elisa did that. It's no wonder we don't get along. But Cass and her two brothers, Andrew and Sam are probably are completely fine together.
If you're wondering- I probably do envy Cass. Her confidence. Her family. Her choices. Her personality. Everything. I wish I could be. But really I can't. I'm wedged into this shell and this life to hard to get out. And I'd be to scared to do things like her. Her mother and her don't get along at all. She reminds me of Amber only with dyed hair. But I have Dave. I have my mom. And I have all I ever reached out to get. I don't need much more. It'd be selfish if I did something that would make me a tiny bit like Cass. I'm supposed to be just me. This is who I am. I can't be anyone else.
