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DECAY HEAT CHAPTER 4 : DRINKING
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"You say you have a lot of friends, Zura…" Takasugi stated quietly, walking so close to me that he blocked out the candlelight, which then blossomed around his body like a halo. A brown shadow the color of burnt trees fell across my eyelids. I could feel his hot aura radiating and I folded my arms, shivering. "But have you ever been as close to them… as you have with me…?"
A fuzziness seemed to float above his pale cheekbones, chin and lips, as if the white gauze across his forehead was now wrapped around my eyes, making me dizzy. I blinked and tried to focus all my attention on his right eye. The air that sprang up between us was the color of a bruised plum. The luster from my blue kimono also spilled across his hair and pooled along the creases of his bandage, nose and lips…yet in his eye,I could see no light at all.
"How can you feel close to anyone if you can't even see that they exist?"
Takasugi's lips stretched into a slim smile. "You exist. You came to look for me."
"I didn't seek you out for you. I did it to protect my friends. My real friends."
The barest hint of a flinch. "I know, you never liked me. That's why I liked to look for you. I used to think you were so far away, like an angel…but gradually, you seem to have come closer and closer to earth."
"What do you mean?"
"Why are you drawn to me, Zura…Is there something broken inside of you? A wound that can never heal…?"
Shouyou-sensei! Why did Takasugi have to bring him up again? I used to spend all my time trying to recapture the days before Shouyou-sensei died. He was the best of old Japan. When he died— everything that I had treasured in my life – Bushido, Hanabi Festivals and Soba noodles became as dust. So I plunged into the Joi revolution, hoping to restore the past. But this was no way to make a dead tree bloom. Gintoki taught me that. And Elizabeth. And Sakamoto. And Kagura, Shinpachi, Saigo. Ikamatsu…and many others. "No, Takasugi. I am happy now." I sighed softly and dropped my guarded posture, hoping that he would be able to feel what I feel. But his expression became malicious. "How happy you look now, away from our battle. But I'll keep fighting. I know I'll die, but that only makes me happier… to fight for something knowing that I can never win." His eye began to glow brightly as if seeing a vista of smoke and flame.
"Takasugi –" I said, instinctually reaching out to brush his sleeve. He stared at me, calculatingly. "When peace comes, I will die. I've served my purpose. I started out with only 3 men, and now we have over 300 crack troops. How do you think that happened? After all, I'm only 170 centimeters tall."
I cleared my throat, covering my mouth politely with my fingers. Um, wasn't it…166?
As if he read my mind, Takasugi said. "I grew, ok?"
"Ok." I shrugged flippantly "Do as you wish. But its clear to me your real enemy is neither the Bakufu nor the Amanto. Who you're really fighting against is the black beast that tells you're nobody. That's why you have to keep proving be somebody…" I bit off the rest of the sentence. He was somebody. To me.
"Oh Zura…always so logical. Why do I always get into these pointless arguments with you whenever we meet? And we never changed for all that." His deep voice boomed with laughter. "Go ahead, tell me anything. I won't be offended."
"... liar."
This pattern was maddeningly familiar. If this was 10 years ago, this would be the cue for Gintoki to step in and say "Whoa, whoa! What are you fighting over, huh? What's at stake here?" I stared at the agitated waves of the sea, where certain patches flowed with a darker sheen of a hidden undertow. I could feel powerful currents flowing through the room, bringing us together. It was better this way. "C'mon. Let's drink." I took the initiative by helping myself to a refill. Before taking a sip, I gave him a salute. Wooo—watch out! My chest felt immediately numbed by the sake. Shinsuke regained his composure and smiled widely. His voice was barely audible.
"We'll never be friends…but this is a start."
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The air had chilled slightly. The candlelight was sputtering and the sake bottle much lighter than before.
How much time had passed? I must be drunk by now. I sat up and wiped a palm over my face. I was trembling with clammy sweat.
"Don't do that," Takasugi smirked from across the table. "You'll wipe your lipstick away. It looks eerie, burning in the candlelight. Actually, Zura…you look better than any Kyoto geisha I have ever met." Uh…yeah…I forgot I was wearing an iridescent green lipstick. I admired the way it glistered like darkfire, making the wearer look pale and otherworldly, but the way it was attracting Takasugi's attention made me rather uncomfortable. Well who could blame him. I must look terrible. I took out my handkerchief and wiped off my lipstick, then pulled the collar of my kimono a little higher up the nape of my neck and ran both hands through my hair, trying to neaten it.
"Your hands look so elegant…when that's all I can see of your body." He continued in an insinuating tone.
"Shuddup."
"You know how the moon tonight is almost decayed to nothing?" He mused. "Everything grows in cycles. The moon has to slowly decay before it can be reborn. That's why I can't change my course half-way through."
Huh…Takasugi wanted to change?! He must be drunk. He began speaking in a monologue. Hey, stop that! I'm not really a geisha you know! I wanna talk too! Ha ha ha…I too, was tipsy but I did like listening to Shinsuke's speech. His baritone was so grand. What's gotten him so passionate now?
"….You were the teacher's pet. I hated you. I had to get rid of you to get Shouyou-sensei's attention. Then one night…remember that night? We went on a school trip to an old temple in Kyoto with a huge cemetery at the back. (1) I decided to make you pee your pants… I needed to see your stuck-up rich boy's face start panicking and crying for your mama. Unfortunately, someone told Gintoki about my plans, he pulled a prank on me first. Since sundown I was tied up, put in a burlap bag and tied to a gravestone. Now it was my turn to pee my pants, tormented by my imagination. I was shivering non-stop. Then I felt someone pull me up, cut my bonds, and hug me. This was the first time in my life, that anyone has hugged me. I can still remember how soft your body felt, how clean your scent…." I felt a probing gaze fall on my hair. "Your scent. Or should I say your shampoo. But it was you, and my gang was standing behind you. They knew I was missing, but none of them had the courage to step into the cemetery in the dark night to seek for me. But you did, and they followed you." A bitter scoff. "They followed you. And why not? When Gintoki told you about the trick, you hit him and rushed out to find me, even though I wasn't even your friend. Why did you do that?" He shook his head. "I was so wrong. You weren't a sissy boy at all. You were completely fearless. When it came to protecting your comrades, you were completely fearless. I fell in love."
"You…what?"
"I said. I fell in love."
He what? What did he say? "… I thought you were mad at me. You punched me."
"Because of your fucking tone."
"I just asked you if you were…okay."
Takasugi scowled. "Fuck you, don't ever, ever ask me that."
"Fuck you back."
"Really…"
My pulse quickened nervously. Surely he couldn't be serious? But I heard the rustle of robes next thing I knew Takasugi was sitting right beside me. His hand snaked towards my waist and I slapped it aside, but it was a feint. With a quick motion he pushed me to the ground, pounced on my chest and pressed one of my hands beside my head. His other hand interlocked through my hair, close to my scalp. Then he clutched his fist and started to increase the pressure. I groaned involuntarily…but if I was honest, I would have said.
Tighter. "Tighter, Zura?" Shinsuke whispered.
I cracked open one eye while the other squeezed shut. Single-eye met single eye and it wasn't exactly icy. My eyes shut tight and I panted involuntarily, trying not to moan. That was my weakness. I liked getting my hair pulled. Not many knew that, if any…but Shinsuke found this out by accident and tormented me ever since. Except we weren't kids anymore. We were both getting tense. "Cut…cut it out." I groaned after a minute. No, I better not let this go any further, I should've dated Ikamatsu when I had the chance…I shoved at Shinsuke's chest with my free hand and he let go of my hair, stood up and leaned against the shoji doorway. I felt confused and nauseous.
I hugged myself and mumbled. "Can I go now?"
"Where do you want to go?"
"Home."
"Home? Where is your home? The Joi hideout? With Gintoki? Or Elizabeth? Or do you prefer younger girls? Like Kagura?"
"I'm warning you, don't cross the line."
"Ok I won't. For now." He was staring at me as if he had an evil plan. But I was too drunk and sleepy to think much. "I'll be right back," he said. The shoji door closed and I heard his footsteps creaking over the floorboards as he walked along the deck. Blame it on the moonlight, the shamisen and most of all, the sake. I collapsed drowsily onto the floorboards. I still remember warning myself not to fall asleep …After I don't know how long, I heard the shoji door open and the floorboard squeak. There was a sound of a futon being thrown on the floor. Takasugi moved closer to me. I snapped awake. Knowing that he was watching me, I held my breath. I saw his shadowy form leaning over me, the shirtfront of his yukata billowing open. I snapped my eyelids shut when I saw his face coming closer. I felt a gentle kiss on my ear and a hand run lightly though my hair.
"Hey," he whispered, "are you sleeping?"
"Yes." I mumbled, pressing my nose to the cold board.
He smiled. "Do you want to sleep with me tonight? In the futon?"
It took me a while to understand what he meant. "With you?"
To be continued...
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(1) This was where I got the plot for "The Night of the Tengu."
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