Apparently, for some reason, my brother thinks Itachi killed his whole family so Sasuke would kill him. I think my brother, HoBo Joe, is very stupid. But we thought up this awesome thing. So here it is.
Itachi had just finished killing his family. They were at the scene where Itachi and Sasuke were standing outside.
"Why?" Sasuke asked.
"I killed them, now you kill me!!" Itachi said. Then, at the top of his lungs he screamed the following: "MOO HA HA!!!" and ran off, skipping and dancing.
The next day.
Itachi sits up.
"Whoa, what a hangover! What happened last night?"
"You killed your whole family and joined us." Kisame replied, entering the room.
"WHAT????? WHY???"
"You said that it was so your brother would kill you back..."
"Oh yeah. That sounds perfectly logical." and he goes back to sleep.
"It sounds logical to me, what about you Joe??" I asked.
"Oh, yeah, that sounds logical!" he replied. He's stupid. I had forgotten what he said, so I asked again.
"I said, 'oh hells yeah, that sounds logical!'" he replied.
"That's not what you said."
"Oh, Yeah, I said, 'Damn straight that sounds logical!'"
"You idiot, you didn't say anything like that." I replied, remembering what he said. God, he's so stupid, sometimes. But be happy. He wanted to seem cool to anyone who would read this. Which... well you read this, so you count as one of the people he wanted to be cool for. BTW: he's not cool, he just think he is.
Itachi and Kisame were walking down the path to the Akatsuki hidout place when... randomly, a ninja appeared out of nowhere right in front of Itachi.
"Who the hell is this weakling?" Itachi asked Kisame. Kisame shrugged.
"I'm right here, you know. And I'm stronger than you!!" The annoying ninja yelled.
"We're right here, you know, you don't have to yell." Kisame mocked.
"Don't blame me! I'm only yelling because Lizzy-chan is making me yell!"
"Who the hell is... "Lizzy"??" Kisame asked.
"The authoress, of course!!" he replied.
"CURSE YOU, LIZZY-SAN!!" Kisame yelled for no apparent reason.
"-sniffle- you don't have to yell..." i reply. On with the... eh.. "plot", if you can call it that.
"You, weakling, are not stronger than me." Itachi said, his eyes narrowing into an emotionless glare. (Does that even work???)
"Ha! I'd like to see you prove that!" so they fought, and the Ninja won.
"Damn you!!" Itachi yelled.
"I'm smarter than you, also." He replied, smugly.
"Liar."
"Oh yeah? Whats your earliest memory??:
"Hmmmm..."
---FLASHBACK!!---
Itachi woke up to find himself in a crib. He knew what it was, somehow, even though he had only been alive for about a month. He decided that he wanted out. So he stood up, opened the crib, and left.
He walked outside. Imagine that. A little one month old baby, walking like anyone else (not normal for any baby, because they wobble.) in the backyard of the Uchiha's place. You see, he could walk because he was incredibly intelligent. Just then, a squirrel came out of nowhere and attacked the young Uchiha. Instinctively, he whipped out a kunai and killed the creature.
Don't ask me where a baby got a kunai, and don't ask me why he already, at one month, knows instinctively to kill anything that lunges at him that suddenly.
You know, people wondered why one of Itachi's baby sitters was found dead on the floor in his room the next month next to an empty bottle of wine, with Itachi being the only one in the room. No one would have thought a baby would do that. The baby sitter had tried to stop Itachi from drinking the wine... Itachi didn't want to. No one, and I mean no one, would suspect a cute, sweet little Uchiha baby. Oh well. Sweet, sweet innocence.
---FLASHBACK OVER---
"Really?" the ninja asked, amused. "You only remember that far back?"
"Oh, and you can remember further for yourself?"
"Actually, yes i can."
---NEW FLASHBACK!!---
"Look! I think he's waking up!!" a woman's voice said, as the 27 minute old boy opened his small eyes. It was his mother he was looking at, he realized.
"His eyes... They're blue?" the boy's father, most likely, replied.
"The doctor said that they sometimes stay like that for the first few days, or even a bit longer. But they might change. Which is likely, since we both have emerald eyes..." the mother said.
"What are we going to name him?"
"Hmm... The moment of choosing..."
"How about 'Kip'?"
"What does that mean?"
"Well... birds are just so cool, aren't they? So it means chicken!"
'Chicken?' the boy thought, disturbed with his parent's stupidity. 'I'll be teased all my life!!'
"No... He'll be teased." his mother voiced just what he was thinking. He gave a tiny sigh in relief. "Plus, I like ducks much better! We should name him after Donald Duck!! Hmm... Maybe... Ducky!!!! Yeah! I love ducks!!" She squealed, happily.
The kid was revolted. His parents were absolute retards. Morons. They were asking the be killed. But the least he could do, was inform him that he hated both names they chose.
He started to mumble. He had a song in his head, perhaps he heard it from inside his mother's stomach. It was the perfect song for this moment. The woman and man both leaned in, as the mother said,
"Shh! I think he's trying to talk!!"
He hesitated, but started to sing as quietly as he could, but making sure he was loud enough so that at least they could hear him.
"I don't wanna be a chicken, I don't wanna be a duck, So kiss my butt, quack quack quack quack.." and he repeated a few times, to get it through their thick skulls.
"Ok, that's enough... We understand." the father said, slightly sickened by the fact that his son was so smart, that he could talk at 33 minutes old. Just then, a comedian came on the tv in the room. He was carrying a monkey with him. The father smirked. So did the mother.
"For your smart mouth, I think you deserve punishment." the mother said, softly.
He looked at her, quizzically.
"From now on," his father continued, "you're name will be 'Saru', or 'Monkey', you little twerp."
So that started the torture. Then, at the age of 4, he murdered his family, excluding his little sis, who was 3, and who he was very close to. She shared the hatred for their parents.
---FLASHBACK OVER--
"Grrr..."
"See? I'm much smarter. You couldn't even talk by one month!! I could talk within my first hour. How foolish of you."
"Don't steal my lines. I own the word 'foolish', so you can't use it!" Itachi said defensively.
"Foolish, foolish, foolish, foolish, foolish, foolish," ect. Saru started saying it repeatedly. Itachi yelled, but he didn't stop. So he ran. Saru chased him. A random mulberry bush appeared out of no where, and Itachi started running around it. Saru chased him. Kisame turned on a tape.
"All around the mulberry bush, the Monkey chased the weasel!" it played, over and over.
Pure torture. I hate you, Saru. And you, Kisame, for helping.
So psychic Itachi found someone else! Naruto! Of course, he had completely forgot about his mission to get him and bring him to the Akatsuki place.
"Hello, Naruto!!"
"ItachiUchiha!! Holycrap!!"
"No!! Don't run!!"
"Oh, Ok." and so Naruto calmed down quite quickly.
"Ok! So, Naruto... Guess what I can do?"
"What??!??!!!"
"I can read your mind, because I'm psychic!!"
"Noooooo, really??? Cool!!!!" Naruto said, spazing out.
"I'll read your mind then... NOOO!!!!" Then Itachi killed Naruto. Another Naruto came walking up.
"Dude, wtf?"
"-gasp!- -GASP!!-"
"Ooooh." Naruto said, knowingly. "That was English version me, wasn't it?"
"-gasp- yeah... -gasp-..." Itachi said. "I give up. I'm going back to the Akatsuki Lair... -gasp-" so he left.
Lizzy: Sorry it's so short. Anyway, review and give me advise or ideas... I'm kind of stuck on this... Oh well, I'll think of more stuff eventually.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Masashi Kishimoto does.
I love writing for people who love reading for what i write!!!
-Lizzy
