Okay so thanks everyone for the review –hope you guys like this chapter. We have finally made it to the ski lodge which means we'll meet Adrian soon who will stir up some serious trouble for Dimitri.

As always please let me know what you think if you want me to update.

Disclaimer – All characters belong to Richelle Mead, no copyright infringement is intended.

-Val

Chapter 8

After that I sent a message to Rose saying that I'd cancel our next two sessions due to the rapidly approaching plans to leave campus. I was a coward, I know, but I couldn't face her. Not after what had happened.

I explained that taking a break from practice was the logical thing to do since classes were about to end anyway but I was sure that Rose didn't buy into the lie. She could usually see right through me, and that, scared the shit out of me. I didn't want to have to be so open with anyone. It made me feel … I don't know, I just didn't want to feel that way. I was supposed to be strong and protect everyone, not this.

Besides, Rose and I had kissed.

I should have pushed her away, but I was a coward and she called me on it. She knew that I was weak and I don't know. I just couldn't deal with it anymore. It was so frustrating.

I was around Rose, I wanted her, but I couldn't have her. I could always watch from a distance and it was tormenting me.

God I had wanted that kiss. But it was wrong; I was taking advantage of Roza. I was a damn pedophile. It was for all the wrong reasons too. Rose didn't kiss me because she loved me, or because we were having a happy close moment and we got carried away. She simply kissed me to prove a point –that she could.

She knew why we couldn't be together. We'd talked about it. She understood, and she had agreed. But it wasn't enough. If we both couldn't come to terms with that, could we really focus on protecting the Princess in less than a year? Especially since we wouldn't have the constraints the Academy had provided. We'd cohabitate in a place. A small place, I hoped.

Then I mentally punched myself for it.

What if the Princess was killed because we both were too distracted by each other?

And if Strigoi were to attack, and I had to make a choice to save one or the other, who would I choose?

I already knew the answer to that unfortunately. It wasn't the right one.

I couldn't let anything happen to Rose though. I just couldn't, and if I had to choose between her life or someone else's, I'd choose her.

So where did that leave me?

Maybe the Tasha proposal wasn't so bad after all.

I could be her Guardian, and then maybe her husband and she and I could even have children.

It'd be a whole different life than what I had ever asked for.

More than I had ever expected.

It was a great opportunity.

But could I really walk away?

Maybe leaving with Tasha could make me forget Rose, and for Rose to forget me.

I had to get ready though and stop contemplating my problems, for I had to meet Tasha for a Christmas gathering.

I decided that I would try with Tasha, that I'd give us a chance and try to push Roza out of my head as best as I could.

I met Tasha in elegant parlor later in the Academy's guest headquarters. I noticed then as I sat next to Tasha that people either stared at her secretly or they tried to go out of their way to avoid her. All because of that damn scar. I felt bad because she really was a great person and they were all superficial idiots.

Sometimes, Tasha would call people out on this. That was just her. Other times, and most the time, she didn't let it bother her. Like today, since she had chosen to stay out of the other Royals' way and simply enjoy this small, private party of those who didn't shun her, she ignored it. She was the bigger person.

I had actually dressed up for the gathering. Well, dressed up for someone like me. I'd tied my hair behind my neck and wore my usual jeans however with a black sweater. Usually, I was just about ready to spring into battle. I didn't exactly like wasting time looking nice when I had to be on alert every minute.

Rose was there too, along with carrot boy Mason, Christian and Lissa. I tried to avoid Rose, in a way, by not really making any conversation and just saying hi in a very distant matter. I wasn't rude exactly, but to onside onlooker, you'd swear we didn't know each other until now.

With Tasha though, I talked and joked and it was fun. We spoke of Mark who was a good friend of mine that was actually a distant cousin of Tasha's family and that it was how we met.

"Five?" I asked in surprise as we discussed Mark's children."I hadn't heard that."

Tasha nodded. "It's insane. I swear, I don't think his wife's had more than six months off between kids.
She's short, too- so she just gets wider and wider."

"When I first met him, he swore he didn't even want kids," I told Tasha.

Her eyes widened excitedly. "I know! I can't believe it. You should see him now. He just melts around
them. I can't even understand him half the time. I swear, he speaks more baby talk than English."

I smiled at that trying to picture it; it'd been a while since I had seen him. "Well...children do that to people."

"I can't imagine it happening to you," Tasha laughed. "You're always so stoic. Of course ... I suppose
you'd be doing baby talk in Russian, so no one would ever know."

We both laughed at that, it could be my scapegoat. Not that I had ever considered having children. Most Dhampir men didn't since we could only reproduce with other Moroi and most Moroi women weren't exactly willing to have children with us. Most Dhampirs were actually made with Dhampir women and Moroi men, while the Dhampir men usually just became Guardians.

But now, with Tasha, I could actually have children.

I knew Rose had noticed that I had sort of been ignoring her, but I still listened to her conversation from a distance. I watched as Mason and her joked, and I had to admit, he was probably good for her –even if their relationship filled me with jealousy. If I left, Rose could forget about me and have a normal relationship with a boy her age. He wasn't a Moroi, he wasn't going to try to take advantage of her, and he was simply just a nice guy.

Finally though, Rose was pulled away by Lissa to exchange a Christmas present.

I saw Roza open the box and stare inside.

"What the ..." she asked lifting it out. I glanced over to see what it was and realized it was a chotki which was similar to a rosary, except bracelet size.

Was she trying to turn Rose into a Christian? I thought silently. No pun intended.

"Are you trying to convert me?" Rose asked wryly. I guess she had thought the same thing.

"Flip it over," Lissa said, clearly amused at Rose's shock.

Rose did and I realized on the back that there was the Dragomir crest. Rose still looked puzzled though. I realized it was a typical Guardian gift.

"It's a family heirloom," Lissa said. "One of my dad's good friends has been saving boxes of his stuff. This
was in it. It belonged to my great-grandmother's guardian."

"Liss ..." Rose began, "I can't... you can't give me something like this."

"Well, I certainly can't keep it. It's meant for a guardian. My guardian."

"You know," Rose teased, "There's a good possibility I'll get kicked out of school before I can become your guardian."

Over my dead body, I thought. Besides, it wasn't like Rose wouldn't just follow the Princess around anyway and be her own protective hired agent.

Lissa grinned. "Well, then you can give it back."

Everyone laughed at that. Tasha started to say something, and then stopped when she looked up at the door.

"Janine!" An old spring of emotion surfaced then, the hit she'd given Rose.

But I quickly suppressed it like a reasonable person.

Janine stood there, looking as stiff and impassive as ever. I hoped I didn't look that awkward.

"Sorry I'm late," she said. "I had business to take care of."

Rose didn't look exactly pleased with the new guest. I couldn't exactly blame her.

Janine sat down with us though and soon joined in the conversation. The Badica attack was on
everyone's mind, and this drove her into a conversation about some similar fight she'd been in. Mason seemed as excited and I to listen to the story. I think it was a guy thing because Rose looked unimpressed.

"Well, decapitations aren't as easy as they seem," Janine said in her matter-of-fact way. "You've
got to get through the spinal cord and tendons."

Mason's eyes lit up. "What's the best weapon to do it with?" he asked.

"An axe. You can get more weight behind it." Janine said after some consideration.

"Cool," Mason answered.

Soon, the gathering dispersed and Tasha and I decided to hang out since we had more catching up to do.

I finally said to her as we walked to her cabin, "I didn't know that you and Janine were friends."

"Oh yeah, she's really great. It's too bad Rose didn't seem too fond of her mother's presence though," Tasha said.

"Yeah, you noticed, well they sort of had an accident recently."

"What do you mean?" asked Tasha.

"Well, during the before school practice, the one I missed because I took you to shopping, well Janine filled in for me. I guess during practice Janine messed up and gave Rose that black eye she was wearing."

"Janine gave Rose that black eye!" Tasha asked shock.

"Well, yeah, it was an accident. Those sorts of things happen," I explained.

Tasha looked doubtful, "Yeah, to an amateur. But this is Janine Hathaway we're talking about. She's a legend. And I know fighting, you guys aren't supposed to hit above the neck. And that's way above the neck. Besides the fact that she's over half a foot shorter than Rose and she would've had to hit up. It just doesn't seem like it was an accident."

"Well, why would she do it on purpose?" I asked.

Tasha turned thoughtful, "I guess you're right. It must have been an accident. But Janine has told me about their rough relationship so I don't know, I tend to doubt things. Speaking of Janine, she agrees with me on the offer."

"What offer?" I asked.

Tasha momentarily looked like she was going to slap me, "You know, the offer to be my Guardian. She thinks I could get it. She said she'd help convince the Guardian Counsel too."

"Oh," I nodded, hoping that Rose wouldn't hear about it.

"So ready for a fun day?" she asked.

"Hell yes," I answered, I thought wishing it was something to keep my mind of Roza.