Chapter 26

It was Friday after Thanksgiving. Black Friday, and unlike any morning I have past worked at Carol's Coffeeshop with Becky- today I was happy. Not tired or exhausted. I made myself a cup of coffee. Filling it with cream and sugar and taking a sip. Everything was warm. But that was only inside of me. On the oustide I was the same.

Becky had on highlighter pink nail polish today. I wondered if she repaints her nails everymorning or night. I've never seen her with the same color on her fingernails more than three days in a row. She walked by me at frist. A zombie making herself an extra large coffee with eight sugars. When she did, and had taken a few sips staring out over the empty coffeeshop. Carol in the city for her holiday.

She looked at me. "Ready?" She asked.

"Yes," I said.

She walked over to the front door flipping over the sign. We were open.


Even on Black Friday it started out slow. It was eight. And barely anyone came in. We lagged around. Working together so we both had something to do. She took the money I made the coffee or the other way around. The bells ringing when someone came in fell into a rhythem. People coming and going.

It can get hectic. We're both serving our own person. Making coffee and pouring praying for it to slow down when an hour beofre we were wishing for it to speed up. But it always slows down. And almsot on cue the door opens. I was making coffee for some guy. "Becky-baby!" It was Sean.

"Hi!" She said smiling. I gave this man him coffee he nodded and brought it directly to his lips and walked out quickly.

That's when my oxygen was cut off. My breathe was lost and I got butterflies. And it was the good kind. He smield a little at me. His face changing the same way I had felt mine. Then we went right into friend mode. Becky and Sean going on as Becky got him the same coffee to match hers. I got the one Bennett usually got. It was the same a routine now.

He inched over to where I was pouring his coffee. "How was your Thanksgiving?" He asked. His chest and below was cut off by the coffeemachines in between us.

"It was good, how was yours?"

He smiled a little. "My grandmother makes good pie." We had been on the phone the night beofre Thankgiving until three in the morning. He had just gone to his grandmother's with his mother and his aunts and his cousins. Nothing big. Mine was a feast. My grandmother and greandfather-in-law and my mother's five brothers and sisters and all of their kids and Amber.

I smiled putting a cap on his coffee handing it to him over the machine. He looked tired but even on Saturdays him and Sean usually were here in the mornings. Always when our shifts got slow. It was a routine. Except now Bennett seemed to have a reason to come here.


We were just driving. He playes a record and we didn't talk much. Finally I told him that I broke up with Dave for me. And I wanted to be with him. And he said that's what he wanted me to realize. Even if I didn't want to ever talk to him again he just wanted me to do something for myself.

"We can't 'go out' right now." I had told him.

And we were a "secret" but more or less we were just together. But if anyone asked we were just friends. And in front of everyone we just were that. We were just friends.

My mother didn't know I was single. Cass did and she was so happy for me. But other than that Cass was the only one who knew. Sean did, but I'm not sure about Becky. Because she wasn't treating me any different and something like this would make her say something. Dave had called my cell phone. And though I never admit it to anyone, not even Bennett, I got really sad seeing his name on my caller ID. Because I could have loved him once. Before I slept with him and was trying to hard to be everything for him. When he was the good boy who made me feel all gittery and happy.

With Bennett he made me feel warm and happy. I trusted him with things I souldn't have on the phone Wednesday. And I would tell him anything. And he told me a lot of things too. We have a lot in common. But I don't know yet. I am trying to figure out what about him gives me this warm feeling. But it's so new. I don't think I'm used to it being a part of me at all.

I have three CDs at home. With my name printed on him in the neatest messy handwriting on the planet. I got one on Wednesday in my locker. And the first two I knew. But the last I didn't. It was new but it made me feel sometihng when I heard it. It was beautiful. But it had no words. It was jsut sounds.

But it made me feel the way Bennett did.

He took a sip. Startign to say something. Then suddenly the door opened and we heard two voices talking softly. Not loudly or obnoxiously but they were real. We both looked. Me and Bennett. He turned back to me long before I had stopped watching them.

When I looked at him, his face had changed. It hurt him seeing Rainie and Paul together I think. But I'd never know. His eyes were still the same. Unreadable as anytihng in the world.

He isn't over her.

Paul came up and got coffee. Rainie sitting at their table. Watching Paul. And Bennett and me. Bennett was strugling to go back to normal talking. But we were both so aware of them. Paul and Bennett looked at each other. "Hey,"

"Hey,"

I was scared of Paul. Knowing he had punched Bennett for "trying to get Rainie to sleep with him." I knew he had the heart to love someone. But to hurt someone because of that seemed scary. Bennett never would do that. Dave would without thinking.

Kevin who works here too. Came in. And he told us we could go. That's how it worked here.

Walking out of that coffeeshop was a relief. Because Rainie had been looking at Bennett and I don't know what she had been tihnking. There is still a lot I don't know about Bennett.