Chapter 31
My phone rang in my hand as I started to go upstairs. "Hello?" I said into it.
"Hey," It was Bennett. His voice filling in my ear. Something I had expected. I stopped mid-stair. And waited as he jumped right in. "Do you mind if I come over?" He asked.
I looked aorund. My mother was out, my sister long gone. "No it's fine." I said. "Now?" I really wanted him to come.
"Yeah," He said.
"That's fine, I'm here." I said.
I was upstairs two minutes before the doorbell rang. I hurried downstairs in a rush to see him. I hadn't seen him since school. I opened the door. And we met halfway. He pulled me into his arms and I held him. My barefeet freezing in the cold air when I wasn't even outside long. It was so beautiful. White and transformed. But today was one of the worst days in my life. I let him inside. He looked around quietly. Seeing pictures of trees. And landscapes.
None of me without my front teeth. Thank god.
"Hi," I said when I shut the door behind him.
He slide his hands into his pockets. "I'm sorry," He said.
"Why are you apologizing?" I asked. But he just stared back at me. His eyes soft and aware of what he was apologizing for. I was too but I saw no reaosn for him to. I left it there.
We went up to my room. He looked around. His eyes moving around my room with ease. Taking it in. Dave never went up to my room really. We always hung around in the living room. I'm very self-concious about my room but with Bennett I figured it was fine.
"This is exactly how I pictured this," He said looking around. He listened to what he just said. "In the least creepiest way." He added.
I smield a little. Not a lot. I still felt numb. Today had been the worst. He stood there then he say the silver colums in my bookcase in little plastic bags like sliced fruit. "You make CDs?" He asked looking at them raising his eyebrows. He was distracting me, but I was thankful for him.
"Yeah," I said. "I can't buy the real ones, so I just make them." I said shrugging. "It's a hobby I guess." It was.
"I make a lot of mixtapes." He said. "Well, mix-CDs. I buy all of my records, but I lvoe making mix-CDs." He went over to my small library of actual CDs. And I sat on my bed. On the side across from my couch. He was waiting. Less concerned with what CDs I had.
"I'm sorry, I didn't say anything to you today." I said. "Dave just... it still hurts." I talked about this like a broken arm. My bed the operating table. But Bennett came over sitting on my couch across from me. Healing me as his eyes filled mine.
"It's fine." He said. "I went a little overboard- I hate Dave more than anyone."
"Me too," I said.
"In school," he said. "Do you want me to stay away from you?"
I looekd at him. His sweet eyes. Decoding was too much for me right now. I swallowed. "No," I meant it. "I just, i'm not ready for people to know. I can't handle-"
"I know." He interrupted me. And he moved foreward sitting on the edge of the couch reaching ou touching my hand and sitting there quietly. His fingers tracing the joint of my hands. We both jsut stared at my hand. He understood. I believed him. And there was no way I was making a mistake. He always understood.
The week steadily became the worst string of bad days in the history of the world. Each day went by quickly. I anticipated avoinding Dave who had begun three seperate confrontations in the halls a day if he was lucky. But each day I stayed after in the library picking up where I left off in Catcher in the Rye. Except Wednesday, I found sometihng in my locker.
It was a copy of Catcher in the Rye. A normal one. New. The binding not folded. It smelled new from the distance I held it from my face- arms length. It was brand-spanking-new. I jsut didn't have any ide where I came from. I flipped to the first page. The margins were quite big. Big enoguh for the neatest messy handwriting you had ever seen to fit inside.
I started reading that afterschool instead of the smelly old one. The school's copy smelled like mold. At least this one smelled new. Fresh. And the notes in the margins was like reading a new book.
Quotes were underlined. Songs written at the top of pages. References to movies. Anything. All in my favorite book. Coincidentaly it was Bennett's too.
We didn't talk much. I hung around most with Cass in school. Bennett was back to being Bennett Williams and the girls got worse. Throwing themselves at his feet practically. But he always walked by my locker checking up on me smiling a little. Leaving notes in my locker saying little thing that would make me smile. Healing slowly.
Afterschool we began a routine. He would come to my house. We'd sit up in my room. Talking. Listening to music. I was listening to the Get Up Kids' Four Minute Mile non-stop after he leant it to me. He wasn't knocking on the front door by Friday which was a good sign. And he found me then sitting on my computer making a CD with my headphones on linking me to my old CD player.
He didn't make fun of me for using a CD player. In fact he picked it up and said it was a lot nicer than his.
Being a secret was easier. We kissed less now though. Because I felt awful every day. We'd talk. He helped me figure everything out. And when it was neccessary and when I was smiling he'd lean his face to me and press his lips softly agaisnt mine.
If there were a person more perfect for me than Bennett that week they'd have to be his clone. He made me feel happier. Not as happy as last weekend but more so that I didn't feel depressed sitting at home remembering Dave owuld show up at my locker the next day asking for another chance. Dave was consistant. But Bennett was another world to me.
Cass was trying her best. But she stepped back. Seeing Bennett was doing more good than she could manage. But she was a good friend. Whenever Dave got within twenty feet of me in school she was there scaring him off. Dave was more scared of her than anyone.
But on Friday Bennett said there was no party this week. And to my surprise he asked if I was up for it to go to IHOP with him and his friends if I had nothing to do. Nothing intimidated me more than Sean. He liked me a lot. In fact he was really nice and was treating me as he had before but meeting his other friends scared me.
Especially now. And I said not tonight.
He kissed my forehead. "It's a little too public." He said. "You're right." I had said nothign of that. But somehow he knew that was in the bakc of my mind. Maybe I was that easy to read. But to me his eyes were still unreadable most times. Except when it was obvious what he was thinking. That's when I knew he cared about me and liked me more than anything.
A/N: Pretty uneventful. Had to slide that in there. Thank you so much for your reviews!! Keep 'em coming. You guys are so great :] My e-mail is checked obsessivly now. Thank you. Review Review Review.
