I Screamed For You
****
I'm in the middle of a break down
Watching you scream
In the middle of a breakdown
Screaming at me
Speechless and frozen
Uncomfortable silence again
What did I do to make a scene so gory?
I'm not better than the ones before me…
****
Chapter 3: She said it…
****
REVIEW on the last segment! Pleez! It would make me so very happy! This is the last free chapter… I will post more if I get some reviews… so be happy. And don't forget to review!
I contemplated as I got closer to the small house. I knew I shouldn't be here. I knew I shouldn't have even thought it. I knew it was a bad Idea. But I did it anyways… because I'm stupid. I knew I was too. I knew she wasn't home. Her truck was gone so I didn't know what I was so worried about. It was the note in my back pocket. I stopped at the front door. And thought. No one was home. This isn't a good idea. Come on Jacob. Just do it. I urged myself. I grabbed the spare key unlocked the front door replaced the key and walked in. I could smell Bella. The strawberry of her hair, the fresh scents that blew off her every time there was a breeze. And the distinctive scent of vampire. Just a reminder that this is a bad idea. Come on. I wasted all that time if I don't give her the note now. I climbed the stairs up into her bedroom. It was just how I remembered it. With the bed perfectly made with her purple bed spread, the ancient computer set up on a wobbly desk. Everything was the same. I smiled a bit to myself. I could smell his scent undiluted in here. He had been here. Less than an hour ago. I closed my eyes for a minute and focused on Bella's scent. I could feel my heart beating differently. It always did when I thought about her. I loved her. Too much. It was unfair. I knew I loved her more. And I knew I could give her so much more than he could. I could give her a life. I could age with her. Give her a family. Everything a normal couple should have. But she was giving it all up for 'immortality' so she could be a killer too. I grabbed the note from my back pocket and read it one last time.
Bella,
Stop looking for me… I'll come back after you and your "husband" are gone. I will come back when you aren't here. I don't need this. I shouldn't have to deal with it day by day but I do. I have to know you chose him. Every day. Every day I have to worry about your mortality. This isn't something I ever wanted.
I want to see you one last time. One more memory, then I will lock you away forever. Meet me at First Beach in La Push as soon as the suns down… if you don't show up… I'll get it…
I Miss you Bella… A lot…
--Jacob
I folded the bloodied page back up and set it on her pillow and jumped out her window and ran into the woods. No going back now.
As I paced through the woods I thought about her. Her face, her skin. Her eyes. All of it. It left me gasping for air against a tree. Now I knew why she always gripped at her sides when she thought about her parasite. I refused to think his name. It didn't matter. She was 'his', his little meal. I laughed UN comically at the thought. The sun would be going down in about an hour. I didn't know if she would show. I figured she would. She hadn't been to my house to talk to Billy today. I paced some more through the woods. I had no idea where I was really. I knew I had been here before though I could smell my blood. Which sent me aching for my razorblade. But I didn't have the will to do it right now. I just wanted to think. it had been silent in my head for the last few days. Leah probley went and told them all that I wasn't gonna protect the tribe. Why do it? There's nothing to worry about as soon as the Cullen's are gone. 14 days… I choked a little on the sob that suddenly ripped through me. tears streamed down my face. As I thought about it. The realization that I wouldn't ever see her after this. That all I could ever have of her is the memory, which would fade with time. But I would always love her the same. I wouldn't ever see her after this visit. If she came. I had already gotten my hopes up. I knew that was a bad idea. But I had. I knew the minute I met her, I should have just not tried. I knew she liked that idiot Cullen. But I never thought it would turn into anything more than just a crush. I told her what he was. Without even knowing that it was true, if I could have just shut my mouth, she wouldn't know and they wouldn't be together anymore. And I could have been there… for her. For everything. If the future seeing little leech wouldn't have ever come back this wouldn't be a problem, she would still be with me in my garage. I knew I shouldn't miss her like this. It wasn't healthy. But I didn't care. With every moment she was gone I got colder. I can't even pretend that this will go away in time I knew it wouldn't. This isn't just some teenage crush…
The sun was almost down the seconds were ticking away. I didn't wanna disappoint her. I didn't want her to know I was suffering. I had to fake it. And I had to fake it good. I knew it would be hard. Considering that I hadn't even tried to fake it when I was alone. I could stop and break down whenever I needed. I could stop and bleed whenever I had to… I could stop and do whatever was necessary. But I had to look normal to her. She couldn't know I was in as much pain as I was. As I was thinking I was interrupted by a familiar sound. I could hear her engine. I choked on the rising lump in my throat. And swallowed hard. I couldn't break down. I couldn't. I had to fight against the pain. No matter what. Even if she showed up and said she hated me. Said mean and hurtful things. I had to just fight. Seem strong then I could go where ever I needed to and I could break as hard as I wanted to. Bleed to death. Whatever I needed. The engines roar died. And I heard her open and close her door. Then she was walking. I fought the urge to get up and run. I wasn't sure if I could hold it together. But I had to try. I needed to try harder than I was right now. I couldn't even let myself doubt. I could hear the clatter of the rocks hitting the bottom of the cliff below. I pushed my hair out of my face and practiced breathing. This would be just like every other time I saw Bella. Only it was actually goodbye this time. There wouldn't be another time to say what I had to say. And I had to except that. And let her go. She wanted him. She was happy with him. I should just let what was meant to be… be…
