December.
Chapter 32
He plays an acoustic guitar with a Get Up Kids sticker. Tonight he's playing a Saves The Day cover he showed me and that's all I know about his set at this party. But I stand in the middle of the crowd right in front. These girls, all more interesting looking than I am, yet he looks at me. His secret. His sweet eyes taking me in. The first time tonight. I smile a little.
We're just friends right now.
My mother still doesn't know about me breaking up with Dave. I figure I should jsut tell her soon. But Bennett and I are happy. I am happy. I don't hear much from Dave but I feel him watching me sometimes at lunch. His eyes sad, his heart broken. But something about Bennett speeds my healing. My heart's no longer discolored much. And right now it's gaining speed as he starts playing that Saves The Day cover he told me of this song called "Nightingale" which he used to listen to when he was scared we were just going to be a quick hook-up and a messy one after that that first Friday night all the way back in November. Almsot one month ago.
Girls are smiling and listening. But me- I'm the most genuine smile out there. Because his eyes fall on me. The girl who has become one of his best friends next to Sean. To everyone else.
We walk down the halls when we see each other. At lunch he'll come see me if Cass isn't with me. If I see him alone I'll smile and say hi. When we're behind the red door he'll kiss me holding me and give me CDs that he wants me to listen to. And he'll leave me a mix-CD in my locker on occassion. I have three more to my collection of CDs from him. Six now.
And I feel warm non-stop inside most days.
But tonight he's playing more of his own songs than covers. The girls beside me yelling out song names. He has them posted on his MySpace. And he'll play them. Then he startss playing these pretty chords and my heart melts in his hands, the only hands I'd ever trust my heart with. And I smile as he sings to me. Nobody noticing. Because they are too won over by this song. He steals my heart with it.
His voice is really beautiful. I've only heard it once when we were alone. We were sitting in his room and he starts playing his guitar. My hands touching his Get Up Kids sticker as he smiles. And he starts playing my song. The one with pretty chords. And I can't help but feel the ground shift. We make it halfway through before I kiss him. And he kisses me back.
He got a haircut. It's shorter. Girls are crazier about him than ever. Because he hasn't been hooking up with anyone. And he's been more appealing to everyone since the Variety Show. I've never noticed how many girls oogle over him. I'm the only one he notices though. But we're best friends as everyone can see. Except for everyone who knows.
There are a select few. His friends. My friends. That's it. Rainie Joseph and Paul Spinella too but they are his friends I guess. I'm still scared of Paul but Rainie always says Hi and smiles like she knows. I'm alright with that too.
I still am not having the best days. In school people started asking me what happened. I brush past their questions easily. And avoid them. Rachel is the worst. Her notes are all I want from our pathetic friendship. But she wants a detailed story about how I dumped my ex-boyfriend. But tonight at this party I get away from all of that. I just stand there listening. Girls not noticing. I am starting to go invisible again. Like I had before dating Dave and while we were going out.
I'm fading slowly from everyone's eyes now. They think they know everything that happened. When really half of the real story is between me and the boy standing five feet away from me playing pretty chords on his acoustic guitar with the Get Up Kids sticker.
The party is pretty low-key. It's at Sean's house. Half of the people here fit in the basement. And we all are listening to Bennett play. It's a quiet party. So it's okay for me to be seen talking to Bennett. Big parties are okay too. But at these smaller once it's a lot easier. But he plays a Death Cab For Cutie cover and a few more of his own before putting his guitar down. I slink back giving girls time to flock him say how amazing he is at guitar.
"They always ask me who that song is about."
And I hang around the side seeing Becky as she waves me over. "Hey," She says smiling, her lip ring catchign the light as she does.
"Hi," I said.
"You're working tomorrow right?" She asks.
"Yeah," My job at Carol's is going great too. I work all the same shifts as Becky because she insists and we talk a lot when it's slow. But she always tells me how thankful she is to have me helping her isntead of that dorky college kid.
"Thank god," She said. "Carol switched the schedules yesterday." I've met Carol a few times. She's nice but she has this little baby boy she is watching only working when he naps or when she can hand him off to one of her eager relatives. The baby- Jonas is adorable.
"How come?"
"Today was the winter parade." She says rolling her eyes. "I don't see why they need a fucking parader for everything here."
"Neither do I." I say.
Someone yells to Becky. Some giggly girl I don't know. "Shit, she's drunk again." Becky says under her breathe. "I'll see you tomorrow then." Becky is funny sometimes. Her reactions are one of a kind. But she's not harsh at all about anything. She's a really nice kind of outgoing.
"Bye," I say, but my eyes move over to where Bennett is standing with nobody around as he packs up his guitar. I decide I could go over and see him. He looks up when I'm halfway.
"Hey," He says smiling. "How was my Saves The Day cover?"
"Really good." I said. "I like yours better than the original."
He smiles picking up his case. "I'm going to go throw this in my car. But do you want to talk?"
"Yeah, sure." I am smiling. I feel all warm inside. The song he wrote me is stuck in my head.
Two minutes later I get a text message: Meet me upstairs ;}
We've done this twice before. We don't usually hook-up we jsut sit and talk in an empty room. Where we can be us. Not best friends. Not secretly together. We can just be us. At a party. Where nobody will know. I find the room with the light on and the door cracked open. And I go in and he's there. I shut the door behind me. Going close to him. And he kisses me. His lips warm and soft agaisnt mine. We both close our eyes taking each other in. Kisses like this drain everything out of me. They really do.
We were just kissing. Laying on the bed, kissing. My hands in his hair and his holding me close to him. It was soft and we were quiet. The light was off and people usually don't come into these rooms. Especially when the door is shut.
But the door opened and the light flicked on. Bennett quickly blocked me somehow. Turning so they couldn't see who I was. "Oh, sorry guys." This was another mean Bennett-Williams-is-a-fag-joke. But I know that voice. I move to confirm it. Seeing his face, a girl behind him. His eyes change. "Elisa?"
"Get the fuck out Dave." I sound really brave saying that. Bennett turning and looking at me. And Dave listens. Shutting the door. And I'm sitting there suddenly aware of what's going to happen. I don't need to be able to see the future for this. Bennett wraps his arms around me. Kissing my forehead. I tihnk he knows too.
Dave was waiting for soemthing liek this. I just don't think he was hoping to find me and Bennett Williams kissing in a bedroom at some kid's party. I think he was hoping for another reason to why I broke up with him or why I wouldn't give him a second chance. Because I know Dave isn't stupid and he'd have to put the pieces together eventually. And I think he figured it out quickly.
I felt liek dirt the rest of the night. We stayed in that room for a while. Just laying there. Bennett tlaked ot me softly. I'd answer him. And he knows I'm scared people are going to find out. Even though I like him so much. I'm scared to death of another week like the one after I broke up with Dave. Except this one would be worse.
There was a knock on the door. We both sat up. "It's Sean." A voice called in. Bennett got up walking across the room letting Sean in. He says all I didn't want to hear.
And walking downstairs confirmed it. Because about seven girls were shooting me dirty looks.
A/N: So how was that? Did you expect that? Review Review Review Review.
