This is my alternate version of my story. I came up with a new idea when I was re reading. Lemme know what you think. if you have read both lemme know what one you liked more

I screamed for you

Calm down…

Dun take it too far

I dun wanna talk an heal yer stars

So I'm ready when you are…

Chapter 1 ½: Silently pleaing

AN this is a new version of I screamed for you. I wasn't happy with how it went. So I will re write it. Lol

"Jacob?" I heard her say from behind me

"Yeah… it's me Bells…"

"Ooh thank god, I was getting so worried about you… none of the pack members knew where you were and no one had seen you or talked with you… I was so worried about you Jake…"

"I'm Fine…." Fine as someone who got ditched for their moral enemy. I added mentally. I refused to turn and see her face till I absolutely had to. I hear her walking closer to me she sat down next to me. It wasn't very dark out tonight.

"Are you coming back now?"

"No…" I answered her I looked at her face finally. She looked the same only tired.

"Billy's worried…"

"Yeah. I know… everyone is… I've been told… daily…" She smiled at me and ran her fingers through my hair, I shivered at her touch… I wanted her to touch me again like that, but I banished the thought… she didn't want me like that.

"You gonna let it grow out?"

"Yeah… probley…" I answered her. I shook my hair out it was to my shoulders now. My heart felt funny… with her here… I didn't hurt. I was suddenly very aware of my arm. I pulled it closer to my body and held it there with my other hand. I didn't want her to notice.

"Are you okay Jake… Honestly?"

The question puzzled me in ways… I didn't wanna answer truthfully. But I didn't wanna lie to her… it didn't make any sense I wanted her to feel bad and leave the bloodsucker for me… but I knew she wouldn't… I knew she would stand by her murderer for all of eternity. But I loved her more, and I was better for her. But she didn't see that. She was stuck in her mind set that he loved her. He loved her because she smelled good, and he couldn't see into her mind. She was something he had never encountered. And in the midst of it he fell in love with her.

"Jake?"

"Ooh… sorry… I spaced…" I stuttered.

"Are you?"

"Do I have to tell the truth?" I muttered. I meant to think the words… but I didn't regret them after they were out.

"Yeah… you do…"

"No…" I answered honestly.

"Can I help?"

"You could… but you won't…" I said truthfully again. Her lips twitched a little.

"Why won't I?" She didn't get what I was saying…

"I'll always love you more… I want you to choose me… but I know you won't… I don't even know why I asked you to come here… It was stupid of me to think that this would help anything. I knew it wouldn't… but I tried anyways. I was right though. It was a bad idea… I should just let you go home… you have better things to do than to sit here with me… go plan your wedding Bells…" I stood up and went to walk into the woods she grabbed my hand

"Please don't leave Jake… I wanted to talk to you…"

"We talked… there's no new news… I mean… I don't care what your wedding colors are… and I mean that's all you have going on right now… so I mean… just go be happy with Edward and live your life… I shouldn't have written to you…" I pulled my hand away from hers and walked away into the woods. Her face weakened me. Everything screamed inside me to go back to tell her. To scream it from the rooftops. But I didn't matter to her. Not much… she was in love with me… but it didn't make a difference… it made enough of a difference that it made it harder to let go of her. I fought myself. I wanted to go back. But I knew I shouldn't. It was a bad idea. This whole thing was a bad idea. All of it. I shouldn't have ever given her that note. I should have just let her get married. Now my last memory of her was worse than the other. I needed one last memory. One last thing that would be ours. Something that her bloodsucker would never have. Something that would purely and truly be mine. Forever. I bolted out of the woods but she was gone. I ran all the way to the parking lot. But all I saw was her truck pulling out onto the street. My last chance was gone. That would forever be the last memory I would have of her. The tears behind her lids, the pained look. She really wanted me to stay.

(******** NEW*******)

I sighed. There was nothing now. I had to tell her. I told her in a way that I loved her. but it wasn't everything I had wanted. I know what I wanted her. I wanted her to just waltz into my arms and chose me. but I knew she wouldn't. I don't know why I even held out hope

My wrist was on fire. I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was hyperventilating again. I choked on the sob that violently ripped through me suddenly. I tried to phase but I couldn't. I needed to get out of plain site. I took off in a sprint. And I didn't care if anyone saw me. as soon as I was in the tree line I found myself on my knees sobbing so hard that I was sure half of La Push knew. I needed the blade. More than I had ever needed it. I grabbed it from my pocket and fumbled with it against my arm. It was too dul now to do any damage. At least the damage I wanted to do. I stood up. I could feel myself imploding I threw the razor and it stuck into a tree.

"GOD DAMMIT, GOD MAMMIT! GOD DAMMIT‼‼" I yelled as I hit trees. They hit the ground. All of them. Tears poured down my cheeks. I couldn't live like this. I grabbed the razor out of the now broken down tree and pulled it across my wrist. It cut but not deep. I took off running suddenly I needed the release it would give me. in the matter of 3 minutes I was in the red faded house. That I once called home.

"Jacob"

"Shut the FUCK up." I said as I stormed to the bathroom. I ripped the medicince cabnit off the wall in my haste. I shoved through it. There was nothing. Not even razors

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" I screamed the words

"I got rid of them if that's what you are looking for"

"You don't know nothing OLD MAN." I said as I flitted in front of him. I had never moved this quickly. A snarl ripped violently through my teeth he shrunk back but still answered

"I do. You are on a self destruction way. Look at you, you are already bleeding enough" he motioned towards my wrist

"not…. Enough" I said as calmly as I could manage. My wrist was aching. But only for more. I went through my drawers in my room. Finding the razor I used to use and snapped it in half it cut my fingers. I jumped through my window and started running though the woods

"JACOB BLACK!" I heard my father behind me yelling. Another snarl ripped out of my chest violently

As soon as I was at least a mile away I sat down next to a tree and opened my hand a bloodied razor was in my hand the blades exposed. I pushed it against the skin there and I could feel it cutting through a few layers of skin already. It hurt, but it felt amazing at the same time. I pulled it across my wrist as slowly as possible so it was deep. I let my head fall against the tree and then started up my wrist. I had always done across, but now I was gonna go along the vein. If I bled to death, I bled to death its not like Isabella would care. it sunk into my skin like a knife through butter. I pulled up all the way to my elbow. I watched it bleed. my sight started getting blurry. And then it was black.

A/N

New chapter? Or no? you like? You hate? Lemme know