I Screamed For You
I'm so fed up with everyone
Around me,
No one seems to care
I'm just so far gone
And nothings gonna change
I'll never be the same
Chapter 3 ½: Wait a minute while I vomit in my mouth
A/N: I know I'm the worst I never ever post anything anymore its hard for me to get inspired :'( but today I had a huge inspiration. Lol. So here it is. I hope I still have readers. Lol
The leeches touch repulsed me more than I had thought possible.
"cant I just be alone?"
"No. not at this moment Jacob."
"Okay. So this moment has significance? Well hold on a second while I vomit in my mouth" I faked a gag, but I didn't have to try too hard with the sickly sweet scent filling all of my senses. Anger was floding me over and over. I was getting madder and madder with every passing second. until all I could see was red
"Calm down Jacob" Alice soothed me
"Get fucked" I said crudly i hugged my arm tigher to myself and glanced at Bella. she hadn't missed the movement. She must know. I could see tears behind her lids. I wanted to touch her to soothe the tears. But in a sadistic way I wanted to see her hurt more. hurt as much as she had made me hurt.
I realized I was tremoring so hard it was rattling my teeth. Bella looked ashamed. Ashamed of me. of what I had become. I was suddenly so repulsed I wished I could throw myself off of this cliff and not survive it. I tried to calm myself. I put my hands to my temples in a effort to calm myself. I tremored harder and harder
"Jacob. Calm down" I snarled unwillingly I couldn't control the animal in myself. It was taking over me and rattling its way out
"Get her out of here" Alice said in a blur of words. The red film enveloped me and devoured Jacob Black I exploded in a sudden second. and instead of attacking the person I was the most angry at. The small black haired leech stenching up La Push I laid down the pain choked me in this form, now I remembered why I avoided it. I was down writhing in pain
"Jake!" Bella was sobbing as she looked at me I let out a low yelp. I was sobbing as an animal. It shoved through me violently like a wrecking ball. I felt like I was hyperventilating. Alice kneeled next to me
"We all know Jacob. I saw you… you are going to die"
Good. Its what I want I only wished she could hear my words.
"Please. Bella loves you. don't. please don't do it." I had no idea what she was talking about. Last night shone through my mind the blade tearing through layer after layer of skin. The wolf in me fought against me and whined I had no voices accompanying me. they must know too. I still didn't know what she was saying to me
"Jacob…" I could hear bellas voice. But she didn't speak.
"Jacob. Please don't. You are going to DIE. And she needs you more than you know"
Yes. She needs me so much that she is going to become a monster just like you are.
I choked on a gurgled howl. I hadent ever felt this in my entire life. I wondered idly if the circus freak had known this would happen. She muttered things calmly to me that I had no care to listen to to anymore. I tried to stand. But my limbs wouldn't allow it. I howled letting my ears flatten against my head. Bella covered her ears. It was loud. And we were in plain view. A wolf. And a leech. This would go over great.
In an istant I was thinking of the one thing that helped. But at the same time made things worse.
The kiss.
I played it over and over. Pouring more and more salt into my wounds and rubbing it in with water the way she gripped to me. the way her lips moved against mine. The feel of her alabaster skin. The silk of her hair.
I wanted to hurt. So I played it over and over and over in my mind until I was sick with the sorrow. And I wanted nothing more than to feel the soft sting against my wrists.
I let the kiss grow to more in my mind. Now fantasizing about her nude skin rubbing against my chest. the feel of her hair on my stomach. Picturing her laying soft kisses on my lower stomach. And in that instant I shook into my own form. Naked and trembling. Alice knew this was going to happen and in a way I was grateful that she did because she had pants pulled out of her huge purse. She handed them to me I pulled them in a drug out movement. I looked at my father, he looked offended in a certain way, he was still reeling from me yelling at him. I smiled to myself. I let my anger pulsate through me now that I was slightly composed, I looked at the leech. She looked indifferent to the situation. I had no idea why she was even HERE she didn't need to be here. They could have just sent a messenger in my head. I saved the sweetest face for last, when I finally took Bellas face in, she looked concerned, with the same hurt behind her eyes. A short angry shiver ripped though my body. But I knew now I couldn't phase. Even if I tried. I stared at her for a long moment then I scoffed and turned around striding away
"Jake…" Bellas voice rung out her voice of course froze me in my place. I stopped and ran my fingers though my hair and allowed myself a moment to compose myself before I turned my head. I turned so I could see her she had strode a few steps forward from where she was and now tears were streaking her face. I smiled
"Happy wedding Bells, hope you find a better best man than I am" it came out bitter. Then I turned and strode into the woods. As soon as I was far enough I sat down against a tree. I shoved my hand in my pocket searching for my blade. I realized angerly that these were the pants the leech had handed me. I snarled and then felt something in the pocket. I pulled it out of my pocket. it was a folded piece of paper with my name written on it.
Now she was resorting to writing notes. Again. I wanted to throw up. what could she possibly say to me that she hadn't already said? I considered throwing it into the ocean and then I discarded the thought and unfolded the neatly folded paper
Jake,
If you are reading this. you didn't let Alice do what she wanted. Obviously. I told her it was hopeless anyways. I told her you would do what you wanted. But at least I wont have to stay up at night wondering 'what if'
Jacob Billy told me all about your arms and I wish you wouldn't do that to yourself… I know you don't wanna hear it but I do care about you. and I do want the best for you. I want you to fall in love. But its just not gonna be me…
Please Jacob if you read this. please. I really want to talk to you. alone. Come to my house tonight whenever you think you are strong enough. Edward is off on a hunting trip so there is no way he would show up. so please. Please come and see me. you left on a whim last time and I really do want to talk to you. Charlie will be gone too. He is staying with Billy if you didn't already know that
I love you. I will be waiting up for you. please come talk things out witn me…
--Bella
I choked on a sob. I don't know why it hurt, but for some reason it hurt me to know she wanted to see me. I felt tears slide silently off of my face and onto the paper making the ink from the marker run.
I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.
I read that line over and over. She loved me. but only enough to make things so much worse. I swallowed the lump in my throat and ran my fingers through my knotted hair I folded the note and put it in my pocket and pictured the words 'I love you' as I started walking. I didn't know where I was going. But I just walked.
