Chapter 37

The school week had been a living hell. People knew witohut anything being said. And it wasn't that Bennett Williams' girlfriend was a nobody. It was that Elisa Simmons was Bennett Williams' girlfriend. I was quickly moved from nobody to someone everyone knew. Nobody acknowledged me in the halls. They jsut watched and talked quietly among thenselves.

Rachel took notes in History, letting me copy them as always. But she never spoke to me. Because she among half of the girls old enough to think they had a chance with Bennett hated me for the fact that he had chosen me for reasons I didn't even know by myself. Even with all the time we spent together. We never spoke about why we liked eahc other. It was jsut obvious how much we did.

He'd hold my hands in the halls and kiss my temple. On the rare occasion we'd kiss. Displays of Public Affection weren't neccessary.

A smile was never gone from Bennett's face when I was with him. Unless we were talking about something serious. He was always so happy around me it was contagious. I smield right back. Feeling happy and incredible inside whenever he was around me. When he wasn't I was just in my shell hiding from the faces that judged me endlessly because I was the girlfriend of a legend of sorts in Kerrignton. And I was nothing special at all really.

I looked younger smiling so much now. I looked eight now. I was still short and slim. I had nothing that made girls attractive. My hair was a light brown. And my clothes were jeans a t-shirt or a sweater. I wasn't rich. I worked at Carol's Coffeeshop. I only had my ears pierced. My body had no tattoos on it- not even temporary ones. I was nothing to look at. I was quiet. Soft-spoken all of my life. I just liked the same music as him. We had a lot in common with the tradgedies in our lives. But I could never relate to him being in the middle of a relationship between the prettiest girl in the Kerrignton area and a kid that could rip anyone to shreds. I was always just there wherever I was. I was here. Nothing made me comapre t ohim by a long shot except for our music and our absent fathers.

I moved away from the mirror. I had been studying my face. My freckled skin and hazal eyes for five mintues straight. I could see nothign of what he saw in me.

I turned on my stereo playing Saves The Day loudly, my mother on a business trip. The silences were more unbearable than ever.

When I was with Dave, the quiet that manifested in my home was tolerable. I could end it with my music on low. But after the series of fights that followed my mother finding out I had been cheated on and moved on in two minutes to a scary reckless looking boy, gradually ended in my turning my volume up more and more over a week. Now it filled all the holes. And I heard the change in me.

I wasn't reckless or any different than what I was when with Dave by more than a few inches. I just played louder music and got a job. I hardly call that edgy. I was as dangerous as a feather.

I pulled a shirt on over my head. Just chaning out of a wrinkly shirt much too big for me. My hair almsot dry from my shower. I walked into my bathroom looking at myself. I only wear eye-make up. So other than that I was ready to go to the hsow with Bennett. Sean and Becky getting a ride with us. To see this Saves The Day/Something Corporate-esque band I had listened to online when Bennett had found the name of this band for me. They were really good I was excited to see them as I was to be with Bennett.

By the time he pulled in to my driveway I was already out of my front door locking it behind me. When I slid into his fornt seat he kissed me. I kissed him back. "Hi," He said softly moving away.

"Hi," I said.

"Are you ready?" He asked. He moved away more.

"Yes," I said putting on my seatbelt. He backed out of my driveway. I listened to the music playing softly circulating in the air around us. "Saves The Day? I was just listenign to them."

He smiled. "I forgot how good this record was." He said.

"It's so good." I said looking out my window.

"Did you listen to the band we're seeing tonight?" He asked curiously.

I nodded. "They're really good." I said.

"I thought so too." He said. "I was talking to Paul about this band, him and Rainie are seeing them for the third time he said. They opened for Sunday Drive last spring. I've actually seen them before. I just didn't remember thier name."

"Really? Are they good?"

He shrugged. "The sound wasn't good. They were pretty new then. I bet they are a lot better now. They got signed and everything. Full-length record coming out soon too."

I nodded. We pulled into a driveway which I assumed was Sean's. Him and Becky came out in a few seconds. Sliding in to the backseat. "Hey," Sean said.

"Hey, Elisa!" Becky said grinning. After being a non-stop co-workers we were sort of friends. She didn't get annoying. She was just friendly and nice.

I turned my head. "Hi," I said looking at her. She had dyed her hair last night. Told me yesterday morning. I smiled. "You're hair looks so good."

Sean sighed. Reaching out and picking up a clump of pieces. "I miss the old hair though." He said. "It's still in there I think."

Becky sighed. "Thank you, Elisa." She shoved Sean away from her. He let go of her hair. Bennett laughed watching them in the rearview mirror. He was driving now. "It was so easy. I've gotten pretty good by now."

I nodded. "My friend dyes her hair a lot." I was tlaking about Cass.

"The one with the orange hair?" She asked. Cass had stopped by work with miles a few times. Becky loving her hair color. "Oh, gosh I love her color."

Sean groaned. "Orange hair, Beck?"

She ignored him. Bennett exchanging a look with me. I smiled. "You don't dye your hair right?" She asked.

I shook my head. "No," I said. Cass always told me I would look amazing with dark brown hair. I didn't think my hair fit. My eyebrows were too dark. But Becky had a redish dark purple-ish color now. I still had my light brown. The reason I never did isn't because of all the storie aobut dying your hair ruining it- I jsut never owuld have the guts to even consider it. I would chicken out beofre choosing a color.

"I used to be totally agaisnt it, but it isn't that bad." She said. "It's actually-"

"God, please don't try to get her into dying her hair." Sean moaned again. He clearly wasn't big on Becky dying her hair. But Bennett was quiet.

He changed the subject. Reaching out when we reach a stop sign opening the glove compartment for me. I automatically took out a new CD. Putting it in to the stereo. Bennett seeing it. Smiling at me wickedly. I smield back the same. Sean and Becky's reactions to Sunday Drive were hysterical. They whined and fought. It was easy to tune them out. Bennett reaching over taking my hand quietly. We've driven with Sean and Becky together once before. I think he was happy he had an ally and someone to tune their fighting out with.


The club was less packed. We made it halfway to the front. Bennett standing close to me and Sean and Becky a few rows of people back. Other than us we only saw Rainie and Paul. Everyone else was form different towns. Paul jsut waved to Bennett. Rainie not noticing starign at the stage. Bored and unable to talk to Paul. They were closer to the front packed in an awkward position to talk. But I realized they were standing like that on purpose. Her back agaisnt him. And she wasn't bored at all. Ther were just waiting.

We had shown up late. Caught in traffic on the way up north on the highway.

When I turned to say something to Bennett the lights went out. The crowd didn't start yelling. We all jsut sort of remaine quieter. Loosing volume as it got closer to starting. His hands slid around my waist and he pulled me against him. As awkward as it felt it was comfortable standing there. People pushing in all around us to get closer to the stage.

I liked being this close to him.

The show was really good. They were all small bands I knew. And were all good live. The band we had come to see was really good actually. A lot better than I expected. They had a really good quiet song. Bennett leaning down as it started kissing the corner of my mouth. I turned my lips to find his and we kissed. It was perfect. I believed in everythign the moment it happed. my heart sang louder in my chest than any volume in the world. It was amazing.

There wasn't much else to say about the show. When it ended we were already out the door leaving early to avoid the traffic of kids trying ot get out all at once.

We were in the car before more than half of the kids were even outside.

I sat in thre front seat next to Bennett again. Sean and Becky in the back talking about how good that band had been. The ride home we didn't tune them out. We had a whole conversation talking about the show. It wasn't that late but sean and Becky still went back to his house leaving Bennett and me alone in his car.

"Do you want to come back to my house?" He asked.

"Sure," I said.

We ended up behidn the red door again.


We didn't hook up a lot. In fact we rarely did. But tonight we went up to his room. He shut the door behind us and before I could grope the wall for a lightswitch his hands pulled me close. Finding my face in the dark. He kissed me. His lips sweet and soft. We started kissing. My eyes closed. After a few minutes we were lying down on his bed kissing.

His hands gently moving against me. It was soft and nice.

He pulled back. After a little while. I looked at him softly. Seeing his out line. My hand on his face. We jsut lay there quietly. We haven't done this in forever.

He took my hand from his face for a short second kissing it. Before putting it back where it was. I opened my mouth to say something. But it didn't come out.

"What?" He asked softly. His lips were soft agaisnt mine for a few seconds.

There had been a question forming on my tongue all night. I had wanted to say something but was waiting for the right time. I didn't think tongiht was right for it but I was going to find out. I swallowed. All the words I had to form a question and only two made it past my teeth. "Why me?" I asked softly.

He was quiet for a few seocnds. I took them as shock. As misunderstand. Miscomprehending. "I'm sorry," I said. "That was stupid to ask. Pretend I never did-"

"No," He said laughing warmly. "I was jsut trying to come up with the appropriate answer." He kissed me again. His breathe smooth on my skin. I closed my eyes for a few seconds. Waiting.

"The night I got punched..." He started. "I don't know, I just wanted to be alone. But you just came out of nowhere. I had found out about Dave and I had felt really bad for you. You obviously really like Dave, but I was still really mad he was cheating on you. I didn't know why. Probably becuase you were so shy and quiet and nice when I first talked to you. You seemed so... scared. Of everything. And Dave cheating on you- that was jsut so sad to know what he was doing to you and how much you trusted him. I felt like I coudl trust you though. I didn't really tell anyone about that night. I probably couldn't even do it now. But there was something different about you. You just... understood. And you seemed to understand everything. You never hated anything. There was jsut something there. Whenever I talekd to you. That night on the porch I was jsut lookign at you. You were so honest and real. I could tell you anything. Just talking you that hsort conversation... it was like you were everything beautiful in a person to me.

"Remember what I said about people like Rainie. After I talked to you, I knew you were one of those people. I couldn't help falling for you a little. But with everything about Dave, and everything was getting worse. There were so many stories about him I jsut wanted to protect oyu. Get you away from him becuase he was going to hurt you so bad. I couldn't see any way to do it. And I just kept getting to knwo yuo more and more. I mean, we always have something to talk about. There was never a moment we didn't or won't. And suddenly I just couldn't imagine not talkign to you. But I knew Dave was hurting you so bad. I figured all I could do was be a friend to you. You'd see what was happening. Somehow... I don't know it just happened. Under the streetlight, I just kissed you. And suddenly I realized you kissed me back. You liked me back. It was amazing. And I don't know. I think it was just meant to be. You're the most beautiful person I've ever met Elisa. I just never thought that you'd ever be mine."

I was quiet. Seeing his face, my eyes fully adjusted to the darkness. I kissed him. Falling a million feel. Until I woke up the next morning. Wrapped up in his arms. Everythign he had said to me was burned into my head. Memorized like lyrics to the most beautiful song you ever dare to hear.

I wish there was some way for me to say something back that would ever amount to that. But I figured all I could do was hold on and be his. Because that was the night I began surrendering the pieces of my heart and handing them to him, piece by piece.