I Screamed For You
When this began
I had nothing to say
And Id get lost in the nothingness
Inside of me
And I let it all out to find
That I'm not the only person with these things
In mind
Chapter ? ½: Negativity
AN: sorry I don't know the number for this chapter. I don't have my laptop right now. And that computer has ALL OF MY stories on it. And internet. So I have NO IDEA. Lol. Its somewhere between 1 and 20. Lol
Rawrimadragon yahoo . com Add on MySpace for sneak previews, pictures, playlists and more :D
^Don't Email that email though. because I don't have the password so I will never ever get the message. lol
BPOV
As he ground against me I couldn't help but wish I was somewhere different. Edward had no pull anymore. He wasn't what I wanted. And he felt nothing like Jacob, I wanted to just hurry up and be one of them so I could seal my fate. I didn't wanna hurt Edward but I didn't love him. I cared. But not like that anymore, but I knew he had forever to live with it and Jacob only had at most 100 years to live with it.
I had my reasons.
And I figured it was the lesser of the two evils. I didn't hurt Edward but Jacob wouldn't live as long as Edward would with the pain. And I could deal with it, I got myself in this mess, so I could live with the pain for the rest of eternity, knowing that Jacob was my soul mate and Edward was just a vampire that, yes, for him to have a life with me, I had to be something different than I was.
I was barley aware of Edward sexing me as I lost myself in my own thought.
"Bella, are you okay?" he asked me as he still moved inside of me
"Yeah… just keep going…" I said as passionately as I could muster up. it just sounded frustrated to my own ears but he must have believed me because he did as I said. I just tried my hardest to picture Jacobs short black hair, instead of Edwards golden hair, I found it easiest to pretend it was Jacob when I looked directly into Edwards blackened eyes, they were a similar shade of darkness. I morphed Edwards cold body into Jacobs heat and before I knew it felt so much better to me.
"Oooh, harder" I begged him. I forced myself to not think his name. it was Jacob in my mind. He moved harder on my body I dug my nails into the grass as 'he' fucked me. I stared into his dark eyes picturing Jakes abs and dark russet skin, the sheen of a cold sweat running over his perfectly muscled skin. He bared his perfectly white and straight teeth
"Ooh, god… I'm so close" I groaned. When I had said that to Jake he had smiled at me as he drilled me into the bed. I just played that in my mind over and over, until the explosion of orgasm ran me over and over like a semi. I imagined myself saying Jacobs name but I kept my mouth shut making sure to never utter his name, no matter how much I wanted to say his name. I couldn't.
JPOV.
I looked at the clock. Parking the car. I could smell the leech. He had been here less than 10 minutes ago. I growled to myself and ran my fingers through my hair I rested my head lightly on the steering wheel and ran my fingers over my wrist. Sighing. I contemplated going back home. But I had to see her. I was addicted, and no matter how much I wished I didn't, I liked it. I touched my neck I could feel the heat of the hickey there. She had bitten me as soon as she had started to orgasm without even noticing it. I smiled thinking about it. I moved my hand further up feeling my pulse it was beating wildly out of control, it always did this when I was near her. I could smell her. she was in her room. Charlie wasn't home yet. I slid my hand through my hair one last time before grabbing the keys out of the ignition and getting out of the car and walking to the door. I knocked out of privacy, and I knew she hated it when I snuck up on her. I didn't have to try too terribly hard to do that though.
She opened the door and I was overwhelmed by the scent instantly.
Vampire
Strawberry shampoo
Some sort of pasta
Bellas sweet scent
And the one that enraged me
The salty scent of cum
She fucked him
An involuntary snarl ripped violently out of my chest she jumped back
"Jake?"
I had smelled that all in less than a second
"Bella…" I said it acidly
This is why I would have killed him if he was here, and right now I wouldn't mind ripping his body into a million pieces and watching him burn.
"What's wrong Jake?"
I scoffed
"So… do you think of me while he fucks you?" I growled the words
She looked shocked.
"What?" she sqeeked the word
"Yeah. Do you?" my words were calm now as I leaned against the door frame and picked at my nails. I caught a glimpse of my wrist and was momentarily dazed.
"Jacob…"
"That's not an answer… I ASKED, DO YOU… THINK… OF ME… WHEN HE… FUCKS YOU." I unnunciated everything like she was stupid.
"Does it matter?" she asked
"Answer me Bella"
"No… I don't…" she looked guilty
"So I meant nothing to you? Wait- No—of course I didn't…" I said the words quietly. I could feel the choking sensation coming
"You do… I love you… come in the house Jacob. Please…"
"Why?"
"You drove here for a reason"
"Yeah and he scent of his cum sickened me, at least I was polite." I growled finally meeting her chocolate brown eyes.
"What do you mean by that?" she asked leaning closer to me involuntarily
"I didn't just explode inside of you…"
She didn't say anything. She looked away from my gaze towards the floor I sat in the silence saying nothing. It hurt more than it should that she had sex with her husband. After all that's what married people do… I felt sick to my stomach. The scent of him was making me ill.
I had come here to talk her out of him. But I couldn't do it now. I was enraged. She had sex with him. All I could picture was her and him screwing. With his snarls and her screaming his name. begging for him for more. I shook my head lightly trying to shake the image.
Her skin was so beautiful he didn't deserve to touch her like that
"Were you a virgin?" she asked
I was suddenly ashamed. I didn't wanna tell her.
I ran my fingers through my hair and the choking sensation came with full force
"Yeah… I was…" the words came out strained
I gave her a part of me that she would always have. No matter what.
I looked at her wrist she had the charm bracelet on, the one I had given her. the big diamond the bloodsucker gave her absent. Just the small wolf I carved. It momentarily warmed me until I breathed in again and his scent invaded my nostrils I had the urge to bleed at that moment. A lot. I wanted to see blood. And A LOT of it. More than I had ever seen. I wanted it so bad. The silence was making me want it more and more.
"So was I." Bella mumbled
My head jerked up from staring at the ground
"What?"
"I was."
She met my gaze again and it looked like she was gonna cry, I didn't see any regret in her face though. the cords on my heart pulled me towards her. but I fought them and stood looking deep into her eyes. The moment was intense. I wanted to touch her. suddenly the scent of him wasn't such a problem. I didn't care as much. I heard a low gurgle in her throat and then she was sobbing. I caught her before she fell to the ground. I pulled her against my chest caressing her softly. I carried her to the living room laying down on the couch with her. holding her close to me. and rubbing her back and wiping her tears. She sobbed against my bare chest and grabbed at my body needily. I held her close as she cried. She trusted me. oddly that was comforting. I thought about my previous urge for blood and it didn't appeal to me with her in my arms. She was the cure to the disease I had developed. She said my name softly as she cried. She wasn't sobbing anymore. She was just whimpering against my chest.
"Yeah baby." It felt right coming out of my mouth. The smell of him no longer sickened me. it didn't matter if she had been with him. I loved her. and that's all that mattered. She looked up at my face and slid her hands up to my face cradling my face. My pulse quickened. She could probley feel my heart beating. She moved up pressing her lips to mine the movement surprised me as hard as it was, I pulled away
She looked at me with shocked and hurt eyes
"No, I can't. You are married"
"Jacob…" she muttered my name quietly I shook my head lightly
"No. I just. Cant. You are going to be one of them in less than 2 days Bella. and then you will never have me again. So I might as well get it into your head while you are a human" the words shaved piece by piece of my heart off. But I couldn't let it hurt me. they were words that needed to be said. And actions that needed to be taken if she was going to be with the vampire.
"I- I… I cant breathe…" she said she was sobbing again. I pulled her close to my chest and ran my fingers through her silky hair.
"Breathe honey… its gonna be okay"
"No.. its—not." She sobbed out the words
"Your gonna hyperventilate you NEED to CALM DOWN"
"i—i—cant.. I…" she tried to sob out. I let go of her so she could breathe easier but she clinged back onto me
"Please—please don't… go… please… Jake.."
"I'm not going honey. Please calm down…"
"But.. nothing—is gonna… be… o… k…" she was going to hyperventilate.
"Bella I love you. please calm down. Please…" I didn't have any idea how to fix it if someone did hyperventilate I hadn't been to school in months. i didn't need to. I was a wolf now. And that was my 'priority' I rubbed her back as she breathed quickly and sharply
"Take deep breaths. Please calm down Bella" I begged her. she tried to take deep breaths clinging to my body. Her breath was shaking
"I love you. I love you so much" she managed to say it clearly
"I love you too honey. Are you calm now?" I asked her softly. Her breath was still shaking
"Yeah… calm enough…" her voice was shaking I moved back so I could see her face. Her cheeks were tear stained. I touched her face lightly and ran my fingers through her hair the movement felt so right. I needed her. more than she even knew. But right now I had to focus on keeping HER calm
"I love you." she whispered
"I love you too bells" I said just as quietly.
"I want you so bad…" she said as she looked away from my eyes
"What do you mean?"
"I think about you. I concentrate on the feel of your skin… the feel of your muscles. The heat of your body… the darkness of your eyes. All of it when I'm with him…" she met my gaze again
"I want you…" she continued her sentence. She seemed confident on it.
"You wont change your mind…"
"I need you one last time Jacob… please… so I can pretend its you for the rest of eternity…" the choking came to the forefront of my mind I hadn't ever choked like this. my stomach tightened, my throat closed, my mouth was paralyzed, by heart accelerated. I closed my eyes and concentrated. I couldn't do this. it was just going to hurt both of us more… I couldn't…
A/N:
XD what do you guys think?
I will post more when I get some friend requests on MySpace. Lol and some reviews. Lol
R&R
Rawrimadragon yahoo . com
Friend Search
And add me
:D
Krista (cupcakes taste like violence) that will be changed soon though to Krista (Kristaff Jeepers)
So Add it and Review. And I will give you more chapters. :D
