My Pain is Yours

Chapter 18: Concealed Emotions

There is nothing quite so desolate, quite so demoralizing as the disparagement that you are alone. Konan allowed a sigh to run from her lips, fleeing to her lover's ear as Pain stiffened against her, his body crushing hers in an inescapable embrace. The blue-haired kunoichi tensed, realizing she stirred him from his sleep, and flushed when he got up, hands tracing along the outline of her body, impelling shivers to tingle up her spine.

"I shall summon them," he murmured. "It is time for the sealing of the one-tailed beast."


Casting Deidara a fragile smile, Aiko advised, "Don't use your arm too much, all right? It's healed but I'd allow the nerves a chance to make the necessary reconnections before attempting another shot at any of the Jinchuriki hosts." She breezed by Hidan, who couldn't decide what he wanted to do. Aiko's artificial beam diminished when she heard Hidan's footsteps pursuing her.

"Are we ready to head back then, eh?" Hidan muttered, eyes evading Aiko.

Does he expect me to answer that? She had no reply with which to counter his inquiry.

"Yeesh! Are you going to keep sulking?" Hidan growled, crossing his arms over his chest.

Why couldn't he let her be by herself? Aiko veiled her sorrow amid false brevity, yearning to escape his fleeting insults that lingered in the depths of her mind as curses. This situation derailed her, caused her to weaken further than she could permit. Tolerating this absurdity agonized her, made her yearn to vanish where no one could find her.

As Aiko persisted in musing her unspoken wishes, Pain's abrupt voice startled her.

"Aiko, Hidan, Zetsu, Deidara, Sasori; we're sealing Shukaku, report in immediately."

The Jashinist's face contorted with abhorrence. "What?" Hidan whirled around on his heel, amethyst orbs flashing. "You've got to be kidding me!" His hand automatically reached for the rosary entangled around his neck, fingers trapping the metallic circle against his chest. "I keep missing all of my rituals for this! Jashin-sama will not be pleased!"

Pain's voice hardened until his tone was colder than stone. "Just come."

Compelled by the harsh, unforgiving tenor accompanied by an effortlessly conceivable glower, Hidan meshed his hands together amid a terse growl pertaining to his contempt. Aiko followed his lead, uncaringly slapping her hands collectively and focusing; in a mere moment, she found herself peering up at the looming pair of hands used for the sealing. She immediately took her spot atop the colossal left pinky finger, glancing around to see the other members promptly reporting in. Pain stood firmly in his place, Rinnegan eyes aglow, glaring at the flaccid body on the floor located between the two hands.

So that's Gaara no Sabaku? Aiko mused despondently, observing the cadaverous body lying prone on the fractured earth. He looks…so young.

"Now that everyone is in place," Pain announced solemnly, "let the sealing begin."

Everyone channeled their chakra to their hands, concentrating on the task before them. Aiko watched as the limp body rose from the floor, floating lifelessly in the air, as the spirit of the Biju began draining from his body. Aiko recoiled as his jaw hung open, allowing traces of the Shukaku liberation, rapidly increasing to a flood of light, portions bursting from its host through all exits. The wide-eyed kunoichi flinched upon hearing a bloodcurdling scream.

The body twisted, pale face warping in inexplicable agony, soulless eyes ripping open to unshackle torrents of surging light, the Biju fleeing to become trapped within the statue. Aiko shivered, chilling cries of torture frightening her into dead silence. Her hands trembled in the wake of the impending death, shocked among aghast incredulity; how could anyone do something so inhumane? She swallowed hard, mouth pressed into a wavering line.

How could I be doing something so inhumane?


After a day of the sealing devastatingly diminished into naught, Aiko doubted whether she could continue as her eyes ashamedly faced the dying Jinchuriki. His gaping mouth remained wrenched open in a piercing scream for help, eyelids torn compulsorily apart, seeking mercy, his limbs extended and convulsing, body writhing vulnerably in incommunicable agony.

Aiko sensed a sea of repulsion squirm within her stomach, inciting abhorrent nauseas.

"One day down," Pain uttered insensitively. "We have less than two days to go."

Pinching her doubtful eyes shut, Aiko forced herself to focus on something else as the body before her retched, limbs lurching out in all directions, shriek propelling her nearer incurable insanity. Aiko was a different person on the battlefield, she was callous, ruthless to protect herself and those she cared for, but when she performed her role as a medic, she played it to precision in curing her comrades. The brunette assiduously struggled to overlook the shudder coursing through her, racking her body with indubitable potency.

What was her role in this situation?

She needed only a moment to answer this. I am Death.


By the coming of the second day, Aiko was drained of all sentiment. Her hazel orbs glowed apathetically at the dying carcass before her, mind locked on the assignment. The pained wails were distant murmurs, the fiercely thrashing body a subtle wave, the depleting spirit a trickling stream. The sealing approached completion, though at a gruesome penalty.

As the dislocated gaze of the kunoichi meandered around the room, it settled upon another kunoichi not too far away. Aiko seized this opportunity to escape reality, to flee the dire scene, and enhanced her eyesight with chakra. When she was able to distinguish the facial features, however, Aiko wished that she dealt with focusing on the pitiful murder transpiring before her.

Oh my god…that's Konan! Aiko's breath hitched, eyes glistening. Oh no…

Memories long forgotten began to unravel in the depths of her mind.

"Aiko, what are you doing?" the orange-haired man chuckled evenly, ruffling her hair.

"Yahiko!" Aiko squealed lightheartedly, catching his teasing hand atop her head. "Leave me alone!"

Darting towards the rubble behind her, Aiko gracefully hopped onto the remains of a burned house, sticking her tongue out. Yahiko grinned good-humoredly back and shook his head dolefully at the small girl, his little sister; she turned ten that day and he remained sixteen; it was a miracle he still had her. Yahiko closed his eyes for a moment, smiling softly.

Aiko belonged to the same mother, who passed away during childbirth; Yahiko didn't know how to care for a baby and ended up giving her to a woman who provided them with food, who consequently couldn't have children of her own. However, as soon as Aiko had celebrated her sixth birthday, the woman was killed during yet another detrimental ninja raid. Yahiko had valiantly rescued Aiko and reclaimed her. He later met up with Jiraiya, one of the three legendary Sannin, who he tutored under, along with his friends Nagato and Konan. Aiko had been observing them one day in battle, when she was inspired to become a medic nin.

Ever since then, Aiko would run around studying medical ninjutsu due to her desire to help people, which Yahiko found very beneficial. He yearned to form an assembly of like-minded individuals determined to change to world and to obliterate wars to keep his loved ones safe; monitoring Aiko now, he knew that together they would find some way to bring about peace.

"Aiko, Yahiko!" a woman called cheerfully, rounding a corner just in time to see the pair. Her face lit up, eyes widening with her optimistic beam. "There you guys are!"

The little brunette leapt off her tower and ran into the woman's open arms, nuzzling her face in the ebony fabric of her cloak. "Konan-chan!" Aiko greeted, overflowing with incomparable joy. "Today's my birthday!" She released Konan, elatedly picking through her tattered pockets, withdrawing a piece of candy concealed in a golden, crinkling wrapper. "See? Yahiko-nii got it for me!"

Bending down, Konan smiled gently and looked fondly the present. "Is that so?"

Nodding vigorously, Aiko's excitement was enhanced as Yahiko meekly wandered over, a light blush creeping into his cheeks as Konan grinned cordially at him. "Yes!" Aiko couldn't stay on the ground, leaping up and down to display her elation. "Yahiko bought it for me special! I'm so happy! I haven't had any candy in ages and ages! I love him so much!"

"Ah, it was nothing," Yahiko chuckled weakly.

"That was sweet," Konan murmured, standing up to take his hand in hers.

Yahiko blushed fervently. "Uh, not in front of Aiko…" He embarrassedly scratched the back of his head.

Cocking her head to the side, Aiko stared wonderingly at Konan, who laughed lightly, and stated, "Why don't we just tell her, Yahiko? She's not a stupid girl, she'll find out soon enough anyway, won't she?" This confused Aiko and she said nothing, waiting patiently for Konan to elucidate what it was she meant. The blue-haired woman broke into a breathtaking, motherly smile that made Aiko flood with affections. "Your brother and I are going to get married."

Aiko's enlarged eyes widened even further with blissful skepticism. "Married?"

Konan nodded happily seeing Aiko's eager expression. "Yes, we're getting married."

Hearing Konan confirm the idyllic reality one last time made Aiko's heart go pitter-patter. "R-really?" Aiko tried desperately to contain her vividness within her eyes, but they were beginning to brim over with utter delight. "Than that means you're my sister now Konan-nee!" Aiko threw her arms around Konan's waist, laughing as tears rolled down her cheeks because she didn't know what else to do. "I love you Konan-nee! I love you! I love you! I love you!"

The memory faded into darkness. "Konan-nee," Aiko murmured, eyes teeming amid elapsed tears.

Across the echoing room, Konan flicked her head up, keenly recognizing her name. She kept her startled breath at bay, striving to remain calm and continue the sealing. Overwhelmed still by the fact that Aiko joined the Akatsuki against her wishes, Konan lowered her gaze to the floor, then up to Pain. So much had happened, so much had changed.

Konan walked the streets vigilantly, knowing that now everyone in Amegakure knew her face; she and Yahiko were engaged, prepared to marry, her little 'sister' more enthusiastic than anyone. Yet Konan had to be careful, chary of those watching her; Yahiko was successful in birthing an indomitable revolutionary group aimed at destroying and rebuilding the Amegakure government, and, of course, the government wasn't taking too kindly to that. Hanzo, the Kage of their village, wanted them eliminated.

Strolling casually through the vacant alleyway, Konan flinched as two arms arrested her.

In an instant, a man aggressively grabbed her and crushed her in his arms against his chest. There was nothing she could do, she couldn't respond fast enough. A hard fist slammed against her chest, causing her entire body to lurch forward, heart weakening and swelling to create a painful combination. What could she do?

A husky retch burbled up her throat, her failed attempt at crying for help, as blood flowed down her pallid chin. The man drove his knee into her legs and she collapsed, unresisting as he pummeled her into the ground until she was no longer conscious, bruises marring her beautiful face. This was meant to happen; this was one way of ending a revolution.

By taking a hostage.


Konan spluttered back to life only to see herself positioned on a ledge in the filthy hands of Hanzo, his sneer skulking down her neck as he reserved her as his unwilling captive. What was going on? She craned her neck, but swiftly found a kunai resting unpromisingly beneath her chin. Where was she? Guards surrounded the wall and Konan became alarmed, chills pulsing through her.

Had she been sentenced to death?

"Hey! Let Konan go!" a deadly, masculine voice demanded from the ground beneath the wall.

Flinching, Konan's eyes darted to the man beneath her, eyes aflame with incorrigible fury. It was Yahiko, flanking his side, Nagato. They had come to salvage her from her contrived vanquishers, demoted to the lowest pits of hell. Her watering orbs raked over the murderers standing at attention, lining the wall, guards who executed the feeble innocent without any objective.

Konan ingested the swelling lump in her throat, heart beating against its imprisonment. At what price had Nagato and Yahiko come to save her? Chills silenced her resolve, forcing her spirit away into a consuming void that declined it liberation.

She was helpless to resist.

"Here," Hanzo offered, smirking rancorously, his blood stained hands gesturing to Konan. "I'll make you two a deal; if one of you kills the other, I'll release the girl."

Konan's eyes flashed, response immediate. Now she knew what was going on. He was going to use her to dispose of one of them, then one of his guards would take out the survivor. "N-no! Don't do it! Nagato, Yahiko, get out of here! Leave me! Don't you dare listen to what he says!" Her voice vanished as the kunai beneath her chin wafted to her neck, pressing precariously against her skin, threatening to slice at any given time. She caught her breath, heart drumming against her ribcage to generate a sickening sensation.

"Do it, or else I'll kill her," Hanzo hissed, leer expanding across his vindictive features.

Unable to move, Konan watched as Yahiko murmured a phrase indecipherable to her at the time as he turned to Nagato. Few words were exchanged between them; Yahiko suggested something that made Nagato pale and rupture into dissent. Konan could only watch, powerless to suggest anything; she put her faith in Yahiko, trusting him to make the decision to keep her safe, therefore making it impossible for her to be reckless in spite of her doubt.

But would he make the decision that would keep himself safe?

Perspiration collected on her forehead, breath slipping then hitching, as Yahiko withdrew a kunai. Her face fell. He wouldn't kill Nagato, would he? He couldn't! When Yahiko lunged spitefully at Nagato, she couldn't help but to scream. "Don't kill him! I don't care what happens to me! Just stop!" Her eyes snapped back open, eyelids pried apart in unbearable agony as she watched the two men who she was closest to clash. "Yahiko!"

"Be quiet," Hanzo growled at her, grinning sordidly. "I want to enjoy this."

There was a yell, a shout, a cry, and then more clattering of metal. Konan laboriously resisted the overpowering urge to join them, to split them up; but if she did, if she even attempted an unfeasible escape, she knew instinctively that it would only result in her death and theirs. She wasn't ready to face that; she couldn't.

Then, as she looked at them, she noticed the motivation to fight evaporate from Nagato's stationary eyes rising to the clouding sky as Yahiko attacked him again, lunge inescapable. A heart-wrenching scream caught and died in the hollow of Konan's throat as Yahiko turned the kunai against himself in an act of suicide upon colliding with Nagato.

When the blood splattered across the ground, Yahiko's loving gaze disappearing along with his draining blood, Konan knew…

it was over.

That scream still held tight in her throat, unreleased to haunt her forever. She bowed her head in shame, the rest of the memory a blur of tears as Nagato fought hard to save her and killed all those opposing them. From this, "Pain" was birthed, a formidable foe that she now heeded as her beloved master. Yahiko died that day, leaving behind a fiancée, a sister, a friend and a fight. His wish became Nagato's, to resuscitate the world from war, embarking on a sinister, perilous road to blissful tranquility. That dream was bequeathed to Konan as well.

She remembered his dying words so well; Aiko had also arrived hearing the commotion, coping with the fact that her death was inevitable if she approached the gory scene. Corpses clothed in their own blood lay strewn across the battlefield, dealt with solely by Nagato, who donned the vile stench against his will, hands shaking vehemently.

"K-Konan-nee!" Aiko cried, reluctantly entering the littered cemetery. "What happened?!"

The brunette's eyes submerged in terror as they settled upon the insipid man before her, head resting in Konan's lap as he coughed, blood dribbling down his wan chin. Aiko recognized Yahiko immediately as she neared him, jade orbs sheathed by a mist of tears. The blood belonging to Yahiko covered his stomach, still expanding into a carnelian sea amidst carnage and despair. Aiko touched his normally tepid hands and flinched; he was cold.

He was dying.

"Yahiko-nii?" Aiko whimpered, expression stricken with incomprehension. "W-why?"

He coughed, the sound a hollow rattle in his throat as blood spilled down his chin. He halfheartedly turned to her, huskily murmuring, "Hey, what are you doing here?" He stroked her cheek with his bloody hand, tone diminishing. "Sorry; I guess I should've been more careful, Aiko." He retched, face contorting with pain as Nagato dropped beside him to hold the traumatized Aiko. She had never seen Yahiko so weak; it was unnerving; he was the strongest man in the world. She lost her ability to see, to hear, and to feel; her senses slipping away into a stupor.

"Yahiko-nii…" Aiko broke into sobs. "Yahiko-nii…I c-can't…fix you…"

"Don't worry about that," he cracked a smile. "It's not like I was going to live forever anyway."

Rivulets poured from Konan's eyes, frame trembling as Yahiko convulsed in her lap, hacking blood up from his throat, shuddering afterwards. She stroked his head, dousing the moist sweat with her coming tears as she lowered her lips to his forehead. "Don't leave me Yahiko, please…I love you…we love you too much…I don't want to see you die."

Though it pained him to do so, Yahiko shifted around, making an effort to look at the woman whose picturesque ebony orbs overflowed solely for him. "Konan," his voice weakened with each word, "I love you so, so much…I hope that someday you can…forgive me…for my…actions…" His eyes closed, body disconcerted as he drew his last, ragged breaths. "Konan, please take care of Aiko…and Nagato, protect Konan…" Nagato nodded, eyes overwhelmed with promise. Yahiko's labored breaths deteriorated into pained groans, eyes reopening one final time, glossed over by a watery sheen as he made an attempt at a smile.

"Goodbye."

His corpse quivered until it ceased movement forever.

Aiko sobbed hysterically into Nagato's shoulder, his reassuring hand a potent console as he stroked her hair, powerless to whisper any words of comfort. Konan went into a state of complete shock, eyes empty as she held her lover, expression a disquieting void, tremulous and weeping, crying out his name until she could no longer hear herself. He died in her arms.

Aiko replayed clips of the memory through her barren mind, seeing Yahiko's face and his poised smile; the smile she watched wash away with the imminent rain that developed into a raging storm only minutes after his passing. Even in the protection of the cave devoid of illumination and sensitivity, Aiko could recall the icy despondency that enveloped her as the heavens wept upon the earth in sorrow, soaking her in staining tears.

"Why is he gone? Why?" Aiko held tight to Nagato, trembling. "I don't want him to be gone!"

Nagato tightened his grip on her weakly quavering shoulders and Aiko mournfully brought her gaze to his as he began to speak. "Aiko, if you want you can come with Konan and me. I'm not giving up on Yahiko's dream, his goal; he died to make this world a better place." Nagato clenched his fist akin to his crushing of the acrimony plaguing society. "I will have revenge on those who have deserved it through their actions; I will change this world!"

Konan spoke in a deadly monotone. "Aiko shall have no part in that."

"Huh?" Nagato tore his eyes to Konan, who was slowly standing up, her soulless eyes scrutinizing her shaking hands defiled with Yahiko's precious blood.

Her voice rose to a dull hiss. "I said, Aiko shall have no part in that. She is not a killing doll, nor will she ever be." Konan wiped at her eyes with her elbow, a surge of tears bursting forth from her glistening orbs, reducing her to wails. "Aiko can't stay here! We have to let her go!"

"K-Konan-nee?" Aiko's magnified eyes blinked back the hurt she felt understanding that Konan wanted her gone. "I…I don't want to leave!"

Revolving miserably to confront Aiko, Konan desolately whispered, "Don't you understand? It's better for you to flee now. You'll only be used if you stay." She reached out and seized Aiko's shoulders tightly, shaking her without knowing. "Listen to me Aiko; you need to get out of here! It isn't safe and it never will be; Nagato and I will continue and finish our revolution, but until then you have to stay far, far away; do you understand me? This is our war to fight, not yours." Aiko's head bobbed frantically, petrified.

"I-I understand…but Konan-nee!" Aiko was cut off by her strangled sobs. "I don't want to!"

Exchanging pitiful glances with Konan, Nagato concealed his face in his hands, lumbering away as the rain fell harder. Konan hardened her resolve, gritting her teeth to equal the intensity of the pulsating thunder approaching them. Her pitch rose over the encasing thunder, voice straining to reach the ceaselessly unsettled brunette. "Aiko, I will always love you, but we cannot stay together any longer; evade those who would use you for their own purposes; and no matter what, promise me that you will never, ever try to find me again."

Aiko's eyes brimmed with sorrow. "Konan-nee! I don't understand!"

Konan sighed forlornly, rain mingling with her tears as her eyes gradually opened in a slowed state, lightning flickering through them. Aiko winced, predicting Konan's farewell that already adorned her slightly parted lips in the slowest eternity.

"Goodbye."

Like every fleeting moment, the memory passed, and Aiko could only hear the swift quivering of her heart as it twinged in her chest. After that, she had fled Amegakure and lived on her own, journeying here and there, seeing the world for what it was. She gathered stories, examined battles, developed medical ninjutsu known only to her, eluded death repeatedly through killing her opponents with merciless blows, and then she fortuitously stumbled upon Shinsei. But that all seemed so long ago, such a distant part of her past.

Aiko glanced cagily at Konan to meet her reproachful eyes. The brunette contritely dropped her gaze. What was she supposed to do now?


"We will adjourn until the next sealing," Pain mused when the sealing concluded.

Everyone exhaled relieved sighs, which soon turned to hushed disorientation as their surroundings trembled. Their compelling leader turned his head to the side, murmuring, "We have company." A hint of interest crept into his composed tone as he offered, "Who wants to attend to our guests?" Aiko, whose silent mind awakened from a daze upon hearing Pain's voice and feeling the cave stir, said nothing, hoping that Hidan and Kakuzu didn't want to take it on either. Relief overtook her, however, when Pain said, "Sasori, Deidara, see to our guests, they're yours. Except for the Jinchuriki host, bring him to me alive. The rest of you are done here."

At last.

Resignedly, Aiko pressed her hands together, mouth curving into a frown upon noticing the chiding eyes peering at her from across the room; Konan was glowering at her. This made Aiko more anxious, deciding to exit back to the hotel room where she was staying; she would sooner deal with Hidan than her astray sister.

However, when Aiko plunked back into the decrepit hotel room, her fatigued mind persisted in being beleaguered with grief that bore down on her so heavily that she collapsed beneath the intolerable burdens, a void birthing in the pit of her stomach to swallow her from the inside out. Before her comprehension caught up with her mind, her sobs reduced her to a cripple.

I can't keep doing this; I have to stop leaving these problems behind; I have to start dealing with them! You can shove the mess on your floor underneath your bed all you want, but eventually you'll run out of room and when you do try to deal with everything it will overwhelm you; that's how I feel right now. I keep hiding that mess under the bed so my mother won't scold me. I keep hiding my feelings and emotions inside me so that no one will pity me or disparage me.

That has to stop.

I'm sixteen now, this has to end; Yahiko is dead and Konan is upset with me; that's a mess that's buried so far beneath my bed it's out of my reach until I dig out the rest of what's blocking it; and I know exactly what I have to deal with first.

A resilient flame lit up in Aiko's eyes.

My relationship with Hidan.


Author's Note: Aiko's regaining her will to fight! Yes! And these chapters are getting long… T.T

Thank you to all of you who have continued supporting me; I want to send out personal thanks to Cheeky half-demon for being a loyal reviewer since the very beginning of my story, to werewolfwithaheart for all of her lovely reviews, to yoyshaia-chan for her inspiring and motivating reviews full of praise which I sometimes doubt I deserve, to Kakashi Forever for being kindly enough to review so many of my chapters, and of course mistress akasha for her funny, uplifting reviews (this is for you ^/.\^)!

Now, who's ready for Aiko and Hidan to get together, eh?

-Aiko of the Akatsuki