Chapter 43

I shoved my hands into my pockets, walking quickly. The sun was setting. Making the sky a watercolor rainbow. The colors spread so far apart you could barely see them. They were so light. The trees making a jagged fram ahead after the houses. It was beautiful. I could see my breathe. It looked like smoke. But it was cleaner and fresher. My heart pounding in my chest.

The only thing bothering me was that my feet weren't moving fast enough.

Snow had been cleared away by the pale blue clear sky that had hovered over us for two days. The cement of the sidewalk was stained to a dark grey. It felt like spring was coming. But we had only passed the first checkmark of winter.

I turned the corner. Passing our streetlight, which was still out like it has been each time I've passed it in the past two days. But I turned my eyes to the sidewalk along the wooden fence of the Browne's. Waiting for my aching shins to finally show it was work speedwalking here. I was close to jogging. My heart singing.

It was a few seconds. A few steps. When my lips curled up into a smile. Most hellos- even after the shortest goodbyes- are strange. We both slowed down. Walking slowly up to each other. I smiled wider. And he was smiling just ot see me. We were a foot apart, where time seemed to stop and we jsut looked at each other. Standing in the middle of the sidewalk. Two days. Really that time had gone by fast. He stepped closer to me. His hands moving to my face. His fingers sliding hair behind my ear. I moved my hand into his hair. He was so much taller than me but he had leaned his face down closer to mine.

He leaned in closer. His lips brushing mine. I closed my eyes, moving a little closer and eliminating any space left in between us. My lips pressed agaisnt his. We stood there together. Christmas gone for another year. Stuck in the greyest most hopeless days of any child's year. But we were happy. The excitment and energy colliding at that moment was much more than anything I have expirienced in years.

It was so cold you could see the air pass from my mouth to his when we moved away. Our foreheads leaned together. "Thank you," He said softly to me. His lips moving to the corner of my mouth.

"Thank you," I said back softly. My eyes opening again.


I sat on the floor of his bedroom. My back agaisnt his bed. And he sat agaisnt the wall. Next to his record player. His guitar with The Get Up Kids sticker on it in his arms. We were listening to The Photo Album as he played along at some parts. Saying this was only the third time he had listened to it becuasee of his absensce.

We were walking. But sometimes I'd stop and listen to him playing. He'd mess up a few times, pausing when he didn't know parts. It was perfect though. No matter what was said we just sat together. Happy. As strange as it was I was happy. no matter what had happened. I was happy. This feeling so overwhelming. I'd never been through such a sudden period of utter happiness.

His mother poked her head into the room saying she was going to work. Not even finding it strange we were alone in the bedroom together. I think she trusted us. With the five feet in between us I think she knew better than to be popping her head in more than neccessary. My house wasn't an option. My mother still not too into the idea of Bennett. I hoped eventually I could have him over my house more often. But he never minded.

His mother msield at me when she saw me sitting there. I felt welcome.

Sometihng I hadn't felt since before my father left.

When you live in a home like mine. The emptiness and the quiet takes away from the feeling of welcomness. There is none basically. So to be with someone who means more than anything to me, to feel happy and welcome... I felt like I could do anything.

The record finished shortly after his mother had pulled out of the driveway. The room was almost too dark for the small lamp on the table beside his bed to fight so he got up. His guitar in one hand putting it on the stand on turning on another light overhead. I stayed where I had been sitting. And in no longer than a few seconds his arms were around me. Holding me agaisnt him. I let myself lean agaisnt him.

It felt natural and comfortable. When I had dated Dave moments like this were hsort. Awkward slightly. And hard. But I leaned my head against his shoulder. His body turned to pull me agaisnt him. On his floor it wasn't uncomfortable. It was a rig where we were sititng. He kissed my forehead. "Is your mother home tonight?" He asked quietly.

"Yes," I said softly.

He ran his hand across my back shifting slightly. "Do you have to be home a certain time?" He asked.

"I didn't tell her where I was," I said. "If I told her I was with Cass she'll care less about how late I am. So any time before two."

"No later than two?" He asked softly. His words warm on my skin.

"Why?"

"I don't want you to go." He said.

"I won't until I have to." I said softly. "Promise."

He shifted again tipping my face up to his. "Okay," He said. He pressed his lips against mine. And we started kissing. My heart rushing to keep myself concious. My mind moving so fast nothing could keep up. We kissed softly. In the silence. His arms wrapping around me. Holding on as tight as he could.

He would never let me go.


I had always been sort of awkward. Unsure. The first time I ever kissed a boy, freshman year, I had no idea what to do. I panicked. That boy though didn't break up with me because I had given him the most awkward first kiss he could have ever asked for- he moved away. Yo Michigan.

I've come a far way I think.

I fit nicely along his body as he held me. My head rested agaisnt his chest, listening to his heart. Beating steadily in his chest. So loud and so surely. It was the mostreliable sound I had ever heard. I was tired. My mind flahsing about. But we were in the silence. Not saying anything.

"I hate the quiet." I said suddenly.

"Me too," He said. We both were dead honest.

"I'm sick of everything being quiet." I said. I must have been out of it or something. Needing sleep even though it wasn't past midnight yet. "My house is the worst. You've never been into a more quiet empty place. It's so big. Everything just echoes. But the quiet is unbearable."

"When I'm alone at night sometimes, and I can't sleep, I can't stand it." He said softly. His voice having a certain tiredness to it.

"I hate being alone in my house." I said. I added. "At night."

He kissed my forehead. "I wish you didn't have to go through that Elisa." He said.

"You don't deserve it either," I said looking at him. His lips curled up slightly at the corners. I touched his skin with my fingertips.

"I'll try and fix everything for you," He kissed me. I kissed him back. My next question lost easily. Never recovered until I was lying in my bed alone.


We returned from behidn the red door a few minutes after two. He slid his hand into mine and we walked. The owrld was quiet too. But a different kind from the one we resented so much. We stopped a few feet before stepping out in front of my house and I kissed him goodbye. My hands in his hair. And his around me. We kissed for a minute or two. Before he let me walk into my house. My mother asleep.

She trusted me still. Even though I was becoming everything she ever dared to say she hated.