Chapter 47
It was seven when I walked in to the CD store. I didn't see Bennett right away. I jsut noticed Paul talking loudly in to the phone about something. Getting interrupted every few seconds. Starting up again where he left off. Bennett stood behind the ocunter watching too. It was impossible to not watch Paul or try and keep up. But his face changed. He held the phone out looking at the screen. Whoever it was they had hung up.
He threw the phone onto the counter. I'm surprised it didn't break. "Two minutes," He sounded angry.
I exchanged a look with Bennett. Paul looked up seeing me. "Hi," He said.
Bennett was getting up to leave. "My shifts done." He said. "Robbie's coming in a little while to close down."
Paul sighed running a hand through his hair. Not responding. Bennett didn't seem to notie he came over to me, kissing me like he had this morning. "Hey," He said.
"Hi,"
Then Bennett turned back to Paul. Shifting sliding his hand around me. "If you and Rainie aren't doing anything tonight, me and a few kids are going to go hang out at the IHOP."
"Yeah," Paul said. "I'm not sure what we're doing yet, but if we can we'll go."
"Cool,"
Then suddenly you could hear Paul's phone ringing. He sighed picking it up. It was to his ear no more than a few seconds. There was a short silence, he didn't say hello. But he just smield a little. "I love you, too." He had been fighting with Rainie. And no matter how impossible it seemed to me it took her five minutes to call back and apologize.
"You're whipped." Bennett said to Paul shaking his head.
Paul shot Bennett a look. And then we left. Leaving Paul on the phone with Rainie.
There was a party a lot of people were going to. Cass and Miles were there. When I saw Cass people were complimenting her new hair color. Hers stood out more. But with me, people just stared form far away. Looking at me. Bennett had stopped looking at me weirdly. We were back to normal now.
But nothing would ever be the same.
I tried not to pay attention to everyone. I kept my head down a lot. Or focused on the conversations I took a small part in. Bennett asked me if I wanted a drink. I said yes. And I was alone.
I saw Cass and Miels tlaking. I figured I sould join them and not be alone too long. I was walking towards them. Someone tapped my shoulder. I turned around. "Hi," They said.
"Dave, leave me alone." I said I started turning.
He grabbed my arm. "Elisa," He said. "I know you hate me. But I miss you."
"Let go," I said I yanked my arm free.
"You look so different." He said softly. Looking at me. "I just... I feel like I never knew you. I thought you would never do something so sudden like this."
"You're right." I said quietly. I was losing confidence a little. His voice was so innocent. I hated him. "You never knew me."
"I regret that Elisa," He said. "I really do. And now you and that..." He stopped himself before he made a Bennett is a fag joke. I have to say they have died down. Those jokes. "...and Bennett Williams. It hurts Elisa. I still want to get to know you. Can we please talk or jsut be friends? I jsut need a chance to explain what happened."
I looekd at him. This was ridiculous. "Are you kidding?" I asked. My eyes widened. "You want a chance to tell me you cheated on me and explain why you didn't try this when I broke up with you. Dave, why would I ever talk to you again? I don't need you anymore."
I started walkign away. "Why are you even with that fag?" He said loudly drawing me back. I turned back to him. He was pissed. "Or a better question: why is he with you?"
There was a moment there when he got through to me. Made me want to break down. I swallowed hard. I came back. Seeing suddenly everything Bennett has done to me. How he has changed me. "Fuck you, Dave." I said loudly. "Just stay away from me. Do you know what happened? I cheated on you, too. Just fuck off, okay?"
I walked away. I felt my feet carrying me. I went outside. Not even thinking about Bennett. Or what time it was. Or what I was going to do. I just needed fresh air. I sat on the stairs of the back porch. My legs drawn close to me. I hugged them to my chest. I was so small. Pulled tight together in a little compact shape.
I closed my eyes. And the cold air on my skin eventually made me shiver. But I stayed there. In the quiet. In the dark.
"Elisa," The voice was warm. I looked over at him. He was smiling a little at me. Even thoguh I wasn't smiling the small smile on his lips stayed. He came over beside me. Sitting close beside me. His hand moved around my lower back. I leaned against him once he was there. He kissed my forehead. "I heard what happened. God, I was looking for you."
"I'm sorry," I said quietly.
"What are you sorry for?" He asked. He was so warm. I stopped shivering. He made me feel warm. He held me closer.
"He keeps getting to me." I said. "Dave."
He sighed. His breathe a cloud exiting his mouth. "Elisa, do you still care about Dave?" He asked.
I moved away a little. "Do I really need to asnwer that?" I said looking into his sweet bornw eyes. But they were serious. He didn't answer just stared back at me. "No. You know that though." I said.
"Then should you need to apologize because he came back for two minutes into your life?" He asked quietly. This didn't need an answer. I leaned back agaisnt him. His arm moving around me. He kissed my temple. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I think so." I said.
He was holding me so clsoe to him. I must have felt so cold. My hands were half frozen off. "Do you want to go back inside?" He asked quietly.
"No," I said. "Did a lot of people hear what I said to him?"
"Yeah," He said. "I tihnk so. Cass told me what happened. But I don't think she was a first-hand witness. I can't picture you screaming your head off at him. No matter how much you dislike him."
I laughed a little at this. I moved away looking at him. He tilted my face up and kissed me softly. I closed my eyes, moving my hand into his hair.
We were parked on the edge of the road near this pond, where we had the last big snowstorm. And we sat there. He played music and we were talking. He'd kiss me and I'd kiss him. We were perfect together i nthat car playing music back and forth. He was laying CDs I didn't know of bands I was never aware of. They were all sweet songs. The kind that made my heart melt.
Some of them I knew. He'd play them special for me. They were songs on the mixtapes he made me. This year was ending. The hardest beginning was finally smoothing out giving me a fresh start. One I could begin with the one person who made me the person I am becoming.
I looked at him thinking this. We were quiet. Listening to Futures by Jimmy Eat World skippign aorund form this song to that one.
He smiled a little. "What?"
"Nothing,"
"What are you thinking about?" He asked quietly, his smile fading.
I shrugged. "I don't know." I said. He jsut waited. "I was jsut thinking about how much I've changed this past month." He pushed hair behind my ear. We were sitting close. I blinked. His finger brushing my skin. "Thank you," I was suprised by this clipping out past my teeth.
"For what?" He asked softly.
"For changing me." I said.
He shook his head. "I didn't change you, Elisa." He said. He looked at me pausing for a few seconds. The song changing. "I never thought I'd ever be sitting here... with you. I never pictured myself being this lucky."
I stared at him quietly. Ready to say something I just wasn't sure what. He looked over at the dashboard clock. 11:59. He looked at me. His eyes soft. He leaned in. I closed my eyes. And he kissed me. The world shifting underneath me. It wasn't the world though. It was jsut time. I pressed my lips softly against his. He moved closer to me. Moving his hands around my waist. I moved mine into his hair. And we kissed softly and quietly. Not moving. We kept silent. The record jsut in the background. With the silence defeaning to us.
We moved away. Trying ot catch our breathe. Looking at the clock. 12:02.
