Chapter 51
I was on my computer. There was a new blog on Sunday Drive's MySpace I hadn't read yet, so when I clicked it. I was looking for the dates to their next tour to be announced. Bennett and I were going to get tickets hopefully. But I just kept reading my eyes moving slowly. Naive and innocent.
There were footsteps coming upstairs. I had yelled for him to come up. I was rereading. I wasn't going to get interrupted my fifth time through. He poked his head in the door. "Hey," He said. "What's up?"
I looked at him. "Did you check MySpace today?" I asked.
"No," He stepped inside. Shutting the door letting it bounce off of the frame. It remained frozen a slit open. I pushed back in my computer chair. Rereading the last words of the blog over again. "What?"
"Sunday Drive is breaking up." I said.
I'm not sure if anyone can understand. Once your a Sunday Drive fan your one for life. Bennett was probably the only person I know who feels the same way I do about them. I lived for their music a year ago. And now, nothing much has changed. I listen to The Get Up Kids more and Death Cab For Cutie, but my favorite band has always been Sunday Drive. It's been a great 11 years, everybody, you've made this worth-wild. And Bennett and I were both silent. He leaned against my desk. We didn't say much of anything. I think it was still sinking in for him. And we both sort of just looked at each other like we heard he was moving to Alaska where he wasn't going to ever see me or talk to me again. And although that last comparison was a little extreme, it felt like it fit perfectly for that moment.
We nearly forgot about Saves the Day. We were going to that show tonight. Neither of us seemed in the mood. In his car flipping through the CDs in his glove compartment I kept coming across Sunday Drive records. I thought of how this was all we'd have to lsiten to for the rest of our lives. To put it best we both felt pretty "emo" that night.
But we played Stay What You Are and Death Cab For Cutie's Plans trying to get into a better mood than we could. We made it up to "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" on Plans.
He didn't shut the car off. He looked at me. His hand reaching over touching mine. He kissed me. This song had never appeared on the mixtapes he left in my locker or in conversations at all about Ben Gibbard or heart-melting songs. "This always makes me think about you, no matter what." And the thing that made me happier was when I looked into his sweet soft brown eyes I knew he was thinking this.
We walked along the line ofr a few minutes before we heard Jonah calling us. We both walked over and joing him and the kids he was with in line. The younger boy Chase was there. And since none of them liked Sunday Drive they never seemed to care when Bennett announced they were breaking up.
It was Rainie I think that took it a little harder on the outside. I saw her and she waved coming over to us. Paul somehow detached from her. But not quite because I doubt he could ever be completely detached. "Hi," She said grinning. "What's new?"
"Did you hear yet?" Bennett asked. I never remembered Rainie being a Sunday Drive fan. But I figured if Paul was she was.
"I'm not sure, what?" She asked. Her face got serious.
"Sunday Drive is breaking up." Bennett said. "This next tour is their last."
Her face went blank. And she just stared at Bennett. And then looked at me. A check to see if Bennett wasn't screwing with her. And then she turned. Walking probably to Paul wherever he was. We knew she found him because in the building they found us again and Rainie looked really sad and broken up about it. But Paul was normal asking me and Bennett about it. Sicne I had the blog memorized I nearly recited the whole paragraph about their breaking up and how sorry they were to us, the fans.
Rainie was just kind of blank about it. She just sort of listened. Very unlike her. She didn't give Paul a hard time about anything. She was just mellow and soft. She reminded me of myself. But when the show was starting. I saw her just move into Paul's arms. They didn't really care about this openin band. And he just held her. And they must have been talking over the loud awful sound system. They must have heard each other.
Jonah had been insane after the show. The kids he came with crammed him into the way backsat because he was out of control. Everyone agreeing he had ADHD or sometihng that made him like this. But Jonah makes everything fun. Even at a funeral he would make the corwd all crack a smile.
He stuck his head out of the back window when they drove by. He held a hand out for high fives. Bennett then me. Rainie and Paul had already left. And Bennett and I just smiled walking together as Jonah yelled sometihng at us. Someone pulled him back into the car and shut the window.
Like I said Jonah makes everything funner.
Bennett wove his fingers in to mine. "That was a good show." He said. "They played 'Nightingale' did you notice?" I couldn't not. He pulled me close to him. Holding me through the whole song. Kissing my temple.
"Yes," I said.
And then we both walked. Holding hands to his car where he let go to walk over to the driver's side. We both climbed in. And by the time he was turning on to the highway, I had finally made up my mind. I put on a Sunday Drive record because we always play them whenever we are driving in his car. We didn't say anything about the band.
"Did you see Rainie?" I asked. "She reminded me of how I was all night."
He nodded. "I know," He said nodding. "When her and Paul weren't that serious she bought him some vinyls and one of them was a Sunday Drive one, so I think there's something in between them about Sunday Drive. I hate seeing her like that."
"Is that what she was like when her and Paul broke up?" I knew that was a touchy subject for Bennett. Especially with me, I think of all people.
He paused thinking. "Yeah," He said. "But she was jsut really screwed up. She used to tell me everything. She'd just go on and on about him for like hours. But that was only when she was smashed. I don't know, it was just really hard seeing her like that. Just completely not herself."
"Paul was really good about it." I said.
"He always knew what to do when she was liek that." Bennett said. "But I understand why now."
I didn't ask him why. I figured it was something Paul told him or the period of time him and Rainie were really close. So I sat back silently the record filling the car. The emptiness that never quite took form in the backseat. And the silence was swallowed up. It was perfect and calm. Everything was where it should be.
Listening to that record was like listening to a huge component of my life just ending. We made it to Kerringtong before we said another word. We paused right where he could turn going over towards Cherry or down my street. I looked at him and smiled a little. He turned left. And we ended up behind a red door.
Tonight we felt talked out. Our ears hurt form the bad sound at the hsow no matter how incredible Saves the Day was. And in the dark he found my face and just kissed me. His lips soft. And we just started kissing. It was like going back in time. When he was Bennett Williams and I was Elisa Simmons dating that kid Dave Mandeville. Except everything was so different. In the dark and the quiet. He kissed me softer and more surely than that night.
Everything was softer and more confident tonight. We did everything from the waist up like we had and never done since. And when he held me, it was softer. He was holding me close to him. Not showing how he wasn't letting go, but I always knew he never would. And I listened to the most reliable sound in the universe. His heartbeat.
