My Pain is Yours

Chapter 29: No Longer a Ninja

The rain fell.

The thunder clashed.

The lightning struck.

Shinsei stayed in her room, listening to the howling wind rapping against her window, still thinking of Aiko. This was all just a bad dream, wasn't it? Drawing her knees to her chest and burying her face in her hands, Shinsei sobbed, the tears cascading down her cheeks in thick rivulets, racking her entire body. This wasn't a dream; it was a nightmare.

In her solitude, Shinsei could do little more than weep, her sockets flooding like unattended faucets. There was no comfort that could be offered, no kind words that could be felt. Aiko was gone, a piece of Shinsei torn out, leaving her to bleed. It only hurt more knowing that if Aiko was there that she could mend those wounds, could heal those injuries, but she wasn't there. Death had taken her to a place Shinsei couldn't reach.

Comprehending that fact was impossible.

The feeling that someone close has been separated from you eternally is a very lonely one, one that Shinsei was not mentally prepared to accept. She hadn't become 'Shinsei' until after she met Aiko. Now she felt as though she was losing yet another portion of herself, identity slipping past her clenched fists. This was worse than when Shisui's death had been announced, sadder than when the entire Uchiha clan had been massacred; this was agony.

Pure, consuming pain.

Shinsei choked on her sobs.

There was no point living in misery.

The redhead wept louder, cries of anguish piercing the cold night, oblivious to the door clicking open across from her. Itachi silently entered the room, shutting the door behind himself noiselessly, strolling calmly over to his beloved. When he sat down, she didn't even bother looking up, completely unaware of his arrival until he began stroking her matted hair.

Shinsei flinched and jerkily looked up. "I-Itachi!"

Hushing her quietly, Itachi pressed a finger against her lips, softly whispering, "Aiko wouldn't want to see you so upset." He lowered his finger, caressing Shinsei's cheek with the palm of his hand. Shinsei hiccupped, tears streaming as she threw her arms around Itachi's neck, sobbing against his warm body. Itachi nuzzled his nose in her hair, sighing deeply. Having Itachi with her made Shinsei chillingly aware of an event that would eventually happen; Itachi would die.

What if she lost him too someday?

Shinsei held him tighter. "Itachi…Itachi…Itachi!"

He closed his obsidian orbs, resting his chin atop her head. "Yes?"

Shinsei swallowed, gasping for breath as she cried harder. "I don't want you to die either!"

Not expecting her to bring up the topic of his own demise, Itachi stiffened, eyes flashing back open as he furrowed his brow. Why was she so concerned about his death of all things? He calmly stroked her hair, remaining silent and enigmatic. Itachi waited for Shinsei to speak, believing that she had perhaps stumbled in her words, made a slip of the tongue as it were.

But it wasn't.

"I don't…want to…t-to see you die!" Shinsei's throat rattled, body shaking fervidly.

Pulling away to look at Itachi's face, Shinsei felt her core pulse with fear as shadows created by the lightning flickered across his hard features. His eyes were unmoving as he cupped her cheek, dryly asking, "What makes you so worried about my death?" Itachi watched Shinsei flinch visibly, cheeks flushing with indignation at his stern expression.

Accusation burst from her piercing voice. "I haven't forgotten about your eyes Itachi, I haven't! You're still planning on throwing your life away for Sasuke; I know you are because I know you!" She threw her tiny fists against his chest, head leaning into him as she cried. "I won't lose you Itachi, not after losing Aiko!" When she lifted her head back up, her eyes were a stormy blue, sapphires swirling with tears. "Let me heal your eyes!"


Outside Shinsei's room in the dimly lit hallway, Kisame listened at the door as Shinsei demanded that Itachi allow her to heal his eyes. The shark nin placed his hand on the door handle, wondering if he ought to interrupt as he heard the scuffling of sheets and Shinsei's voice growing shriller. She was hysterical. Kisame peeked in through the crack of the door.

Itachi was pinning Shinsei down against the bed, trying to console her.

Kisame watched, unable to avert his eyes as Itachi slowly let Shinsei back up after she agreed to something. The espionage continued, the former Kirigakure ninja straining his ears to hear what words were being exchanged between the two as Itachi embraced Shinsei, whispering something into her hair. Kisame didn't catch it.

What the hell are they doing in there? Kisame wondered. And what's wrong with Itachi's eyes?

Being careful to avoid pushing the door open, Kisame craned his neck, biting down on his lip as Shinsei whispered something to Itachi. With the rain drumming against the house, Kisame couldn't hear any of it; all of their clandestine conversation was being lost to the consistent vibrations hammering on the roof, swallowed by the unvarying dissonance.

All except for one, cold command from Itachi that was not directed at Shinsei.

"Kisame, get away from the door."


Gasping aloud, Shinsei heard Kisame grumble from the opposite side of the door and stalk away, stomping moodily back down the stairs. The redhead then turned to Itachi, wiping at her eyes and distancing herself an arm's length away from him. She weaved a hand sign and focused her chakra, inhaling as much of the air as she could bear.

She stared solemnly at Itachi. "I'm going to try."

Itachi sat still. "This isn't your burden; you don't have to do this."

Shaking her head, Shinsei whispered, "No! I have to do this, I have to keep you safe!" She pinched her eyes shut for a moment, mouth moving irregularly when she spoke. "Aiko taught me a little medical ninjutsu before she died and I think I can use healing chakra to reconstruct your eye tissues so that you can see again, so that you don't lose your eyesight."

Itachi sighed. "Even so, it will merely prolong my life. The Mangekyo won't be fully healed."

Shinsei's head bobbed up and down. "I know, but I just…I just…" She broke off, sentences becoming more and more difficult to understand. "I just want you to be safe right now; I want you to stay with me forever and ever. Don't you remember what you said about my pain?"

The Uchiha remained rigid.

The redheaded kunoichi finished it for him. "You said that my pain is yours! If that's true, then your death will only cause me pain, pain that you too will feel. If you died, Itachi, then I would die too; there would be no point in life if you weren't around. Without you, I would be too sad to live because life wouldn't be worth living. Itachi, you're everything to me!"

Saying nothing still, Itachi held his tongue as Shinsei struggled to get a grip on her wavering emotions. He could tell, just by looking at her, that the emotional stress she was bearing was ripping her to shreds from the inside out. He could feel her pain when she touched him, could see her misery when they locked eyes; he wanted to obliterate that agony.

Itachi took in a deep, long breath. "Do what you will, Shinsei."

Her breath hitched, hands glowing as she extended her fingertips towards Itachi.

When her hands touched Itachi's forehead, Shinsei had expected him in part to reject her, but he didn't. She lowered her fingers to his eyes and he closed them obligingly, allowing her to begin transferring her chakra to him. Shinsei had purposely neglected to inform him of the cost of this particular jutsu that she was performing, but the toll didn't matter.

Itachi was her life, she would do what she could to assist him.

As Shinsei worked, she closed her eyes. Aiko, I'm sorry that I was never able to help you, never able to be of any use other than a friend. Her thoughts derailed for a moment, a pulse of pain ebbing through her mind; the jutsu was faltering. She worked harder. I won't give in; I never have and I never will. The pain grew. But if you were here, Aiko, you would tell me to keep going; you would say that I have to work hard at what I want.

You would make sure that I wouldn't lose hope.

The pain was beginning to subside.

God Aiko, it's so lonely without you. I know you don't want me to be sad, but I can't help it. I miss you so much right now! Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she continued. Even so, I can't let that sadness discourage me, I can't lose the faith that you worked so hard to install within me! I haven't really lost you at all, have I?

A small, sad smile was breaking across Shinsei's lips.

I'm really just losing the old 'me'.

Realization sparked in Shinsei's heart, igniting a wildfire to spread throughout her veins. Aiko hadn't really gone anywhere; Shinsei had lost a piece of herself, but Aiko was still Aiko. Even if she wasn't physically present, her words, her memories, her image, they all lived on within Shinsei, within Hidan, within Konan. This thought widened Shinsei's smile.

Everything was suddenly clearer.

Much clearer.

Opening her eyes to observe the world with the bestowed clarity, Shinsei found everything still a little foggy, but that was just because the tears were still there. In time, those too would pass and repeat; sadness was just a part of life. Beautiful, wonderful life. As she neared the end of the jutsu, her tears exploded from her eyes as her chakra died out, hands growing limp as she felt suddenly lightheaded, collapsing against Itachi, panting raggedly.

Itachi gasped aloud, one hand hovering over his eyes as he held Shinsei with the other.

He gradually managed a weak smile. "You did it, Shinsei."

Wriggling out of his hold so that she could throw her arms around his neck, Shinsei happily exclaimed, "I did, Itachi, I did!" Tears stung at her eyes as a reminder of her happiness mingling amid hope to override her sorrow. She kissed Itachi feverishly, lovingly, falling onto the bed with him beside her. "Love me, Itachi," she whispered. "Please, just love me!"

Heeding to her request, Itachi gently began stripping her of her clothes, touching her skin with soft caresses while answering to her yearning lips. He removed both of their clothing, making Shinsei moan as he laid in his boxers beside her, her only attire her panties.

Itachi would love her and make love to her as one.

Kissing her full, fresh lips, Itachi moved his mouth sensually against hers, hands lowering to her ample breasts. He brushed his fingertips against her soft skin, delicately running over her nipples. Her breasts quivered, nipples rising yieldingly to him as he began kneading her flesh, making her moan against their kiss.

"Nnn…ohh…Itachi," Shinsei moaned, arching her back. "More…more…"

Touching her with more force, Itachi fondled Shinsei's breasts roughly, tongue slipping between her groaning lips. He recalled the last time they had tried to have sexual intercourse and how hesitant Shinsei had been. It seemed so criminal to him that he would take her virginity away, rob her of her purity; criminal but also, in a way, sensual. Itachi smiled deviously, chuckling lightly to himself.

Hearing Itachi's soft laughter made lust burble within Shinsei's stomach, made her thrust her body harder towards him; she wanted Itachi to take her, wanted him to love her until she was in a complete daze. Every time he touched her breasts, she felt a pulse of pleasure shoot throughout her veins, creating a hot, dizzying sensation.

"Itachi don't stop…oh, don't ever stop!" Shinsei threw her head back.

Trailing hot kisses across her cheek, Itachi nipped over towards her earlobe, making her inhale sharply as he nibbled, hands still kneading her desiring breasts. He then brought his lips down her straining skin, down her tight throat, tickling almost, as he licked the accumulating moisture into his mouth. Shinsei wriggled beneath him, perspiration running down her body and mingling with his as it dripped from his forehead.

Slowly, tortuously, Itachi's mouth neared Shinsei's erect nipple, tongue gliding over it. Shinsei gasped audibly, breath catching in her throat as Itachi rolled the tight peak with his tongue before taking it into his damp mouth, sucking and suckling until Shinsei was sure that she was going to be driven too far beyond the brink of paradise to ever return.

"Ohhh…it feels…so good…!" Shinsei clamped her eyes shut, panting. "M-more Itachi!"

Still fondling her other breast with his opposite hand, Itachi drew her nipple in and out of his mouth, making Shinsei work for each breath she stole. He then switched breasts, taking her other pink pearl into his mouth, whetting it with his tongue, and then sucking hungrily. Shinsei felt her body convulsing at his libidinous touch, his licentious actions. Her blood was ebbing fast and hard throughout her, exciting her and forcing her through adrenalin rushes.

At least, now she knew why sex was so forbidden, why it was tainting.

It made her greedy, wanting more. It made her overflow with uncontainable lust, never satisfied. It caused her to rise with pride at the fact that she was the only who could satisfy Itachi, but she plummeted with envy, wondering if there was ever another female Itachi had ever made love to. It stirred a pot of tangoing emotions, wrath at times when he would torture her with his touches, making her inevitably want to retaliate and make him groan with pleasure. Although, it made her feel lazy, subject to the sensations dizzying her. Yet it made her gluttonous, hungry for his taste, reviving her and draining her all at the same time.

When Itachi left her breasts to explore her awaiting lips, they shared a passionate kiss. Shinsei threw her arms around his neck and they tumbled backwards onto the bed, rolling around and kissing without end. Shinsei was rolled onto her back with Itachi on top of her, his rigid manhood brushing against her thigh. Shinsei instinctively froze, stopping.

Itachi proceeded with caution. "Shinsei, love, do you want to make love with me?"

Shinsei hesitated, lips quivering.

She could not deny that which her body pleaded so desperately for.

She made her answer, small yet overwhelmingly ardent. "Yes!"

With her consent, Itachi gathered Shinsei's lips in another kiss, love flowing from Shinsei. She soon found that her panties had disappeared into the consuming darkness, and could feel Itachi's member, unclothed, rubbing against her leg. With keen fingers, she reached down and stroked the head, feeling a torrent of lust burst within her when it quivered. Shinsei then noticed that Itachi was panting, breath labored, above her.

Shinsei felt her mind waver as Itachi held her waist firmly.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes."

Gripping her hips tightly, Itachi positioned himself above Shinsei, preparing to begin his gentle thrusts into her. Shinsei obliged, allowing Itachi to take the lead. In the blackness, she could just barely see his length silhouetted in the faint flashes of lightning that still echoed traces of illumination in the dark night. She swallowed, preparing herself as Itachi started his descent into her, making it as painless as possible.

Shinsei's fists balled up the sheets.

It was painful.

Itachi could feel Shinsei's rigidity as he pumped into her, manhood instantly attracted to her womanhood. The heat was building unbearably within his groin, the dull ache aroused almost too much for him to bear. He tried to soften Shinsei with distracting kisses, meaningless whispers, and succeeded in diverting her attention from the initiate pain. As he penetrated her wet folds, he drove deeper into her until he was enveloped within her completely.

Itachi moved his hips sensually, the pain now pleasure for both of them.

"Ohhh…Itachi…Itachi…!"

"Mmm…nnn…Shinsei…"

"Itachi…Itachi!"

"Shinsei…"

Holding back for as long as he could, Itachi felt himself shudder as he released within Shinsei, the rush making her cry out his name loudly as she clung to him. He pulled out of her, taking his time, and attempting to distance himself to give her some space as they both panted, breath heavier than the sweat pouring from their exhausted bodies.

Shinsei gradually edged back towards Itachi, laying her head on his chest.

"I…love…you…" she breathed, heart hammering against its confinement.

Itachi could feel her shallow breathing becoming regulated as he lay on his back, Shinsei on top of him. His chest rose and fell steadily, quiet breathing becoming a lullaby to Shinsei as she fell asleep atop him, eyes closed delicately. He stroked her hair, quietly whispering, "I love you too, Shinsei." He closed his eyes.

The Uchiha was unaware of the cost Shinsei had paid to keep his eyes safe, to place a temporary patch on the Mangekyo Sharingan. Even so, Shinsei felt that he didn't need to know, that no one really needed to. It was a decision she made to protect someone she loved, a sacrifice she made to keep him with her.

Shinsei had sacrificed her ability to be a ninja.


It was still dark outside when Hidan awoke without Aiko in his arms.

He groaned, stretching his limbs and blinking his amethyst orbs tiredly as he squinted in the darkness. Where Aiko had once slept, there was the visible indentation of a head on the pillow and the serration of a body beside his. The silver-haired Jashinist yawned, holding his head as he sat up, the blankets pooling around his waist.

Hidan rubbed tiredly at his eyes, calling out her name. "Aiko?"

There was no reply.

Grumbling, Hidan swung his legs off the side of the bed, a slight chill creeping through him as he wore only his boxers. He ambled into the room outside his to find the kunoichi curled up on the couch, though not asleep. Analyzing Aiko carefully, Hidan said nothing, knowing that she hadn't noticed him, and saw that she was staring longingly out the window.

She must have caught his reflection in the glass as she turned around. "Hidan?"

Yawning again, Hidan muttered, "What?" Aiko lowered her gaze and he sighed, taking a seat on the couch beside her as she moved her legs to make room for him. He stared at her, wondering why she wouldn't meet his eyes, and reached out to touch her hand. She was cold, deathly cold. Hidan narrowed his eyes, brushing his fingertips across her forehead.

Her head was hot, so hot that it felt like she was running a temperature.

"Aiko," a hint of suspicion crept into Hidan's voice, "you better not be making yourself sick."

Parting her cracked lips, Aiko turned to Hidan, eyes sallow. Even in the darkness, Hidan could tell that she wasn't feeling well. He looked over her body, taking note immediately that she was only clothed in a tank top and shorts; it was too cold for that kind of attire. He slid off the couch, leaving the fatigued brunette to wonder what he was doing.

Hidan returned with a blanket a minute later, throwing it over her and slumping back onto the couch. Aiko flushed at his kindness, wrapping the blanket around her frigid frame and moving closer to Hidan, allowing him access to the blanket as she rested her head on his chest. Hidan smirked complacently, putting his arm around her shoulders underneath the blanket and hugging her against his warm body. Her lips brushed his neck.

"Thank you," she whispered quietly, eyelids fluttering.

Hidan snorted. "Don't thank me, you should be sleeping."

Aiko closed her eyes, eyebrows knitting together. "I can't."

Resting his head on Aiko's, Hidan demanded, "Why not? When you're tired you sleep, even you can't avoid that." When the brunette didn't answer, Hidan sighed exhaustedly, shoulders slumping, arms bearing down even heavier on Aiko. "This isn't about Kakuzu again is it?"

Shrugging sadly, Aiko replied, "More or less. But it's more so Shinsei." Hidan raised an eyebrow, prompting her to explain further. Aiko yawned, voice taking on a slightly cheery note, "It's nothing you need to be concerned about, Hidan. I've just been contemplating whether or not I should see her again."

Hidan nodded sagely. "Leader-sama probably told everyone that we're dead."

Aiko snuggled closer to him, tone quieting. "I know."

Hidan scratched the back of his head with his free hand, murmuring, "Even if everyone thinks that we're dead it doesn't mean that we have to be." He felt Aiko shift uncomfortably against him, though her discomfort was mental confusion rather than physical uneasiness. "If you want to see your friend again, we can go looking for her."

Aiko jerked her head up, surprised. "R-really?"

Hidan grimaced. "What? Do you want to be miserable or something?"

Aiko shook her head, eyes alight. "N-no! I just didn't think you'd want to!"

Hidan frowned. "Want to what?"

Aiko detected the amused hint seeping into Hidan's tone and kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

Lifting an eyebrow, Hidan scoffed, "Why are you thanking me? Eh?" Aiko was smiling at him, pressing her chest against his as she kissed his lips softly. Hidan really was too good to her, and she loved him. Her lips settled against his open mouth, tongue prying past his lips to savor his wonderful, strong taste.

When she pulled away, Aiko was feeling quite suddenly refreshed and alive. "Hidan, I love you. I swear to Jashin that I will love you until the day I die." Hidan shook his head at her and Aiko smiled softly. "If it's all right with you, Hidan, I want to go find Shinsei and see her at least one last time." The silver-haired Jashinist chuckled, confusing Aiko momentarily.

Hidan pulled Aiko closer to him, yanking her self-righteously into his lap. "Why not?"

Aiko felt a spring of warmth bubble within her as Hidan cocked an eyebrow.

The male chauvinist snorted, smirking. "You still owe me."

The brunette tilted her head to the side.

Hidan elaborated. "After we find your friend, you have to swear in the name of Jashin that you will pleasure me for the entire fucking night." Aiko gave him an outrageous look, eyes mirroring her incredulity. Hidan leaned back, still simpering. "Well?" Aiko crossed her arms over her chest, decidedly looking away as she contemplated.

The kunoichi liberated a breathy sigh. "Oh all right, you win."

Hidan leered. "You have to do whatever I want."

Aiko scoffed, smiling coyly. "Kinky."

Hidan sneered. "Seriously."

Closing her eyes, Aiko wondered how it was that Hidan could make her feel anything he desired, and it was then that she realized just how easily it would have been for him to manipulate her, yet he never did it out of spite. As Aiko lost herself to her dreams, she wondered what Shinsei would say when they saw each other again.


Author's Note: Where. Have. I. Been? I know, I haven't updated in two ridiculous weeks! Crazy, isn't it? Hmm…this story is approaching the best parts too…I am very excited to see how it all comes together. Now Shinsei is no longer a ninja though, that's kind of sad in a way, but this chapter was more so about the fact that life is what you make it—happy or sad.

And I am pleased to say that I am very happy and so excited with all the reviews for the last chapter! Thank you to cheeky half-demon, Cold Fyre, iLoveThisStory, Kakashi Forever, darkymousey, Hurog Walker, Iced Phoenix54, Nutella's Biggest Fan, XxAkatsukiFanxX, xJaysongx, and Mel! Thanks so much!

Please review, see you next chapter!

-Aiko of the Akatsuki