Chapter 55
I got out of Miles' car. We were at the church. There were a ton of kids everywhere. A lot more kids than there had been on past Friday nights when I had driven by and there had been Paul's old band playing. I walked out. My feet in the slush in the parking lot. "Hey, Elisa." I saw Rainie waving ot me. Her hand in Paul's.
I waved. Paul waving back at me too. "Hey," I said. They kept walking. Miles and Cass walking together. Her hand in his too. He was so cute and big and in love with her it seemed. But it was hard thinking that having been around Rainie Joseph and Paul Spinella a lot. Which Bennett and I have a lot this week. When they're shifts crossed and when we went to IHOP. Rainie and Paul were moving in on our IHOP group.
"How many kids are here?" Cass asked. "Hey, Lise, that boyfriend of yours is pretty popular."
I rolled my eyes smiling. There had been a lot of buzz about tonight. In school. We walked in. I saw there was a microphone set up and an amp. Bennett had borrowed Jonah's electris-acoustic. Because this was a pretty big deal. A lot of kids were here. It was like an actual show. In fact it was I guess.
I saw him. He waved to me. I fought the crowd over to him. He kissed me. "Hey," He said.
"Hi," I said smiling. "You're quite the hit tonight."
He laughed. "Oh yeah," He said.
"Are you nervous about playing in front of all of these people?" I asked.
"Nah," He said. Moving his arms aroudn me. Kissing my forehead. "Just one."
"Bennett!"
I had my motuh open to ask why. He kissed my forehead. He took my hand and we moved along the edge of the crowd. People started to form aroung the microphone. He placed me right dead center. Nobody noticed me though. Jonah was sitting on his amp and we all waited. Bennett pulling his guitar over his shoulders.
People were everywhere. It got quiet suddenly. We all waited. He strummed a few chords. There were adults around. Kids. A lot of kids. Half the room was full. He started playing one of his own songs. The one he tried out for the Variety Show with originally. Singing to me. Of course. His eyes sweet and perfect. He was amazing.
A few songs later: "This is a new one." He said. And he didn't look at me. Playing pretty chords. Ones that were new to me. He looked at me. Leaning into the microphone. He started singing. And somehow he stole my heart all over again. The song was even more beautiful. And everyone loved it. Clapping louder at the ending than the other few. Everyone knew what it was about. but for me it never ended. It circulated through my. Shocking my body awake. My heart melting. My mind moving quickly. Absorbing each word. This was his heart. Sent out to me.
He played my two other songs. And a cover or two. And the room had a certain energy to it. Bennett Williams was an emo faggot no more to anyone I think. Who at least was there. He was an amazing singer. Musician. His musicx was emo- yes, but he was so honest and real. It was incredible.
I listened to him. Seeing his eyes on me. Sweet and brown.
The year was ending. A huge chapter of my life passing by quickly. I was a junior. He was a senior. That's what I thought about. Not that it mattered. But at the end of the summer he was gone. He was graduating. He was going to go to college. And I'd be stuck in high school for another year without him.
I swallowed that huge lump in my throat, but it didn't seem to go away. It choked me.
His voice made everything hurt less though. I let it sweep in and take me. I shouldn't worry abotu when he leaves me behind. I should just be happy. Like I have been for so long it seems. I listened to the songs he sang. Songs I loved. They were his. They were songs we shared. But it kept hitting me. He was going to leave.
The room was clapping loudly at the end. People were cheering. Jonah screaming loudly. It was too akward to cheer. This was a quiet show. I put a smile on my face when he took his guitar off putting it in the case. Everyone started moving around suddenly. In twenty minutes it emptied. But a few of us stayed. I stood next to Bennett.
Him and Paul were talking of course.
Rainie smield at me. "Those songs, the three, they were about you right?" She asked.
I nodded. Smilign a little.
"They were really sweet." She said. "You guys are perfect." This was comign from Rainie Joseph. The girl part of the most perfect relationship to ever exist. I smiled. Thanking her.
Then I caught onto a certain sentence in the conversation beside me.
"...we should try writing some stuff together." Rainie and I both started listneing to them.
"Yeah," Bennett said. He meant it too. It wasn't jsut agreeing. He was serious.
I was excited for him. I knew Benentt wanted to do this. He wanted to be in a band. "We should get some people together and just play around, you know, nothing too intense, but you know to get a sense of things."
"My friend plays bass and stuff and I know a good drummer, you might know him his name is Mike."
"Oh yeah, I knwo that kid. He's cool, we actually have some classes together."
"He said he was lookign for some people to play with."
The way the conversation was going, I had a feeling this was the end of the Bennett Williams solo project.
We were behind the red door. And we were in his room. He was happy. Really happy. He left his guitar with the Get Up Kids sticker on it alone. But he was really happy I could tell. He leaned in and kissed me. His lips warm against mine. "Did you like your song?" He asked quietly against my lips. He kissed me again shortly.
"Yes," I said.
He kissed me again. I felt my heart speeding again. I moved my hand to his chest. If I thought mine was going fast I had no idea mine was actually not going fast at all. His heart was speeding. So fast it seemed to not even pounding in his chest. I had never noticed this before. And tonight I was very aware of it.
We did everything from the waist up. He held me softly. Kissing my forehead. And holing me. "Do you tihnk we got a good head start ahead of Cass and Miles?" He asked sleepishly.
"Mmhmm." I said. "We are getting close to Rainei and Paul." I closed my eyes a little.
"You still don't believe me, huh?" We were both pretty tired.
"No," I said plainly.
He kissed my eyelids. Then my lips. "You will someday, I promise." He said.
I laughed quietly. And I felt him smile into my hair. He kissed my neck softly. And then suddenly I was waking up the next day. The lump in my throat from last night gone. And I had him close to me. His breathes distant trying not to wake me up. I could have slept more but it was nine-thirty. I was out of the house right before his mother was home.
I had thought my mother was gone on a business trip. Her car was parked in my driveway. She wasn't.
