All You Can't Leave Behind
Part Two: Near Destruction (Nate)
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Summary: Nate desperately needs someone to fix their friendship and himself.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl.
AN: Sorry this took so long! I was away in Florida. Oh, and since suspensegirl brought it up…yes, I listen to depressing music when I write. Lots of instrumentals and slow songs. One song I keep on repeating is Sleep by Azure Ray. You might recognize it if you've seen a certain movie. Oh, and a question: If I were to write a fic inspired by a novel of some sorts, do you happen to have any ideas? I might have a poll on this later with a list of novels. Anyway, check out the poll I have right now on my profile. Love, Hate, and the In-Between is winning at the moment, but The Games that Play Us isn't too far behind.
Dedicated to: From this point on, all my stories are dedicated to my best friend Angela, who passed away in May. We miss you, Angie.
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"He's gone. I'm sorry."
That's the first thing I heard when I woke up in my hospital bed. Somehow, as a stared up at the ceiling in my small room, I began to ponder the process of death. Were there certificates to be signed? Did the person leave something behind, a will of some sort?
I didn't have one. Then again, I hadn't died. So it wasn't really something to worry about. Yet, I felt like something had died. Our friendship, perhaps. Everything that had tied us together for years.
Because no one was there waiting for me when I woke up. There were no comforting words from the people that had always been there for me, regardless if I had ever stepped up for them.
Not one of those three people walked through that door.
We had each silently decided that we weren't friends anymore.
And that was it. Nothing would save us.
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This summer was meant to be filled with firsts. Chuck and Blair were going to attempt to get through their first summer together, Serena was going to try to get through a summer without complications, and I was just trying to get through one summer without my raging hormones getting the better of me.
And for a moment it seemed as if all of those things were possible.
Sure, we fought like brothers and sisters, but we'd always solved our problems. Small fights never escalated into larger ones.
If the accident hadn't happened that day, the fight we had in that car would have been completely irrelevant. A few hours later, it would have been like nothing had happened.
But there I was, lying in a hospital bed, unsure of what had happened to everyone else.
I suddenly noticed a wisp of blond hair in the corner of my eye. I turned to notice that Serena was stopped dead in her tracks. She stood in the doorway.
For a moment, it seemed like there was a hope that we could fix this. Everything would be okay again.
But she just stared. Her eyes were dead and completely emotionless.
She turned and walked away without looking back.
That was when I knew that all those years of friendship meant nothing. All those times when we shared secrets and dusted each other off and refused to let go.
It was as if none of that ever happened. We were still breathing, but we would no longer find that comfort that we always did in our little world.
We were dead to each other.
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We caught glimpses of each other, but not by choice. Serena was long gone when Blair ran out of a room. Her cheeks were matted with tears, and I desperately wanted it to be like old times, when she'd just cry into my shoulder without an explanation.
She stopped and locked her eyes with mine. Unlike Serena, I could clearly read Blair, who was completely vulnerable. She was heartbroken.
A small tear dribbled down her cheek as she walked away.
I knew she would, but somehow, I wanted her to stay.
I wanted to try to fix her, and I needed her to fix me.
But we just couldn't anymore. There was no power in us left to face the destruction.
There was just nothing left.
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I was always the weak link in our friendship. I never gave, only took. I always took part in weaving the tangled web, but I was never brave enough to remove the tangles.
I owed them all something. Something more than an apology. They all had given me everything I needed to move on with my life and be someone that my family would be proud of.
And I did just that. I started college, prepared for a political career.
I didn't try to make friends. I didn't socialize. I didn't try to pick up girls.
I never spoke about the accident. I never mentioned my three best friends or answered the constant questioning about why we weren't friends anymore.
No outsider would ever understand why the accident changed things.
In a way, the accident took four lives. We weren't the same people anymore.
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tbc
