Chapter 57
We drove around instead. I just needed ot get away from my house. So we just went driving around. Listening to this mix-CD he found when he was going through this phase where all he listened to was "real emo" music. Every song was depressing hitting you with a special punch of emotion. But we kept driving and I told him about my mother. He listened shocked by how my mother had acted.
I tired to make it sound liek she didn't hate him. I have a feeling she did. More than any of Amber's boyfriends she brought home during high school. He didn't seem afraid of her as I talked. He listened. When I finished a really vicious Cursive song ended. "She reminds me a lot of my dad." He said staring out into the street.
He never mentions his father. I know he exists it's just I have a feeling things are still sore between them. "I don't know why I let het control me so much." I said quietly.
He reached over touching my hand. "You know, I can't really remember what you were like when we first talked." He said. "I remembered your eyes and stuff- you were so terrified of me- but other than that you've always been like this around me."
"I was scared of you because you were Bennett Williams," I said smiling.
He looked at me. Confused a little. Waiting.
I swallowed. I never needed an explanation for a lot of things. Soemtimes they jsut came out naturally as a statement themselves. But this one I didn't want to get into. It was embarrassing. "You're like a legend in this town. Everyone knows who you are." I said. Hoping he'd take that.
He raised his eyebrows. "Everyone knows who you are too," He said. "Does that make you a legend too?"
I shook my head. "No," I said. "I'm not a legend. Nobody talks about me."
"Oh, really?" He said. "Are you aware of how many people look at us like we're freaks?"
"Apparently not." I said shifting.
"I got used to it." He said. "You did too. You're a legend Elisa."
I shook my head not fighting him on this. He came to a red light. Looking at me. Taking my hand gently. Leaning over and kissing my temple. "And to tihnk we met over a conversation about Dashboard Confessional and Sunday Drive." He said. His voice sweet.
I looked at him as he drove. This song comign on. One I didn't know. But I watched him. He tapped his fingerso n the streering wheel. I wondered what it would have been like if he and Rainie had gotten together. I would probably be alone. But I wouldn't be anticipating an ending I'm not quite sure how it will turn out. I know now, jsut looking at him, seeing him dirivng. Just listening to a song. The simplest moment- I was going to miss him. Even if we broke up before then. The day I wake up and don't have him to come talk ot or be with- it's going to hurt a lot. I'll miss him a ton.
I knew there was no chance he would stay with me. He'll be going to college for whatever. And I'll be in Kerrington. Finishing up high school without him. So I figure I should make the best of this. Knowing it will end in the blink of an eye.
"What?" He said looking at me.
"Nothing," I said looking forward. Snapping out of it. He turned back to look at the road. A small smile on his lips. I'll miss him a lot. I know that already.
I rang Cass' doorbell. Bennett and Paul were going to hang out today. Try out the whole music thing for the first time. which gave me a window of time where I had nothing to do. So I called Cass. We haven't hung out as much now with her and Miles dating. I never wanted to be a third wheel. And we aren't the double date kind. I thin kthat would be too akward for me to handle- although I know Bennett and miles would get into good discussions about movies and books. Miles likes weird Cambodian rock music though. But I'd never go on a double date. I think they are above all awkward and strange.
It's selfish. But Cass is the same way.
She opened the door. "Hey," She siad smiling.
She let me in. Her brothers screaming in the living room. We went up to her room to get away from them becuase even though Cass loves kids, she wasn't in the mood to deal with them and they were occupied so her room was the safest bet. We went up, and she sat on her bed. We started tlaking about her and Miles because I wans't filled in on the details right away.
And I put on a CD she had borrowed from me. It was an old one. She was telling me about everything in detail. In fact I loved hearing about it. It was nice to know I had seen it happen. Except for lately. But I was slowly catching up to speed. Sitting listening to her. She was happy. I knew I was like this about Bennett. But I never told Cass much about our relationship though.
She was so happy. "He's so dorky. And you'd think dating him would be like dating my lost brother- but it's not. I mean it's compeltely normal and even kissing him's fine. It's so weird." She said.
I laughed a little.
"But yeah, I feel liek I've been going on for an hour about him. I think about him non-stop now. But I don't know- it's jsut weird. It was so fast, and it's hard to believe we were just friends two weeks ago." She looked at me. "Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah," I said. "Sure."
"I was just wondering-" She said. "But what was it like for you when you were aorund Bennett still dating Dave."
I didn't tell her much aobut this. I thought about it. "I didn't want to go near him." I said. "I thought he was trying to ruin my relationship wth Dave, so I was scared of him."
"Did you liek him though?" She asked.
"I couldn't help it." I crossed my legs sitting on her bed. "It was weird. It was impossible for me not to like him- so I must have just tried to stay away from him to keep my relaitionship with Dave."
"Why though?" She said. "You liked Bennett and he liekd you."
"Yeah, but I never even knew that." I said. "I thoguht I jsut had a crush on him and it would go away if I went away from him. And it didn't work obviously but when Dave cheated on me- I ended up going to him."
"You never told me about the night you hooked up with him." Cass said. "I'm sorry if you don't want me to know. But I have just always been wondering."
I swallowed. "I jsut went to this party he was playing and I was just listening. Trying to avoid Dave. And he saw me and we started talking- about Dave. And me. And he knew Dave had been cheating me since the first day we talked. And then I don't know- he walked me home and we kissed under a streetlight and..." I sighed. Ready to go on, but she just nodded. That was enough for her. She understood.
She smiled. "I always hated Dave." she said. "But I love you and Bennett."
I nodded. "I've been thinkign a lot about him leaving at the end of the school year." I said. "I mean- I don't know if he applied to colleges but he probably did. I'm assuming. But he's going to graduate and I'll be stuck here."
"So you're saying you think he's going to break up with you once he graduates." She said looking at me.
"Yeah," I said. "I mean- he's going to have to leave me behind no matter what."
She jsut looked at me like I was half-crazy. "I don't think so." She said.
I ignored this. Looking down at her bed covers. She swallowed. "Do you have any idea what people are saying about you?" She asked. I looked up blankly. I had no idea what she was talking about. "Peopel think you're like god Elisa. I mean you come up out of nowhere and start dating Bennett Williams. But then suddenly you start looking like Rainie Joseph, bieng part of the second most intimidating relationship in the whoel town. Next year- you'll probably end up being Rainie Joseph. And do you know why? Because this kid is fucking insane about you. I don't think he's going to dump you for some college-girl anytime soon or at all."
"We've only been together two months."
"But Elisa this is what people are saying now. Look at you after two months with him. You are a new person. Wait until you've even been together four."
I looked at her. Blankly. I didn't believe. There was no strand of hope inside of me that she was tleling me the truth. she was my best friend. There was probably another load of whisperes saying I was a joke. That I didn't deserve Bennett. I knew I didn't but somehow he liked me back the same way I liked him. I looked down again.
I swallowed hard. This lump in my throat was back. I knew it'd chake me to death someday.
A/N: So my Story Traffic's all screwed up. I don't know if people are reading this or not. But review please. Tell me what you think will happen. What you think about everything. I'll be updatin' my newer story a little slower. "Leaving Through The Window." I'll finish this up before I become obsessive posting a chapter a day or so. But I hope you guy's check it. I have about two other story's I'll be making some notes for. Which I'll post on here when all of my current stories are done. I really appreciate you all. You make writing a whole lot easier for me. I've never written books with 50+ chapters so fast. Hah. :P
