All You Can't Leave Behind

Part Four: Walk Away (Blair)

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Summary: Walking away just starts with taking one step forward. It's easy enough after that.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl, including what I'm hoping will be an amazing third season.

AN: Hey everyone! Sorry for taking so long with this update. I'm on vacation right now and things are a little hectic. Plus, I'm planning a wedding, and…it's a bit busy. But the epilogue is coming, and after that, this story will be over. Sad, I know. Anyway, you should check my profile. There are three new summaries under the "Coming Soon" category. Also, I need someone to help me out with some plot outlines for When You Feel, Love, Hate, and the In-Between, Drowning, and some other stories I'm working on. So, if you can help me out, that would be much appreciated.

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The accident didn't change the way I loved my best friends.

It just changed the way we saw each other.

We had experienced everything together. Kindergarden, high school, first love, real love. We may have been distant at times, but we were never hesitant when it came to taking care of each other.

Whenever one of us slipped through the cracks, we pulled them out. Our relationship was always about give and take.

The accident was different. We all slipped through the cracks.

We were too lost, too deep in our own problems, to survive the wreckage together.

So we didn't even try. There was nothing left to save.

We stood there as everything went up in flames.

We didn't add fuel to the fire. We just watched.

And once it was done, we walked away.

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Two summers ago, I fell in love.

Real, honest to God love. The type that could never be replaced or disappear.

And it was difficult. He was difficult. And he broke my heart more than once.

But last summer was supposed to be about us. Together. Finally. And for a few moments, it seemed as if we would actually survive.

That summer was supposed to start everything for us.

We obviously didn't have a decent track record. Even Nate and Serena were cautious. We had been destructive in the past. That wouldn't really ever change.

But that summer was supposed to be different. We were supposed to hold hands and go to the movies.

We were supposed to be normal in our own convoluted way.

It just never worked out for us.

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The fight we had before the accident is vague and unimportant in my mind. It was just a lot of yelling, something we'd always been good at.

We always say things we don't mean. But we always have the chance to take them back.

I couldn't look him in the eye after the accident. He had been hurt the worst, remaining in a peaceful slumber for days.

So I stayed with him. He wasn't awake and we didn't have to talk.

I had nothing to say to him.

It wasn't that I didn't love him anymore. I did, but somehow, it wasn't enough anymore.

After a year of fighting over those three words, they were just something that fell off the tongue now. Something completely insignificant that couldn't save us anymore.

But that's all I whispered to him while he lay in his hospital bed. I wanted to hold onto the hope that it would all be okay.

It was just different now. We couldn't go back.

But I stayed until he woke up. Because there was no place I'd rather be.

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There is no way to describe the sense of relief that washed over me when his eyes fluttered open.

And then my heart dropped. Because he was looking at me, searching for something familiar. We had always been the same people, in sync, always knowing what the other was thinking.

But that tie was severed. There was just something unknown in his eyes, something I couldn't describe.

Suddenly I realized why he had walked away all those times before. I understood why he abandoned everything that was unfamiliar.

It was terrifying, just staring into his eyes. I had known him for all my life, and it was if all my memories of him were erased. Like we didn't have that connection we'd always had, something that had been there before the romance.

I stood up and turned away from him. Once I took that first step, I knew our lives would be lived separately. We would cross paths, but never speak to each other. Never exchange smirks or witty comebacks.

It bothered me to know how easy walking away was.

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The city was a prison over the next year. We were all trapped in it, something completely ill-fated.

We each took our separate paths, went our own separate ways. There was college and parties and things that just passed by like a blur; freshman year was over within the blink of an eye and for that I was glad. The end of the school year meant that summer had come upon us again.

We all loved summer. We always would.

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tbc