March.
Chapter 58
The winter was ending. All that was left frozen was whatever was left of the snow. There wasn't much left in hopes for another storm. With March coming up, it's like Spring is just a few seconds away. To everyone they can feel spring. Just from seeing fake-looking grass at the feet of whats left of mountains of snow. I can't sense much of anything. With February disapearing right underneath my nose. It's hard to believe I oculd only once tell it was fall. Just sensing it in how the wind shifted nand the tree changed colors so slightly. Now with everything bursting to life, I felt like whatever had come to life in the winter was still growing.
I sat at my computer. Making a CD. Bennett and I were obsessing over the first Hawthorne Heights record. And this mix-CD was one that hosted much of it on there. It was for him anyway. He'd like it. He jsut bought the record last week.
But Cass had just left. Leaving my room an uncomfortable quiet. The kind that I was far from used to. But was so familiar to at the same time. My mother and I were jsut living in the same house. She was jsut the woman who fed me and shared short choppy conversations with. But we were improving. When Amber was here- she was the peacemaker. Not me anymore.
Tonight she had sat awkwardly in between my mother. Her February vacation the week after mine. It's so strange having her here. Walking aroudn at home. One of us. She came into my room. "It's so weird around here now." She was well informed on the fight my mother I had last month, but it's something I've gotten used to.
My phone rang. I answered. "Hey." I said. Not even having to look at the caller ID.
"Hey," He said. "What's up?"
"Just making a CD." I said. "How was band practice?" I don't need to ask how it went. It's gone great for them so far. They've got their sights set on a batlle of the bands thing in Natick. But for jsut starting they were pretty good. Bennett always seems strange singing a some to electric guitars and drums. He looks incomplete without his acoustic guitar. But I like the music. I like how he's so happy about it. I was always lucky to see him pick up his old acosutic guitar- the one with the Get Up Kids sticker. And he'll play a little of the songs he's written about me. Or along with the record we're listening ot and talking over quietly.
"Great," He said, his voice rising slightly with excitement and happiness. He's smiling I can tell. "We're getting pretty good."
"That's good," I said. "Was this a no 'groupies' practice?"
We were at the IHOP. And Ranie and Paul were with us. She started going on how excited she was. How she always wanted to be a groupie for a totally awesome band but it never worked out for her. Paul just sat there annoyed not saying anything. Embarrassed by what she was saying. I think it wasn't the first time heh ad heard this speal about Rainie being a groupie. But she'd show up at a lot of practices. Not annoying anyone it seems but Paul. I think it was because nobody could pay attention when she was there. During "Groupie Free" Practices she'll come into Carol's if I'm working and sit there. Everything I assumed about Paul missing half of himself when he's not with Rainei seems to be the opposite. Rainie is anxious. Antsy. Jittery. Like a kid with ADD when Paul's not around sometime. Maybe it's the coffee but even she says so. She's missing half of herself when she's not with him.
Bennett laughed a little. "Yeah," He said. "Rainie showed up at the end though, this time Paul didn't tell her to wait until we were done." He sighed. "And you still think we're not beatign them relationship-wise?"
I knew we weren't. I wasn't anxious and missing half of myself when he was gone. I would miss him a tiny bit. Wonder when we would get together after anything but we were far from attached at the hip like Rainie and Paul were. They were connected if that were ever possible for two people to do so without having it happen physically. They belonged together.
Bennett and I were splitting apart at the end of the school year.
"Yes," I said. "I still stand by that."
"I'm trying to hard Elisa." He siad, his voice sweet. Dripping with the happiness of a smile. "Why won't you jsut trust me?"
"I'd trust you with my life." I said leaning back in my chair. My CD was being copied now. I watched the little bars next ot each song fill as each song completed their copying one after the other slowly and steadily. "You know that."
"But not with real facts, huh?" He asked.
"Not yet." I said, my lips curving into a smile.
"You will tohugh." He said.
"I think that chance is slight."
"Like that's ever stopped us before, Elisa."
"What are you doing tonight?" I asked changing the subject. He had my heart racing uncontrolably. I didn't want to take the chance of havign a heart attack now.
"My mother's home," He said. "She's taking a few nights off. Graduation is hitting her way before it should be. I have to stay home, but I'll call you later tonight." I was happy I wasn't the only person anticipating graduation. His mother thought I was the greatest thing ever. Whenever she saw me she hugged me and made me feel welcome. My home was now the opposite.
I went over his house a lot more than I once did. And he still tries his best to make my life more liveable. Whenever my mother is gone he'll come over and we'll talk ourselves to sleep. Waking up right before his mother is home so he can sneak out and make it home before anyone got suspicious.
Tongiht was a school night, and I had to work tomorrow so I couldn't stay up too late. We talked a little more until he had to go. And I sat there at my computer seeing all my songs successfully copied and I opened the disk drive. Removing it and looking at it as it cought the light. I put it in the thin case waiting for it.
I hoped he liked it. I slid a little piece of paper with the track list on it. Stopping to listen to The Get Up Kids' "Last Place You Look" bursting from my stereo as it came up on the last mix-CD he made me.
A/N: Boring. I know. *sigh* big stuff coming up. Review Review.
