Chapter 63

We had just been talking. Not syaing much. I leaned against him again. "I came home today and Amber has a new boyfriend." I said suddenly. I was tired, so was he. IHOP hadn't been that eventful. Excpet for te fact that once everyone had gone leaving me and Bennett and Paul and Rainie, Rainie had told me her and Paul will have dated for a year on the night of the Sunday Drive show.

By now everything revolved around that day. March 19th. The beginning of the end. The worst day of this year. It's all we thought about. The closest thing I anticipated. Once it was out of the way I was stuck counting the days until Bennett left. He never talks about colleges thoguh I know he applied to a few music ones and ones in the city. He never says anythign about them.

I blinked quickly. "It's jsut weird, because he doesn't know about my dad leaving." I said. "I mean- it's not that Amber and I tell everyone about it, it's just that she has never told anyone. Except for if they heard and said the most ridiculous rumors. But even this it was her closest friends. It's always a little weird." He was listening. He hands tracing mine as I talking. His lips closed and his eyes following his fingertips. I talk to him a lot about these things. Thigns that bug me or are strange. He's the one I trust with them. "I told you the second time we spoke. I don't know why, it's just becuase it was neccessary. It's confusing. But Amber doesn't tell anyone. I don't remember what that's like."

"That second time we taked," He said. "I don't even really know why I told you that whole story. I just trusted you."

"Me too," I said. I moved away from him looking at him. His sweet brown eyes speaking foreign languages. He touched my face. His palm molding against my cheek. We were silent. "I always trusted you." I said softly. His hand warm against my skin. A comfort I've always known.

He stayed silent jsut looking at me. His eyes searching mine. The way they searched told me he was finding no answers. The same way I always felt. I looked down. He leaned in kising my nose quickly. His hands moving to my neck brushing hair out of the way. Another song coming on. We were listening to Something to Write Home About. The next Get Up Kids record after Four Minute Mile. The last song came on with a sudden burst of unknown noise. A supernova of this weird sound fading to more familiar ones.

He tipped my face up to look at him. And he smiled weakly. "I was listening to this when I started liking you so much." He said. Silently he spoke to me for the first time: It says everything I can't.

I listened. And then leaned in and kissed him. The moment all sound ceased, the silence grew deafening again.

A few minutes later I pulled my knees close to my chest. Staring at the floor. He spread one of his legs out. The other bent. Adn we stared at the same unfixed point. A line- invisiblely runngn across the floor in front of us. "I think I always trusted you," I began. I prepared to dive too deep into a meaning I'll never find. "Because we always were sort of connected. I mean we connect muscially- but there was soemthing else. And now- after everything it's just like I can't picture my life not knowing you." My eyes started stinging. I wasn't going to cry. I jsut listened to my voice. The soft vulnerable voice fillign the deafening silence lone and softly. It was the beginning of a goodbye I didn't want to make. "I mean with Dave, I jsut liked him. There was nothing. With you, I could tell you everything. My darkest secrets. You're my best friend but I care about you more than jsut that. I feel like we're just connected."

I looekd at him. His eyes were on me. Sweeter than I've ever seen them. And soft welcoming in mine. He jsut looked at me. With a blank expression. He understood though. He did. I knew he did. Then finally I understood. I had blown him away. Whatever I had said had shocked him. And he just remained silent. Not knowing what to say. I left him speechless.

He leaned in and kissed me. I kissed him back. He wrapped his arms around me. Because my mother was gone, I ended up staying the night at his house. Amber wouldn't guess where I was. She'd assume I was in my room while she probably stayed in the guest room with Tyler. I fell asleep in his arms. My favorite place to be.


I woke up a lot earlier than I normally would. He dropped me off before seven. Amber and Tyler still asleep I assmued. But I went up into my room, collapsing onto my bed. Too awake to fall asleep again. I took my CD player and put on the last mix-CD Bennett made me. It had a lot of Hawthorne Heights. But it also had a few other songs. Songs I wasn't too familiar with. But I listened to it.

When I used to listen to these songs I'd hear the voices of the singers who sang these lyrics. But now I heard all he couldn't cay to me. I heard what he wanted me to hear listening to these mix-CDs. I hadn't made it to the last song yet, but I knew it right away. My eyes opened.

The pretty chords were familiar to me. And I was yet again the only person to hear them. But they spoke for me. To me.

It was a song. Written for me. The first one. His voice was perfect. Much better than I've ever heard it. My heart started speeding. And I listened carefully. Fianlly hearing him say all he wanted to on his own. I felt my lips curve upwards. He stole my heart yet again.


A/N: I was sitting in my room. Reading this book "Life is a Mixtape: Love, Loss, One Song at a Time" by Rob Sheffeild. He's from where I am. And I was listening to my second Get Up Kids' record Something to Write Home About and it was perfect. When "I'll Catch You" came on- it was my first Get Up Kids song- I instantly dropped my book although I was trapped in a trance for aobut an hour unable to stop reading. And I read along with it. That's the song that is the last on that record. And I listened to it- my favorite Get Up Kids song if you must love any GUK song love that one. It reminded me so much of Bennett and Elisa and just everything. Also read "Life is a Mixtape" you don't need to knwo the songs in it or anythign about music really- although it helps. It's changing my perspective of love and relationships and lettign me understadn why I was dying to make my ex-boyfriend a mixtape[CD] the whoel time we were together. Listen to "I'll Catch You" by The Get Up Kids. Review me what you think of it.