A/N: I've been writing this for about six months now. Not this story this chapter. By far my most anticipated part I've ever written. I hope you like it. Thank you for reading. I want anyone who is to review what you think of this. And what you felt reading this. I went on a bi-polar out-of-control rollercoaster just writing it. And I haven't felt much since I wrote their frist kiss to be honest. And I hope you like this. This is the piece I've been dying to write. I was dying to reahc this moment. I hope you like it. It came out more poetic than I thought anything I've written could be.

Chapter 66

We drove in the silence. We were talked out about tonight. I looked at him. Watching him. I let the silence feast upon my feeligns of missing him already instead of anything else. When I forced words out of my mouth they came out with my heart beating normally. no longer weighted down by the heaviness of him leaving. Another feeling manifesting within it. "Which record?" I asked quietly.

He sighed. "The newer one." He said. "I don't think I can handle listening to the first one tonight." I nodded in agreement. Letting go of his hand- barely noticing I had been holding onto it. And I leaned forward opening the glove compartment, taking out the newer record. Catching a glimpse of the first one. He was right- tonight we couldn't handle listening ot the record we loved most- the one that brought us together practically. The one thing we always had in common that we felt the same about.

It started playing. We made halfway through. To an acoustic one. A sweet one. One that made me look at him again. He didn't turn off the car. He leaned forward- the song just halfway through. He pressed his lips softly to mine. And we kissed. Bracing ourselves for one of the greatest and saddest shows we'll see for the rest of our lives I think. My heart was already beating unnormally. Saddened by the impact that this was it. The band was over.

We held hands. His fingers folded tight in between mine and we walked up to the venue. The smae as the Death Cab for Cutie one. The same rooom too. Full of everyone who could get tickets before they sold out. And all of us mellow and soft. Saddened and silent. Not many dared to smile. It was a funeral. There was no opening acts just Sunday Drive throguhout.

But it was good having my palm pressed warm agaisnt his. My heart awakened from the heavy slumber brought on the date and the fact that we were where we were. And I was with him. And I had forgotten aobut June. Or September. We were just together. Two people. No other factors. We just had each other.

I looked acorss the parking lot seeing Rainie and Paul. Bennett didn't notice them. And I didn't feel it upon myself to point them out. But his arm was around her waist. holding her close to him. Comforting her in a small way. I watched them. Enying them with every ounce of my being. The way I always knew Bennett must talking to Paul when Paul talked aobut Rainie. They were in love. I didn't know how that felt like. It must feel incredible of all things. Beautiful. Like anything is possible. And that nobody can tell. But it radiated off of them stronger tonight than ever.

The line was slow. We were near the front becuase Bennett knew some kids in line. This kid was stoned and I recognized him as the kid with greasy hair at that party so long ago. Life plays out this way sometimes. And we stood together. The warmth of spring radiating, although it felt like we were shifting back into fall.

His arms were around me as we waited. And he looked at me. Kissing me. And my forehead gently. As we talked quietly of subjects we instantly forgot. I think I told him I knew that kid form the party where we left and had our first kiss. And he smiled. Sweetly. Weakly. His eyes soft and reflecting mine. Kissing my lips. Warming me as we searched for the happiness we had once defined to each other not too long ago.

It was gone just for tonight.

The venue was dark as always. The volume was soft though. A few people talked. But we weren't obnoxious. Screaming or yelling. As the lights swept over bringing darkness we fell silent like a crowd at the movie theatre as the begin rolling credits. I moved clsoe to him. My body agaisnt his. My back agaisnt him and his hands around my waist. As we pushed forward with everyone gently. This was a foreign expirience. Once a Sunday Drive fan always one. We all shared the same love and felt the same with variations. And here we were anticipating our love for music to be slautered with everyone we hear live for the last time by the same people the same way we always knew.

I closed my eyes tipping my chin to the side so he could kiss me gently. This feeling is true "emo" if there were ever a feeling than encompassed all that gave that word definition and meaning. Made it an insult. Or an adjective. Nobody cared. This was a crowded room full of "emos" not caring. We let ourselves go and feel "emo" mourning all that could have saved us and given us love for music or a song or a record.

Nobody by an "emo" can understand this.

The band came on silently as well. We all froze for one awkward sweeping moment. The singer looking out. His eyes darting across ours. He leaned into my microphone- a silhouette- reminding me much of Bennet thoguh I held him close to me now. "Hey. How is everyone tonight?" The crowd picked up a little. Nobody shouted. An obnoxious kid maybe once. But we all jsut stared. A few claps coming out. "So, uh, I guess you know this is our last show. And we want to thank you for these past few great years. You guys make this mean everything. We won't stop making music individually. But for everyone who bought our records or have come to our shows. Thank you. And all of you die-hards I won't forget you either. So I jsut want to have one last good show. I want to feel you gusy having a good time. Becuase it's our last as a band, but you guys are going to have more coming at you in the future. Nobody's dead yet."

I saw people wipping out camera video-taping this brave speech. I smiled. I would later be able to recite them by heart. More people clapped. They began playing thier first song. One off of the newer record. They were better than they've ever been. The crowd loosened up slowly. And unsurly. All of us eventually acting liek any of us would if this weren't the last Sunday Drive show. It went by quickly. But we held on. Making it last as long as we could.

They journeyed from song to song. Sogns I never loved. But onyl after songs that flocked on mix-CDs shared between me and the person I held onto behind me. His lips grazing my skin when they played. And we smiled at each other. An improvement from before. I closed my eyes. Just lsitening. Never letting my eys stay closed long. I wanted this night to burn a hole in my mind.

Each member stepped up saying a little tihng. Never acknowledging each other much. Until the lead singer pulled the bassist into the hug. During a song that brought tears to our eyes for the beginning of that night. I fought back tears. But I knew across the room that eyes were going to start spouting rivers. No eye would be dry by the last song.

The singer came onstage iwth jsut a guitar. An acoustic one. And he played the first track of the first record. I felt my body stiffen shorlty after Bennett's. Bracing ourselves for a song that made our hearts sink slowly. One we loved so much. Not our favorite. A close second or third. But he kissed my eck. And we listened.

It didn't get too hot. It was comfortable. Pressed agaisnt each other and complete strangers. We were all friends tonight. We were all just people. We weren't by any name. We were jsut people who had the ability to feel and wear our living hearts on our sleeves.

They played twenty songs. The lead singer playign a few acosutically. They kept tlaking. And kept playing. We all let our hearts sing along. And soon the crowd hummed words quietly along. We all listned and let music be out drug and our remedy and our love for tongiht as we said goodbye to this one band.

The last song the lead singer came out. "So, this is one that's really personal for me. All of you will recognize it. I know you will. But it's a goodbye. To a close friend of mine. She died, and it was so sudden. And it hurt a lot. I never said goodbye to her. And I loved her. So if you're here tonight, with someone you love imagine that person being taken away. I don't know if tongiht is anything liek that for all of you. With us leavign you, but we owe the world to you. I've done more than anyone woudl ever expect. You guys are amazing. I want to say thanks. For everyone here tongiht. And who listened to us. This is the last track of our first accomplishment as individuals and as a band. And I want to say thanks for taking that and giving us more purpose than we ever could expect. We love you too. We don't want to desert you. But this is how the universe is sometimes. Thank you."

And he started playing. The last track. Of their first record.

Without a word we both moved. Holding ach other. Standing close together. The crowd inched away. Giving us space. A halo around us. And we held each other. Watching the lead singer perform our favorite song.

I closed my yes and felt his arms. The song filling me and all my holes. I held him tight. Knowing only what his arms felt like around me. I had this feeling. I wasn't letting go. He couldn't make me- no force could. I promsied myself I wouldn't cry then. Because of this song. But I swallowd hard. I heardpeople crying. It was as if strangers held each other. Embracing one another taking the hot tears or cold ones seeing no difference between their tears and ther person's beside them. But to me that moment it didn't mean anything to me. All I needed to feel happiness right then was him. His heart beating into my ear. Steady for me. The most reliable sound in the universe. I squeezed my eyes. They stung like a wound rubbed with salt. I felt a tug and they all came out. The first time I cried since the worst day of this past year. When I thought I was in love. Everything fast forwarding until now. Holding onto Bennett. And I swallowed a lump in my throat. He tipped my chin up so he could look in my eyes. The song not even passed the first chorus.

He knew I was crying. He smiled wiping my tears away. And there was nobody I would have rather been with. Nobody i'd rather spend forever with. And forever for tongiht was this one song. This song that lasted longer in my memory than any other could. We watched. Listening. I felt incredible. A smile on my lips. Easing me into a warm feeling. One that carrssed me and my healed heart. It had been healed for so long.

And now here I was.

With Bennett Williams. With this feeling.

And we lsitened to our favorite song in silence. The corwd sang along. But we were silent. We heard a soft sob not far off. My tears had dried to quickly. And we listened. The crowd in perfect harmony with the real singer. That last time I ever heard a song like this play live effecting our hearts all in harmony as the words were escaping form the mouths of the people around me. It was even better with this feeling. New and pulsing in my body.

And I was with Bennett. The only thing that mattered. But I've said that already.


We were outside. He held my face. Looking at me. I laughed quietly. Trying to pull away and wipe my damp eyes. He did that for me. "Sorry..." I said softly.

"You look beautiful." He said softly. Kissing me softly. We were under a streetlight- a foreign one. But we were washed out by the gold color tonight. He looked at me. His sweet brown eyes holdign contact with mine. "Elisa-" His words were interrupted.

"Hey." It was Paul. He walked up to us. He hadn't cried obviously. He nodded coming up to us. He seemed depressed even by this. "Good show."

"It was amazing." I said quietly.

"The best they've ever been." Bennett sighed. We all looked around at each other silently at a loss for words. "Where's Rainie?"

Paul pointed bakc ot the building. "Inside." He said. I could only imagine what the show had done to her. Listening to the soft sobs I wondered if any of them were hers. But all were so bitter and ugly. Hers- even though it would have been sobbing more or less- I would imagine to be fragile and still pretty like she was. It's something expected.

"Oh," Bennett said softly.

"We'll be hearing about tongiht for a while." Paul said looking around. The parking lot was fun of soft cries. A funeral.

We nodded in agreement.

I could never forget the next moment. She emerged unannounced ten yards away. Her eyes not swollen but worn form crying. We all looked at her. She looked so fragile and worn. Her eyes waterign as her eyes met Paul's. He looked bakc at Bennett and nodded. And Bennett moved closer to me and we watched. Like it was poetry flashing before our eyes. I saw her eyes just well up with tears yet again. Illustrating the beauty in falling apart in a fragile dance where she buckled into his arms. He held her together though. In a way I never knew was possible for any human being, hero, or life. They were meant together. He held her together. In a way I would have watched thinkign baout them. And how beautiful they were together. But tongiht everytihng was different.

Watching them, I thought about Bennett and I.

She cried softly into his arms. And he spoke softly to her. Making her shaking subside. We left. Not watchign them anymore. Like they were a movie. Although some people form far away had. And he moved his arm around me waist and we walked ot his car.

Sittign in silence. Staring at the dashboard. He smiled pathetically. "Do you know what I jsut thought of?" He asked.

"No," I said softly.

"The first promise we ever made to each other," He said. "Or you to me at least- was to hear their first record on vinyl." I smield weakly. He reached over touching my hand. He looked at me so softly. I saw it in his eyes. His fingers brushed mine, smootihng my skin softly. I felt no fear staring back into hsi eyes. Any barrier was gone. I knew exactly what he was thinking. He knew what I was.

"Tonight," I said quietly.

He smiled. And leaned close to me and ksised me. His lips warm and soft and fitting mine. Made for mine. We kissed until we finally pulled out of that parking space and left. Driving in the silence we always hated. Knowing it didn't matter to us anymore. We had each other to fight it. Never would my life ever feel silent again after this show.

And like always... we ended up behind a red door.


I sat against the side of his bed. him agaisnt the wall. The record player at his side. Spinning. Completeing any hole left form this band. And filling it beofre the song was over. It was more beautiful than anything I have ever heard. Harmony and beauty. Perfection. All in one. An hour and a half of perfection. I kept lookign at him smiling. He smiled back. Our smiels weak and cruved lines. But they existed under that word better than any other.

The songs crept by. Eating away and finally truly killing silence for both of us. Quiet. Silence. Loneliness. Died all that night. In front of us. In our hearts. We finally found what we always searched for. A noise to fill the emptiness left behind by the Silent War we could never stop fighting. Until then. It was the beat of all of our favorite Sunday Drive songs. The tempo to all I ever could love. It was the msot reliable sound in the world.

The last song he stood up softly. Not ot shake the record player. And he came over sitting beside me. He looked at me. His sweet eyes filling mine. Silently he leaned in. Pressing his lips gaisnt mine. I closed my eyes. Kissing him back. My hands in his hair. and we kissed. Staying silent and stiff. So the music was still the same. And we fell back onto the floor gently. Silent. Not moving. Just kissing. My heart pounding in my chest. Picking up speed.

But all record end. Even if we never ask the mto. They always must. They never last forever. But he got up. Walking over to it. I stood up too. Wathcing him. He restarted the record. Coming back over to me. Pressing his lips softly to mine yet again. But his aiming wasn't to my lips. The corner of my mouth he kissed. I turned my lips searching for his. And we kissed. The record starting once more. And we were silent and soft. I fell back. Knowing he would fall with me. I felt myself fall for him all over again.


I felt his arms around me. His legs tangled with mine. I tipped my face up to see him. His eyes were open. Soft grey circles were around them. I smield softly. "Did you sleep at all?" I asked.

He smiled back softly. "Yes," He said. Our voice whispers.

"Go to sleep." I pressed my lips agaisnt his. "You're mother's not going ot know what you were up to last night if you don't sleep at all."

He smield still. "She's on a vacation." He said. "I can sleep all weekend." He kissed me again. His lips soft and warm. I closed my eyes. Turning so I was back to where I was just a few hours ago.

"Go to sleep." I said softly. I held his face. And he blinked. His eyelids heavy, and he fought the weight now on them. They stayed closed for a few seconds before opening. I smiled warmly. His eyes still sweet and brown, but he needed sleep. In a few minutes he left this fight. His breathes even. I moved burying my face into his chest. Listening to his heart. Now normal. Keeping time with his breathes.

I held him tight. We were two people. Broken in small ways. Ways we knew not how to fix. And we were brought together. By the record playing spinning silently across the room- the record we shared first conversation over, and continued conversations with, and appeared on mix-CDs and conversations to follow them, and on pages in books, and in our hearts as we lsitened to them aloen and together, and made love to just a few short hours ago, and listened to as the silence killing us lost the Silent War. I listened to his heartbeat. My own in sync with his and always will be. I closed my eyes inhaling the smell of his skin and the evenness of his breathes as he finally slept. I breathed with him. My lungs filling and emptying as we shared air.

I felt my heart alive and strogn in my chest. Sendign warmth through my body with the love that manifested within it.

i could only fight sleep just as strongly and victoriusly as he could. In a few short moments I'd slip away into unconciousness same as him. Only to wake up as sunlight cut warm lines in my arm as it peeked in seeing us asleep through the blinds. Waking up to a silently playing record and his eyes closed and his heart so reliable and sweet in my ear- there was no better way to awake. Or feel. Or know. Or be.

I was alive. Fully and finally. He had breathed the last breathes of life I needed to complete my transformation last night. It was final and could never be forgotten. I was alive.

For the first time in my life. I lived for something. And was aware of it. I was falling in love.


A/N: What were you feeling? Did we ride the same rollercoaster? Review Review Review. Everyone please. It doesn't take much. One button a few keys pressed. A few words. It's never too much. I've written 3,604 for you. A few form you is not too much to ask. Review Review Review.