Chapter 70

I sat at the dinner table. My mother talking about work ot Amber who was payng no attention like I was. I rolled my peas across my plate and poked my half burnt chicken. Something my mother and Amber had made. I looked up at the chadelier. As my mother dragged on retelling the scandal about people stealing free personal copies or whatever it was she was talking about. She finished. and we fell silent. The clinking on silverware to dish was all that was heard. Echoeing through our stainless steel kitchen all the wya form our attached dining room.

"I ran into Mrs. Mandeville today," My mother said. Not sure if it was safe to bring up- it was- it just was random. "Dave's band was in this battle of the bands this weekend in Natick."

I looked up. "I know," I said. "Bennett's band won it."

"Really?" Amber said excitedly. "They're that good?"

I nodded.

My mother was shot down yet again. "Where is Bennett tonight?" She's been uncharacteristically nice to Bennett the last times he's accidentally run into her with me. She's been friendly and polite. Fake as plastic. She's trying to make me happy with her. But I think it's good he thinks she doesn't hate him.

"Home," I said.

"Did you have plans?" She asked.

"Yes," I said. "But I had to cancel." She had announced a family dinner. Amber had plans even. With her old high school friends. And I was going over Bennett's. She forced us to cancel.

She nodded. "He's a nice boy." She said. "He's a senior right?"

I stiffened. "Yes," I said quieting my voice.

"So he's graduating this year?" She said.

I nodded again staring at my burnt little piece of chicken. I hated her. She started another question. Something that involved "What do you plan-" and pushed my chair back. "I'm not feeling good," I said. "Can I go to my room, please?"

My mother jsut looked at me blinking. She looked at my plate. Barely touched, little eaten. And then nodded. "Okay," And I went up to my room. Their eyes on me. Two pairs of matching blue eyes. I went up the stairs and to my room alone. Getting my phone easily and laying down on my couch. I dialed his number.

"Hello?"

I closed my eyes hearing his voice. "Hi," I said.

"I thought you were having a 'family night' tonight." He said.

I sighed. "I coulnd't handle it." I said. "I don't like my mother right now."

I heard him smile. "Can you leave your house?" He asked.

"I don't know," I said sitting up. "Maybe."

"I could meet you halfway..." He said. "If you can get out."

"How long should I wait before I leave?" I asked smiling.


I jsut called to them. Saying I was going out, my mother starting ot ask with who but I shut the door wincing. Wondering if I chould answer her. I didn't hate my mother. It's jsut that she's making everything so painful and impossible. I started walking. It was somewhat warm out. Feeling like April.

There is always that corner I turn. Sometimes I beat him, sometimes he beats me. Tonight I beat him, and kept walking down the strip of sidewalk. I was almsot rounding the other corner when he did. Smiling when he saw me and we went up to each other. He kissed me. His lips soft agaisnt mine. "Hi," He said.

"Hey,"

He kissed me again. We don't kiss anymore than we did before the Sunday Drive concert. We haven't slept with eahc other sicne then either. We just seem more connected. We understand each other more. We don't have anything really to hide from each other- except for me. I hide what I want to say most.

He took my hand and we started walking down Cherry Street. All the houses lit up with people eating dinner and watching TV. We just talk. I tell him all the annoying things my mother did. And he tells me how nostalgic his mother is. Not even noticing how that half of this conversation effects me. But it makes going ot his house more entertaining because there is usually a few more pictures of him as a dorky cute little kid who smiled to hard for pictures.

The big smile he had in first grade is everywhere when you see him before he hit four and a half feet. Even on this little kids roller coaster with his cousin he is flaunting that huge smile on a drop. His cousin pointing to the camera for him. As Jonah once said about this subject: "Screw being a musician, you should have been a model." We had this conversation once at a band practice. Rainie bringing up a picture of Paul on the cover of a phonebook in a speedo. Which lead to Jonah and Mike remembering it, searching for it for twenty mintues, and showing Rainie for the first time. Leading to Jonah telling Paul he should have gone for the model life as well.

We went up to his room. And sat on the floor with ou backs leaning agaisnt the side of his bed. Talking still. Turns out Red Letter Day is going to play a few parties now and a gig at the Church. "Did you like your song?" He asked me for the first time.

I smiled. "Yes," And he kissed me shortly. "I loved it."

He smiled. Looking at me queitly. I kissed him again. And he started kissing me back. "I'm glad you liked it." He said softly. Taking my hand into his. He kissed the corner of my mouth. "That was hours of hard practicing. I worked very hard on singing that song right for you."

I smiled. Starting ot say something, but he just kissed me. Pulling me closer against him. Tickling me by accident, or on purpose. I laughed quietly against his lips. My cell phone started ringing. I started pulling away. Laughing. He finally let go of me. I answered moving over ot the window where I only got service. "Hello?"

"You're killing her," It was Amber. "God, the poor woman just wants you to like her again."

"Is she mad?" I asked.

"No," Amber sighed. "She's a huge bitch to you though. Why the fuck would someone bring up Dave? No wonder you jsut left." I heard her close a drawer. "Are you with Bennett now?"

"Yeah," I said. He was listening. Sitting on his bed watching me.

"I wish you were graduating this year kid, at least you'd be getting out of this house."

I heard his phone ring. His house phone. He jumped up. "Be right back," He said going ot get it.

"How are you about him graduating?" She asked probably hearing him talk.

I paused. "Not so good." I said. "I'm going to miss him." My voice getting queit hearing him talking downstairs. I haven't said this to anyone. Amber was the only one I could trust with this right now. "I really like him so that makes it worse."

"I know, kid." She said. "But he probably likes you a ton too. This probably isn't easy for him either."

I nodded. "I know." I felt weird talkign about this in his room. Hearing his voice downstairs.

"Sorry, kid, I got to go." She said. "But when you get home come talk to me."

"Yeah," I said. "I will."

"Cool," She said. "See you later."

"Bye," I said. I shut my phone. Listening to him talking. His voice not changing. It was a humming echoing up the stairs as an even sound. I sat on his bed. Leaving my phone on his bedside table. Looking around at his walls. I closed my eyes and breathed. I felt like crying right now. It was feeling more and more liek I only had a few more months to live.

He came up the stairs. Coming in. He lay down on the bed next ot me. I did the same cuddling next to him. "That was my dad." He said finally.

"Are you okay?" I asked quietly. Hearign a different note in his otne of voice that sent a pang in my chest.

"Yeah," He said. He kissed the top of my head. "Am I causing problems between you and your mother?"

I looked at him. My eyebrows furrowing. "No, why?"

He just looked at me. "Are you sure?" He asked again.

I looked down. Then looked up. "She thinks I'm a bad person now, I think." I said. "Not because of you. Because of the choices I've made about Dave and everything."

He nodded. He kissed my forehead. "You're not a bad person." He said. "You never will be."

I smiled a little. "Is everything okay with you and your dad?"

He nodded. "Yeah," He siad. "Things are alright. We're talking at least. He jsut say this ad in the paper about our band and called me. He lives in Natick, so it was published there. But he calls more. It's jsut a little hard."

I moved back, my head resting agaisnt his shoulder. He kissed the top of my head. I breathed along with him. "What time do you need to be home?" He asked softly.

"Whenever, why?"

He moved so I was lying down on my back. He leaned almost over me. "Jonah told me that you guy's had a fun ride home." He said smiling a little. He kissed me. "Was it mroe fun than a ride home with me?"

I smiled. Thinking. "Yes," I said.

"So you like hanging out with jonah mroe than me, huh?" He said smiling still.

"I guess you could put it that way," I said jokingly. He laughed kissing me. I kissed him back. Afraid I could never get myself to stop.