Chapter 71

"Elisa," I had only jsut slipped into the front door. Heading upstairs. "Can you come here please?" My mother was sitting on the couch in my living room. She was just sittign there. The TV screen black. And she had a book open in her hands. She shut it marking the page with a coupon for paper towels. I walked in slowly. Ready for Japanese throwing stars to come flying at me nailing me to the wall like fair game.

I stood there. "Sit down." She gestured to the empty couch. The one where I usually lay down on and watched movies with Bennett. And the one I used to lay sick on in elementary school home alone eating Saltines. The one I was most likely going ot be town to shreads in in T-minus eleven seconds. I sat down. Bracing myself.

"What's going on with you?" She said. "I have no idea what's happening." She paused. I didn't say anything. I just remembered sneaking to the top of the stairs to listen to these same questons to be said to Amber. Never me. "You're not my daughter."

I looked at my mother. "How can you say that?" I asked quietly. My voice shaken.

She rubbed her eyes. "Elisa." She said firmly. "You keep pulling stuff like this and you won't ever leave this house."

"Like what?" I asked. "Being with Bennett?"

She sighed looking at me. "What's brought all of this on. If it's not Dave what is it then? Explain it to me." I didn't say anything. "I just want to understand, Elisa. I want to know what's happening under my own roof that I can't seem to grasp. It's not Dave cheating on you, it's not Amber leaving or my job... what is it?"

I swallowed. "Bennett's finally made me happy mom." I said. "I mean all of this stuff after Dad leaving, I jsut tried so hard to make you happy. Make you pleased with me. I was what you wanted me to be. But I found Bennett and I... he jsut made me see that I wasn't doing anything by beign what everyone else wanted me to be. What you wanted me to be. I'm just trying to be myself."

"This isn't-"

"It is mom!" I raised my voice. "This is who I am."

She looked at me. "Sneaking around, dying your hair, and doing who knows what and gettign way to serious over a boy?" My mtoher said. "That's who you are?"

"What does me liking Bennett and caring about have to do with who I am?" I asked. "I mean, he cares more about me than anyone. Dave didn't give a second thoguht baout who I was or how I was. He regrets that now mom! He realized he didn't even know who I am. We jsut dated and kissed. With Bennett we're more than that. I don't love Bennett. Why would you even care?"

She leaned forward. I hadn't realized I had leaned forward towards her but I had somehow. "He doesn't care about you more than I do." She stated.

"Obviously he does if he can see this is who I am." And with that she froze. Her eyes widening. I had just slapped her it seemed. I couldn't take that back. I looked down. "Mom, can't you just try and let me figure everything out on my own?"

"I love you Elisa," She said. "You promised you wouldn't cut me out of your life anymore. And this all happened after you started seeing this boy. I have nothign agaisnt him, I think he's nice. It's jsut I don't know whats happening. I don't want you to do the things Amber did in high school that she's going to regret when she's older."

I looked at my mother. I forced a smile a little. "i'm not doing anything I'm going to regret." I said. "I promise."

My mother's eyes turned into marbles. And I stood up and went up to my room. I curled up into a ball agaisnt the side of my bed. I needed to talk to him. But I couldn't bring myself to move an inch. I just wanted to be small and tiny. I wanted everything to be simpler. I didn't want him to go. I didn't want to be fightign with my mother anymore. I wanted everything jsut to smooth over and make sense.

I closed my eyes. This was all hurting me so much.


The next morning, my mother came up ot me when I was making coffee for myself. She hugged me. Holding me and squeezing me. It gave me a feeling everything was going to be okay with me and her now. I hugged her back. I had to go to work today. So I left right away driving to Carol's.

Becky wasn't there. This college kid Kyle was. So I jsut served coffee to families who jsut came from Church or something. The little kids of jelly donuts. And thier parents got big cups of coffee. They sat and talked and laughed.

Bennett came in at the end of my shift. He looked at Kyle. Then at me. "Sean and Becky broke up last night," He said.

"No way," I said my eyes widening. I was a little shocked. I mean they were happy the last time I saw them. But maybe not. I didn't know. It was weird hearing it coming from Bennett. He was more shocked than I was.

"I don't know how it happened I jsuttlaked to Sean a little." He said. "He's completely fine though. Says they're just friends now. It's jsut so strange having it actually happen."

I nodded. I looekd at the clock. "My shift just ended." I said. "Do you want to hang out?"

"Yeah," He said. "Do you need to drop your car off at home?"

"Oh, yeah." I said. "I'll drive home fast."

He smiled. I walked around the couter. And he kissed me a little differently. I kissed him back the same, or tried to. Outlasting Sean and Becky was huge. I didn't know why. But something told me it was about graduation becuase later today Sean said that they had just been tlaking baout next year and it happened. Bennett didn't seem nervous about us. Which meant he was thinking about the future too, and feeling the opposite of me.

Which gave me the feeling nothing was going to smooth over the way I wanted it to or hoped for. And I was going ot lose the one thing worth holding onto.