A/N: I know I promised a new story. But I'm rethinking it. I won't be starting a new story till I finish all of the stuff on here. But I'll finish this story before I post anything else other than this story. I'm so close to the end. It so long. I should have thought more about this than jumping in knowing barely anythign at all. But I've gotten better as a writer and I will be rewriting this eventually. As well as "Perfect Kisses" which I know I have been promising this for forever but I'll stop lying to you eventually. So I hope you guys are patient enough to stick around. But I've got a lot coming up so my updates will be slower. I promise I'll keep this interesting.
Chapter 73
We had jsut gone to a show. Bennett and Paul were getting a ride for Jonah who was on three shots of five hour energy shots and was off the walls. And jittery. He had ADD we learned from his brother. I looked at Rainie who had jsut sat back down across form me. She had gotten a call and there was no service here.
"So," I said movign my hands around my cup of coffee. "What are you and Paul planning to do about colleges?"
They had stopped talking about college and maybe hopefully she would tell me if Bennett said anything ot Paul about his college plans or something. I hadn't heard anything. She sipped her coffee. "I actually don't know what Paul plans on doing," She said. "He got excepted to a few schools, same one I'm going to next year, but he hasn't said anything. So I'm not sure yet. What are you and Bennett planning on doing?"
I knew this was coming. I opened my mouth to say I didn't know. "I'm not sure." My voice was so shaky. I was tryign ot get this out. I had been planning this. trying to figure out how much longer I had before he was gone.
She looked at me. She put her mug down. "Elisa," She said. "Bennett- I mean I haven't known him this long, but from all of the shit he's been through he cares about you more than I've ever seen him care baout anyone. He's my friend. And oyu might not believe that, but all those rumors about him cheating with these girls- they're probably true. I was one of them. But I was the last one. And then there was you. He'd never hurt you and he hasn't said anything to Paul or anyone, but sitll, I have a feeling he isn't going to dump you to go to college or something. He cares about you way to much. He's like, in love with you."
I nodded. She was nice. That's who she was. This was the type of pep-talk you give your negative Nancy best friend. "It's just..." I couldn't finish. I paused. "I've been thinking about breaking up with him if it does happen. I don't want to be the one who gets dumped. I know he's going somewhere. I don't want to be the girl in high school holding him back."
She remained silent. I didn't know how she was taking all of this in. But Bennett and Paul came back. Bennett sitting next to me. He moved his arm aroudn to my lower back and kissed my temple. Smiling and saying that Jonah's going to crash in a few minutes hopefully. "What's wrong?" Paul asked Rainie.
She shook her head forcing a smile. "Nothing," She said. And awkward silence fell in over the table. "Hey," Rainie nudged Paul. "What would you do if I tried those five-hour energy shots? Wouldn't that be fun?"
Paul sighed heavily. I smield a little. Sipping my coffee- it had run cold.
Twelve minutes.
We had driven in Paul's car. They dropped me off first and then drove Bennett home. My mother was gone. And I had been in my room for twelve minutes. That's all. When there was an engine cutting in my driveway. I saw him get out.
I went downstairs opening the door before he was up the stairs. "Hi," I said. I had seen his face. Something was wrong. "What's-"
He puth is hands in his pockets looking down. His skin washed out under the porch light like I remembered once. his eye healed but the look on his face was so familiar form that night. "What Rainie said you said to her... is it true?" He asked. Looking at me.
"Yes, but-"
"Elisa," He said suddenly. "Why didn't you come talk to me?"
"I don't know..." I said softly. My voice trailing off. I felt sick in my stomach. I looekd at him. His eyes down. His skin almost shined. His clothing dark and his flesh washes out to a pale shade. I closed my mouth.
He swallowed. Looking at me. "Then if it's what you want," He said. "I think we should break up now."
I felt my spine snap. Pain shocked through my body. My head floated away. And I felt hot water replace my blood in a quick second. Then the force that had broken my spine moved throguhout my body killing every bone or support I had. Traveling towards somethign through the hot water in my veins. My jaw was the second to break. Silencing me. He didn't wait thoguh. He kept going.
"I don't want to Elisa," He said. "But if you can jsut break up with me out of the blue... you said this meant everything. And for the past two years all of my relaitonships and feeling have been manipulated and torn apart- I'm the one stuck in the one-sided relationship. I'm done with that Elisa. I've told you that sice day one. I'm not made for those relationships. I thought we were different. And if you can let go so easily then..." He forced out the few more sentences. "Then I'm here to let you knwo that I'm done with these shitty one sided realtionships. I'm the one who gets hurt. And the one who gets blamed. And everything." He calemd down. His voice had climaxed. Declimaxing with the volume and momentum. He swallwoed looking at me for the first time. "So, I guess this is goodbye."
I was speechless. Not believing this was happening. The silence overtook me.
He turned and started walkign away. Then I felt it. One more tug. And it was gone. My chest felt this surging, striking, deadly pain. I felt suddenly one word creep up. "Bennett..." I said. Loudly enough to stop him ofr only a short second. He got into his car. I started making my way slowly down towards him. My feet were so slow waiting for him to turn around. retrace his steps.
He started his car and backed away. Looking at me there. Seeing my maintaining whatever strength I had. And he looekd away from me pullign away and going back behidn the red door.
That's when it happened. My heart died. It had been broken. Surviving only one this one chance that'd he'd come back. Coem back to me. Retrace the steps he took. And come back. Take me into his arms and hold me. My legs buckled underneath me and I sank to the front steps of my house. I wrapped one arm around the pole cowering agaisnt it. A tiny shape in this big silent world. And for the first time hot water sprang from my eyes.
The last time I had cried this hard was probably when my father left. I was back to that moment. I had sunken to the ground, I remembered. And cried like this. Silently and endlessly. The hot water salting my wounds and burning my skin. He was gone. My heart was broken for the first time. And no sound escaped me. The silent world had won the war. Taken over my life and destroyed me. I had had twelve minutes to prepare and it came out of nowhere.
I felt no hatred in my being. I just hated myself.
